I'm re-reading this story again and I'm reminded of why i loved it so much the first time. beautifully written, and thought-out original characters. and i love your take on sirius. he is canon, but yet you managed to put your own twist to him with this story. it feels like this is something that could have actually happened in the books, which makes this story even more enjoyable. :) much love. Report Review
So, I've got my angsty music, my over flowing feelings after reading this and my tea so I'm ready to review.
First of all, I want to apologize for not taking the time to review every chapter. I read your story in one sitting and I was just clicking away, anxious to read on, to see what would happen. And a lot of things indeed happened.
This story left me with the same bittersweet sensation that books like "Anna Karenina" and "Camille" left me in my teens. I was suddenly 16 again, reliving the joys and sorrows of first love, the uncertainty and the endless torment that can exist only in a young girl's heart and mind.
Having said that, I am aware that we, as Sirius/Lily shippers, are just setting ourselves up for heartache. The kind that comes from knowing that whatever romantic, sweet and utterly heart melting scene we read will be followed swiftly by heart break and horrible words and nasty break-ups. Because the mother of our main character is the one person that can end up with nobody else but the main character's father. Still, we press on, just as I've pressed on chapter by chapter with your story, laughing and gasping and feeling sad. And yet, the end is bittersweet, because I've fallen in love with Lily when Lily was falling for Sirius and as much as I appreciate the closure she received, it's still painful for me to grasp the things Sirius did. His last line in this story made me tear up and I found myself wishing, if only for a moment, she would just run away with him. Of course that can't happen.
That being said, I have to say that I found somewhere in your story the very reason why I think Sirius/Lily was entirely possible, though I don't recall the exact quote, it was in the chapter where Lily agreed to be with Sirius (in the library) and she asked about James. His reply was "James always understands.". Bottom line is, that's the whole essence of the Marauder relationship. They would do anything for each other, even step on their own hearts. Which James did for Sirius here and which I suspect, to some extent, Sirius did for James when he left her.
What I liked best about this story (beside the amazing prose and flawless grammar) is the way in which you constructed your characters. True to the JKR style, we have no characters that are entirely good or bad. Lily is insecure, emotional, proud and stubborn all at the same time. Sirius is cold, calculated, ruthless at times and loyal to the core. James is fragile, vulnerable and not at all immune to Lily's charms but as this last chapter demonstrated, has no issues with kissing the girl that's been clearly pinning after his best friend for years. Vanessa is lost, alone and in need of approval and does some pretty twisted things to hold on to the one thing she thinks is real for her (Sirius) but at the same time she is just as broken and vulnerable as Lily. And the fact that even in the end, after she was married, she still let Sirius in, that's the essence of their relationship. If you disregard everything we know about the character Sirius Black and we look at him strictly from your story, their like "Wuthering Heights"' Heathcliff and Catherine. Their true redeedming quality comes from the fact that they care for each other so much in their own way.
I am now realizing that this review has taken on a life of its own and am scared (I've written shorter chapters than this review). If you feel the need to contradict me at any point, feel free to do so, it's your party, after all.
Now, as a conclusion, this was an amazing piece of fiction. Your characters were very well developed, the plot ran smoothly, the expresions and descriptions you used to convey the state of mind of your characters were sublime and the emotion was at times so raw and real that I felt my heart ache.
10 out of 10 doesn't even begin to cover it! Excellent job!
RalAuthor's Response: Wow...thank you. I don't even know what to say. This review was amazing :D I thought this story was buried for good in the archive and no one would read it again so I didn't bother to check for reviews anymore (this was some pathetic excuse for an apology in case you couldn't tell :P) which is why it took me forever to read this. Really, truly thank you for this amazing review, you understood this story in a way not everyone else has, and that always makes me so incredibly happy. People might enjoy the story, but I know they don't always understand it because not everyone can relate to the characters or the ship (especially the ship :))). I focus on characters, always, since I'm not very good with action and I would much rather write about people, so it really warms my heart to hear such kind words about them. I am so very happy you enjoyed the story so much ^.^ Thank you, again, for totally making my day :D
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I love your story so much! It really touched me and I always come back to reread it because it is so beautiful. You are truly gifted and dedicated and I hope you keep writing wonderful stories. Thanks again for the story. Love you :*Author's Response: Hey Jen! Sorry for the late reply, I haven't been here in a really long time. It's really wonderful to hear all these kind words, especially since I had an absolutely awful day. Thank you very very much for your compliments, they really mean the world to me ^.^
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every chapter of this story I read makes my heart melt, it reminds me of boarding school and how major everything felt--how major everything still feels when you've got a secret like this one. Needless to say, I love it (:Author's Response: Aww. Thank you so much - that's really wonderful to hear. I'm really happy you liked the story and that it brought back memories - I really felt the same way when I wrote it. I thought about high school and what things looked like back then, how important everything seemed and what a huge impact something like this could have on a person - it could really change them forever, and that is what I wanted to showcase in this story.
I'm really really glad you enjoyed it, and thank you very much for taking the time to write these kind words in your review - it means a lot to me. ^.^
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I should've sen that coming! I am (not at all obviously) a Sirius fan, and was clearly refusing to see any bad in his character. The last part, with Lily's thoughts in Italics was just---just---I have no words for it.heartbreaking? I keep wanting to say beautiful, but I don't think it even starts to cover how well this has been written :)Author's Response: Ah yes, I suffer from the same condition, lol. I can never believe Sirius is evil when I'm reading a story, no matter how many vile things he does. :)) I'm just not wired up that way - my brain completely rejects the idea :)) On the other hand, I envision Sirius as being this incredibly strong person (one would have to be, considering his background and him surviving all those years in Azkaban with his sanity intact). He does whatever it takes, even if it's hurtful and brutal, like what he did to Lily. In the end, she understands and she forgives him, of course, because she knows he did what was best for everyone.
I am so happy you enjoyed this story, and thank you so much for taking the time to review!
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This is such a beautiful story!
I've only recently started reading Sirius/Lily and I really like the way you portray them, particularly as they are together without Lily cheating on James. AND the amount of detail that goes into everything is also incredible. The dialogue between the characters and Lily's thoughts have been written so well, and the descriptions and I think you've written it perfectly, with just enough romance but not so much that its.icky. :P
I also love Vanessa, she seems to be a really interesting character so far, and I can't wait to read more/see how she develops in the rest of the story.
Rosie :)Author's Response: Thank you!
Yes, I absolutely hate Lily cheating on James and besides, I can never see Sirius going THAT far, no matter the circumstances.
I also hate icky romance, which is why this story was challenging to me. I'd never written this much romance before, not without some good measure of angst, lol.
Vanessa is a very old character from one of my first stories (which is now - Thank God - deleted from this site. It was awful, really :))). I enjoy writing her because, since she took shape and evolved in my head so long ago, it feels more like writing about a person I know extremely well than a character I invented. I'm glad you liked her, especially since she's such an unpleasant character in this story.
Thank you so much for taking the time to review, and I apologize for taking so long to respond - I haven't been here in ages, really. Your review made me feel all warm and fuzzy. Thank you so much!
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Well, I just wrote you a super long review, with a ton of philosophical musings on life and growing up and finding yourself and your strength, but the website decided to not respond and now its gone. I don't really know if I can duplicate it at all so we'll have to go with that summary. haha But seriously, know that you inspired some contemplation on my part. It gave me a new lens to look at the events in my life and how I've gotten to where I am today, and a new realization of how much hope I should have for a bright future. Thank you. I think it helped me to read something like this to remember to still see that light even when it gets dark, and to still remember how far I've come and how strong I actually am in those times. I loved your story and the way you write, but really I fell for your ideas behind it. You're awesome, keep writing.Author's Response: I had that happen to me once as well - it was absolutely infuriating, lol. I'm very very happy to hear that my story inspired you so much. I aimed for something everyone could connect with, even if they hadn't been through the exact same things as Lily has - even if our experiences are different, our feelings are often the same. Everyone of a certain age knows what loss, affection, sadness or regret feel like. And just like in Lily's, experiences and feelings are what make us grow and evolve, what shapes us into something better.
I am so glad that you were able to relate to this story and its characters - that is truly one of the best compliments a writer can ever receive. Thank you so much for your reviews, they really made me smile ^.^ Report Review
Not that I would ever have stopped a good story in the middle, lol (I'm crazy obsessive when I find one that I really like), but I'm glad I finished your story. You tied everything together so well. It makes sense, how you played out the characters. You made them seem human and real even when they made actions that didn't make a lot of sense. I really loved this story.Author's Response: Ha! I'm crazy obsessive too when I find a book/story/movie/whatever that I really enjoy. I'm really glad my story was enjoyable enough for you to finish. ^.^
This chapter was a bit of a challenge - I had the main plot planned out from the very beginning, but as I wrote the story, I added random events to fill in chapters and lead way to certain stuff. And when I finally wrote this chapter, I thought 'Hmm, how about I connect everything?'. I'm glad it turned out well and made sense. I didn't want anything in this story to be black or white, good or bad, because in real life, things hardly ever are.
Your reviews made me really happy, and I appreciate them a lot. Thanks so much for taking the time to write them. ^.^
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I really like your story. It's a little weird to me that you had Sirius and Lily go as far as having sex, especially seeing as that was her first time... it just seems weird that he would go that far with his best friend's girl (or whatever you want to call her). But in a way, it all makes sense too. It's an interesting way of envisioning it, and I like it. I also really like that this is illustrating how Lily became strong... I feel like it's more likely that she grew into her strength than was just born with it, and I like your take on how that happened. You also write well, and I love how engaging your characters are. Thanks for the story! :)Author's Response: Wow. It's clearly been a long time since I last came here. I apologize for responding so late, I really haven't been here in a while. First of all, thank you so much for all the kind words - I'm really happy you enjoyed the story so far. Yes, it can seem a bit too much (Lily and Sirius having sex that is), especially since James is in love with her and this is her first time. However, what Sirius is trying to do throughout this entire story is to wake Lily up, and make her realize certain things. And, as I was trying to prove with this story, sometimes you can't help a person without hurting them. It was brutal, but necessary from my point of view. Also, at the time, I felt that it added a bit more feeling to the story, making sure Lily was always going to remember Sirius, and he was always going to be special to her. Somehow, them not sleeping together would've made the entire thing less meaningful, in my opinion.
Thank you so very much for taking the time to write this amazing review, it really means the world to me. ^.^
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I've read the story ages ago, when it was still unfinished and followed it up till the end. just wanted to drop a quick review to tell you i still come back sometimes to reread it. it's that good. i love how you plotted out the chapters and developed the characters. hope you write more great stories. :)Author's Response: Thank you so much ^.^
I'm really really happy you enjoyed this story so much you thought it was worth re-reading. ^.^ Hearing that just makes my day, honestly. I still pop up in here every now and then to keep up with some really good stories here that I absolutely love, and to read and answer wonderful reviews such as this one ^.^ But writing...I haven't done that in a horribly long time and, truthfully, I don't know if I'll ever have that much time on my hands again :( But thank you so much for the encouragement, reviews like this really make me want to pick up the pen (or keyboard :P) and write fanfiction again. Thank you so much!
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So I was cruising around on the site, looking for a good story when I remembered this and how I only managed to get half way all those years ago ... So I searched out the story and read it from the very beginning until here. I want to go back and review every chapter, but I know that each review would just waste your time.
Nothing compared to this chapter. It was a beautiful end and I'm really sad to see it's over for Sirius. I know I expected James and Lily to get together, but it was still disappointing to have this end. That said though, I was not disappointed by the end, in it's overall context. As I said, it was a beautiful chapter, and I was really pleased to see it wasn't rushed or anything. I really wished for something different, but for the story, this was perfect! I was captivated, and held, and I really dont usually like Marauder stories! (I think I've said that to you before ..) Nevertheless, I think this has me pretty much converted. It was a gorgeous story, and each character has really grown on me. They are all so real and true, that it's hard not to relate to them.
Lovely, a 10/10 for every chapter. Ive never read a story on here that has soared from one chapter to the next without a awkward break.
Good luck with everything, CJ. I hope youre going ohk, ^-^
Much much love,
May xxAuthor's Response: Hi there! ^.^
It's been ages, I know. I'm always so busy lately, I haven't been here in a very long, long time. It was amazing, really, coming back here to see this wonderful review. Thank you so much for taking the time to write this, it means so much to know that you enjoyed the story ^.^
It tempts me every now and then to go back and write fanfiction, and it's reviews like this one that will convince me to do it someday (when I'll be less stressed out by work and life and everything, lol - maybe when I'm on a vacation or something). I am so very happy you liked the story, and once again, I am so very grateful for this review.
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"It’s been a long time since that strange night – long enough for me to heal."
You said in the very beginning that the italics are a 20-year-old Lily. So it took her four years to heal?
FOUR YEARS???Author's Response: =)) You're being too literal. It didn't take four years for Lily to stop being mopey and emo - it took her four years to admit that it was for the best, and it took her four years to get over the resentment she felt. Even if it was in her best interest, she was fooled, played with, involved in a plan without her consent and lead on a path that, no matter how correct and beneficial, had not been her choice. People don't usually take that kindly. Sadness goes away pretty fast - humiliation stays, and the constant knowledge that there is someone out there who can outsmart you at any time, who can crush you or play you like a little toy. It's not that easy to accept. And once again, I feel compelled to say it - Lily is NOT supposed to be a strong character. I see her as somewhat Hermionish - Hermione is a smart character, but she is very emotional and very sensitive. She is easily hurt, and quite naive when it comes to people - she trusts too much. It's a trait often found in people with strong moral character. Report Review
1- the beginning of this chapter makes me want to kick a puppy. She spends so much time moping and wallowing in self pity, she's starting to remind me of Bella Swan in New Moon, after Edward leaves her. Then at the end with all the James stuff (and it could not have been more obvious it was James) it's like Bella is just starting to realize how much she likes Jacob. Ugh it made me feel gross.
2- I liked the last half of the chapter. It was as if J. K. Rowling grabbed the pen from Stefanie Meyer and was like "bitch your shit is shit. THIS is how you write good shit."
3- just realizing this now, but I'd assume about 85% of the female population of Hogwarts now has a very severe STD...Author's Response: First and foremost, I would like to say that I have not read any of the Twilight books. Of course I've heard of it (I mean, who hasn't) but it didn't sound very appealing to me, so I decided not to read it. So I'm sorry to say that all your references were wasted on me - I have no idea who these people are and what they did in the book.
1. Yes, I agree, I went a little overboard with all the drama. Lily does wallow in self pity. Then again, I remind you that Lily was never intended to be a strong character - quite the opposite. Hence the drama, and all that "this is the end of the world for me" stuff. I agree that it is childish, and stupid and very immature at some level - one who thinks that being dumped/cheated on/whatever by a boy/girl is the worst thing that can happen has clearly led a very sheltered life and is very ignorant. Which is exactly what I am trying to point out here. I am not stating Lily is right - I am stating that Lily is ignorant. In my opinion, this is exactly how an ignorant character acts. And just to cross this off, I never intended for it to be a secret that the person in question was James. I wasn't trying to be subtle here - who else could it have been?
2. I'm glad you liked the second half of the chapter - it is one of the parts that came out very quick and natural to me. However, I really didn't feel the story would've turned out better if I'd wrote it all on this tone. I intended for this to be quite classical - a child learns that the world does not revolve around them, that not everything is pink and rainbows, that life can be * and people don't really care about you unless you give them a good reason to. I've said it before and I'll say it again - Lily was never intended to be a strong character.
3. Well, what can I say here? People have sex. Some more than others. It doesn't make them STD ridden - having sex does not make you stupid. Report Review
So, so obvious. Brutally, PAINFULLY obvious. It was a little too easy to know that that was going to happen. I almost feel sorry for Lily, for being stupid enough to believe what he had told her. They told her from the beginning, and she didn't believe them.
I sort of wonder what was going on with James during this whole thing. He must have known. But how could he let something like that happen? If he loved Lily, and he did, he wouldn't have let Sirius be a dick, would he?
And I kind of want to punch Vanessa in the ovaries, but maybe that's going a little too far...Author's Response: You'd be surprised how many people didn't catch on that and really believed that Sirius loved Lily. I think they have difficulty envisioning Sirius doing something so "evil" - while I, personally, don't find it all that evil to begin with. I can't argue with you, since it was clearly obvious to me :))
James's line of thinking, as well as his reactions, will hopefully be explained when the story is finished. It's all supposed to make sense in the end.
Why would you want to punch Vanessa, though? I'm not defending the character or anything (it's just a fictional character, after all), I'm just curious. She didn't do anything wrong - or if she did, I didn't see it. She had no obligation to do anything for Lily - be honest, or try to help her in any way. As far as Vanessa is concerned, Lily is a pain in the ass and they can't stand each other. Her relationship with Sirius was entirely her private business - just as whatever Lily did or didn't do was entirely Lily's business. I am indeed extremely curious as to why you would think otherwise. Report Review
The story is really TRIPPY when the reader is half asleep and it's 2 in the morning...Author's Response: Trippy? That's new. Don't think I've ever heard any other reader use this word. It's quite interesting hmm... ^.^ Report Review
You should probably add Sirius/OC and James/OC to the story information,,,Author's Response: I did consider that, but Sirius/OC would be a spoiler, and James/OC is simply too minor to consider. Authors don't usually put ALL the ships in the summary. Besides, I think James/OC could count as minor spoiler as well. Report Review
Bitches be crazy.
Oh, and "The clumsy, clingy, frightened schoolboy was actually a smart and resourceful teenager..." no, I'm pretty sure Peter will always be a clumsy, clingy, frightened schoolboy.Author's Response: I have quite a different vision of Peter. I've always imagined him as someone with a fair amount of potential, who simply befriended the wrong people. I'm not saying he is not to blame - on the contrary. I just envision him as constantly living in the shadow of these three people who were far too much above average, and Peter slowly losing every bit of self confidence, which ultimately made him dishonest and cowardly. My opinion, at least. I simply can't picture people like James, Sirius and Remus befriending Peter unless he had tangible qualities. It doesn't make sense to me, so I can only assume these qualities were lost along the way, due to some cause that remains uncertain (that, in my opinion, is complete lack of any shred of self-confidence). But of course, you don't have to agree with me. I very much appreciate you voicing your opinion and taking the time to leave all these reviews for me.
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I'm serious. I want to VERY VIOLENTLY PUNCH ALL THESE CHARACTERS IN THEIR FACES. It's very well-written, don't get me wrong. But DAMN! Those bitches are SNARKY!!! I'm sorry I'm being so judgmental, it's 1:13 in the morning.Author's Response: Again, I am amused by the violent reaction, though I can clearly relate. I don't enjoy writing nice much, really - it kind of bores me. You're probably thinking "well, someone HAS to be nice in this story" - not quite. Not in the traditional sense, anyway. I never intended for any of these characters to be nice (except for maybe older Lily, but more about that in later chapters). I'm really hoping that, as the plot evolves, you'll be able to relate to the characters more and understand why they are the way they are.
Once again, thank you for your input. I appreciate your reviews immensely. Report Review
Would it be bad if I said this Lily really bothered me? She's so annoying! She spends all of her time wallowing in self-pity, complaining about being popular, and lusting after some guy she doesn't REALLY like! It's a great story but the characters are SO ANNOYING.Author's Response: Lol! No, no, don't worry. If you find Lily annoying, it means you are a very sane person with a lot of common sense. I made her out to be this way - annoying because she's immature, naive, obsessed with discipline yet unaware of how completely irresponsible she is. This will make sense in later chapters (hopefully) but I had a good reason to make her like this. Most people are childish at this age (16, in case I haven't mentioned it enough), and kids like Lily, who were more gifted than most in many areas of their life, are even more so. I am very glad that you find Lily annoying - so do I.
Thank you very much for reviewing, it was much appreciated (seriously!)
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Your writing is beautiful. You rounded everything off well on the final chapter and it's good to know what was going on in Sirius' head. It was a messed up way to get James & Lily together but he had their best intrests at heart. I'm still a bit gutted that Sirius & Lily didn't get together in the end as I fell in love with their characters, but it's good to see her with James. I loved the ending in particular with Sirius asking her to forgive her and letting Lily go to her 16 year old self again, it rounded everything off brilliantly for me.Author's Response: Aww, thank you ^.^ This chapter was so much work - I spent nearly 7 months working on it, since the ending sort of cam to my head before the plot even existed. I was so worried about whether or not readers were going to like it, so the positive feedback on this chapter makes my day every time. It means the world to me to hear that you enjoyed this entire thing. I agree that Sirius's ways were, at the very least, unorthodox, but what I was trying to convey in this story was the fact that he would go to absolutely any lengths for his best friend. There wasn't anything he wouldn't have done to keep James safe and happy, and even though it was so hard and complicated and twisted, and he felt so guilty, in the end, it was worth it. The friendship between James and Sirius, and most of all Sirius's loyalty to James, is what moved me most about these books. I found it rather appropriate to write a story about that. Once again, I don't know how to thank you for all these beautiful reviews - they really made my day (and my Christmas, since it's the 25th for me right now). I am very very grateful.
PS: Happy Christmas, and a very Happy New Year ^.^ Report Review
Seriously did not see that coming... Great twist! Although I did like Sirius & Lily together. :(Author's Response: I think you're one of the very few people who said that - most were just waiting for Lily and Sirius to split up so she could end up with James. I myself am not a fan of Sirius/Lily, since he is my favorite character in the series, and she used to be (and sometimes still is) my least favorite one. But I am happy whenever I hear that people liked them as a couple in this story, since that's what most of it is about ^.^ This chapter was intended to come as a bit of a shock - I thought it would help readers relate to Lily better, since she is experiencing shock here as well. And of course, I'm a sucker for plot twists :P I'm really happy you enjoyed this, and thank you so much for reviewing - you're amazing ^.^
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This story has me hooked! Best chapter so far!Author's Response: This was one of my favorites as well ^.^ It turned out completely different than I originally planned it, mostly because I'm not good at writing happy stuff, but I am rather pleased with it. I'm very glad you liked it, and thank you for taking the time to let me know. ^.^
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You said that you were rubbish at dialogue, I strongly disagree. I love how mysterious you've made Sirius.Author's Response: I used to be awful with dialogue - seriously, absolutely dreadful. I cringe whenever I read my old stuff and come upon the dialogue there...Incandescence was my first step toward dialogue improvement, which would've never happened if not for my amazing readers and reviewers such as you. Thank you for taking the time to write this, it really means a lot to me.
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Great opening. I'm curious to see how you characterise James and the other Marauders.Author's Response: Thank you ^.^ I'm sorry it took forever to respond to your reviews, I don't come here much anymore :( I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter, and thank you so much for sparing a few minutes to write me a review - it's very much appreciated, I assure you ^.^
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I completely forgot to review until this chapter because I've been so enthralled in your story! I absolutely love the Sirius/Lily scenes...you're doing such a great job. Can't wait to read more!!Author's Response: Hey there ^_^ Don't worry about not reviewing, you did so now and that is very very much appreciated. It means the world to me to hear my readers' opinions, what they liked/didn't like about the story, and suggestions for improvement. I am thrilled to hear you're enjoying the story so far, I really hope you continue enjoying it just as much or more in future chapters. Thank you so much for taking the time to review, it really means a lot to me.
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