They were blackmailing a younger girl? Mean! :o
I can't wait for more Louis ;]
:) Report Review
This was good. I like how you portrayed the Weasleys’ get-together, and it was kinda sweet how Louis was a bit jealous of Teddy. And I really did think Dominique was a girl, so it made the situation more amusing for me. =P Who’s G.Wes? Do you mean Arthur? Anyway, it was a bit confusing for me when you use Albus’ point of view because we didn’t see him at all in the first chapter, and I didn’t expect him to be a main character, but I’m looking forward to see how you’re going to develop him.
The fight between James and his parents was interesting, although I think Ginny would be as tough as Harry. I don’t think she would burst into tears in front of James. On the other hand, I like Harry’s part and how he believed James could be a lot more than just a Quidditch captain. Again, some punctuation errors occurred in this chapter. If you’re still looking for a beta, I would be happy to help you with this. PM me in the forum if you’re interested. ^_^
Anyway, all in all, good chapter! Keep it up!Author's Response: Yeah Louis is definitely jealous of Teddy ^_^
G.Wes is indeed Arthur Weasley. I was looking for something different that Grandad Weasley and I came up with that. (that and I don't know the nickname for grandad like grandma can be granny). I think I need to be clearer on that.
As for Albus I was thinking doing the two sets of friends (James + Albus) and show their interaction. Mayby I should introduce him in the first chapter as well.
The fight. Yeah I think so too about Ginny, she's tough. But then it's her son and her husband and she is a mother. Two of the people she loved the most are fighting and even though she wants to be at her son's side, helping him, she knows her husband is right. She is torn. (if you know what I mean).
And then I'm definitely going to PM you.
THANK VERY MUCH for the offer!!!! Report Review
Nice start! I like how you introduced the characters, and I’m interested to see how the project will turn out. There were some minor typos and punctuations error, but nothing that can’t be fixed. ^_^ Good work!Author's Response: Thank you very much. Report Review
Is Louis allowed to go?
Yay for James.
I love him even though he picks on Albus. He's just too funny.
And Fleur naming her son Dominique. LOLOL.
Update soon :) Look forward to reading more.Author's Response: Thank you very much.
I'm glad you like James. I didn't want him to only be the "funny" guy but to have feelings and a reason why to be "immature".
I was so focus on writing the Potters' fight that I forgot to write how Louis is allowed to go. Thank you for remind me I'll add it in the next chapter (which is nearly done, by the way ^_^). Report Review
LOL. "No cheating". I can just imagine James and his friends doing that if their parent say no.
I'm adding this to my favourites. This is the only story I've read so far that has Louis Weasley in it.
Anyway, can't wait for the next update.Author's Response: Thank you sooo much for added me to your favourite.
You will see the "cheating part" in the third chapter.
The next chapter is done, I'm just waiting for the queue to open.
Again thank you very much Report Review
This is RachRae.
I love the vocabulary that you use! Some things that I might suggest: Check the placement of commas. You have a few spots where you can add them, or combine sentences. And you have some sentences that probably would look better if they weren't combined. It seems just a little choppy. =]
Secondly, I've noticed that in this story, pretty much all of your quotations begin at the beginning of the sentence with an action at the end. Example: ' “Yes, Miss Sano,” said Neville. ' Maybe try spicing the story up a bit. Slip actions at the beginning and middle, not just the end. What did Neville do when he said it? Did he roll his eyes? Did he sound aggravated?
Next, I'm not sure how big you are on using British slang, but underwear are 'knickers', and there are a few others that can be found on the HPFF forum.
Finally, check over your story for spelling errors. One that I see right off the bat is 'After binding' in your last paragraph. This should probably be 'After bidding'.
Overall, Good job! You're off to a great start with this story, and as long as you keep me posted on updates, I'll review.
xxRachRaexxAuthor's Response: Thank you for this long review.
I tried to take into account your advices when I wrote the other chapters. Actually, it helped me also for my other story. Thank you.
I will put the second chapter for validation in a couple of days.
I will review the first chapter once I finish the story and I might take a beta after (sadly english is not my first language).
I hope you keep reading and liking the story ^_^ Report Review
Lovely chapter! It seems a pretty interesting story, can't wait to see what you will come up with.
BibiAuthor's Response: Thank you very much !! Report Review
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