Reading Reviews for The Wand of Lord Voldemort
  
37 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Karkaroff Chapter 11: Notifying the Authorities

14th February 2009:
Cool idea and I liked how you wrote Cindy and her relationship with Draco. Please write more as I am enjoying the story.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for keeping up with my story! Look for some more in a little bit.

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Review #2, by Karkaroff Chapter 10: An Unexpected Visitor

8th February 2009:
Nice idea and I liked that you made Draco have a muggle girlfriend. Please write more as I am enjoying the story.

Author's Response: Thanks. I really appreciate that you made it all the way to the most recent chapter! I hope you keep reading once I get a little further!

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Review #3, by Georgia Weasley Chapter Four: An Unhappy Reunion

4th February 2009:
Draco is interesting. You didn't make him a great guy all of the sudden, but I appreciate the explanation of his change in attitude. Neville's transformation is done well, too. I think that he would come out of the war a stronger and more confident person. pansy was always a simpering little idiot in Draco's presence. She never knew when to let it go, and apparently she still doesn't. There are type-o's again, like misprinting Cedric's name as 'Cedrid', but that's easily fixed. I won't continue to call attention to those things, but do consider getting a beta. Even the best authors use them, because when you get really close to your work you tend to miss little things. :) GW

Author's Response: I can't ever see Draco as a "great guy" but I do think that seeing his friend killed, he has to have reacted to that. The downfall of this father's master and the things that he went through that year must have changed him somehow. I thought for Neville, I needed to show how he'd keep that confidence he gained over the years, especially as he killed Nagini.

I do need a beta, I better get on it, or at least do a better job editing...

Thanks so much again!!


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Review #4, by Georgia Weasley Chapter Three: The Watcher in Little Hangleton Meets his New Master

4th February 2009:
I always did hate Pansy. Again, your attention to detail serves your story well. I do like how you explain the reasoning behind why Voldy's wand was not with him at his death. I knew that, but had forgotten it when I began reading this chapter. You stick close to canon in this, bringing forth old characters and events that tie this to the original work. That's a mark of good fanfic, in my opinion. You may consider getting a beta to be a second pair of eyes to use for editing. Each chapter has just a few little errors, and correcting them would give this story a polished, professional quality. eHPF is one of the best places to find a trustworthy one.

Author's Response: Yea, I probably should do that. I'm thrilled that you like how I use the canon characters. I really think that using something JK started is helpful because we as the reader already know a lot of the backstory. That means that I can sort of jump in without having to build a lot of backstory. Otherwise, I may or may not be blushing right now at the praise you've offered! Thanks so much!

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Review #5, by Georgia Weasley Chapter Two: A Frightful Place

4th February 2009:
Very intriguing. This is suspenseful and well done, and the details the boys gave the men were very good. I do wonder why the name "Riddle" didn't clue them both in when they heard it? I think they may have realized then whose house it was, but still checked it out. Knowing might have caused them to use extra caution, and also to know why the snake skin was there. Just a thought. This story starts out very well. There is a small type-o in the second to last paragraph, where I think you meant 'above' instead of 'about'. I'm very curious to read on, so I believe you've gotten me hooked!-GW

Author's Response: Got ya hooked! Fantastic! I always try to have some sort of tension in the chapter, especially at the ending so that I will make you want to read on, so its fantastic that it worked!

As for why Riddle wasn't a trigger for Dennis, I imagine in my mind that a lot of the wizarding world is still scared of Voldemort, and doesn't want to know anything about him. I think the curse on his name might have something to that, because they wouldn't want to bring extra fear down on themselves, at least this soon after DH.

I think once they saw the snake skin, they knew that this wasn't an ordinary situation...


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Review #6, by Georgia Weasley Chapter 1: A Mystery Begins

4th February 2009:
Ah, old Perkins is back. This is starting out refreshingly different, and I LOVE the canon details you've added to make this seem very realistic as a follow up to DH. I'm a canon kind of gal. The appearance of familiar characters done well always makes me so happy. I look forward to seeing where you will take them, especially young Dennis Creevey. He's a fanfic character loaded with possibilities, isn't he? On the CC note, there are a few type-o problems that you can easily fix, now that you're a TA! In your last sentence, he's should be he'd. And in the memo, you have 'it seems' beginning two sentences, which sounds a little off. You could even go in and change the type on the letter to italics to set it apart from the rest of the chapter if you wanted. Ah, TA status, it's a lovely thing. :) Good chapter. I WILL be reading on!-GW

Author's Response: Yes! Thank you for the great review! I really appreciate the fantastic things you noticed! Now that I can just go edit, I need to go back and correct those typos. Thats what happens when you fly without a beta, but then again, since I write so irregularly, its hard to just ask someone to edit whenever I write.

As to the canon characters, Yes! Very excited that you're like I am when it comes to that. Sometimes, I think a familar face can make the stories much more fun.

Very glad you liked it!


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Review #7, by shadowycorner Chapter Three: The Watcher in Little Hangleton Meets his New Master

1st June 2008:
Somehow I don't see Pansy as the leader of a new movement such as this. In the books she's always been an annoying little, dimwitted follower. Though that may have changed, especially the last line implied that, though the character you described sounded very, very intriguing as she entered the story. i thought...well, maybe some estranged daughter of Bellatrix or an all-new character, but Pansy can work too if you work out plausible reasons for her to become so strong and brave.

Other than that this chapter was fantastic. It had an air of mystery and made me wonder more and more with every sentence. The idea of Rowle being shut up there is quite uncomfortable. Just imagine that...living in such a delusion, though it shows how powerful and ensnaring Voldemort was.

So yeah, I'm really looking forward to read more and especially Harry and Ron entering the picture. Also, I have to add...the bit about Voldemort's wand and dark magic hidden in it was very creative and added greatly to the entire story.

Author's Response: Ah, yes. Pansy. Trust me, there is a reason for Pansy to act like this. I know that a lot of people have been surprised for why she'd do this, but there is a legit reason that will be strongly hinted at in the next chapter, which, work and moving aside, ought to be done sometime in the near future (aka, I have no idea when I'll have time to write, but I hope it will be soon).

Thanks for reviewing once again, and I hope you come back once I've gotten some more done!!


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Review #8, by shadowycorner Chapter Two: A Frightful Place

1st June 2008:
Wonderful ending! Makes me want to know more. Except the little details (Muggles and Muggleborns not being capitalized again) this chapter was very good. It was eventful and your descritpion of the spells and magic around the place, and also the place itself, was very well-written. So i was wrong in assuming Dennis and Perkins were going to be main characters? Oh well all the better because Aurors (i.e. Harry and co.) are more likely to do the job probably and I love them, of course. I can really say that this combined with the first chapter would serve as a great opening, but it doesn't matter now. i really see potential in this story. :)

Author's Response: Alright, you liked chapter number 2! I'm very happy you enjoyed this one! I wouldn't say you were wrong about Dennis and Perkins, but I don't think they're the main characters per say, more like they're on the second tier, but still important. However, if the readers make a push for more perkins and Dennis, I suppose I can make that happen!!

Finally, thanks for reviewing! It means a lot to me that people check my work out!!


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Review #9, by shadowycorner Chapter 1: A Mystery Begins

1st June 2008:
Hello! This concept caught my eye and has an interesting premise. So that means I'm excited about delving more into this plot since this is finally a post-DH story that is not focused on romance. Firstly, I just have some typos to point out:
Deloris Umbrage - should be Dolores Umbridge and i guess it has been even pointed out already. Then, you don't capitalize all the needed terms, such as Aurors, Wizarding World, etc. Even here in the last paragraph you once capitalized Auror, but then it goes with a small in the rest of the story. These little details really polish up a writing. :)

For a first chapter this was really short and not very informative. You basically just introduced what I take to be one of the main characters and the main problem, which was already in your summary, so I hoped to see a more expanded first chapter that would at least focus on setting the scene up more.

Nonetheless, you have some nice writing and I'm off to read the next chapter now. :) Still i think this is a very interesting idea.

Author's Response: Hello, and welcome to my story! First off, thanks for the grammar hints. I know it isn't perfect, but once I get settled into my new apartment later this summer, I'll actually have some time to get back to this!!

I'm glad you like the chapter!!!


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Review #10, by GryffindorGirl007 Chapter Three: The Watcher in Little Hangleton Meets his New Master

16th May 2008:
The girl is PANSY!!!

Wow, amazing twist at the end. It was great how you kept the girl's identity a secret until the very end. You have a knack for writing mystery my friend :)

Anyway, I thought that this chapter was the best so far. You had so many great descriptions and great character development too!

Keep up the great work and let me know when the next chapter is up!

P.S. I would love to read your other story that you mentioned, "The Adventure of Dudley Dursley." Just request it in my review when I have an open spot...(Which should be soon!)

Author's Response: Thanks again for reviewing!! I'm glad that you like that its Pansy, and that you like the character development! I'll have to come back to you once I get more written here, and also go to you for my other story! Thanks a ton!!!

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Review #11, by GryffindorGirl007 Chapter Two: A Frightful Place

16th May 2008:
Me again :)

Well I think that this chapter was very nicely done. I enjoyed reading about the house and how it was "haunted".

You have continued to utilize your good writing skills that allow you to have great sentence flow and plot development. You also added more detail and descriptions in this chapter which is great.

Another great aspect of this chapter is the mystery you incorporated in the story. This is a great tactic to keep readers interested and excited.

Off to review you third chapter.
GryffindorGirl007

Author's Response: Wow, well I'm thrilled that you liked the mystery aspect. I've been told by other people that I really need to describe how the house is haunted, all the evil aspects, things like that.

Thanks for reading, and I'm really glad that you like it!!!


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Review #12, by GryffindorGirl007 Chapter 1: A Mystery Begins

16th May 2008:
Hello there! GryffindorGirl007 here from the forums to review your story.

Firstly I think that you have got a good starting chapter. It's great that you have introduced some new characters and involved some old ones as well.

Your plot development is good which really add a higher quality to your writing. My only "thing" was that your descriptions were a little brief and to the point. You might want to try adding a little more detail to them.

The thing that I think you could have done was made this chapter a little bit longer. Maybe add in some interactions between Perkins and a few other collegues that would provide some background information for the readers.

Overall, nice work!

GryffinsdorGirl007

Author's Response: Hello! Thank you for your kind words. I know that this chapter is very short, and I guess I intended it to be a bit of a welcome to the story, a prologue if you will...

Thanks for the helpful review!!!


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Review #13, by Toms Pal Chapter Three: The Watcher in Little Hangleton Meets his New Master

12th May 2008:
Good set up. Looking forward to reading more.

Author's Response: Thanks! I hope you like the new chapter! I'm almost finished with it now!

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Review #14, by Labby Chapter Three: The Watcher in Little Hangleton Meets his New Master

8th May 2008:
I was just beginning to wonder where the title of the story came from, but it certainly makes sense now. I didn't know if it was going to appear a couple of chapters later or just now. I like that we're beginning to understand a bit more of what's going on and I really liked this chapter. I found it humorous that that guy has continued to watch over his house for several years after Voldemort was killed. He doesn't question much, does he? He doesn't seem like the smartest of Death Eaters either? I liked the line about him and his rats.

Ah.. so it is Pansy. I had a feeling it was her.. just because she's the only Slytherin girl I could think of. One suggestion I'd make is I think it would work well not even to mention her name here and to keep people guessing about who it is. You can of course mention her later, but it just adds more to the mystery element of this young girl.

I like that the wand is hidden here and they're going to try to figure out past spells of Voldemort. Great idea there! I wonder how Pansy came to figure that out, but I guess that might be revealed later. I'm loving the mystery and the slight clues you're leaving in this story so far and I'm definitely looking forward to more!

Just a minor spelling thing to point out: I’m going to rebuilt the world in the Dark Lord’s image

It should be rebuild instead of rebuilt her.

Author's Response: I know, I know, I gave away the mystery of who the bad guy (girl in this case) is, but I did have a reason, given that this is to be a bit shorter than my last story. Hopefully when I finish the next chapter, you'll see the logic, but I do think that I could have made it a bit longer!

Thanks for catching my grammar issues! And thanks for coming by! I can't wait to see what you think of my other story (if it EVER gets up, I'm so excited to see if people like the final version)!!

Thanks again!!!


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Review #15, by Labby Chapter Two: A Frightful Place

8th May 2008:
Another great chapter! Again, I love the mystery that's been added to this. And a nice little cliffhanger at the end there. Great job with that. I wonder who that guy is. Oh, and I do like that this is taking place at the Riddle house, and it's filled with dark magic. Of course that makes sense, but I do wonder what exactly is going on.

I think you've done a great job with description so far. You're really creating the scene and getting into the details of everything. I love some of the language that you use.. it's pretty good! The only part I'd like to see developed a little further is in the paragraph about them detecting the protective spells. I'd like to see how they figured that out.. how they knew that there were protective spells there, visually. Could they see something like a light that lead them to this place that the Muggles were lured to or was there something else? Not a huge deal, I'd just like to see a bit more. I'm really enjoying this story so far and looking forward to more!

Author's Response: Hi again! Thanks for the good idea about describing how they spot the defensive spells. I think that describing the creepy aspect a bit more and then the spells would make this a bit better!

Thanks again!!


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Review #16, by Labby Chapter 1: A Mystery Begins

8th May 2008:
Hello there. :)

I like how you've set up this first chapter so far. I like just the jumping into what's going on and a quick glimpse of Harry and Ron. I like that you've used Perkins as well, getting in some minor character action. I love minor characters. Also, adding in Dennis Creevey is a nice addition, I don't think I've ever seen him in fanfiction. I like that you're exploring with these characters and creating a story with them. I also like the mystery behind this.. I do wonder what's going on and I'm looking forward to digging into this story and finding out more.

I liked that the room had a window.. cute detail there. I also think you've done a great job so far with the detail. This is a bit of a short chapter, but it's a good starting off point and attention getter. I do like your style so far and I'm looking forward to reading more. There were some spelling errors, but I think that's all been pointed out already, so I'm not going to say it again. Grammar and spelling aren't too terrible to distract from the rest of the story.

The only other minor suggestion I have is that there should probably be some separation of that disclaimer from the rest of the story. You could even put it before you write chapter one. It's just nicer to have a difference between the story and the disclaimer, but again, it's not a big deal.

Author's Response: Wow, thanks for the epic and excellent review! I appreciate that you caught the small references to Ron, Perkins' window, and also the fact that Dennis is now working at the ministry.

Thanks for pointing out the lack of seperation with the disclaimer (I hadn't noticed, but when I edit I'll make sure to fix it)! Thanks again!!


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Review #17, by Femme_Fatale Chapter Three: The Watcher in Little Hangleton Meets his New Master

7th May 2008:
Pansy?! I was totally expecting someone else. Yes, this story is really starting to unfold nicely. I can't wait to see what else is going to happen. Nice ending by the way. Feel free to post on my thread again when updating :)

Author's Response: haha, yes a bit of a twist there, but there is a reason, trust me! I appreciate how quickly you made your way over here to review, and thanks a ton for your help and support! I will totally be back for more later!! I also hope you'll check out my other story which I requested! You'll be the first person to see the new version, so I'm dying to know what people think!!

Thanks again!!!


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Review #18, by Femme_Fatale Chapter Two: A Frightful Place

7th May 2008:
Subtle cliffie, I like! I think things could have been described a little more thoroughly but I got the picture so alls well. Like I said in my previous review, this story is intriguing and I can't wait to see how things develop.

Author's Response: You're one of several people to tell me that I need more description here. Hmmm, I better go back and add some more terror before going onwards! Thank you so much!!

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Review #19, by Femme_Fatale Chapter 1: A Mystery Begins

7th May 2008:
Intriguing beginning. Funny imagining Ron reading comics. You misspelled Umbridge's name but other than that, the story is really promising. Good work :)

Author's Response: Hi Femme! Thanks for coming over! yes, I know I had a few spelling errors, but thank you for noticing (at least I know you're reading closely!!).

I appreciate the kind words, and thanks again!!


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Review #20, by twitchy_little Chapter Three: The Watcher in Little Hangleton Meets his New Master

4th May 2008:
3rd chapter reveiw, here we go.
As I said last chapter, I think you really just need more details and descriptions. Dont go overboard if you do, because thats never good. and I think more of these things will be a really good improvement on your story. Once again, really nice ending. I was completely blindsided, I had no idea that it was pansy. I thought it was some OC.

So, I look forward to seeing what happens with this story. And as you asked in your request at the forums, Ill look over your other longer story in a week or so!
-twitch

Author's Response: Hi Twitch!

Well, thank you for checking out what progress I've made so far on my story!

I know that its got a ways to go (probably another three chapters at least, but we'll see where it takes me).

I appreciate your CC, as well as the fact that you seemed to like it! I hope that my other story meets your standards once the edited version makes it online! I know that a lot of people have liked it (although less so for the beginning, which is why I'm curious to see what someone else thinks). As of now, it'll still probably be five days before it makes it online, but who knows!

Thanks again!

Gords


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Review #21, by twitchy_little Chapter Two: A Frightful Place

4th May 2008:
hello, hello, hello! Back again!

My main suggestion about this chapter is use some more description. EXAMPLE: "the outside of the mansion showed all the signs of not being cared for. crawling ivy clung to the brick walls and the metal doorknob had rusted over." Like you know what I mean? Descibing what the mansion looks like will really add to the uneasy feeling the characters have in this chapter. Your grammar was great in this chapter, no mistakes that I could spot. Also, the ending, woah! wonderful job! That is a great cliffhanger ending. leaving me with all those question like Who is it? Who is his/her's master? What is the secret? loved it.

Author's Response: Yay! I'm glad that you liked the cliffhanger. I'll work on adding some more description!

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Review #22, by twitchy_little Chapter 1: A Mystery Begins

4th May 2008:
'ello! Over at the forums you requested I reveiw this, so here I am.
-Okay, to be totally honest it wasnt the most gripping of first chapters. Though I do like that you didnt say exactly what happened to the people when they went in the house. That bit of mystery makes me want to see what happened. It was on the short side, so perhaps make future chapters longer (you may already have, havent checked yet) I enjoyed that is was from Perkins point of veiw, Ive never read a fic from his POV,and I think you did good with him. It would have been a cool start if it started with someone entering the house and what happend to them. Anyway, overall good chapter. It wasnt amazing, but still shows seems like it will turn out very well.

Grammar:
-You spelled "Deloris" wrong, should be "Dolores"
-"Umbrage" should be "Umbridge"
"he's want backup on this case" did you mean "He'd want back up on this case"?

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for coming over. I'm glad that you liked that I've been using Perkins, and happy that you think it has potential.

Thanks for pointing out the errors!


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Review #23, by Harry_Potter_Mom Chapter Three: The Watcher in Little Hangleton Meets his New Master

11th April 2008:
Hello :D

Ah... so we meet not only the masked Death Eater, but his new master as well. Curious a creature Pansy is.

This sentance gave me a bit of trouble... "With a start, the watching Death Eater who was seated in a dusty chair in an upper room in the disgusting muggle dwelling was jerked from his slumber." The word 'in' is repeated three times. Maybe something like, "In the uppermost room of the Muggle dwelling, the watching Death Eater jumped from his dusty chair with a start."

Ahh... using the 'Prior Incantato' theory for the wand - very nice! :D

I'm very curious where the wand is hidden? Out in plain site? Disguised with a spell? Hidden/buried away?

Again, great descriptive chapter! :D

I'll watch for updates (or message me so I can get over here!) :)

Author's Response: Hmm, you're right that I went a little "in" crazy in that sentence, I'll have a look when I edit and see what I can do. I'm glad you like the prior incantato aspect! As to where the wand is, you'll have to wait for the next chapter (which will probably be a bit, given that I have to write a couple of research papers)...

Thanks so much for coming!!


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Review #24, by Harry_Potter_Mom Chapter Two: A Frightful Place

11th April 2008:
Hello again!

This was an amazing chapter! Wow! Great descriptions and I especially enjoy the different POVs! I was literally leaning up to the computer reading (very drawn in) and wanted to yell at Dennis "Don't!!! Come back!" LOL

I think you might have missed a word in this sentance... "The pair sorted through the things for a few minutes, but were able to sense any sort of magical presence in the room, although both felt a sense of gloom permeating the room, possibly resulting from the man who had lived there alone for so many years." Should it be, "...but were NOT able to sense any sort of magical presence..."?

I don't know that Perkins would say, "Screw this.." but maybe, "Bloody hell, Dennis..." or is that too overdone? The other screams 'american kid' to me but I only know but a couple of Brits and they are both in their 80s... :D

Love the snakeskin... hmm... so is there a Basalisk or is that just a skin from Voldemort's snake brought down to look like there is a giant snake on the premises? Very interesting!

And the masked figure... my mind is going wild wondering who it is!

Again, wonderfully-written chapter! :)

Author's Response: Wow, I'm glad that I was able to hook you! You're right, I did have a word missing, and the snakeskin is supposed to be left over from Nagini.

Well, with screw this, I suppose I am echoing my american upbringing, but I do feel like bloody hell is overused. Hmm, maybe a british author can give me another authentic phrase there.

Thanks for reviewing!!


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Review #25, by Harry_Potter_Mom Chapter 1: A Mystery Begins

11th April 2008:
Hello :D

I'm finally here and so excited that you are doing this story!

Perkins is a wonderful character to use; he was mentioned and therefore canon, but via JKR we know so little about him, it will be a great character for you to develop. And adding Dennis was great! That should make for an interesting pair. :)

I love this part... "Ron had visited many times, and Perkins had been both surprised and a little awed that the young boy who he’d seen reading comics on the floor of his office had played such a prominent role in the defeat of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named." I can picture Ron there on the floor with his comic book (Muggle?) and there must be food involved! :D

I am a bit confused at to what position Arthur has... is he in a different department and the head of a subcommittee there? That paragraph, for me, needs a bit of tweaking - tell me again where he works, etc. Perhaps take out the different department and just say that he was named head of "XYZ" or something.

Lol - the office now has a window! Great reference there and very noticed by we 'die-hard HP fans'. :D

Small spelling error in Deloris - it should be 'Dolores Umbridge'. Oh, and Muggle is always with a capital 'M' (I didn't know that either until someone pointed it out to me!)

Great, great chapter!!! On to the next! :D

Author's Response: Hey HP Mom! Thanks for coming over to give me a quick look here! I appreciate the help, and I've got some editing to do, ehh?! Haha, thanks for spotting my errors! I didn't name Arthur's position because he'd been promoted in book 6, so I just assumed he was there still.

I'm thrilled you liked it, and thanks for reviewing!!!


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