Good, lots of sections kind of cut off in the middle of sentences, and the transition from the cut-off sentences to the next paragraph is weird. I liked it though. I wouldn't have thought Lily and Petunia would have kept in touch AT ALL after they stopped talking to each other, but maybe I'm wrong.Author's Response: Thanks so much! I wrote this a long while ago; I'm thinking I'll go back and edit. Yeah, the idea is supposed to be speculation. Glad you enjoyed. :) Report Review
LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this story. so creative.Author's Response: LOVE LOVE LOVE your review!!!
Keep reading! I have more you'll probably like ;) Report Review
your story is really nice.
You really did catch Petunia`s character in an amazing way!!!Author's Response: Wow, thank you! It's the short and sweet ones that make my day. Report Review
Wow, I really liked this interpretation of Petunia's character too.
I think this was really well-written, and quite a touching interpretation of Petunia's difficulties living with a magical sister and the struggles any family has even without the magic.
I loved the comparison between the Petunia and the Chrystanthemum, and I honestly think you did a beautiful job with this.
-GrendelAuthor's Response: Oh, thank you. So much. This one...wow, I wrote it so long ago, but I remember really liking how it turned out. I like fitting the pieces together, especially with all the new ones from the 7th book. (Ah, the good 'ole Lexicon. Bless whoever wrote that thing.)
You are too awesome. I am so glad you like, and will tell you next time I write.
-What am i supposed to write here? I guess Alice, but that doesn't really go with Grendel...so I guess I'll put Ollie...geddit Ollie Vander, Ollivander...muahhahahah...okay nevermind. Report Review
I like the petunia better too.
This story was so sweet, and I think it portrays Petunia and Lily's relationship very well. I can't think of anything to critique. Great job!
~VictoireAuthor's Response: Oh, thank you!!! Soo much! You are just a review machine! Petunia has to be more complex than stated...it's my job to show that.
*cookies* Ollie Report Review
this is really sweet
poot petuniaAuthor's Response: Thank you very much. Poor, poor, girl. Report Review
I thought that that was a very well written, sweet story. It's not often that I read something told through Petunia's eyes (or should I say Chrysanthemum?), so it was very interesting.
Well done :)
-fancycherriiebudAuthor's Response: Thank you very much. Petunia is a facsnintating character. It's a shame there arn't many stories explaingin her. Report Review
I really loved this story! It's written well.
I feel kinda sorry for Petunia though, it must not have been exactly 'fun' to grow up with a witch that is your sister.Author's Response: Thanks alot!
Yeah, me too. I know I would feel alot like her in her place. Report Review
Sweet little story. We normally regard Petunia an unpleasant person, but why is she unpleasant? I think there must've been a deeper disagreement between her and Lily than the ones we have heard about.
As for the flower-pictures, I agree. Petunia is prettier than Chrysanthemum.Author's Response: Thank you very much. I'm glad that my story corresponded with what you have been wondering.
:-) Report Review
Yeah, I think it IS Petunia who is older. i think she mentions it when they're in the hut in the first movie and she rats on her sister and how "PROUD they were to have a witch in the family" [they=parents].
I like the originality of your stories, by the way.Author's Response: Thanks, I now know that.
Not much, you know. I posted the next chapter and if all goes well it will be up by Monday.
Aw, thanks soooo much! Report Review
You asked for criticism so I'll start with that and then go into a short analysis.
First off, is there any particular reason for the wide spaces between the lines? Also, is there a reason why the paragraphs are all so short?
The story has a slightly 'choppy' feel to it in many places. Most of the sentences are about the same length. Varying sentence length will help it flow more smoothly. When you write a story, try reading it aloud and listening to how it sounds. I do that with all of mine and it is the single most useful proof -reading strategy I know of.
I also found a few typos.
What I like about this story is that you took an unpopular, underdeveloped character that most people probably don't think twice about, and gave her more substance. This story is very psychological. It goes beyond the old "Petunia is just a jealous creep" reading of her character.
Petunia's aversion to her name suggests self loathing, which I find in keeping with her character. Although she has issues with her mother, it sounds as though Petunia's father loves her and that she's popular with the boys ( and possibly has a few girls for friends as well). Whereas adult Petunia always carried on about how Lily was the pretty, popular one. this story suggests that she may be exaggerating a bit. Perhaps Petunia is just one of those people who has a hard time loving herself and does not see her own merits.
Her difficult relationship with her mother may hold the key to her motivation for treating Harry and Dudley as she does. Perhaps she dotes on Dudley because she wants to be the mother that she never had, while at the same time she's horrible to Harry because of the psychological scars her mother inflicted on her as a child.
Your story almost raises more questions than it answers. It makes you stop and look at Petunia in a totally different way and wonder about her motivations. Time passes so quickly in it, but I almost think you could have turned it into a short story, devoting a chapter to each separate memory.
In reference to your author's note, I don't know if anyone has told you yet, but Petunia is older than Lily. Here's the exact quote from the lexicon : "Aunt Petunia is Lily (Evans) Potter’s older sister, and the wife of Vernon Dursley".
Hope you find this helpful.Author's Response: Wow. Thank you so much. I asked for a review, and did I get it!
I am going to take all your questions into acount. The spacing is not my fault, and I am going to do MAJOR editing on this and my other story when I can.
I am glad that you read into the story so well. I have a "thing" for minor characters, and I know there is something more to Petunia, as stressed in OOTP, when she gets the Howler.
Maybe one day I will go on, but I would like to finish Rabbit Food first.
Thank you for your review!!!!!!!!!!!!!:-) Report Review
they are not twins. petunia has blond hair and (i think she has) brown eyes. She's also bony. Lily has red hair and green eyes. i'm pretty sure petunia is older. I think it's a good story but I picture petunia a bit meaner to lily.Author's Response: Thanks for your review, I'm glad you thought it was a good story. I knew that there were differences between the girls; ie hair color, but for this story it just worked out that they were twins. Twins can look very different! Report Review
That was great! It made Petunia seem much nicer.Author's Response: Thanks! I have a thing for minor characters...I've always liked Petunia from the 5th book and on. You will probably also like "Rabbit Food"-it's about Dudley.
Thanks again! Report Review
They aren't twins. I love it. Mostly. It's sweet and make Petunia sound very nice. Mostly. Dear Lily... I like how the mum isn't particularly nice to Petunia.
Cheers.Author's Response: It's not the she's not nice, it's just that she favors Lily, lalol. No offense to JK, I don't like how she portrays the character of Lily I, so I make her different.
I'm glad you love it! I have a thing for minor characters. If you liked this, you will proably also like "Rabbit Food."
Cheers! Report Review
Loved it, Nay. You have a real gift for back-stories. TOo bad JK Rowling hasn't read these.Author's Response: You have NO idea how much that means to me!
Note to everyone: I will get the next chapter up asap! If you have any ideas you can talk to me on my forum. Report Review
it was really cute!! Most people don't write any stories that are favorable to Petunia in any light so well done!
If you do want a banner just let me know! I make them and I could make one for you :) My email address is email@example.com
10/10Author's Response: Thanks, that really means alot to me.
Oh wow, I would love one. I beleive I will take you up on your offer...thanks! Report Review
*cries* It's so sad! I love how you made it all... *cries* It's so sad! Petunia's older, I'm pretty sure. This was a fantastic story! I love it! It's really great, and I love the whole name thing, and... *cries* it's so sad!
1000/10Author's Response: You know what? I don't think you liked it!
Just kidding, I'm honored! Report Review
YAY! Way to go, I loved it! Petunia's older, I think... I've never seen any evidence that Petunia was younger. I don't think their twins either...
There was something that seemed a bit off with your interpretation of facts, but I can't remember exactly what it was... Whoops. I'll probably find it when I read it again later on. Right now, its time for bed. Nighty Night.
~Cassidy~Author's Response: Thanks Cassie!
If you do happen to find what was wrong, please PLEASE let me know. You can leave anouther review or contact me on my author's page which is found under my page thingy. I hope that isn't too confusing! Report Review
cute- well done!
Have you read the book "Chrysanthemum," by Kevin Henkes?
and I think Petunia is older.Author's Response: Thanks very much!
Yes, I have and it is one of my favorite children's books. In fact, i was reading the book to my little cousin a few days before I thought of the idea. lalol.
Thanks, many people thought that but I wasn't positive. Report Review
love it! I don't think Petunia and Lily are twins... Petunia is older than Lily. I read that somewhere.. I liked this fic. It was well written. Good job!Author's Response: Thanks! I'm really glad you liked, and thanks for the info. It was kinda a "spur of the moment thing." I just got the idea. If you like it, you will probably like my other story, "Rabbit Food". Thanks again! Report Review
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