Wow that was so intense. I couldn't stop reading. Everything was so perfectly written. Poor Draco! I love how you didn't mention Ron. Report Review
Wow. I absouletly loved it! You wrote it so well! It was sad... Report Review
Awww that is jsut so sad! But I like it, it is different. And that is a good thing. Report Review
Deep...but in a good way. :)
10~10 Report Review
Wow! It screams emotion! Really amazing! You have a gift :)
Incredible sad, though I didn't cry which is strange as I usually do at anything even vaguely upsetting! :) I loved it, well done!
Also, Draco's last words were spectacular!! :D fairplay!!
=] Report Review
wow that was a good one.think i almost cried good work Report Review
That was so sad and beautiful. I am not`sure how you will write a sequel, but I'm sure you can manage it :) Report Review
Oh my gosh!
This story was so wonderful, so magical. wow, it took my breath away. the way you described everything and the way you characterised your characters were absolutely splendid and enthralling to read. jacqueline, dear, you are one heck of a talented young author. the way you write and the mood you create are so captivating and emotional. i've re-dread this story twice and without doubt it is one of the best one-shots i've every read. but it's so sad and left me with a tear-stained face, every word every sentence was wonderful and beautifully structured and written.
DaisyAuthor's Response: Oh, my dear and kind, Daisy, your review just made my day! I must admit, I thought this story will have no further reviews, as being a little bit old now, but I am so happy that you took the time to read it and review it... Thank you with all my heart!
Considering this one of the best shots you've read just makes me want to write more and more and make my readers proud of me. Thank you for your beautiful words! And if you liked this story,dear, try to read also, my new story"Stained Masquerade"... It might surprise you..
Thank you once again! Report Review
Oh, Jaqueline, it was so perfect ... so sad ... so emotional. What a wonderful story--what images you've put into my mind! I'm speechless ... I'm so sad ...
The only thing I didn't quite agree with was Lucius (but I'm so biased when it comes to him, so ignore my opinion).
But what a lovely story! Altogether breathtaking and ... *sobs* Lovely and affectionate... (I'm actually crying. My brother's looking at me oddly).
Much more in your mail and ... *sighs* as I said: beautiful
Love as always,
Lia .x.xAuthor's Response: Well, first of all,I know why you don't agree with my Lucius, but I must admit I was very influenced by other fanfictions when I wrote him here. For quite a long while I saw him keeping his prejudices and cruelty... I'll try to redo him in other stories.
Made you cry? Oh, my little, come here for a big hug*huggles,huggles and huggles*! But I shamefully admit that this one of the effects that I wanted to create, I wanted to penetrate through the writer's soul(sounds bad this one). Thank you for your wonderful review and I can only hope you'll like my other stories.
Thank you, thank you! Report Review
Good story, your imagery is well done the emotional force with which you wrote the story is excellent.
I like that Hermione comes to Draco even if it means she dies, its very Shakespearian.
Just a few little tips, k?
This symbol (...) is used at the end of the sentence to indicate that the speaker or who's ever POV your in, has trailed off. You use it a lot and it makes the reading messy. Don't be afraid of a simple period, there is great power in just making a statement and letting the reader do what they will with it.
Also, the margins here are all off and that's even more distracting than the elipsis (sp?). When you actually past your work into this format, there is a spacing bar you can use to seperate sections of the story, I highly recommend.
Here's a great tip for long portions of spoken dialogue, like here: It's like his spirit would madly fall apart from such emotion and beg: “Breathe me, love me..." And so on.
Don't be afraid to break up that block of internal dialogue. If you must put quotation marks on it (and if it's internal, there shouldn't be any) that put it into paragraphs, with quotation marks at the beginning of each new paragraph, but not at the end of each one. When he'd done speaking and you've come to the last paragraph, then put in ending quotation marks.
One more thing. Be careful that the metaphor you're using actually pertains to what you're saying at that time.
I hope you're not offened with this review, I don't ever review without also leaving a critique. I enjoyed the reading and am looking forward to reading more of your work! I give this a 6/10.Author's Response: Wow... someone giving some really good advice here! Oh,my... thank you very,very much! I'll try to be more careful from now on with the... ehm.."technical details". I couldn't be offended by your wonderful review, you are giving me some directions and I am sure they'll prove useful. I hope my next stories will not disappoint you in any way, but if they do, please feel free to say this out loud(well, out loud in writing actually)! I won't mind. Thanks again! Very much! Report Review
I like the passionate, eerie quality that this has.Author's Response: Thank you very much! That's why I expected my readers to do:feel what I've written! Report Review
Hi, chiQs09 from the forums here. I like this story, just the way you wrote it. It made it really original because it sounds so poetic (if that's the right term) :D What was really distracting were the large gaps between the paragraphs. Aside from that, this one-shot was really wonderful, especially the way you wrote Draco. When he stood there, and how he was contemplating about his life, and then Hermione's entrance... Good job!
If there's anything to critique, I would've told you. :DAuthor's Response: Really sorry for my lateness, thank you very much for the review! No complains? YAy! Report Review
Oh Jacqueline, this is truly breath-taking...I loved it! I wrote a couple of angsty fics myself with this couple, but yours is just... wow! I love the fact that she knew all to well what waited beyond the door of his house... And there were some paragraphs there that astounded me with their poetry, particularly Draco's monologue... when he tells her to reborn him:) It reminded me of Nichita Stanescu's poem when he says to his poems to give birth to him... Wonderful really, I can't wait to see the new fic. I noticed you're a descriptive author more than a dialogue one... same here!
A 10 dear and well done!Author's Response: OMG! Your review was incredible! An comparing me to Nichita Stanescu??? I'm in Writers Heaven! Report Review
Hello! I really liked the ideas behind this story as well as your writing style. For me it reads more like a piece of free-verse poetry disguised as prose, it is very eloquent and you've done an excellent job with it.
The way you've focused on Draco and the torment that he has undergone was very well done. The characterization reminded me heavily of Mr. Rochester out of Jane Eyre, which in and of its self is not a bad thing.
At first, I thought that Hermione was dead and when she first entered into the fic I thought that Draco was hallucinating, just like he thought himself. That was a very great effect and was done beautifully.
All in all, I have only one nitpick and that is the large spacing that you've used in-between sections. However, that can be overlooked as I'm sure you were using this for dramatic effect - which worked by the way.
Great job, it was a very unique look into the Dramione ship that I so love!
~Stacy~Author's Response: Thank you for your outstanding review!It made my day and my week!
You rule!:D:D:D Report Review
Hey. you asked me to review so here i am!
Wow i really liked this story! It was very emotional, and a little confusing at first but it was really good. I dont think theres anything you need to improve on. It's written beautifully and i really enjoyed reading!
10/10 Lexie xAuthor's Response: I'm glad that you liked it, it was my intention to get to the heart of my every reader! Thank you for the lovely review! Report Review
This was a good story. This is a very orginial Dramione. There were a couple of things that I wanted to point out that made the story a little bit unbearable and hard to read.
1. The spacing. In the story, or any story for that matter, the authors leave spacing in between different scenes to let the reader know that the plot is moving on. Here in your story, the spacing is so large that it is a little irritating and hard to read. If you go back into edit the story, there is a way to creat a line that seperates the different scenes so taht it makes it easier to read.
2. The use of Draco's name in the beginning of the story. It was really good, leading in the story and not letting the reader know who it was. Then all of a sudden you just put his name in there. You probably do not need to put his name in until his dad comes into the picture.
3. There are a couple of grammatical errors throughout the piece, especially the ending.
If you work on these three areas, then the story will be perfect. Very good story.Author's Response: Thank you very much for your review! I really appreciate it! About the grammatical errors... Well, actually I had a beta for this story but I think everybody makes mistakes.
Thank you again, this is really helpful! Report Review
Dis was ah real jibbin scene here. Dam,nah jed i stil cyah beleve d story. Yuh mak meh read it twice bu' it wz worth it. yuh good yuh good. mine d language meh from Trinidad.
yuh cld e-mail me and teel meh wen yuh bring out da new stary. ah go read o if yuh wan tuh ask meh n e tin firstname.lastname@example.orgAuthor's Response: Well, the queue reopens on Friday so if my beta is kind enough to finish editing the first chapter by then I think my new story will be available soon! Although I've only written the first three chapters... Hope you'll all enjoy it! Thanks for the review. Report Review
Another one i like in an odd twisted way that is not bad but not necessarily good. I really don't know where it is, but it is good really good. I like all the detail on his emotions. 10/10
-ginAuthor's Response: Well the whole story is odd and kinda twisted so.. it's ok:))! Nice review, really made my day!:D Report Review
your a complete genius:)Such a sad and, at the same time, beautiful story. Every detail written so great. I could eaven see it before my eyes, I think.;)
Go on, write more stories, can`t wait!!!Author's Response: Thank you very much! New story coming as soon as the queue is opened again! Report Review
WOW!!! that was powerful...
I'm gonna go cry now... great job!Author's Response: I'm glad that you liked it! Thanks for the review, I appreciate it! Report Review
It was a little hard to follow at times, i got a bit confused, but it was good. Didn't like the ending. What happened to Draco? Plot was nice, and the way you brought in the real Hermione was good.Author's Response: Well, what else was Draco supposed to do without his soulmate when she was the only reason he was living for? Now that she died, what else is to do but go away and never return again? Thank you for your review, sorry for the confusing moments and... initially I didn't intend to write a sequel to this one-shot but if you, or anybody else think I should then let me know. Maybe this way things will get a little bit clearer and we all get to know what happened to Draco. Let me know. Report Review
Beautiful. Absolutly beautiful. I love Draco's last line. Kudos.Author's Response: Thank you for the review! Report Review
sad but beautiful. Lovely truly lovely thank youAuthor's Response: I have a thing for sad stories... Report Review
wow- what an interesting story. It is very powerful, and absorbing. I am not a big dramione fan but this is really good.Author's Response: Uh,thank you very much! Report Review
Wow! It was very strong emotionally, moving and deep. I loved it. It was clearly written from the heart and that is what makes it so beautiful. Congratulations! It is a fresh and exciting story. Very good! 10/10Author's Response: Flattered! Glad you like it! Report Review
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