Reading Reviews for Unstoppable
27 Reviews Found

Review #1, by lala25525 First day of classes hype

31st December 2008:
i LUV this story!! i really like Ivorie's character and personality :) 10/10! great job!!

Author's Response: Aw, really? Thanks so much! That's really great to hear. But...I was kind of thinking of abandoning this story. I don't know...I've had a lot of trouble with it. And I am currently working on this story in original story form. So I can always give the link to it on fictioncentral. Because the character of Ivorie sort of changes in it...In this she kind of drifted away from what I wanted her to be. But I really appreciate the words of kindness.

Thanks so much.


 Report Review

Review #2, by Denise First day of classes hype

17th November 2008:
I am really liking this story I think you are the first one to think of a girl animagi for Remus, Brilliant! I like Ivorie's character and how well she fits in not only with the Mauraders but also with the Griffyndor girls too.

One more thing in the first chapter you mention that Ivorie knows she is good at magic but when she accio's the drink I wasn't sure if it was her or her dad doing the magic.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I'm glad you like it; this story has been really hard for me to get right, mainly because I'm working with an OC, my own creation. So it's been tough, but I'm so glad you like it!

Yeah, Ivorie makes friends pretty quickly. There will be some more rivalry with Sirius later though. So that will be extremely fun to write. lol.

Oh, thanks for mentioning that. I'll have to fix that when I edit. I appreciate that.


 Report Review

Review #3, by Que? Let me introduce myself

17th October 2008:
I honestly think a much better opening chapter would simply be all the lyrics to, "Sympathy for the Devil."

That would honestly just be hilarious.

"Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a witch of wealth and taste..."

Author's Response: Okay. I don't mean to be rude, but when you actually have some feedback, feel free to give it. For now, I'm good.

If this is Cameron, there's a storm coming. So watch out.

 Report Review

Review #4, by searching17 First day of classes hype

4th October 2008:
They bonded quickly. I like that, instead of the usual 'rivalry' between the Marauders and 'Maruadettes' I read about all the time. Your description has improved, but try putting more details about the characters' appearance (ex. sparkling eyes, etc.) and their body language. It will really help, seeing as its 1st person. This is story is off to a good start, just needs to be a bit more developed. Great job. Keep writing. 9/10

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I completely agree. So much to edit...Eh. Thanks so much for reviewing, I really appreciate it.


 Report Review

Review #5, by searching17 Cat versus Dog

4th October 2008:
Very nice. Plot's moving along nicely, but going a bit too fast for my liking. Try putting more description and a bit more fluff in to pull the reader really into the story. Besides that, MUCH better. Your writing has improved immensely throughout the last few chapters. 9/10 (I think its the strength and interesting bits of your plot that is moving this story along.)

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing! I appreciate it.

1. I had a feeling it was too fast...I had a lot to cram into the first few days at Hogwarts, but once I get past that, it wouldn't be as hurried. But yeah, I agree it is going a tad fast...

2. Thanks, I'm glad to hear it's improving. The main plot was really important to me, especially because I'm hoping no one else has a family ring thing going...

Anyway, I appreciate the honest critiscsim.


 Report Review

Review #6, by searching17 Sorting and start of the year pranks

4th October 2008:
I loved how Sirius feels uneasy about Ivorie, and how she proves she's a threat to him because she is sorted into Gryffindor despite her complete pure-blood status, though her situation is different because her aunt influenced her, whereas we don't know who influenced Sirius, if anyone. This chapter was much better. Kudos to you! 8.5/10

Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm glad you seemed to like this one better. In the beginning it was hard to get things right, but once I got to this point it was easier to show things better.

I appreciate the review.


 Report Review

Review #7, by searching17 Making new Friends

4th October 2008:
The character seems to have grown up a bit in this chapter, though I have to say the characterization of other characters (Sirius, James, Lily, Peter, etc.) aren't exactly perfect (they shouldn't be, but they aren't very plausible is what I'm trying to say.) The dialogue continues to be a strong point, but I personally did not like how you switched perspectives to Sirius - though that was a very refreshing change, I personally did not enjoy it as much as I would if you continued to develop Ivorie's character. Love how you portrayed her parents and aunt in the last chapter though. I like OCs are your strong point. :] 8/10.

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing.

1. Hm...I worked a lot on the characterization of the other characters, so could you explain exactly what is misssing? Or what doesn't work? My personal opinion of them was actually proud of myself for seeming to get them right, but like I said, I haven't been able to do much on this story. It's mostly been on the backburner.

2. I was originally going to have this story in only Ivorie's perspective, but since it's about the rivalry/love between Sirius and Ivorie I wanted to have it switch between them. I like being able to put things in both of their perspectives.

3. Thanks, I worked really hard on getting her aunt and parents right. They aren't going to be as important now, but later on they'll come back into play.

4. As for the development of Ivorie, my plan for editing is to make it clear that she isn't perfect. A review I got recently said that she was too perfect, and I'd been planning for a while, to go back and fix Sirius' description of her. It would be something about a "glow" about her, that wasn't really physical beauty as much as something about her that made him drawn to her.

Anyway, thanks for the review. I've got a lot to work


 Report Review

Review #8, by searching17 Let me introduce myself

4th October 2008:
Very good plot, I must say. But I think it was too hurried...there was so much more your could portray about the character and her friend, Amy (maybe a conversation or two) instead of just ranting about her life. To tell the truth, she sounds like she is not 16 (she is supposed to be 16, yes?) She sounds like she is 10. Though I love the dialogue and description, this is a first for me: I know where the story's going, but not where the writing is. I'm off to the 2nd chapter then! 7/10.

Author's Response: Hello, thanks for reviewing! It's so much more appreciated now that I've lost most of my reviews.

1. Too hurried? Ranting? Yeah I've been meaning to go back and edit a bit, especially with the brutal reviews I've gotten lately. But I know that I definitely need to fix some things.

2. She doesn't sound like she's sixteen? I'm not sure what you mean...Could you possibly explain that further? I really have no clue.

3. I really appreciate your honesty. With this story I decided not to beta it, and because I really wanted to get it updated, several times in this story I just settled with whatever I had. I know that I should get back to edit it, but I'm so busy lately. I'll try to get around to it eventually.



 Report Review

Review #9, by DracoFerret11 Making new Friends

2nd October 2008:
She's still a Mary-Sue... :[ She might even be worse in this chapter, and I promise, I'm not trying to be mean.

The main thing is that when someone is THAT perfect, the story becomes boring... it's just not a road that you'll want to travel down.

Anyways, good luck, your plot is still good, the characterization just needs work.


Author's Response: Thank you for your honesty. This has been a major problem with the story that I've been trying to work on. Honestly, I'm really downhearted about it, and while I appreciate the honesty, it's hard to take.

 Report Review

Review #10, by DracoFerret11 Let me introduce myself

2nd October 2008:
Alright, this is DarkRose from the forums, sorry it took FOREVER for me to review this...

A few errors that bothered me while reading:

Her trust fund doesn't seem like a big enough thing to force her to serve Voldemort over... it's like saying that someone will take your cookie if you don't murder a certain person... just off the wall I guess.

Secondly, she's a Mary-Sue. A majorly freakish Mary-Sue. As a note: most readers don't want to read a story where the main OC is absolutely perfect. Which is what she is at the moment, so that characterization could use some work... :/

Ok, other than those things, it was good. Your writing style is great so keep up the good work.


Author's Response: Hello! Thanks for reviewing. It is so appreciated, especially because most of my reviews were lost when the site went down!

1. I completely agree, about her trust fund. Thank you so much for pointing that out. I should have made it more clear that her family also played a part in making her do it. Like, I don't know, she didn't want to let them down or something. Gosh, I feel stupid. You are the first person to point that out, and I'm grateful.

2. I've had a lot of trouble with developing her character. I went through a lot with trying to find out who she is, and I agree, I made her too perfect, because I haven't gone back to edit. You'll see in the newest chapter that I tried to make it about embracing imperfections. I know I need to get that worked out with these first chapters, but I've been so busy lately that I haven't even been able to do it.

Thanks for pointing out those things! I appreciate the review.


 Report Review

Review #11, by xxxmisspotterxxx Making new Friends

13th May 2008:

I'm only...uh...4 days late for reviewing!!! Please??? Who else would tell you all about The X Factor!
(Phew, that was a close one!)

"James pass me a chocolate frog," I looked up at James from where he sat devouring chocolate, with a smudged chocolate moustache across his face. I decided not to tell him.

That is my favourite line!! It didn't half make me chuckle!

I sooo love Ivorie!!!

Shes sooo insanely cool!!

And lovely!!

(And yay! Be proud!! There is no random wittering on about nothing in this review!!)

And she likes Led Zep!! So she has good taste in music!!

And I've just realised I didn't add this to favourites! I could have sworn I did... I'm probably going as batty as the school librarian (Seriously, she decided to talk to me and my friend Celia for ages about her 'Buffalo boots' for no reason. We were like okaaay then. (And shes really bad at putting make-up!))

So, to briefly sum up this entire review in one sentence; I completely love this, the school librarian has 'Buffalo boots' and I love love love Ivorie!!!

10/10!! (Of course!!)

Lots and lots of love,

Author's Response: Thank you soooooooo much for reading and reviewing!!! And of course, you're reviews always bring a smile to my face! Seriously I was laughing hysterically about the school librarian.

Anyway, I am so glad that you liked this chapter! I worked really hard on getting out all the kinks in Ivorie's character so I'm glad to see it's working out! I didn't want her to seem too perfect, so in the next few chapters I'll probably point out some flaws just to make her seem more realistic.

But thanks again soooooooooo much for reading and reviewing! I am going to dedicate my next chapter of Life Goes On to you! Hooray for you! And yes, thank you for sharing the info about the X-Factor. lol.

Love love love,

 Report Review

Review #12, by Permantently_confused22 Making new Friends

12th May 2008:
I love it! Love it, love it, love it!! I love how she views Sirius and the Marauders, it's so funny to see them from the eyes of an "outsider". ANd i love how Ivorie is so perceptive. She can see the intentions behind everyone she talks to's every move. It's so interesting.And of course you write Sirius POV extremely well too :)

I am dreadfully sorry it's taken me so long to read and review, I really have been very busy.DONT MURDER ME IN MY SLEEP! haha amazing chapter :)


Author's Response: FINALLY!!!!

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I am glad that you liked it!

And yes, marvelous use of the word perceptive. I never really thought of that, but thinking about it now, it is perfect! That's exactly how I wanted Ivorie to be. Witty, perceptive, clever, charming and wild. I didn't want her to seem perfect, so later on I'll probably have to give her some flaws. Because already a reader said that she seemed superficial.

Anyway, I'm glad that you finally reviewed and read. And of course I wouldn't murder you. Without good reason.

lol and love,

 Report Review

Review #13, by smileyface Making new Friends

12th May 2008:
ahhahahahahah. i love Amy. flashing thr guy next to her. that was hillarious. not me, but i still loved it. great chap. and i loved how all the guys practiacally lined up to see her. their room must have been packed! ahahahah Jamsie is such a cute name! Lily and Ivorie seemed to hit it off well. and i cant wait to hear james a lily have a row, if they even do yell, scream, slap eachother [mainly lily's doing] at all this yrar or if they will just be friends and then you no hook up. i loved the bit with the trolly ladie and how Sirius is like friends with her. Remus was so cute in the begining but he is always so perfect! Sirius looks like he is goiing to be having so girl problems when he meets the real Ivorie!! i cant wait to see what happens at school! cant wait to read more!! and your other stories too! kepp on writing and im sooo excited so your naexted chap! ooo and sorry im in the middle of ton of testing so sorry im going ot be slow on reviewing! ooo again i love that this chapter was super dooper [if that is a word] long. i love reading anything that you will write!

ps if you dont remeber or if i forgot to tell you this is :]! i got a name thing just for you!


Author's Response: Oh my gosh, thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I'm so glad you got a penname! Now you can officially write stories!!!

Okay I am so glad that you liked it! Now, you know the drill!

1. Yes, I modeled Amy after several of my hilarious friends, who do that kind of thing. As a joke, of course. lol.
2. lol. I worked really hard on the character personalities so I'm glad that it worked out well. I feel like I kind of made Sirius more in charge than James, so James will have some more bravado and leadership later on.


 Report Review

Review #14, by flyhigh Making new Friends

10th May 2008:
she seems a bit superficial - not much substance. shes willing to help voldemort and cause who knows what, just so she can go off on her holidays

Author's Response: I'm sorry. I've really tried to make her character more than that, and actually instead of being superficial I was trying to make her outgoing, and very honest. It kind of bothers me when people are so blinded about their status, and I just wanted her to be the kind of person who was honest. But I hope you read the next chapters, because that is when Ivorie will have a bit more development. And I apologize for her seeming superficial, and thank you for the critiscism. I should have looked over that before it was posted, because I mean all people have faults and her's is that sometimes she can be selfish. But don't worry, she's the kind of person who can't stand being selfish for very long. She'll fix things.

Thanks for reading and reviewing though!


 Report Review

Review #15, by sweet_tiger Making new Friends

10th May 2008:
lol, i like this story.It's of to a good start. Heh, keep up the good work

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing! I'm happy that you like it!

I am also really pleased with how this story has been working out because I was worried about it being any normal Sirius/OC, so I figured if I made more of a background story with Ivorie it would be anything but average. Or normal. lol.

I will certainly try to make the next coming chapters work out, and thank you so much!


 Report Review

Review #16, by azsuks818 Making new Friends

10th May 2008:
omg so good
love the characters please post up the next chapter

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I'm so glad you liked it!

Yeah I'm also glad to know that the character's are working out. Characters and their development have always been a part of writing that I get worried about: but have no fear, the real pervy hilarious Sirius will be shown soon! He just had to be nice so that Ivorie wouldn't suspect him. lol.

I should be posting the next chapter within a few weeks maybe. I haven't actually written it, because I've been in a serious Life Goes On mood, so that story has had like four new chapters written in the last few days.

But yeah, thanks for reading and reviewing!


 Report Review

Review #17, by heyITSme Making new Friends

9th May 2008:
OMG! fabulous, ,daaling!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! And congrats! You are the first to review for this chapter! I feel like I have to give you a reward! Well, your reward is my extremely girly giggle of happiness because I got a review!

Okay done with the peppy weirdness. Thank you for calling it fabulous. Just for that you are also fabulous. *giggle*

Love love love,

 Report Review

Review #18, by zEthHPfrEaK Let me introduce myself

4th May 2008:
This is nice. I'm thinking... maybe she'll just... not wear the ring? and smash it with a rock or something??? and then they'll (as in Voldemort and her family) know... but then she'd be a blood traitor or something, and she won't care. and she's gonna live with her aunt for the rest of her life??? maybe, maybe not! Great story!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I appreciate it!

Well though I think it's nice that you're guessing, but actually parts of your theory won't come out in the end. Sigh...I didn't mean that in a mean way, I was just trying to give a little bit of foreshadowing. Because she can't smash the ring, because Voldemort already knows that she is going to wear it, so if she smashes it he will kill her. Basically once her parents got her involved, her name went into the system, so people will be watching out for her. And she needs the money from her trust fund to continue to travel/fulfill her dreams.

Anyway I love when readers try to guess what will happen! Wait and see! lol.

Thanks again!

 Report Review

Review #19, by azsuks818 Let me introduce myself

1st May 2008:
omg so good please post the next chapter ill be waiting

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! Have no fear! I submitted the next chapter for validation yesterday, so it should be up by sunday or monday.

And thanks so much for leaving such a nice review! I appreciate you being so enthusiastic! I love enthusiasm! (if you can tell from my other review responses)

So thanks a million!


 Report Review

Review #20, by GryffindorHeir18 Let me introduce myself

30th April 2008:
Hey great story so far update soon!!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I will definitely update soon! Wow I love the support!

It's great to get such nice reviews like this, because this story is after all my new baby so it's nice knowing all my work is paying off!

Thanks a million!

 Report Review

Review #21, by bester_jester Let me introduce myself

30th April 2008:
love it so far, give me more! *greedy grin*

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing! haha I should be updating soon. By the way, I love the penname. Unique.

Thanks again for reading and reviewing!


 Report Review

Review #22, by heyITSme Let me introduce myself

29th April 2008:




Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I love the enthusiasm!

Not much to say except I promise to update within next wednesday. OKay that's kind of stupid because today is wednesday, but I'm not done with the next chapter yet, plus I'm super busy with my other stories! So anyway, just a bit of advertising, if you like this story then check out my other ones!

So appreciative,

 Report Review

Review #23, by Gryffindor Princess Let me introduce myself

29th April 2008:
I love this story so far! I really like the idea of Voldemort beginning to gain power. I hope you update soon!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! Oh my gosh I'm so happy! I just checked my reviews and found like a million reviews, which is great because up until yesterday I only had like three!

Anyway I'm just so appreciative! Because I got really excited when I created this story and to know that it's doing well is great! Yes when I was building the skeleton of this I wanted there to be a conflict that would work. Because I didn't want Ivorie to be annoyingly perfect, because I can't stand characters like that. So when I thought about it, this seemed to work perfectly! And I think it's unique. I hope it is anyway!

Thanks again!

Love, Luce

 Report Review

Review #24, by :] Let me introduce myself

22nd April 2008:
this looks like its going to be a really good storie! oimygosh that was such a long chapter! like 3000 letters or words. what ever its a ton. i love Fiona and her spunkiness. thats a fuuny word. sorry...ummm Ivorie is such a beautiful name!!! ahahahahhahahaahhahahahaha. i just noticed she is going to have to be sorted with the first years!! ahahahha akward much. ah her parents are sooo creepy and mean ans scary and im so glad their not mine! but cant Ivorie just not wear the ring at all? andn if she is wearing it when she is sorted wont she end up in Slytherin when she should totally be in Gryffindor!! oh no!!! well i cant wait untill the next long chapter!! and im soo ecstatic that you have written even more stories for me to read!!! lol ecstatic is such a silly silly word. :]

Author's Response: Yay thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I'm so happy you liked it!

And speaking of long, that was a long review! I loved all the comments though! lol. You certainly have a lot to say, but don't get me wrong I appreciate it!

So I am going to comment back on your comments.

1. Yes this is a long chapter, but I didn't really want it to be divided into two, so I just made it super long.
2. Yes, Fiona is quite spunky. But I figured Ivorie would need a role model like her to get all of her Ivorie-ness. lol.
3. Yes Ivorie is a beautiful name! I actually went through a lot to pick it. Like I have this thing with names, they have to be perfect so I went on a bunch of websites, and after going through so many baby naming sites, I found Ivory somewhere and decided to change the spelling to Ivorie. It just looks prettier.
4. Actually I wasn't going to have her sorted with the first years, she'll probably just go up to Dumbledore's office to get sorted.
5. About her parents and the ring. Yes her parents are mean, but that's just how I pictured them. Actually I kind of modeled them after east-coast rich families like the ones in Gilmore Girls. But about the ring, it has to be connected with her flesh, to maintain the blood connection that takes it to Voldemort.
6. Actually the ring won't effect her sorting, I'm thinking. And because she has the courage to do the whole ring thing, that will probably lead her to Gryffindor. But some bargaining with the sorting hat won't hurt.

Anyway, thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I'm so glad you like this chapter! Keep reading and I will hopefully be updating soon!


 Report Review

Review #25, by xxxmisspotterxxx Let me introduce myself

21st April 2008:
Hello crazy person who has been giving seriously long review answers (Yes, I, being the odd/slightly hyper person I am, have read your reviews/answers already (Congrats, by the way, people love it! (Well, how could the not?? It's...yeah, I'll save that for a tad of a bit later, and not for inside a bracket, which is inside a bracket, which is inside a bracket...Oh dear, I just confused my self...*sigh*)) and if I don't get a long review reply, I will be sad (although, I wouldn't be too worried, I am incapable of holding a grudge for longer than, ooh, about 5 seconds, 6 if I'm really lucky, and it's something really big.) Anyway, I'm gonna stop writing the first fricking paragraph and carry on with the rest of the review...)

So...Omigosh!! I love Ivorie!!! She's kinda a bit like me and my friends (except for us not being witches, not having crazy-obsessive pureblood parents, and not having an aunt who is...Oh hell, not this again)

So, quickly moving on, I LOVE Ivorie!! She is a completely amazing person!!!

(And you are really good at first person, by the way!!)

I love it!! It was a fantastically brilliant first chapter!!

And you had better update fast or I will not be happy.

Lots of love,

Author's Response: Aw thank you so much for reading and reviewing! You have no idea how happy you have made me!

You are so nice! I love your reviews! And I love that you read my review responses! By the way, the bracket confusion was pretty hilarious.

But anyway, back to the story. I love Ivorie too! I worked really hard on developing her character, and not making her like overly perfect. Because she's a great character and all great characters have SOME flaws.

But anyway, thanks sooooooo much for reading and reviewing! I can't wait for your newest chapter to be up!


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>