Yeah! I finally got a chance to read this!
I really liked the interaction between Albus and Gellert. It was a bit awkward at the beginning when Gellert gave his whole little speech, but I got much better.
Interesting how you are characterizing Gellert. It really fits, and I love how he won Albus over with the whole "greater good" thing.
Though, I kind of wished that Albus resisted just a little bit more. I know eventually he would have joined him, but I guess I'd think he'd need just a little more convincing.
Oh, and the part where Albus says something about "his calculations" seemed a little funny to me. He's talking about studying human behavior, but how you wrote it it sounded like a science experiment. I don't know, I just got the image of a mad scientist in my head when I read it!
Also, try to watch how you use the language. I'm not saying that you should write like they did back in 18-whatever year this take place, but I would be careful of using very modern sounding expressions like "what's up". Just a thought.
Still, I really enjoyed this chapter, and I think this story is getting better as it goes on! I loved the part where it seemed like they almost kissed! And the part with Aberforth at the end? Priceless!!!
Well, good luck with your computer problems and finding a floppy (and a computer that can read them! lol!) :-)
Great job Cass!!! Please, update soon!!!Author's Response: thank you so much for "finally" reading this! i know, i am so bad i have to read like a gazillion of ur stuff. (sorry!) yeah, i really like how aberforth is turning out, hes my favorite one to write. i will attempt to update soon!!! Report Review
Can't wait to hear the rest. Love how you portray Albus, top noch. Get more out soon. Report Review
Thanks a bunch! I love helping...even if it drives you nuts! Sorry I didn't read this sooner; you know very well how busy I've been lately.
Okay, here comes the nit-picky part!
The first section, where Albus and Gellert meet is a bit awkward. I know that part of it is supposed to be, but then the awkwardness of the situation moved into the narration part.
The "How'd you know" part, where it said that Gellert knew what he meant...what did he mean? I think I know, but it could be several things.
Now, onto the good stuff!
I loved the interaction between Aberforth and Albus. So sad that their relationship sours.
Nice chapter! I can't wait to read the next one. Please, update soon!Author's Response: sorry about the akward ness. ill try to un akward it. k? (at least for the next chapter) well, im in bio right now, so i gotta go :) Report Review
arg! cliff hangers disturb be. you hear that Karma! you disturb me! you bad, bad girl. >:) Report Review
pretty good, you write very well :D Report Review
Who doesn't love the great Evil/Good love match? This is a great story that will definitely continue to be great.
The small chapters are fine. Report Review
that was brief, digress more please... Report Review
Great job! This is so much different than anything I've read of yours before. It almost sounds...*gasp* like I wrote it! JK, but it is very different than your Cassandra/Voldemort fics.
Just a few grammar issues, again with the "there" and some capitalization errors. All that aside, I LOVED IT! Especially the first paragraphs where Albus is looking back.
Please, Cass, update soon!Author's Response: it sounds like you wrote it? oh man, you are really starting to rub off on me now! i am currently writing the second chapter, but it might be a little bit because of drama and everything. yeah, it is diffrent from my other stories, but hey, diffrent is good! Report Review
I like the idea. Am I right in guessing at the beginning the 'until yesterday' he mentioned refers to his sister dying? Oh, but that's not important I suppose. The idea of a young Dumbledore narrating is really good, but I don't envy your task. A few pages in DH to help you characterize and that's it, right? I wish you good luck!Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it, and yes, the untill yesterday part does mean his sister dying. thanks for reviewing! Report Review
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