Hey, I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to review, I've been so busy and it completely slipped my mind.
Well first off, I'll say that I am definitely intrigued. I am really curious to find out what's going to happen here. If most people are somewhat like myself, then you have done a very good job of luring your audience in. I'm disappointed that there is no more so I can find out what's going on.
Your writing and descriptions are very good. One thing I know a lot of authors have trouble with (myself included) is descriptions. You did a really nice job of that and I could really, really picture everything in my mind. I also didn't pick up on a single typo or error, which is always a good thing.
One thing to be careful of when writing stories like this (that have an element of mystery and secrecy in them) is that you do give up some bit of information every now and then. I'm not saying this is what you're doing, you have only written one chapter, but I notice a lot of stories try to retain the mystery a bit too much so that people get bored with them. But I assume we are going to start finding out things in the next chapter? So that may not apply to you :)
In terms of advice, I don't really have much to say about this. The writing was excellent, and it's still very early days so there isn't much I can say about the plot.
I really enjoyed it and will definitely read the next chapter when it's up.
--Nellie =DAuthor's Response: Seriously, no worry about the wait! It was well worth it!
I'm so glad you liked it and are considering reading the upcoming chapters! :) I find not giving things away very difficult as I have a tendancy to rush stories - I'm trying to get the balance right this time! :D
I'm glad you liked the descriptions - it's rather hard for me not to babble on about blue teapots and woolen hats etc. Hopefully I'll keep the balance right with this too!
Thanks so much! :) Report Review
how far into the future ie after book 7 is this ?
a couple of clues would have been nice
is she old now or why she is obviously alongAuthor's Response: It's about ... 10-15 years after the finaal battle, but I was going to reveal all details later on in the story - the main climax is what happened between the end of school and the present, so I can't give anything away just yet! :)
Thanks for the review! Report Review
Well, this is very interesting.
I like the little flashback- It helped to establish the relationship between all of the main characters at that time... also, it added a little bit of needed cheer. When things get depressing, the best thing to do is to add some happiness in there.
I'm a little confused about what happened to everyone, but as it is still the first chapter, there isn't much I can say about it... I'm sorry I couldn't be more helpful.
Your spelling and grammar are fine, don't worry about them.
So, yeah, not much to say... post on the thread when the next chapter comes out, it'll be interesting to see where this goes.
Overall Grade: E
-RiniAuthor's Response: Wow an E! :D Perhaps I can boost the grade even further in future chapters!
I'm glad you liked the flashback, and I'm pretty sure there're more to come later on.
Thanks! Report Review
The first five paragraphs are absolutely beautiful. There was one word missing from a sentence and one extra letter in a word. But it was perfection.
There are a couple of lines in that first section that were so pure, just from the heart. They really were beautiful. They really are.
I finished the first section and I was so close to tears. You have got the emotion and the wording down to perfection. Although you haven't given much away, you don't need to. You get a faint idea of what has happened, but you don't care about anything else in that first section, all you want is to delve deep under Hermione's skin and share how she is feeling.
The only negative thing I have to say about the second section is that I think the first two paragraphs seemed a bit rushed. They were setting the scene perfectly, but I think it may have been the punctuation, or the wording that made them rush a bit. Apart from that, the rest of the flashback is, it's just, perfect!
I'm sorry, I am really over-using that word in this review, but it is one of the only words I can think of that genuinally compliments this story!
And what can I say about the very last paragraph? It is just so, wow. It is, once again, perfect.
Author's Response: Wow. Seriously. Wow.
You have no idea what that review means to me. I have started a second chapter - which I think is slightly better than this one, so here's to hoping you'll agree!
I'm going to edit the whole thing as soon as I can, which should take care of the mistakes and rushed feeling.
Thank you so much! :) x x x Report Review
this was really well written
i liked the element of suspense
cant wait for you to update
(ps you might like the fic im writing at the moment, r+r?)Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it so much! I will check out your story when I can. At the moment I'm kind of busy ... I have stories to finish, homework to do and a review thread to attend to ... do you have an account on the forums? If you do request a review telling me you were the person leaving this review, and I will (eventually) get to yours. Thanks for the review! Report Review
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