Hey there! :) I read this story yesterday and liked it so much that I couldn't stop and gobbled up every chapter. That's saying something from me, haha. And now I've come back to review!
I think you've done a really good job so far. The way you wrote the characters is very well done. The Next Gen children all of their own personalities, which is refreshing to see. Haha, I love some are being kind of bratty, some are being sweet, etc. And Teddy's frustration with all of them and his frustration toward his uncle Harry...it's a bit extreme, but you made it believable.
I love mysteries, and I'm really excited to play the who-dunnit game with this one. I'm jealous of you for coming up with such a creative and adorable storyline, where Teddy and the kids are making up the story. The way you've executed this so far is awesome.
And, as I have read ahead already (will most likely review other chapters sometime, too), I can already say that this story is funny and gripping. You should write more comedy-mysteries.
I wonder who did it...hmmm...*taps chin thoughtfully*
Guess I'll just have to keep on reading to find out! :D
Keep up the great work and take care, *high-fives abound*
Sarah < 3Author's Response: Wow! Thank you very much! This story has been sitting on the backburner for me, so it's a great surprise and pleasure to review a review for it, especially such a positive and encouraging one. ^_^
It's great that you like the characters in this. It was my first time writing the next-gen, so I was reaching out blindly to capture them. Teddy is iffy in this story, I agree. I still find him difficult to write, maybe because he's a Metamorphagus - that'll be my excuse. :P I'll remember to be careful with his temper/frustration in the coming chapters.
The mystery in this is so mysterious that even I don't know who did it yet. :S It's hard to decide who to make the killer without making it too obvious or too ridiculous. But it's a fun story to write, and I'm very glad that you like how it's gone so far.
Thank you very much for reading and reviewing! It means a huge amount to hear from you! ^_^ Report Review
cant wait til the next chapter love it!!Author's Response: Thank you very much! :D Glad you're enjoying it so far! Report Review
This is amazing! It's really cleverly written and I can't wait to find out what happens next!Author's Response: Wow, thank you very much! It's wonderful that you think so. ^_^ Report Review
Loved this story within a story, please write more!Author's Response: Thank you! I'll try to write more, though it's hard to keep the plot going - I can't decide who I want the killer to be! XD Report Review
Oh no! What is going to happen? I have loved reading every single moment so far! I honestly can't wait for more! I love the way Draco reasons things out, but he is also one step behind all the time. I also like how the group and Teddy all have moments of input. Those are great moments of relif. I can't wait to read what happens next! Keep up the great work and please update soon! XDAuthor's Response: Poor Draco, he is always a step behind, and it must be frustrating for him. But he'll pull through, you'll see. ;) Snape can't figure out everything, after all.
It's great that you like the interruptions. They really help break up the story while writing, especially when I get into a tougher part of the chapter. :)
Thank you very much for reading and reviewing! I'm so glad that you're enjoying the story! :D Report Review
no no no no NO! why cant they just use the stuff on him then they'd know he was telling the truth! *GR* ive always hated snape! ! ! i think he did it but that would be obivous it cant be neville or could it. . . . . no cause its neville and he saw draco and came after the person did that dray had saw. . . . . it wasnt hagrid, or draco. . . . so who could it be? well for that we really need to know who was there at the time and they have to find out what type of message: verbal, written or Patronous. . .. . Was it cho chang? ? ? and what up with the rug?
hahaha sorry about the rant. . . . .i got really into it its a great story.! ! keep up the really good work.!
10/10Author's Response: They preferred being cruel to Draco. I doubt that Snape will actually get permission to use Veritaserum, unless he does it sneakily like Umbridge did in OotP. ;) There's still a lot of unanswered questions, as you've found. XD I like the idea of using Cho Chang, though that would be nasty - hopefully I'll be able to come up with something similarly clever. ;)
Thanks very much for reading and reviewing! It's fantastic that you're enjoying this story! :D Report Review
hagrid cant have done it! ! ! ! ! ! ! !did he? ? ? ?
ps love the story
DevAuthor's Response: He might have. *looks mysterious* Or not. :P
Thank you very much! I'm glad you're enjoying the story! :D Report Review
ouuu i like this game its like clue! ! ! !Author's Response: Yes, it is a lot like Clue at times. :D Thanks very much! Report Review
omg i think snape did it !Author's Response: Really? Well, he does have a motive, doesn't he? XD
Thanks again! Report Review
oh no they are really good at this game does teddy know who did it cause i think hes making it up as he goes along.Author's Response: He is making it up, haha! And so am I. :P
Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
New chapter, sweet. I wanted to read it sooner but my comp was being a butt again. Anyway, awesome chapter as usual Susan. The next gen characters are brilliant as always and Albus is still my fav. Hmm. So it wasn't Hagrid and someone sent a message to him to get him to come back to the castle. Hmm. I got no idea who it could possibly be. I look forward to the next chapter, shoot, the rest of the story and finding out who did it!Author's Response: Aww, sorry about your computer, Lee. They're always such a pain, as much as they're addicting. >.< But there's no reason to apologize at all. It's wonderful that you've come back to review this story! :D
Albus is still my favourite too. He's a bit cliched in this one as the bookworm/nerdy character, but it's fun to characterize him that way for some reason. ;) As for the story itself, things are coming together slowly, but hopefully it'll all work out. I need to think a bit more about where I want the story to go.
Anyway, thank you very much for reading and reviewing! It's always great to hear from you! :D Report Review
Hurray, an update! My evil upon evil plan worked!! haha!
So I loved this update! I especially loved the kid's comments on Snape's robes, and how you described them as the vampire wings of a bat or something like that. It was very well, done. I loved how the kids also questioned if snape's robes were always like that. They are often described that way, aren't they?
I also like the exchanges between Draco and Snape. It's very authentic. Snape seems so sneaky (wow alliteration) in the way that he already "knows" that the cloak isn't up in the tower.
What a well thought out mystery! I do wonder who the killer is, and I can't even dignify this story with a guess because it will be horribly wrong! Once again, as always, I am completely enamored with your writing style and your dedication to detail!
Thanks again for updating your story, I really appreciate the time you took to write this chapter, and you've done a brilliant job, as always. Also, sorry it took so long for me to come leave a review!!
-AshAuthor's Response: Yes, yes, the evil plan made the gears in my head start going again... or rather made me feel guilty for half-abandoning this story. One of those two. :P
There are accidentally two comments on Snape's robes, which I didn't notice until finishing the chapter. But since there was a lot of Snape in this chapter, it seemed to fit that he'd be the one that the kids would focus most on. And the books do describe him in that way a lot - it's funny how many times he's referred to as a vampire. XD
It's great that Snape and Draco are coming along well as characters. The Slytherin perspective is lots of fun to write, but I was worried that I was exaggerating both of them too much, making Snape too Snape-ish and Draco too much the spoiled rich kid. So I'm glad that you like both of them here. :D
Haha, I haven't decided who to make the murderer yet, so you're quite welcome to guess. It might give me a good idea. I'm playing with one right now, but I'm not sure if it will work out at all.
Anyway, thank you very much for reviewing this! It really meant a lot that you had recommended this over the site podcast. I couldn't believe that you'd liked it that much! ^_^ Report Review
Oh. My. God.
You have no idea how happy I was when I saw you had posted in the Chapter Updates thread at TGS! Its been months! I'm so happy you've updated this amazing story, Susan.
This just gets more and more mysterious as it goes on! Your characterisation of Snape is absolutely perfect, you have his character down to a tee. He's everything he should be, sarcastic, cruel, cynical, and it's always a delight to read your Snape, because he is exactly as he should be, and I cannot commend you enough for that, he's such a difficult character to write!
This story just gets more and more interesting. I honestly cannot think who could have killed Harry! Certainly nobody seems to be exhibiting the signs of a psychopath yet (:P). I really have absolutely no idea who could have killed him, which is magnificent in terms of story-telling, but it's frustrating for the reader x)
The little snippets of Teddy and the kids are also brilliant. They take us away from the main plot for a minute, in which we get so immersed, and remind us that this is all just a story told by somebody else.
(Oh, and I'm sorry I'm taking so long to reply to your reviews, Susan! I'm finding it difficult to reply to reviews at the minute, sorry! >_Author's Response: Six months, to be exact. I was worried that it had been longer. But wow, you are fast in getting in here to review, and I'm thankful for it. :D It's not the kind of romance story that usually attracts people on here, so every review this gets is even more lovely than usual. ^_^
So anyway, I'm really glad that you liked how Snape turned out in this. I worked extra hard to get his voice just right - watching HBP twice helped with that a lot, since Snape thankfully had a good number of lines. He has a very distinct way of speaking, particularly with his diction. I was thinking that, if this story isn't going to be very serious, I could at least make the characters spot on to canon. Granted, it is an exaggerated canon Snape, but it means a lot that you like him here. :D
I do have an idea as to who killed Harry, but I'm still debating how it actually played out. Was it actually cold blooded murder, or an accident? Of course, I could go with the really cruel of idea of never actually revealing the killer because the parents come home before Teddy finishes. But that would be very cruel. XD
Thank you very much for reviewing, Liam! I really appreciate it! :D Report Review
Okay, so I did hear LovlyRita plug your story on the podcast, but it was in my favorites before, I just haven't reviewed yet. d: So here I am, to tell you how amazing you are, and how I'm jealous I don't your skills, and to poke you and say that I wouldn't mind an update. d: I've every intention to read some more of your stuff, and I'm trying to get in the habit of reviewing more, so you might see me again.
I LOVE Teddy and all the kids, and their cute interruptions, especially Lily's. I like the entire concept of Draco being his own detective. So far it's impossible to tell who the killer is, but as the story moves along I'm going to be making guesses left and right!
Keep writing, Violet! This is fantastic!Author's Response: Haha, okay. :P It's wonderful that the podcast made you come back to review (it was wonderful advertising!), and I'm so glad to hear that you like this story.
I'm trying to get together the ideas for an update, perhaps starting with the kids complaining that Teddy has taken too long a break for dinner. XD Those sections of the story - the interruptions - are the best parts to write because they're so easy to slip in when I'm having trouble writing. They make up a running commentary of the story, and that helps a lot with the writing process.
Anyway, thank you very much for coming to read and review this! :D Report Review
Incredible. Really, and truly incredible. I've been meaning to read this for a while now, and now, I am so happy that I did. : ) The idea is original, and I was engrossed. Didn't want it to end! I can't wait for your next update!
~GretaAuthor's Response: You listened to the podcast didn\\\'t you? :P Guess I\\\'ll have to thank Rita for this, haha, but I thank you as well for coming to read and review this! I really appreciate that you did! It\\\'s wonderful to hear that you enjoyed the story so far.
Hopefully I\\\'ll get some more inspiration to write and finish it. :) There actually aren\\\'t that many chapters to go, as Teddy\\\'s only babysitting for a limited time. ;) Report Review
I love this, Susan! It's so original and well thought out. And I love the interruptions from the kiddos. The title of the story draws you in before you even open the story page! It's gripping, really. And even though its a murder mystery of sorts, it's still hilarious in places. I've needed to read a good story lately to put my faith back in fan fiction after all those hours in the queue, and this certainly has done it for me. Bravo! You're a rock star! :)
-AshAuthor's Response: Eek! A staffer! *hides*
It's awesome to have received a review from you, Ash, thank you so much! :D I'm so happy you checked out this story and enjoyed it, and even more so, that it made you like fanfiction a bit more again. ^_^ It's a story I need to get back into writing, if only for the next-gen kid's interruptions - those are the best part of the story to write! Report Review
it cannot be Hagrid. absolutely not. have it be neville...please! hagrid is too good to haev this happen. neville or snape would be ideal for me.Author's Response: Haha, not Hagrid? That would be a bit... odd to make him the killer, that's for sure. XD
Thank you for reading and reviewing! Report Review
I love things like this (csi, bones, NCIS) and mixed with HP it's even better :)
Can't wait for the next chapter!
Jess XxAuthor's Response: Haha, I love those shows as well. It's always a surprise that there aren't more HP mystery fanfics out there (I'd love to read them!).
Anyway, thank you very much for reading and reviewing! ^_^ I'm glad that you're enjoying the story. Report Review
Great again! Good stuff, once again. I loved it. Especially:
"Draco hummed a little tune aloud, walking to the rhythm of the song. What was it? Not the Weird Sisters. He didnít like them much. He didnít really like any music. So why was he humming?"
I do that ALL the TIME. Loved it.
Just one thing though: If Malfoy's a wizard, wouldn't he have slipped on a quil? I don't think there would be a pencil there...
Other than that, though, fantastic, fantastic job! Loved it!
10/10Author's Response: Haha, I do that too. :P It seemed like a fun way to make Draco more human, and add some humour at the same time.
Oops. Did I include a pencil? Perhaps one of the muggleborns dropped it. *looks ominous* ;)
Thank you for taking the time to read and review! Report Review
Oh, wow. What a wonderful first chapter! The characterization of everybody is great. I love how Teddy's hair changes color. :) Anyway, great stuff, here. Nice start.
- RinAuthor's Response: Thank you very much! It was a challenge to get the kids characterized right - their own individuals, yet similar enough to their parents to be recognizable. I hope you enjoy the rest of the story! :) Report Review
Intense mystery and the first prime suspect is here! Hmmm... Hagrid? Well, of course Draco would first blame someone who isn't pure blood and all. :D
I loved this chapter. Teddy (lol) is getting more and more into the story. There is gore, mystery, fainting even! haha I love it! Poor kids, and poor Lily!
Amazing! Was this seriously a filler?? Hmmm... I didn't notice! :PAuthor's Response: So it's not filler-esque? That's great, because I was worried about this chapter. It didn't seem like it had enough to it. :/ But I was wrong (usually am with telling how good a chapter/story is), which is a good thing. :P
Thank you very much for taking the time to read and review! I'm really glad that you enjoyed this chapter. ^_^ Report Review
You wrote this in a state of near writer's block? Really? It's my favourite chapter so far! The game's afoot! ^_^
I liked Lily's reaction. She seemed like a small child who'd just had a very bad nightmare. I can totally imagine that happening. Just having her scream and break down, thinking that her dad was dead.
It can't be Hagrid though. I mean, seriously, even Draco couldn't suspect Hagrid.
Then again, there are probably a few more people left in Hogwarts than we actually know about.
This is so interesting.Author's Response: *hides* Yes, empty-headed stories like this do work to get the words coming again. It was a horrible essay-induced block. But, I'm very glad that you like this chapter best. ^_^ This story is tricky to write, and it's good to know that it's getting better as it goes along. :P
Lily's going to be the one who has the most trouble with the story/reality divide, even though she is already 10+ years old. With everything being "all well" in the world, she doesn't know or understand death very well at all.
lol! Draco's willing to suspect anyone. :P He's that desperate to clear his own name, though you're right that Hagrid killing Harry would be difficult to fathom.
Thank you very much for the review! ^_^ Report Review
Ooh, this is getting really interesting. Unfortunately I had to go to bed last night before I could finish reading the first five chapters, I was too tired ^_^
This chapter was definitely the best. I can't help but think that Harry was killed by somebody close to him. I doubt Neville, but it's always a possibility. Aha.
Your descriptions are just fantastic. Their straight to the point and enjoyable to read. They really set the scene, and I could imagine with perfect clarity everything that was going on in this chapter.
At first, even though I liked the idea of this being a story told to a bunch of kids, I was unsure of it. But now I'm glad that it is, because I think certain elements of this story, like the autopsy on Harry's body, would be too far-fetched if it wasn't told that way.
But this is a great story. It's a true mystery.
10/10Author's Response: The best? That's great to hear, thank you! ^_^ It shows that maybe I'm getting into this story more than I feel like I am, or at least that I'm understanding how I want to this story to work. Anyways, Neville was a strong possibility at first, but it would be way too OOC to make him the killer - he does make an interesting suspect, though. :P We'll see what Draco and Teddy do for him in coming chapters.
Definitely having the kids around creates extra wiggle-room in terms of plot and presentation. You're right that the story would be very out there without the frame of this being a story told to a bunch of pre-teens. ;)
Thank you very much for the review. All of your reviews are wonderful to receive - you manage to touch on so many important points to the story, which helps me in my planning process for future chapters. ^_^ Report Review
Gah, I'm so tired. But I'm forcing myself to read this now, I have to read it before I go to bed ^_^
It's getting more and more interesting all the time. I like how you're deliberately making the chapters short, it makes the story alot more suspenseful. And even if it isn't intentional, I still like it ^_^
Your characterisation of Snape and Dumbledore is spot on. Totally fantastic. It's just the kind of things they would say, and I love it.
I love your descriptions aswell. Their just ... woah ^_^
And I think it's great how you don't reveal how things happen (like Draco being caught) but have the kids making up what happens as they go along, it makes for a very entertaining read.
I'm jealous of how you write so well, I really am ^_^
394593430320450/10Author's Response: The shorter chapters are intentional, both because it's easier on me and because it works for the genre, like you said, creating suspense. It's wonderful that you like that and the characterizations. For some reason, Dumbledore is not that hard to write for in this story, same with Snape. Maybe it's because I'm not writing too deeply into their characters, adding my own stuff, but who knows. ;) I'm just really happy that you like it.
And that bit about having the kids figure things out is rather lazy on my part. :P It looks impressive, but really it's just me trying to get out of intricate plotting. But if you think it's great, then of course I meant to do it. All part of the plan. 0;-)
Thank you very much! Your reviews are wonderfully uplifting to read. ^_^ Report Review
This story is better than I'd actually imagined, and believe me, I imagined it to be pretty good.
I love how you've got the kids interupting Teddy. It seemed very real, and it reminded me of a younger me where my parents would tell me stories and I'd constantly interrupt them asking about it. Aha ^_^
I don't get how Rose calls Ginny mum, but she calls Ron father. I just don't get that. I'm not insulting your work, I'm really not, I'm just curious and a tad confused.
I liked Neville, as well, I have to admit. Yeah, I really did like Neville, he was written very well, even if he was only in it for the last part of the chapter. It reminded me of the GoF film where he's like "Oh my God, I killed Harry Potter."
I wonder why Harry wasn't on the train though.
That's strange ...
10/10♥Author's Response: *queen of inconsistency* Will fix the Rose thing for sure! Thanks for pointing it out. =D
Better than you imagined, eh? That's great to hear! The prologue doesn't reflect how the actual story will turn out, someone else mentioned the differences between prologue and story before. Flipping back and forth between Teddy and the mystery is fun to write - it started as an experiment, but came to be one of the most important parts of the story. :D
That line of Neville's was in mind when I started writing this. It totally made the GoF movie!
Thanks again for reviewing! ^_^ Report Review
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