Cute story, but I agree with the one who said it was too fast moving. I think if you didn't rush it and took yourself a little better time to explore the characters and the plot generally, it could be really interesting. You should never be in a rush when telling a story, it never turns out for the better ;) You could easily have written 10-15 chapters more with a little effort, and your story would definitely not suffer from it.
I didn't like that you borrowed so much from the Titanic movie in the James/Mia storyline either, the idea is good and to come up with original plotlines shouldn't be that hard.
But keep writing, though, you show promise in many of your stories, including this one :)Author's Response: Thank you for your constructive critisism. If you check the dates, you'll see that I actually wrote this quite awhile ago. I've considered rewriting this story, but just haven't felt up to it. My other work has improved greatly, if I do say so myself. Report Review
That was super good!!! It migt have been better if it wasnt as fast moving though!!Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you like it despite that! Report Review
i really liked the story!!! it was really sweet and sad. Rose/Jack will live on in a whole new way threw James/Mia, and Scorpius/RoseAuthor's Response: Thanks! I'm really glad you liked it! Report Review
This story has changed a lot in nine chapters. Hhehe. But anyway. I knew Sophie had something to do with the story!Author's Response: Haha, yeah I did have a purpose with Sophie Report Review
I had no idea that was going to happen. I love it though, but the grandma could be a little more emotional.Author's Response: Yeah, after re-reading that I'd agree with you. I think I was kind of going for her putting on a strong face for Sophie, you know? Report Review
I am starting to get goosebumps.Author's Response: Thanks for the review Report Review
Oh shit is the exact statement i would say too!Author's Response: Haha, yeah. Report Review
I like it, but the only problem with this is that it is moving too fast. At least for me it is. I think it is more teenagey love then rose/jack love was. If you get what I'm saying?Author's Response: Yeah, I do. I'm glad you like it though. I've been working on my writing a lot over the past couple of years, and the pace of stories has been something I've worked on. Report Review
It is getting better.Author's Response: Thanks for the review Report Review
Wow... Good job.. I missed what class mia is in?Author's Response: Thanks. I think second, but I'm not sure. I wrote this a while ago.. Report Review
I think that you left out some details, but I still like it. If this wasn't already completed I would tell you to put more details in it though. how did the waiter person know that they were in third class? they could have well been in second right?Author's Response: Yeah, I know what you mean. Report Review
I really liked it, but yes it was rushed, but i still love this idea. If you know what I mean. Harry potter character on the Titanic.Author's Response: Yeah, I think if were to re-write this now I'd be able to do alot better. I think I wrote this like two years ago, so... Report Review
Very nice story. I loved how you entwined the Titanic story in there. I also enjoyed having Mia come back to life, well reincarnate in her great neice, and still fall in love with James. Very nice way of putting it all together. The only thing that I found to criticize would be a few gramatical errors such as the usage of "you're" instead of "your". Other than that very nice story.Author's Response: Yeah, I realize that's been an error I've had in a lot of my stories, but in the time since I wrote this I've improved quite a lot.
Otherwise I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
nice story glad u commited 2 finishing it lolAuthor's Response: Thanks, and I'm glad you commited to reading it, lol. Report Review
okay i liked the bit with the chick that was related to mia that was a good ideaAuthor's Response: Thanks, glad you liked that part, I actually almost cut it out. Report Review
sorry hate to be a bitch but i hated that chapter it was stupid mia died though that was a plus no offenseAuthor's Response: Everyone's entitled to their own opinion, I guess. Report Review
im sorry but i think mia and james are stupidAuthor's Response: It's okay. They're not the most loveable couple I've ever written about to say the least. Report Review
ah ha! now it gets goodAuthor's Response: yep.
Thanks for reading. Report Review
hmmm...rose scorpious good james mia badAuthor's Response: If you think about it, it's not even really Mia's fault. Just James, really. Report Review
gr james in big trouble.Author's Response: Thanks for reading. Report Review
im not liking this mia...james is annoying 2 lolAuthor's Response: Mia's just...a danger to all of their lives, I think that's why most people don't like her. And James is a stupid boy who fell for a girl. Report Review
yer this stories cool cept i dont gte the separation and having luggage and tickets...still good though lol silly james just lik his grandpaAuthor's Response: I guess that's one of those things I didn't completely think through all the way :(
Thanks for reading! Report Review
o titanic this cud be trouble lolAuthor's Response: Yep.
Thanks for reading! Report Review
Interesting idea but very confusing. Why can they get a timeturner? Where was it? Why would it not be in the DoM? It just doesn't make any sense. It wouldhave been better if one of their parents were using it for work and they nicked it. They could have been near where the titanic launched anyway and have decided to go. They also wouldn't have had to have known that it would crash. Really, they've all grown up in the magic world, the titanic wouldn't be common knowledge.
The class prediciment is interesting, but having all girls 1st class is a bit odd. Why not have them all a different class?
They also act a bit oddly. Their characters aren't padded out very well.
Also, James falling in "love" so fast is just plain weird. There is no progression, no interest first... Let alone the other reaction to it. So he likes a girl, why is everyone going so nuts over it? It doesn't mean diddly squat, why would Rose want to wake someone up, is she really so impulsize. Does she really have such little control?
Your characters just seem too emotive, so over the top that it feels unbelievable.Author's Response: You raise some interesting points. It feels like so long ago I wrote this and I feel like it's so different from the way I write now, because now I write original stuff and I'm much happier with it. Report Review
I think the story was just amazing - although there were some repetitive bits in the middle. All the characters were great and the plot was a twist and very interesting I enjoyed it, I also liked the fact that there were the original children, there aren't many stories with them in them. So your story is totally original and I LOVED it! keep writing stuff, and im adding this story to favourites 10/10!Author's Response: Thanks so much! It means a lot that you like it. I know that some of it was kinda repetative, but yeah. Thanks! Report Review
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