Reading Reviews for Entwined Destinies
  
10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Sammy23 William and Aurora

24th November 2008:
Hello. - Here to review.

This is a very nice start to a story I think. You seem to have all the characters pretty much spot on and the fact that it's set after the war and is canon compliant makes it much easir for me personally to read.

It also seems like quite an intresting story. A way of mixing 2 era's without the need for a broken timeturner or some other crazy time travel idea. It also doesn't give too much away about where it's heading or what will happen which is quite nice as well.

The only suggestion I have is to make the chapters longer. Although there is a nice mix of description and dialogue, some parts feel rushed and cut off all of a sudden. I think maybe adding a little more to each chapter will make them feel a bit more complete.

7.5/10

Happy Writing :D

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Review #2, by Jinny The Ancient Story

11th May 2008:
You're talented when it comes to writing, very. Love this story already.

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Review #3, by Padfoot36 The Ancient Story

17th March 2008:
Who it sounds like a good story... Quick note: You forgot the N in Ancient. I'm really excited for the coming chapters, your building up the suspense rather well. ^-^

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Review #4, by OvergrownEden9 Fate Steps In

16th March 2008:
Really good, again. The lack of commas is evidant, but, again, it doesn't make it unreadable. Parts seems a little rushed; you could expand.

Like : "Once again Ron and Hermione barely spoke with each other since the awkward night in the kitchen. They both desperately wanted to, but they didn't have much time as they were trying to look after the Weasley's and many other guests that arrived."

You could have shown that, instead of stating it.

E again, I think. :)

LOVE the banner, by the way.

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Review #5, by OvergrownEden9 The Begining of the End

16th March 2008:
Really well written. Sorry it's taken me soo long to review! The grammer is a bit dodgy in places, but nothing that make it even a little unreadable. Some comma's are a bit off.

I'm intrigued. I like it. Good characterization.

I'd give it an E atm, considering the grammar - that's really good, btw. I've only given a handful of people over an A :) x

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Review #6, by crazy4fred2 Fate Steps In

14th March 2008:
Nice Story! All the characters were in character and I always enjoy a R/H fic. :)

I do have a few critiques though:

There are a few typos scattered about.

In dialogue that you want to follow with a description (such as he said she said) You always want to end the dialouge with a comma (unless it's a question or an exclamation)
For example: "Hey," Ron said nonchalantly.

Describe more: how is the forest eerie?

The nickname 'Mione is sort of cliched. I think she would like Hermione better personally.

I don't think they would have fallen for each other at the same time. Maybe one liked the other starting their 4th year or second.

Your romantic moments are believable and realistic. Keep up the good work!

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Review #7, by hogwarts_witch Fate Steps In

11th March 2008:
Okay, first of all I would like to mention that you have a lot of spelling, punctuation, and grammer mistakes in this chapter. You should really go back and read through it and fix them :)

Also there were a few sentences that seemed to be missing a word or two such as this one:
"The Harry loved the most about the Wealsey's"
-I think you left out the word 'thing', which isn't anything too major to worry about, but it would look better if you went back and made the correction.

Besides those things, the chapter was pretty good. The flow of all the events seemed to go pretty well, and I really liked the fact that you seemed to keep every one inside their character. Anyway, fantastic job. I can't wait to see what you are going to do with this story! 7/10

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Review #8, by hogwarts_witch The Begining of the End

11th March 2008:
Very interesting story so far! The overall structure of the chapter was pretty good, but there were a few mistakes or rather things that could be reworded here and there. For example:

"The man walked over and picked up an old book. He gently opened the book."
-Personally I thought that these two sentences could be combined together. Keeping them seperate makes it seem sort of choppy, so I suggest just rewording them so it goes something like 'The man walked over and picked up an old book then gently opened it.' Or something of the sort.

Also I noticed that in the begining of the story, where the man finds the journal, you happen to say the word book a lot. Like almost seven or eight times. So I think that you should somehow go back and delete some of the times you mention the word book. I got sort of annoyed reading the word over and over again.

Um, there were a few grammer and punctuation mistakes scattered throughout the story, but they were nothing really serious to worry about.

Anyway, like I mentioned before, the overall structure of this chapter was pretty good, but it could use some work. It was, however, a very interesting story :) Can't wait to read more. 8/10

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Review #9, by Avanell 2 Fate Steps In

23rd February 2008:
Awesome update!!! I almost missed noting that one of my favorites was updated! Oh, why can't those two just get their time alone without any interruptions?

Author's Response: Haha yeah I know eh? Well I must build that suspense up, never fear Ron and Hermione will have some happiness... then some unhappiness ;P. I'll be updating soon, and getting a banner soon

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Review #10, by Avanell 2 The Begining of the End

14th February 2008:
Awesome beginning...I just want more now!!! Can't wait for the story to develop, as well as Ron and Hermione's relationship ;)

Author's Response: Aww thanks soo much I've been thinking about this story for a while now, and I'm just really excited for everything to develop too :)

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