34 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Ment_2_b Death Tolls and Unfinished Business

5th May 2008:
Ermm... WOW!

love it XD

please update?

lovelove
x-Ment_2_B-x

Author's Response: Thanks a bunch!

Cheers,Lily


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Review #2, by apAidan Death Tolls and Unfinished Business

1st May 2008:
nicely begun. you've done a good job setting the stage for your tale. I'm looking forward to seeing how the story progresses.

Author's Response: It's progressed into abandoment :P Sorry!

Lily xx


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Review #3, by xxbelliexx Death Tolls and Unfinished Business

1st May 2008:
evidently... i like that word... i think your style is really JKRish. it makes it really beleivable.

Author's Response: Oh my, that's insanely high praise!

Thanks,
Lily


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Review #4, by xxbelliexx Awakening and Guilt Trips

1st May 2008:
aww! this is so cute!

Author's Response: Thank you :D

Lily xx


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Review #5, by slytherensangel26 Death Tolls and Unfinished Business

8th April 2008:
this was great...even though it was really sad.

nice job!

Author's Response: Thanks a bunch!! :)

Hugs, Lily


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Review #6, by C D johnson Death Tolls and Unfinished Business

25th March 2008:
Dear Lily,

You didn't tell me this was up! Anyway its a good job I checked your page :) This is absolutley wonderful, the way it was written made me feel as if I was actually their with the Weasley Family and the Trio, I mean it, it was like I was actually there! I felt so sorry for the Weasley's! You have a wonderful style of writing that flows perfectley. Well done Lily! A 10/10 for sure!

I really can't wait to read chapter four, you've got me hooked on this wonderful story! By any chance have you checked out my novel lately? I have just recentley submitted chapter 20, and I can tell you, its a long one! However it is still in the queue at this moment, but it should'nt be long before you can read it. Looking forward, to your opinion on chapter 20 when it's validated!

Keep in touch!

Yours Magically,

Craig

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Review #7, by rosai_gryffindor Death Tolls and Unfinished Business

23rd March 2008:
fantastic chapter! :D i thought you wrote it very well, it had a very tight, strong feel to it, professional almost! i know what i am thinking, i have been re-reading the hp series back to back, and am on DH at the moment. this chapter and this story's style is completely in sync with that, meaning you are writing as well as rowling was! i think you handled the emotion and grief of the situation really well, writing it so that the reader can really see it in the mind's eye. mrs weasley hugging harry like that was just how i would expect her to be, and the same for harry comforting ginny...

and the descriptions of the damaged great hall were wonderfully written, as was the broken tomb of Dumbledore, and the way harry, ron and hermione repared it, putting the wand back in its rightful place.

all in all extremely well written! you may have struggled with the chapter (and sorry about not helping you when you sent me what you had and i promised id help then didnt, i was rather busy and nothing came to mind when i read it over!) but it was worth the wait and the careful thinking as to what happens, the result has been brilliant!

update soon!!!

Rose :)

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Review #8, by Rivertail Death Tolls and Unfinished Business

18th March 2008:
very well done!
your use of emotions is so incredible that I almost found myself blinking back tears with Harry as he sealed the tome.

like I said, very well done.

Author's Response: Thanks for the praise, Rivertail!

Huggles, Lily


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Review #9, by dumbledorefluertwins Death Tolls and Unfinished Business

18th March 2008:
Your dialogue is still wrong!!

Here, I'll explain everything for you. :)

When a character speaks, we must seperate the dialogue from the rest of the sentence, so that it is clear that they are speaking. This does not, however, mean that the dialogue is seperate to the sentence - I'll come onto that later.

When we seperate, we must use quotation marks. You can either use these quotation marks: "dialogue" or these ones: 'dialogue'

Most people use 'dialogue' but it's really up to you. Now, as I said before, you are not splitting the sentence up, just making it clear that this is the part of the sentence where the character speaks. This means that you must have a piece of punctuation at the end of the dialogue, but BEFORE the quotation marks. If you have he/she/Harry said after the speech, then you must put a comma. If you put he/she/Harry said BEFORE the speech, or you don't have it at all, then you must use a full stop/period. Of course, other forms of punctuation such as question marks and exclamation marks can be used, but you get the picture. So, here are the speech errors in this chapter corrected for you:

"Let him breathe, Mum," he heard Ginny’s voice say in the distance.

“Hey, Gin (btw, I hate that nickname! It's so cliche and has no basis in canon - it's an alcoholic drink, for Petes sake!), please stop crying, I know it’s hard but we’ll get through this!Together!” (It's still Harry saying it, so there is no break in speech marks needed. :) )

That's it. :) The rest was correct, well done.

This is a really good start, and the rest of your grammar is okay, it's just the dialogue you need to work on. I strongly advise getting a beta. If you want, I will beta for you. Just contact me through my authors page if you're interested, I'm PI acreddited.

~Evie

Author's Response: Thank you so much Evie, your tips have improved my writing permanently. shame on me not responding to this super-helpful review sooner!

Cheers,
Lily


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Review #10, by higgins Awakening and Guilt Trips

18th March 2008:
ah
Plz keep writing lol
its great

Author's Response: Thank you, I will!
Hugs, Lily


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Review #11, by higgins Victory, Gratitude and Promises

18th March 2008:
Cool
good cliff hanger
i havnt really got the hang of them yet
well done
check out my story(unfinished tho)

Author's Response: thanks higgins, I will!

Lily :)


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Review #12, by buff802y Death Tolls and Unfinished Business

18th March 2008:
Good chapter. I would have liked a little more interaction with Harry and the Weasleys, but understand what writer's block can do to you. All in all a good chapter. Can't wait to see your next chapter.

Author's Response: The block for this story is officially permanent, I have better stories now though!

Lily xx


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Review #13, by Marc Awakening and Guilt Trips

17th March 2008:
So far so good. Could you add in a little more descriptive information. It may help the story flow a little smoother. I like the info so far.

Author's Response: Thanks Marc, I will!
Hugs, Lily


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Review #14, by Lily Marie Evans Potter Death Tolls and Unfinished Business

17th March 2008:
my FAVE chapter so far!:)

Author's Response: I DID NOT REVIEW MY OWN STORY! THIS FRIEND IN AMERICA HAS NO ACCOUNT!


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Review #15, by Lily Marie Evans Potter Awakening and Guilt Trips

17th March 2008:
yea really really nice

Author's Response: I DID NOT REVIEW MY OWN STORY! THIS FRIEND IN AMERICA HAS NO ACCOUNT!


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Review #16, by Lily Marie Evans Potter Victory, Gratitude and Promises

17th March 2008:
wow this is a really good chapter i cant wait 2 c wat happens Next!

Author's Response: I DID NOT REVIEW MY OWN STORY! THIS FRIEND IN AMERICA HAS NO ACCOUNT!

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Review #17, by HarrysBuckbeak11 Awakening and Guilt Trips

6th March 2008:
Nice chapter, love where the story is headed, can not Wait for the next installment. Hurry plz.
100/10

Author's Response: Wow! Thanks for the super rating, I'll write as fast as possible!

Lily M.E Potter


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Review #18, by Icy Awakening and Guilt Trips

6th March 2008:
oh no!! why did you leave it there??!!! i want to know more1!!! yopu left me crying!!! write soon!

Author's Response: Don't worry, i'm workingon chapter 3 as we speak! Thanks for reviewing!

Hugs, Lily


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Review #19, by ginny4eva Awakening and Guilt Trips

5th March 2008:
wow 100 chapters? I think that this story is really good and I would write real reviews if I wasn't in class at the present moment.

Author's Response: Hey Ginny,
It's good enough for me that you reviewed at all and that you like it!

Huggles, Lily


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Review #20, by ginny4eva Victory, Gratitude and Promises

5th March 2008:
that is such a good first chapter.

Author's Response: Thanks ginny, I'm glad you like it!

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Review #21, by Marc Awakening and Guilt Trips

23rd February 2008:
OK good it could have been a little longer. You've got a good story. Take your time an fill it out more. This is almost like an off the head first draft. It's good but it could be so much better. I can't wait to read the next chapter.

Author's Response: Thank you, I'll try and improve it!

Lily M.E Potter


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Review #22, by Marc Victory, Gratitude and Promises

23rd February 2008:
This was a nice smooth first chapter. You'll have to intensify Harry's guilt to make it more intense. Your writing style seems to flow well, and the ideas seem to be a good set up for better chapters. Good luck.

Author's Response: Alright, thanks Marc!

Hugs, Lily


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Review #23, by skateskate9 Awakening and Guilt Trips

20th February 2008:
Much too short. Make the next chapter much looonger...

Author's Response: I'll try to, as soon as I manage to get rid of my writers block that is!
Thanks, Lily M.E Potter


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Review #24, by Rivertail Awakening and Guilt Trips

14th February 2008:
I like the fluidity of your story. you've represented emotions well and I've found your writing (for me) easy to read.
in the last two chapters I have found very few spelling errors.
Great job so far. keep up the good work!

*fave-ing*

Author's Response: Hey Rivertail,
Thanks for fave-ing the story, I'm very glad you're enjoying it. Unfortunately, major writer's block hit as soon as I posted chapter two, so an update might not come for a while. I'm floundering in a whirlpool of raw ideas at the moment!
Thanks for the review, Lily M.E Potter


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Review #25, by C D johnson Awakening and Guilt Trips

14th February 2008:
Hello Lily,

A great second chapter, and another cliff hanger! Its really really good, so far! Keep going please, I really want to know what happens next!

As to the Weasley's reactions to seeing Harry again, I would imagine that even though the Weasley's are still fraught with greif, with the loss of Fred. They will know doubt tell him to not blame himself plus I think they will be proud of him for deafeating Lord Voldemort, as Molly and Arthur are like Harry's substitute parents in my opinion.

However, thats just my opinion you may have somthing different planned, I am sure what ever you have in mind will be fantastic!

I really enjoyed this chapter, a 10/10 i think, once again Well Done!

Yours Magically,

Craig

P.S. Have you gotten round to checking out my novel yet? As i'd really love to know what you think of it :D

Author's Response: Hi Craig,
Thanks for the amazing review, did you know your expectations of the coming chapters are making me nervous?

I think you're probably right that sounds like a Weasley-ish reaction to me! Too bad I'm not sure how to put all that emotion into words! I have a really bad case of writers block at the moment.

As to your novel, I have read it and I really like it, but I haven't had the time to review yet, I will leave you a review soon, don't take it personally that there isn't one yet.

Cheers!
Lily M.E Potter


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