Ok, so this is actually amazing. You've written a really clear, true picture of Narcissa.
I have just one problem with it: I think Lucius actually loved her. And she loved him too. Not just coldly. And Bellatrix loved her too, it was just a bit overshadowed by Bella's love for the Dark Lord. That's my opinion anyway :)
But still, I totally love this. Awesome job! :) Report Review
I really liked your story especially her relationships with Andromeda, Sirius and LuciusAuthor's Response: Thank you. =D
that wuz so sad and wonderfully written
i loved it sooo muich it was sooo sad (i know i already said that) it wuz the perfect storyAuthor's Response: Just a side note, I don't remember any of my original responses, I just know they got deleted when the site went down.
I'm glad you liked it! I'm not sure if I would say [I]perfect[/I] but thank you so much! Report Review
Hello, I finally made it here to review...
So, a few things first. I think you've got a really neat concept here, and I like how you get to see Sirius and Andromenia leave, but this whole chapter is kind of long and rambling. I'd suggest some stuff to break it up, or some different way of formatting it. It'd be cool if these were odd pages ripped from her diary, or else reflections, something like that. But its hard to cover almost all of a persons life in one chapter without it being rambling and confusing. I think you've managed to cram a good short story into a one-shot.
I really think that by going back through and expanding so that you have several different chapters, or at least seperate the different aspects of her life from one another with more than a new paragraph, you can really make this story stand out.
Otherwise, good work!Author's Response: Haha, not to worry, to me it didn't seem like a "finally".
:: sigh :: Yes, I have been getting quite a few comments about that. More so to put more space in between every seperate change. I think I like the formatting idea more than making it a short story because this fic was never intended to be a short story (I wrote it on a whim for one thing so the only thought spared was not to make Narcissa OC or inhuman and how to show each of her individual relationships so that they made sense). I'll go back and change that as soon as I receive all the reviews I requested to see if there is something else that I should think of changing. =D
Thank you so very much and I hope you enjoyed the fic besides the length. Report Review
I really like the way you portray Narcissa's emotions. You show her as acting coldly to others but also show that it's a struggle for her, with many conflicting emotions warring within her. I just really connected with the her way of thinking.
I also liked the way you showed the Black family as it evolved - from being elitist snobs who kind of hid their bigotry because of Phineas Nigellus (sp?) being headmaster but then coming out into the open with it when Voldemort gained power.
This one shot contained a lot of information, and I think you showed it rather well. Some places seemed to be a bit too much summary, but they were all written well. I guess they just left me wishing you would expand it out into a novella or something to see more details about each separate change.
Her relationships were all shown well - Sirius, Andromeda, Bellatrix, Lucius... I liked them all. What did Bellatrix do to her to make her realize she needed to be loyal? It seemed really awful. Also, I felt the conflict within her when she made the decision to shun Sirius and Andromeda... That was a nice touch of having Andromeda being pregnant.. Do you envision her marrying Ted only because she was pregnant?
I also think it's interesting you showed Narcissa receiving the Dark Mark. I think JKR said that she never did, although she always agreed with what Lucius believed... However, in this fic, I really like it. The ending is really chilling. I think you've portrayed her very well.Author's Response: First of all, I'd like to say thank you for getting to it so quickly, I wasn't expecting any reviews until at least mid-week.
Ever since I've become more intrigued with the Black sisters I've actually developed a couple of theories that are very plausible in my mind. That's why I don't quite believe that the Black family or other pureblood families for that matter actually started out with dark magic and purebloods rule idea. After generations of pureblood it started to become a pride and then an obsession, since they were one of the few pure wizarding families and in their minds there was no other worthy blood. When someone came into the spotlight saying that he'd like to get rid of all muggleborns and such families like the Black's jumped at the opportunity. As for the dark magic I think after a while someone started getting curious and then taught their children…
You asked if I pictured Andromeda marrying Ted only because she was pregnant, well that's my second theory. I actually think Andromeda got pregnant pretty early since Tonks was old enough to be an adult while Harry and Draco weren’t. The thing is a trait I think all the Black sisters share is loyalty. She probably would have tried to get rid of the baby if she didn’t love Ted, she probably didn’t realize she loved Ted until she found out she was pregnant and realized she wanted to keep the baby. The pregnancy, in my mind, only helped her realize that.
Haha, I don't actually know what Bellatrix did to Narcissa. I didn’t think Bellatrix would be able to torture anyone especially Narcissa at fourteen, or at least I sincerely hope not because that would scare me, and I don't she would have if she could because she knew her sister's limits and she didn’t want her to be frightened of her. Besides torturing, though, I couldn’t think of any method of brainwashing and the few I did come up with weren’t very...strong, so I decided to leave it silent because eitherways in Narcissa's mind it was very horrible and I don't think she would have wanted to speak it out loud.
I'm glad you like the way I portrayed her emotions. It was actually a bit of a struggle because usually any character I write about has a major character trait similar to mine but me and Narcissa have very little in common so I felt a bit apprehensive about morphing her voice with mine.
I actually didn’t know JKR said that, whoops, I'll do my research better next time. One of my friends did actually say I should have turned it into a novella when I emailed her the one shot but I think it would have aggravated me after the fifth chapter...so I decided to keep it this way. I see what you meant about the changes though, I think I slightly noticed it while I was writing but didn’t pay too much attention to it, I'll try to work in more details in in that aspect.
By the way, you spelled Phineas Nigellus right in case you're interested. =P
Again thanks for the review! =D Report Review
I love the idea of Sirius being close to Narcissa. You have a great writing style, really portraying the characters.Author's Response: Haha, yeah, I go with the idea that blood is thicker than water. Honestly, I thought Bellatrix and Sirius were always close but this is Narcissa's story and it wasn't too hard to add in. Plus, it made the conflict greater. =D Thank you so much! That was my goal =D Thanks for the review I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
really good story, well written i enjoyed it, i liked how you took Narcissa's point of view i havent seen many of those and it was really well doneAuthor's Response: Thanks! That's part of the reason I took Narcissa's point of view, because it isn't common, and of-course because I love the possibilities of her character. I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
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