this is so heartbreaking! but done so well. at first i assumed it was lily's perspective, but her giving into sex seemed out of character for lily. and even though i am generally against James/OC, and just a james/lily person, this fic made me feel so terrible for Rebecca! Because it really does make it seem like James has changed so much to be with lily. amazingly written :)Author's Response: lol, i was hoping people would think it was lily at first, actually... figured maybe then they'd empathize more with the girl even if they are a J/L shipper, b/c it really wasn't her fault she fell for the guy... nor was it his that she expected more when he was clear on what he wanted... it was all just a convoluted mess, really, wasnt it? lol. Report Review
Wow. i loved it. makes u feel the pain of heartbreak. sadly ive fel that. it was beautifully written BRAVA!!
i abosulutly adored it. if u need a beta. im open :) it was amzing. thank you for a such a captivating story. !!!Author's Response: aw, thank you, that's so kind of you! Report Review
I've read one similar and loved that, but this was good.
I thought perhaps remus was a bit out of character at the end there. He seemes too blunt. I'm not sure I see Remus that way.
Otherwise, I really liked it, Congrats!
NNAuthor's Response: hmmm... i never read one like this, might be interesting to if i can find it, though. as for OOC remus, idk, it's true that he is mroe so the quiet and reserved one, but he is also known to step in when someone needs the aid, which she most definitely did.
thank you so much for reviewing! Report Review
Well that is just plain o' sad :( But such a lovely story :)Author's Response: happy to hear that it's at least lovely Report Review
at first i was like ...is this lily?
but i was wrong! and glad i was because i love how you did this whole thing!!Author's Response: oh thank you so much, what a nice thing to hear! Report Review
wow, this had me pondering for a moment once i finished reading. You could have added to the story, a few chapters on how Becca tries to show everyone that it's not going to work. But I think that it's perfect that you didn't. I've been reading many of your stories, and while I can't say this is my "favorite" of them (Darcy is #1 at this moment) I admire how you pick the perfect place to end your stories. keep it up!Author's Response: oh thank you so much, that is incredibly kind of you to say, i really appreciate it! Report Review
Seriously? It was amazing. One of the best I've read.Author's Response: aw thank you, you're really much too kind Report Review
I felt so terribly sad for rebecca. She began to sound so desperate towards the end and I really, really felt sorry for her. I can totally imagine what that must be like because we've all seen people change like that. I've seen friends change for other people. It's very hard to see people you love change like that.
This was very beautifully written, I think you did a marvellous job of it. It kept me 100% focussed on it the whole time.
Keep up the good work.Author's Response: yeah, while i've never personally been that girl i can imaiine what a horrible ordeal it must be to go through, so i thought i'd portray that through the 'ignorance is bliss' route lol
glad you enjoyed it and thank you so much for the kind review! Report Review
that was gorgeous i cant think of any other words to describe it. it made me cry. its just beautiful keep writing dont ever stop.Author's Response: i dont know whether to be sorry for the fact that i made you cry or not now
wow, thank you so much for that wonderful compliment Report Review
The beginning of the story, really drew me into it, and made me wan’t to read it, so way to go on that part. I think that the first person writing workes well with this story, and the plot seems to be good. The desiption is good, however, in some parts it is rather heavy. I feel sorry for the girl, that gets played. I really like the emotion that is put into your writing, lovely. I really can’t see James, as a player however, that was the only downside that I had with this story, you should have made it Sirius
I can’t really see James, also likeing any other girl, other than lily. I love the fact that Lupin gets to be the hero in the end. I think you should go back, and possibly rework, some of the characters traits, but other than that lovely. :D
Over all 8/10Author's Response: 1. aw thank you so much, i'm really glad to hear that it at least got your attention.
2. "desiption"- did you mean description?- well if so, yeah, coudl see that. i'm afraid it's somethign that i'm constantly struggling with as i seem to either put too much or too little of it into my writing, quite the curse, no? lol
3. well i felt that we never got to knwo james, so that left so much up for interpretation and it's somethign that i wanted to play with. i get why it might be a bit hard to read about a james like that, but i mean technically speakign he didnt do anything really wrong. he was just a bit of an ass, but he never gave her the impression that he was in it for more, she just assumed and made the grave mistake of falling for him
4. i rather like super remus too, lol ;) Report Review
AMAZING. wow this was so good.
and creative. i love it so much.
wow im speechlessAuthor's Response: aw thank you so much! Report Review
hey! so i had this amazing review all written out and then when i tried to post it, it didnt work. so its back to nothing, and i apologize that this review sort of sucks.
this story is certainly depressing, but i do like it. you dont normally see stories that are of james ex where she isnt a bitch and a side character. that made this really interesting. although at first i thought it would be another one of your au fics and the main character was lily. i must admit, i like this story more. thank you for writing this! ;)Author's Response: ugh god that happens to me time to time as well, i want to hit the comp. every time that it does lol
anyway thank you so much for the high praise there; wow, i really wasnt expectign such positive feedback to it *blush* lol.
p.s. i wanted people to think that it was lily at first... idk why but i just thought that it madeti more fun that way
duh you are only supposed to post a story on one website! that is cheating
be ashamed of yourselfAuthor's Response: pardon me? i dont quite understand what you're reffering to... i mean i know i post on other sites as well, but why should i be ashamed of myself exactly? not quite gettign it today, lol Report Review
When I read this story first i thought it was Lily talking, my head just jumps into the most abvious person...lol and for awhile I was a bit confused, but that could be just me and my head...hehe.
In the first story prargraph where your talking about the 4 'A's and you say 'that one'- would it be better as 'that last A' - it would be more explained on what your talking about.
'In fifth year he finally asked me out again, although he didn’t know it'- i was again confused- 'In fifth year he asked me out again, although he didn't know it was his second time'
"he smashed my cupcake. I ended it then"- haha, i loved it! this sentence was adorable. =]
I don't usually like reading about OC, but I liked this story, poor Becca. =[Author's Response: lol, yes, assumign it to be lily was actually inteded. i didnt want the reader to knwo for sure who it was that was talkign until later on the fic, idk why, but i just thought t might be a fun route to take for this fic.
as for your 4 A's comment, thnak you so much fro teh advice, i'll definitley put it into consideration!
thank you so muchfort he review, you were really of great assistance with this!
p.s. i'm not much for OCs either so that's actually why i decided to write this- try and challnge myself with somethign i dont really like, you know? Report Review
dude Ive been wanting to get this song for a while now and didnt know who sang it! thanks lolAuthor's Response: lol, np, glad to help ;) Report Review
Awww! This was soo sad! And it was soo beautifully written! Is there going to be another chapter with Becca making them realize they were wrong? Because that would be really good!
10/10 :]Author's Response: sadly i am far too much of an LJ fan to ever do that, plus there's the fact that i wrote becca more as a naive love-struck girl who wanted that to be true more than it was. while james did change for lily in many ways i personally dont think that all of it was for her, but part of it was just maturing, he didnt totally lose himself in the change as she said he did.
anwyay, thank you so much for the kind review, i'm so glad that u enjoyed it! Report Review
Even when I know that you had intended for this story to be sad, I could not help myself from smiling the whole way through...
It is 'cute' and it is really good written, my favourite part is "the four A's" ^_^
RinAuthor's Response: lol, nice, laughing while reading about a girls heart breaak, that's talent!
anwyay, thank you for the kind review, so glad ot hear that you enjoed it! Report Review
I don't usually like one-shots, because they're either too over-stuffed to be just a one-chapter story or too vague to be a story at all, but this was really good! Sad (I felt so bad for Rebecca!), but good lol. You wrote this all today? God, I can't write a decent chapter in one day, and you can write a whole great story lol. Anyway, I really liked it =]Author's Response: understandable, some people just arent that fond of one-shots, but i'm so glad that you made an exception for my fic ;)
anyway, thank you so much for the kidn review, glaad u enjoyed it
p.s. this was nothing, my other fic, reporter girl, is a 22 pg one-shot (88.5 font too!) and i wrote that one in one day-- i was really bored in class that day lol Report Review
Wow, I really don't know what to say about this fic. It definetly left me with thoughts and actually quite a good plot bunny. Thanks. ;P
-On the Positive Side-
Firstly of all, I loved, adored this line.
'On our two day anniversary he smashed my cupcake. I ended it then.'
It was adorable and I thought it was very realistic.
Anyway, this story was really fabulous. Normally I'm not a fan of song-fics but this story was truly fantastic. I thought that her emotions were fabulous and I loved Remus saying that to her at the end, although he was a bit harsh.
This story almost brought tears to my eyes as I felt that the way she acted was so realistic and I could feel what she was feeling from how you described it. You are fabulous at writing those emotions.
-On the Negative Side
Well, I did see a few typos. For instance this line:
'The first time were ever together was during our first year after he asked me to be his girlfriend on the fourth day of school.'
I suppose you mean 'The first time we were ever...' but it wasn't too major. Also, when Remus was talking to her a few of the words should've been capitalized. But really, no big deal.
This story was absolutely fantastic. The emotions were fabulous and I really have nothing bad to say. Great job.Author's Response: Wow, so many comments (v. glad to see that there’s a variety in it too, the good and the bad- I really appreciate that fact, so thank you for that)
Anyway, in order to keep myself organized and not forget anything lol
1. the cupcake comment, well that’s actually something that happened with me and my on and off again boyfriend (except it happened when we were 7, but it’s guys and they mature slowly so I figured it’d work for an 11 year old as well)
2. I understand that some people don’t like song fics so that’s actually why I used the song to separate scenes rather than be in the middle of one, since I felt that I needed to put the song in as it was an important catalyst/motivator as far as this fic was concerned so it deserved the credit
3. as for the emotions comment, wow… just wow! I swear you made me blush with that one. I cannot even begin to describe how happy I am to hear that as it was something that I really hoped to do, but wasn’t sure if I pulled it off at all, so yay!
4. sorry for the typos, a beta didn’t go through this and try as I might, I have a tendency to overlook them (re-read my piece so much during revising that when it comes to editing I just know the thing too well to able to see the errors
all in all, thank you so much for your review, I really appreciate how in depth you were with your analysis of it!
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection