Reading Reviews for Regret
  
11 Reviews Found

Review #1, by norapotter (logged off to add to her review) Regret

11th May 2008:
I was reading your other reviews and became particularly interested in xXLuna_LovegoodXx's review. I thought it was very good and don't mean to take away from that review because it was prefectly accurate. But i just wanted to tell you that some of the spelling suggestions were a differance between The way the US spells things and other parts of the world. Realize and moldy are the correct spelling. Realise (i think i'm actaully not sure) and mouldy are probobly how things are spelled in wherever xXLuna_LovegoodXx lives. I wanted to tell you so that you knew you had a choice.

And I express again, i really didn't mean to take anything from xXLuna_LovegoodXx's review because it was great and had wonderful advice that was true but also expressed what was so fantastic about your writing.

I hope this kind of review is ok. I just wanted to be sure you knew you had a choice. Hope you understand.

-norapotter

Author's Response: I understand what you're saying :) I live in America, so that's how I spell "moldy" and words like that. Thanks for stopping by again and helping me out!

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Review #2, by norapotter Regret

11th May 2008:
First of all I want to say that I love your style! Its excellent! It flows well and the language is educated. You also write in character of the character you are writing. I really felt it was a regretfull Trelawney who was writing this.

There were a few things that I thought may need changing though. Like the sentence:
"He and I against the elements." I'm not sure, but i think think that's a fragment. However it has a nice style if that's what works well for you keep it. I don't want to stand in the way between you and your fantastic style I was telling you about earlier.

I thought the end was a bit confusing. Maybe its just me and my easily confounded mind but it sounded like you were saying do I regret what she did. But I realized (after thinking) that you meant do i ever regret. I guess it just seemed a bit sudden. Maybe you could show the character's transition to thinking about herself to others? Or maybe you could add an ever? I don't know, you don't have to do anything. As I said, it could be the easily puzzled me. i just thought I should tell you incase you think its something more. Its up to you, I love your style of writing so whatever you do, I'm sure it will be great!

Also, I want to warn you about repeating the same word several times too close to each other. It can lose its meaning or just stiffen the flow you have down so well. I noticed you did it a few times, like when you were talking about the cold night. Maybe you could use a subsitute for cold...like chilly...or freezing...or bone-chilling, or nippy, or numb, or frosty, or wintry, or frigid, or bitter, or biting or raw, or...(sorry I just got out the thesaures and read them out lol, that's how i find my subsitutes.)

You didn't do this all the time. In fact you substituted fantastically here. This would be an example I would use to show others how to replace words in sentences."Regret that he left, remorse that I didn’t go after him"

I also loved this paragraph it is the perfect example of what I loved about your style. "It was Klaus. I should say his name is Klaus. Pretend he’s still alive. But that would be lying. Anyone can lie to a lover, but no one can love a liar, is that the saying? I guess it doesn’t matter now. I have no lover to lie to. My quill and ink is a poor substitute for Klaus. I’ll settle for the truth."

Love this! I really do! Its a unique idea and you mastered it splendidly. Keep up the great work. 10/10

-norapotter

Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much for your review! I understand what you mean about the fragments (that sentence was a fragment) but it was kind of the style I was attempting to use-- kind of a wandering, slow recollection. Thank you for your lovely review! ^_^

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Review #3, by Princess Di Regret

1st April 2008:
Wow, that was awesome, no beyond awesome. I loved it. 100/10

Author's Response: Thank you so much!

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Review #4, by Daanana Regret

30th March 2008:
I read the other review and I don't think I can add anything to it. Knowing that I can't makes reviewing quite pointless, but I just had to say that this was a wonderfully written piece - even though you probably heard it a dozen times before and will hear it a dozen times more before the end of the day.
Anyway, here it comes.

This was a wonderfully written piece.

Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it. ^_^

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Review #5, by piece_of_ice Regret

21st February 2008:
I like it. It's very descriptive. You have a nac for imagining what your characters are going through. Very nice story. I like that it's about Professor T. You don't get many stories about her, with her being the main character.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing my story, and I'm happy you enjoyed it! (:

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Review #6, by xXLuna_LovegoodXx Regret

19th February 2008:
It is always risky starting a story in the middle of a conversation; people rarely manage to pull it off. Luckily, you managed it. Once you got into the description, you managed to set the scene well enough.

Typos: "My mind is crumbling, like moldy cheese" - It should read "mouldy cheese".

"I didn't know, then, he spent every last cent he had to buy us a room at the Hog's Head." - In the Wizarding World, or in Britain for that matter, they don't use cents. As it is in the Wizarding World, it would be "he spent every last knut".

"But that's usually how stories work, don't they?" - It would probably flow better if you said "But that's usually how stories work, isn't it?"

"clarity was all it took to make me realize I wanted him back" - Should be "realise"

Overall, this story is worded beautifully. I particularly like the last eight lines. They really were very well written.

Trelawney seemed slightly OOC, but it worked well enough in this story.

One thing I might say, however, is that you didn't give much description. You told the story fine, but I think that stories are always slightly more pleasing if there is some good old description to get your teeth into.

But good job! I enjoyed it :D

8/10



Author's Response: Thank you for helping me with my grammar and spelling, and for such a nice review. (:
I do have trouble with descriptions, so I'll try to improve them in this piece. Thank you again for reviewing!


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Review #7, by SBSL Regret

6th February 2008:
What can I say, that was wonderful! You really captured how someone would be feeling. That was really sad, but so well writen. I'm definitely favoriting it!

10/10

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review and the favorite-ism! :)

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Review #8, by Girldetective85 Regret

28th January 2008:
What a beautiful piece of writing! I adore your descriptions, I have so many favorite ones that I won't post them all here because the review would be way too long, but I like this: "The feeling was an arrow at my heart, a demonic Cupid’s final blow. It wasn’t sudden. It was a slow dagger, a feeling of utter helplessness." and: "There was a dangerous undercurrent, a sense of foreboding underneath my breathy screams. We were teetering on the edge of a precipice neither of us noticed, one that could rip the very seams of our foundation if we ignored the vortex."

I love your imagery, I'm really impressed by it and how clearly the scenes play out in your writing. Your summary makes sense now!! I do remember it, I don't know why I kept thinking of "eyeballs" and whether that was what you meant but now it makes perfect sense. :D The way you ended the chapter was lovely, it kind of pulls the reader in and forces them to identify with Sibyll and it's such a powerful way to tie in the summary to the theme of the story. Really well done. I have no complaints and your spelling/grammar are phenomenal as they always are, so terrific work dear~! 10/10

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I tried to add more descriptions then I usually do, so I glad you liked them!
Thank you so much for your wonderful review!! :)


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Review #9, by nana_banana_xx3 Regret

24th January 2008:
Hey there, hun. :] Thanks so much for requesting in my thread! Kudos to you for tackling such an obscure pairing. I enjoyed reading about Trelawny and her former lover.

The language you used throughout this piece was, in a word, lovely. You did such a nice job of constructing this, and I never once lost interest.

The characterization of Trelawny was probably a bit difficult to get a handle on at first, especiallly since this isn't just a Sybill story - it's a Sybill in love story. ;] I think that, on the whole you did a nice job with her as well. We really don't know a whole heck of a lot about her aside from the way Harry sees her in the books. That's not really her, though, I don't think. Students always see teachers differently from the way they truly are. Every now and again, I even saw the Sybill from that scene in the OotP movie when Umbridge is kicking her out - you know, when she's crying in the courtyard. I liked it a lot.

All in all, really nice job. I quite enjoyed reading this piece! It's really not bad at all. ;]

Author's Response: Thanks so much for coming to review!
As a student, I always find it strange to think about my teachers having completely separate lives outside of the classroom-- especially when you're young, it's hard to look past the teacher, which I'm glad you picked up on in the piece. :) I was also thought of that scene when I wrote about Sybill.
Thank you so much for your lovely review!


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Review #10, by Princess_MJ Regret

23rd January 2008:
Wow, I don't know how you can say this story isn't anything but... Lemme think of the perfect word to describe it... Charming. This story is charming.

You kept the reader in suspense and wanting to read to the end. Normally I would say you added too much... Her similies and metaphors and whatever. But truly, I couldn't stop reading. This story had me captured from the first line.

I think that this is something exactly like she would write and her character was just perfect.

There's no real criticism to give. Wonderful story.

10/10
~Princess

Author's Response: You think it's charming? Ooh, thanks! (:
I did add more metaphors and similies than I usually do; I was trying something different since I usually never use them at all.
Thank you very much for your lovely review!


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Review #11, by Breakaway615 Regret

21st January 2008:
Hello!

I liked the beginning a lot. I thought the fight was perfect.

"I didn’t know, then, he spend every last cent he had to buy us a room at the Hog’s Head. I found that out later. After he left. But that’s usually how stories work, don’t they?"

Too true you are. Not that I would know or anything, but that always does seem like the case. I liked that paragraph. It seemed very realistic, so... yeah... It was nice!

"I was angry with him and he was mad at me."

You need to have a comma after "him." You've done very well with the commas, actually. That helps my need to be a perfectionist. :P

"He isn’t alive, he body breathes no longer."

I think you meant the second 'he' to be 'him.'

"So as I lay in my cold, cold bed at night, wondering about what might have been, I wonder about that night."

You need a comma after 'so.' :)

"What if, what if."

Isn't that really the question that every single person asks themselves all of the time. I mean, no one can deny that they've asked that question before.

I really, REALLY loved the ending of this fanfiction! It was brilliant and so realistic. I feel no regret for reading this! :D

I think you switched tenses a lot during this fanfiction, but I suppose it was okay because of the way you were writing it. And switching tenses is ridiculously hard to not do in first person!

Great job! I really liked it!

Author's Response: Hi! I realized after a I posted this story that I had a bunch of grammar mistakes, so I've gone back and edited all of them, including yours. (:
I'm glad you liked that line; I didn't want to make the story too cliche, so I added that bit.
Thank you so much for your review!!


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