Okay, I don't know quite if I've gotten it right, but I figured this takes place that summer when Dumbledore and Grindewald conspired about "the greater good" and so on, and in that respect, this is very plausible. Albus spending a lot more time with Grindewald, etc.
Also, the the light of the discoveries concerning Dumbledore's sexuality.. well, yes ;) It makes sense he isn't interested in Celeste.
I think Grindewald is like I'd imagine him, a bit sly, cruel, etc. Dumbledore though.. well, for one we don't get much insight to him, and I can't really explain why not, as he's the one we're following. I feel so detached from the writing... He doesn't remind me much of the Dumbledore I know though.
Anyway, it's nice to read a take on a young Dumbledore. Report Review
Hello. I'm so sorry it took me this long, but at last I've come to review your work.
I've never read a teenage Dumbledore fic, so I was wondering how this one would go.
I quite liked it. I liked the way you portrayed Dumbledore. Actually, I loved the way you characterised all of the characters. That was very well done, in my opinion.
I did, however you lacked just a little in imagery. You described the way the characters moved very well, but the actual scene and mood of it could have been a little more in depth.
Apart from that I think it flowed very well, and was a veru good interesting idea. Keep up the great work! :)
Rose Report Review
This was a good story. I liked the ending paragraph. It made it a good closer for the story.
You asked me to comment on characterization and canon consistencies. I think your OC might be a little bit on the Mary-Sue side. There are a couple of things that I want to comment on this:
1. She said that she loved Albus after a week? Maybe it would be lust, but love takes a while to develop. Maybe if you had more descripiton and more detail to how long they were friends, then it could work.
2. A Muggle probably wouldn't accept that he was a wizard that fast. If you have her thinking about it for a while (maybe overnight or for a couple of days), then it will help that part.
3. When Gellert attacked her and she had the scar, maybe you should have her madder then she currently was. The scene just shows that it was a pssing glance that she didn't care that she was hurt and she had to lie to those she loved.
As far as Albus's character, I think that he might be out of character. Remember that JK Rowling did say that he prefers men and that he was in love with Gellert. Here you show that he didn't like your OC, but if you add more descripition on how the struggle of whether he likes her or not, then that add more depth to his character.
Also in Deathly Hallows, we learn that Albus was not fond of Muggles until later on in life. He wnated to have wizards control Muggles and have control over the world. If you moved the time period forward after Albus conquered over Gellert, then the time period would work. But having him be friends with a Muggle and Gellert at the same time makes the story AU.
Now on to Gellert. In Deathly Hallows, we learn that he hated Muggles with a passion. Having him tease with your OC makes him OOC. Maybe him intending to do more damange then he actually did (and maybe having Albus step in) would make him more defined as a character.
If you add more detail and work on the characterizations a bit more, then your story will be perfect. Report Review
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