Severus knew more spells than anyone of his peers, he was more powerfull thsn snyone of his peers
James was more confident in his abilites thats why he could beat Severus. When two people fighting its confidence and quick thinking brings victory and I dont think Severus any confidence issues with his abilities after fifth year.
Thats why your story is unrealistic and has bashing from both sides. Severus is a cowardly weakling who can not even stand up for his love, James is a mindless scholl bully who has even more power that propably young Riddle, Lily is a naive selfish schollgirl with no personality, Hogwarts Students are just sheeps.
If you want to write a story that will draw people I advise you to add more depth to yourharacters and your storyline
Thank you for your efforts and have a nice week Report Review
I liked it alot! Very cool!Author's Response: Thank you very much! Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Your story is really good , i think that you should write more , just to practise!
I've just started a Lily/Snape fanfic on this site and i know that its hard to start out , but if you just sort out some simple page layout issues then this fanfic is really good.
If you believe more in the strength of your own writing then you should really write more - i think that yours is very good , and i didn't think that this was your first fanfic at all!
Keep going! I'll review you and follow whatever you do next , even though its difficult starting on this site!
XxNikixXAuthor's Response: Thank you very much for reading and the advice I will definitely keep writing Report Review
I liked it, was a nice story, though i thought the ending was a bit abruptAuthor's Response: Yes I did have trouble with the ending of it I didn't really know what to do so I sort of just came up with anything I could. Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection