I don't know but I was a bit confused by like which room he was in and stuff. I think it would definitely help if you got a beta to help you revise this. Good idea though. Report Review
So far I think that the idea for your story is good, but I am that kind of pain in the butt reader that is easily irritated and turned off by misspelling and improper use of grammar! The first chapter wasn't so bad with it, but this chapter had a lot of grammatical errors. There were also a lot of prepositions missing so several sentences that I read didn't make sense. I feel like this could be a fantastic story but those kinds of mistakes end up turning a lot of people away from the story. Also, when you are referring to something that someone possesses like "Mark's eyes", you need to remember the apostrophe and the "s", this happens a bunch of times. Also, the first letter in a character's name should be capitalized. I'm a journalist, so I write for a living...it makes me kinda picky. I give you a 10/10 for the story plot, but the overall quality of the writing needs improvement. It seems like the story was rushed, and even if it wasn't rushed you probably should've read over it to make sure it made sense. I apologize if you're the kind of writer who hates criticism, I'm just trying to help...and I hope my review does help a little bit. I look forward to your upcoming chapters. :)Author's Response: Ok. Thanks. I'm glad you said that because now i know what to go and fix. I just got back from holidays, so i have a bit of time to fix a couple of things. It was on my to do list. I just haven't reached it yet.
Thanks for the review. I would rather you honest then telling me it is good when it isn't, because now i can improve. Thank you. Report Review
This is a really interesting start! I agree with your idea that the the death eaters and their families would have been imprisoned in some way after the war. I'm interested to see what happens.Author's Response: kool. thanks for the review. im glad you agree with me. im still suprise that i came up with that! Report Review
Cool, it's really improving. I'm really happy that Hermione is finally coming into the picture. Anyway I loved this chap
P.S. I'm out of school in one more day, and I'll try to start writing the story that i have been promising for so long.Author's Response: awesome. thanks for reviewing.
yes hermoine comes into it next chapt! Report Review
update soon can't wait for more chapters Report Review
In the last line, it is spelled off, not of. Other than that all you missed were a few commas. Great job on this fic and I hope to be your beta. 10/10 Report Review
update soon can't wait for more chaptersAuthor's Response: oh thanks. dont worry. i will update within this week. hopefully. Report Review
I love it. I have a feeling that this is going to be a great story. Of course I am no where near compleating that Harry/Ginny, but I'll try my best to compare to this great chapter.
- ConstanceAuthor's Response: oh thanks. this chpter was eazy as there was no hermoine. im sure i will have a bit of difficultly once hermoine comes into the story. Report Review
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