6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by magicmuggle01 The Tree Squid In the Mistletoe

23rd July 2011:
Wow what a chapter. It took me totally by surprise. I have to congratulate you on the originality of it. I hope you update soon. I give you 10/10 and plz plz do update.

Author's Response: Thank you! I'll work on updating this and adding new chapters.

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Review #2, by magicmuggle01 A Grinch In the Goblin Office

23rd July 2011:
I wonder what is in the memo that just arrived. A really good start to what sounds like a great story. I must read on. 9/10 for your opener and move on to the next chapter.

Author's Response: Thank you!

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Review #3, by Shanny The Tree Squid In the Mistletoe

16th April 2008:
I love this. I think the title is great. It made me think it was going to be funny, so when everything went wrong, it had more of an impact.
Looking forward to the next chapter!

Author's Response: Thank you Shanny, I really needed a review. I'm glad you liked this. I have a weird sense of humor, that I'm not sure everyone gets.

I sort of have part of a new chapter in the can, but I have lot of drama coming up in my life soon, so it may take a bit before it is posted. Thanks for the review.


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Review #4, by Graywand The Tree Squid In the Mistletoe

9th April 2008:
This story just gets better and better. I know this story's supposed to be mostly humorous but written differently this could be a real good invasion story. Though why do I get the feeling that the next chapter will involve the Tree Squids taking Seattle or Vancouver and blow the cover of the Wizarding World.

Oh, you may not see another HP or DP: ST chapter for awhile. I'm really engrossed in a story I'm writing. It's basically an X-Files/DP crossover where a series of anti-semitic acts targeting Sam, and eventually growing beyond that, sets in motion the largest civil rights investigation since the Martin Luther King assassination. And Mulder, Scully, Doggett, and Reyes are in the lead.

Author's Response: You have really good idea you know. Even odder then mine. Just keep writing. Thank you for your review. I may do something with this fic. I just don't know what, yet. It's more experimental than my other fics.

Thanks for the review.


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Review #5, by Potter_fan A Grinch In the Goblin Office

7th April 2008:
Hey, I'm Hogwarts_Castle from the forums. You asked me to review your fic. So here it goes, right from the beginning and all points that I think need attention.

- I liked the description in the beginning about the festive season. (Celestina's voice mingling with other holiday sounds and all)

- I liked the bits of humour involved, too. It was funny and amusing, especially the fact that Molly Weasely had become sensitive with the word "bitch". xD

-There are many missing commas which make it hard to follow. Here are some examples which definitely need attention:

"The ministry as she well knew didn't pay well" I had to read this many times over to get what it meant. Here's the correct form : "The ministry, as she well knew, didn't pay well."

"No Hermione and her partisans just didn't understand the Goblins." Comma after No.

"Just thirty minutes more she thought and Hermione would come charging into the Goblin Liaison Office ..."

Whenever you write about someone's thoughts, italicize it, or at least put commas to separate it from the rest of the sentence. In the mentioned sentence- " Just thirty more minutes, she thought...

Basically there are commas missing after names of people, which is annoying to read. Like- "Hey Hermione" should be "Hey, Hermione"

So your punctuation needs a lot of help.

-"To bad she didn’t actually have a green stamp that said: IMBECILE" should be "Too bad..."

- You have used the word dessert in the fic, comparing Hermiones petition to a whale dead in dessert. Dessert is the pudding you eat after your meal; the spelling is desert xD this is a very common mistake, in fact I spotted three today, lol, so don't mind.

- I have noticed that you use the word 'and' too many times in a sentence, which makes the whole statement complicated. Use and less frequently and let sentences be separate. For eg.

"When she arrived at Hermione’s office at five after five Michael and Dean were both there and Hermione was right, they did look grim."

You could have written- "When she arrived at Hermione’s office at five after five, Michael and Dean were both there. Hermione was right, they did look grim."

- “Hermione, their dead, their all dead! I know they are all dead and we couldn’t be there because you --!” Their should be they're. It's the short form of they are; while their means belonging to them.

- "...for the missing for the missing for she beleived that she had led the squid to her friends. " You have used this sentence somewhere in your fic. As you can see, 'for the missing' has been used twice.

- "Skhe knew Luna hardly at all. " This would have been better as "She hardly knew Luna at all"

- I would have ignored this as a typo but you've used latter for later many times, so I thought I'd point out it's supposed to be 'later' :)

Please don't think I'm trying to dig out and illuminate all your mistakes. I'm just trying to help :)

Other than this, I think it was a creative & original one shot. You should have been a little more simple and clear in telling us about the magical creatures, that part was little confusing. Also, the fic seems to be going at a good, slow pace in the beginning but suddenly after Hermione got the news, it was all seemed rushed-up, as if you were trying to finish it off as soon as possible. So be more detailed in that part- like it was in the beginning. That part was very enjoyable.

I also liked how Luna is finally recognized as believable :D

The news in the magazine was very funny, like How to reduce weight by millie bulstrode! Hehehe!

The reason why you got less reviews is probably because :

1- The title is weird and doesnt really suit the story.
2- It is a different idea and not many people are really open to such fics
3- It's a long fic. Many people dont really like such lengthed stories.

I'd say though that all in all, quite a good attempt.

7/10
Love,
Hogwarts_Castle.

Author's Response: Thank you Hogwarts_ castle. Actually this was why I specifically requested the review. And it’s exactly the sort of review I wanted. Things to work on. I wasn't really satisfied with this fic and good quality reviews give me angles to work on. I've never sent this to a beta, which of course I should have done, relying instead on my own horrible proofreading skills is usually a small disaster. But the things you mentioned are all easy enough to fix and I'll fix them tonight or this weekend. It's easy to put commas back, someone a while back said I use to many, so maybe I tilted the wrong way with this fic and now I have to look for that in my more recent writing.

Also it might have been a subconscious attempt to capture the feel of the bureaucrat that is Audrey.

And you right, about it being rushed at the end, I was trying to get it under a word count for a contest. It's obvious to me that this should be a multiple chapter fic now. I think I’ll go cut it right after the letter. In fact there is at least three chapters here.

This would give me time to work on the development of the creatures etc...

I misspelled desert? That annoys me because I remember specifically checking that and still got it wrong somehow.

It's long? Really this is one of my shorter fics. I disagree about the title; it is my favorite part of the fic. I thought it was clever and really got to the heart of the story. But I'll think about that.

About different ideas, I've written very few mainstream fics. But maybe I should try.

Thanks for your spectacular and much appreciate review. I'll return the favor of course.


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Review #6, by Graywand A Grinch In the Goblin Office

13th January 2008:
This is one of your funniest. And I just realized something: You've created the Ferengi LOL. Why don't you just send the Goblins to the Divine Treasury, while your at it (just kidding). And the tree squids war thing was bizarrely funny.

Author's Response: Thanks! I don't really like it that much compared to my other fics and I think it needs work. I should have stuck with my other christmas fic and finished editing that and submitted it for the writers duel.

Don't blame me for The Ferengi being just like the Gobins, blame that on Roddenbury and Rowling. Although I think myth wise there has always been a 'goblin like race' and the Ferengi are obviously space goblins. Actually the rules I set up for the Goblins are sort of opposite of the Ferengi. Ferengi get to the Divine treasury by accumalting wealth. Goblins get to Lin's vault by having very a small debt to wealth ratio. A lot of money though does help pay off the debt to the creator as does good deeds.


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