Really great story!
I hope you haven't abandoned it after so much good work. Report Review
that was a rather well written first chapter and i liked all your characterisations. they were spot on! Report Review
aww! i love it. just one thing, your speech marks are all out of place. you aren't supposed to have a space between teh word and the speech mark. Report Review
What a nice story you have here, i can not wait to see what happens next. I hope the update will be up soon
Great Story, and a great chapter.
1000/10Author's Response: I am all most ready to post the next chapter, but as there is a long validation wait time right now, it may be another week before it is up. I promise it will be well worth the wait. Report Review
nice - can't wait to seewhat happens when they get back to school Report Review
I Love Your Story
Its Really Good
But Who Was The Death Eater Report Review
you have to carry it on! i love it. please write soon! i want to know about their year at howarts!!! write sonnn!
icyAuthor's Response: next chapter is already in validation. Report Review
a good touch, the necklaces are an interesting turning point. harm or help? from a friend or an enemy? nicely written, so far. will be interested in seeing where it goes from here. Report Review
Awesome storyline. I am hoping there will be some more drama. The ceremony was a great idea.
I can't wait for you to post again.
Good job.Author's Response: Thank you for your post, I have several more chapters written, but I have been going back and forth on them as I keep changing the story, so it may be a few days before I post my next chapter. I am at a point where things start to happen and I am not satisfied with what I have written in the unposted chapters. Report Review
I like the content of the chapter - Harry coming face to face with his feeling of being responsible for everyone's death, Harry making up with Ginny, interacting with members of the Weasely family.
The grammar errors are a little distracting.
It is off to a good start, though. I'm looking forward to seeing this story progress.Author's Response: Thank you for the review. I have plans to re edit all my current chapters as soon as I get a beta reader to review the new versions. I hope you will come back and re read the changes. Report Review
No = No, I don't want to do that.
Know = I know what you did last Tuesday
Now = I want to eat that chocolate bar now.
Where = Where is my bag?
Wear = I want to wear that dress to the party
Through = Harry had been through a battle
Threw = Harry threw the ball
Your = that is your hat, not mine
You're = the shortened version of you are, so, You're right
Mom = they are in England, so it should be Mum.
Elipses (...) should only be in three's, there shouldn't be a long line of them.
Dialogue = a comma should be used when said comes after the speech, but if nothing comes after the speech a period should be used.
Sorry, but all those just leapt out at me, and I had to say something - I advise getting a decent beta. Believe me, you'll feel so proud of your story when you see it full of mistakes. I'm glad to see that you understand that every time someone speaks it has to be on a new line, though. Loads of people here forget that.
You're characterization is good, but I think that Harry is a bit too soft - it's not like him to let his feelings show so much, although, I agree that he would blame himself for everything.
~Evie Report Review
Keep Writing !
Hope I Read you soon ! Report Review
Wow, unexpected but wow, I love it when the plot twists! Please update soon ( i love angst by the way) Well done!
UPDATE SOON!! PLEASE!! Report Review
" "It's my brothers. You know how protective they are of me. If they find out about me and Harry they will be after him, playing the protective brother role." Ginny feared what her brothers would do if they found out. "
I've always been bothered by post-DH fics that show Harry being scared of Ginny's brothers. Harry was killed, sort of. He has also been subjected to the Cruciatus. Apart from feeling hurt if they disapproved of him, what could they do which was any worse? Report Review
" "Do you think I am so helpless, that I can't take care of myself?" Ginny demanded.
She hated being put down, made to feel so weak and helpless. All her life she had been treated as a baby by her family. Always being protected and nurtured. She was always being told how she needed others help."
I don't see what Harry did as being so awful. There is a difference between being just another blood traitor and being #2 on Voldemort's hit parade. The fact that she was allowed to return to Hogwarts and wasn't imprisoned like Luna eventually was indicates that Voldemort didn't think of her as anything more than Harry's ex. Also Ginny hadn't had the extra year of schooling that the Trio had including how to disapparate. Harry may think different now, but there was more than a little to justify apparently breaking up with her.
This chapter takes place in the immediate aftermath of Voldemort's defeat so much of the MoM will consist of DEs and his sympathizers. Why would Harry talk to anyone from the Ministry? Besides Kingsley and Tonks who were present as members of the OotP there is no indication that either aurors or hitwizards were among the defenders of Hogwarts (meaning that many of the dead were 7th years or recent graduates).Author's Response: I am not sure that I understand the nature of your question as it is not very clear. The purpose of this story is Harry's mental stability in dealing with his long standing guilt. It is about his mental war he is fighting in his head, but the story will make more sense once you have read more of the Chapters.
As far as the MoM, kingsley was made Minister of Magic and the dead were not all 7 years as collin was among them as well as phoenix members, who were all associated with Harry. Report Review
Oh holey @#$%
she better not be dead.
NO NO NO NO NOAuthor's Response: You will have to wait for the next chapter to be validated. Like I said I am sorry, it is important for future chapters. Report Review
Hi, just finished reading your story. So far I think you're doing a great job with it. It's engaging and you are building the characters well. Plenty of detail too. the only thing I notice is some word confusion: there/their, that type of thing. Also in the last chapter you have Fred standing up clapping, should be George.
Like I said its a really good story so far, keep writing. I look forward to the next chapter.Author's Response: Thank you for your kind words and for pointing out the mistakes. I had both names in my head, must have just tranposed them. I usually catch alot of my mistakes, but some get through. I need to find a beta reader before I get to far along. Report Review
they cry way to much Report Review
Very good for a first attempt. I noticed a few spelling and grammatical errors. The only thing I would suggest is to have someone other than yourself read it. Or if that's not possible make sure you read it and not just spellcheck. So these are some of the things I found.
there was a know instead of now
a to instead of a too.
apparate and apparition is misspelled near the end.
Also one thing that I noticed is that when apparating, there is not a tugging sensation (that's with portkeys) a squeezing sensation usually occurs with apparation.
Overall I love the way this is heading and can't wait to read more. Report Review
AW! Wow, that is such a sweet chapter! I can't believe how good of a story it is! Report Review
What is with all of the exclamation points? You used one almost every sentence! It was a little distracting! Good story!Author's Response: I must appologize. I never even noticed I did it, until I went back and read it again after your review. I have fixed it and it will be changed when new version is approved. Thank you for the review. Report Review
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