Really good chapter :)
Lavander and Parvati were so mean to poor Hermione that I wish she did hit them (that's what I would have done). The rest of the chapter was good as well. But who are those mysterious voices? I suppose we'll find out later!Author's Response: Yeah, I'd like to do that too ^_^ and I hope we'll find out soon about those mysterious voices. ^_^. Thanks a lot for reviewing. Report Review
"Free time, not jail!"
I love it!
How typically Ron.Author's Response: ^_^, i'm glad that you like it. Thanks for reviewing. Report Review
Interesting chapter...though I am not sure of the point you are trying to convey here.
Nicely writtenAuthor's Response: Okay. My points are Ron and Harry had fun after exams, while Hermione got a new problem. ^_^. I hope you get what i mean. Thanks for reviewing Report Review
I saw a pattern in the way you wrote your conclusions for chapters but I'm way impressed at how you develope your stories, would love to read more...
_DMC_Author's Response: Well, honestly i don't want to do a lot for summary. I think that's a problem, but yeah that's all i can give. ^_^, i do really hope you'll continue to read. It'll be great if you can keep to review too. I want to know about my work. Thanks a lot for reviewing. Report Review
I got abit confused mate about the tests and the voice but thats on purpose huh???
i hoping you make more chapters soon, cant wait.Author's Response: ^_^, someone told me something similar to those. I'll try my best to be better. Thanks a lot for reviewing. Report Review
Hello! I read your request for beta reader, and as much as I would like to help (and I like how you requested ^_^), I'm currently the beta of another story (and trying to write my own as well!). However, I'll provide some feedback on this chapter because I saw a few errors that you could easily correct, and also some things to keep in mind.
[quote]“Okay students!!! Put your quill beside your papers and hands on your lap now!” said Professor McGonagall with her stern voice. [/quote]
-To improve the flow of the story better, try putting the 'said Professor McGonagall' after your first sentence. Remember that you're using J.K. Rowling's McGonagall, and she probably wouldn't rush through the sentence like that. It also provides a small introduction to the character so that readers will automatically know who is talking, instead of having to read the whole thing first. (again, it adds to the flow)
[quote]“Time is up... Accio papers... Right then, have a nice weekend everybody,” said Professor McGonagall before leaving the class with papers folding neatly on her hands within two seconds.[/quote]
-Again, to help with the flow of the story, why not add some more actions? It seems that you're rushing everything she is saying. How does she say it? Impatiently? Does a ball of snot roll down her nostri? (that's gross.. propably don't want to add that it) Simple details can draw a reader in, and it also sets the scene.
You also have several spots where commas should be, and they aren't. When you're writing, remember to be professional about it, but don't forget commas. Commas are the pause when you're speaking. For instance, if you say, "You are the most inconsiderate, obnoxious, repulsive, conniving, and repulsive man I have ever met, Mr. Avery!”, you would have a light pause in between them. Or would you just belt out (in one breathe, nonetheless) “you are the most inconsiderateobnoxiousrepulsiveconniving and repulsive manMr.Avery!” I think that most human beings would use the first one.
That's just what I saw scanning over. I hope this wasn't too confusing, keep on writing! Good luck!
-RachRaeAuthor's Response: Wow.. ^_^.. xhardcorebulletsx.. Thanks a lot for replying and your review too.. After you wrote and looked over again, yeah, i think i wash too rush.. Thanks a lot for your advices.. I'll try my best to keep your advices in me.. ^_^ Report Review
Not bad beginning...nicely writtenAuthor's Response: really? i'm really glad to hear that. Thanks a lot for reviewing ^_^. Report Review
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