It was a really good ones shot. I enjoyed it.Author's Response: thank you! Report Review
Lol k so when i first read ur story i was like Holy Crap this is amazing!! Now this is like literally my favorite story and i read it atleast like 5 times a week and i NEVER can get tired of it!!! its soo cute and not to cliche, You showed Lily's and James' personalities so well i literally felt like i knew them in person. I never got tired of it, i didn't realize how long it was until after i read the whole thing and scrolled all the way back up to the top of the page. You really connected it well and made it flow so it didn't seem to be too long. I gotta say the ending is my favorite part! It was so cute i couldn't stop smliling (: Awesome Job!! Keep Writing!!Author's Response: o lord, thank you so so so much, you have no idea how much this means to me to read. though this is not my favorite story (in terms of composition, i just believe that it's weaker than my later works) it means so much to me to read that for SOMEONE i've become what i most adore having in my life.
THANK YOU!!! Report Review
OMG!! i cant believe i didnt leave a review for this, but anyways, i really really love this!! ive read it about ten time already!! thats how much i love it!! james was soo sweet at the end!!
my fav parts:
He held her face in his hands as he brought his mouth to her ear. “Don’t ever close a chapter on me again, Lils… please don’t, I doubt I could take it,” he whispered in her ear, begging her.
She smiled at him, “Well you’re in luck, I just so happen to be a witch that can take a Portkey to work and happens to still own a townhouse back home.”
“Hoping I’d come for you then?” he teased her mischievously.Author's Response: ooo thank you, i must admit that there's much i'd like to ameliorate here, but that means the world to me nevertheless Report Review
it was so different, but oh-so-good! the conversation they have at the end is adorable!!Author's Response: oh, thank you very much, that's incredibly kind of you to say! Report Review
Oh man that was awsome
i so loved reading the entire thing you did great
i think thats why your one of my favourite authors i really loved how you wrote the one shot :DAuthor's Response: aw thank you, i really appreciate it! Report Review
thats a really good story, for some reason I didn't think I would like it but I did.
10/10Author's Response: aw so glad to hear that, thank you! Report Review
O.K don't think I am too weird after I tell you this but in my defense I had nothing to do.
i decided to go through all the stories I finished reading and read the last review I wrote for them. And i read that you had asked if I had guessed who it was and I hate to admit it, but no I didn't guess correctly to tell you the truth I couldn't think of anyone that could be the attacker.
I reread the story and I have to say this I absolutely love the ending. I know I sound like a total idiot that lives of romantic movies and stuff but I am not, even thought i do love them, but it was so romantic it sounded like he couldn't live without her. I couldn't stop smiling for 10 after I read the ending.
Kisses LyubovAuthor's Response: aw thank you, you're so kind (and if it's any consollation i was hoping you hadnt as that sort of was my goal... lol)
kisses! Report Review
Hello, SilverThimble from the forums here :)
It does say no Marauders in my rules, but I'll let you off because (for once) it wasn't cliched or annoying.
But wow, it was long. It might have worked better as a chaptered story, but I guess that's your call. Because of it's length I had to just note down things I noticed as I went, so this could be a bit disjointed:
She took out her note pad and a quill so she could take notes, but just as she opened the booklet Harry took the quill from her, â€śUm, do you have a fetish for quills or something because if not Iâ€™ll be needing that.â€ť : Shouldn't it be James? And that's a strange thing to say.
â€śYouâ€™re awfully sweet, you know that?â€ť she spat.: I can't remember why I copied this... I think it's because I was surprised that she was spitting at him after knowing him for such a short space of time.
Lily avoided Aliceâ€™s eyes after that statement. While she didnâ€™t want to agree with her she couldnâ€™t exactly deny it either. â€śShould I use the twenty-three or the twenty-eight centimetre?â€ť
â€śHe called women vicious?â€ť
â€śThen Iâ€™d say go for the twenty-eight, love.â€ť I cracked up :)
I was great in DADA you know, I can help.â€ť : Would you really say Defense against the dark arts like that to a person who didn't even go to Hogwarts?
Why Beauxbatons? i know there needed to be a reason why they havn't met, but couldn't she have just been a random girl in his year he never really noticed? seems more logical to me.
Flowers in the Attic wacky: ? Ok, I looked it up and i get what you mean, but if I don't know what it is, how would a wizard?
General comments: there was too much dialogue and there could have been a lot more dialogue and detail, especially in the mystery aspect.
I also didn't quite get why Lily hates him so much. He wasn't so awful to her - unless she was extremely uptight, and then she probably wouldn't have sworn so much.
And why was the Auror department being audited? unless I misunderstood- but it seems too imporatant. Also, it's not a cliche on this site, but I've seen countless movies with this plot.
Overall it was interesting and a nice twist on your standard James/Lily
76%Author's Response: you made a really good point and i appreciate that. i mean, yeah it wasnt the best review i've recieved for this fic, but it was honest and i really adore that about it.
i really hope to have a chance to use your review forum again as i think that you have amazing input to give and i'm really grateful for it!
p.s. i actually honestly thought that everyone knew about flowers in the attic... it's kidn fo one of those creepy books that everoyone seemed to kwo about whenever i drew parallels to it, i'm so sorry that wanst teh case though Report Review
Awww. I love this story. I was dying to know how it ended but it took me 2 days to read it because I started reading it late last night and I had school so I had to wake up at 6:00am. I went to bed wondering who attracted Sarah and how Lilly and James were going to get together when they were constantly bickering the whole time.
When I got home I sat down to read this right away.
I love this story and I especially love the way it ends.
Thank you for writing this.
Kisses LyubovAuthor's Response: aw wow, you're really much too kind! (have to ask though, did you get it right when you guessed who the attacker was?) Report Review
wow I loved this story it was great!
thanks so much for posting this 10/10Author's Response: glad to hear it Report Review
This story was so off the book but it was one hell of a good story. i loved the conversations. 10/10Author's Response: well i did say that it was AU lol
but glad to hear that you enjoyed it regardless Report Review
Loved it. That's all I can say about this.Author's Response: lol, thank you so much for that compliment, i greatly appreciate it! Report Review
thats so cute!
i loved it :)
all your storys are great (lol i accidentally clicked something else that took me to all your stories instead of one and i have been reading them :) they are very very very good)
just a tip you said Harry instead of James in 'She took out her note pad and a quill so she could take notes, but just as she opened the booklet *Harry* took the quill from her, "Um, do you have a fetish for quills or something because if not I'll be needing that." '
anyway, keep writing *thumbs up*Author's Response: lol thank you, i'm glad to hera that you're enjoyign them Report Review
I love it. Great job.Author's Response: thank you Report Review
This was such a freakin cute story !
great story really it was really amazingAuthor's Response: thnak you so much Report Review
I LOVED IT! it was so sweet and romantic and just a fun story with nothing sad in it! excellent job! nice oace, nice plot, good character development and a nicely tied up ending! your a wonderful writier, thanks for such an amazing story!Author's Response: aw thank you so much, very glad to hear that you enjoyed it that much! Report Review
Since the system obviously hates me today the full review has been owled to you as it exceeds the maximum lenght of 6000 characters, and I somehow couldn't get it down to an acceptable lenght. I hope that's okay with you.
/D i aAuthor's Response: it's fine, and thnak you very much, i look foreward to reading it! Report Review
Inkismyworld from the forums here
Wow, that was a major plot twist concerning the mysterious attacker! Overall I enjoyed how this wasn't the typical James/Lily fic where he bothers her through out thier school days and then they suddenly fall in love- but I digress.
Although I enjoyed it throughly, I do have some points that seem to stand out for correction:
â€śThat pun is far too trite for me to deem it worthy of a response.â€ť
The text before and after that seemed more Moody-ish than the above line which just seemed too...sophisticated, for him to say.
Also I would strongly suggest that you make this into a short story. Not just for your reader, ( some may be put off by such a long one-shot) but also to allow you flesh out the plot more because it has great potential, but it just seemed rushed
when split into sections like it is.
Hope that helps :)Author's Response: 1. lol glad that caught you off gaurd. some peopel guessed it and others didnt so it's always ufun tyo see the varying reactions to that one
2. interesting point about moody... i'll definitley put it into consideration
3. i did actually consider that, but as i started writing it i realized that if i added a bit to this i could only do about 2 or 3 pages more if i didnt add a bunch of unneccessary filler scenes. i also tried splitting this up into numerous chaps but that didnt work either as there really just didnt seem to be a good point where i could do that
but i'll see if i can change that now-- who knows maybe with a bit of time away from the fic i'll be able to do that, thanks for pointign it out! Report Review
hey! so i really like this story. im going to call it a story, even though its only a one shot. although it is quite long. i liked this story alot, even though james was a bit annoying at the beginning, and the ending was a bit fast. i mean, only because you didnt write an even longer story that included months of really cold places. anyway, i had a lot of things in my mind that i was going to say, but theyve up and flown out the window, so i wont bother you with long ramblings on the merits of the story. because its really good. ummm...thats it. thanks for writing it, btwAuthor's Response: nice...
wow, i think you may be giving me a run for my money as far as rambling is concerned (and i do that A LOT, so that's pretty huge lol)
glad to hear that you liked the "story" (i thought about makign it a short story, but i foudn that i couldnt make it any longer than that- or shorter- so i figuered what the hell, i'll just make it a one shot then lol) Report Review
Awesome story! Loved it! You did a fantastic job!Author's Response: thank you! Report Review
Wow, I really liked this! It was a nice feel good story (well except for the case of course), but it was a nice Lily/James story. I kind of liked how you had Lily and James meeting for the first time and still falling in love. I just like that it's different from the usual James loving Lily forever thing. I like how they bonded and came together.
The main criticism that I have is that I would have preferred this to be a short story, written in a couple of different chapters, maybe seperating it by a couple of days at a time. It seemed like more of a short story than a one-shot and it could have had a little more detail if it went on to be a short story. Again, there was a lot of dialogue in the story, and it would be nice to see more detail. Also, I would havel liked to see that article that Lily wrote. :)
Anyways, I thought this was a nice story. Great job with it!Author's Response: yeah the case wasn't very feel good-happy, was it? lol. and evry glad to hear that you liked the fact that they just met then as i'm extremely fond of writing AU fics and i thought that this would be a fun way to solve the ase rather then them being exes or something
as for the critique, i totally get where you're comign from, and it was actually somethign that i struggled with once i finished the fic (at first i thought it'd be like 10 pages or somethign, but then, out of nowhere, it turned out to be a whopping 22 pgs lol). i tried to seperate it, but it just didnt work out as well in my opinion (it was completed then, and done with the intention of bing a one shot, so seperating it anywhere felt... wrong)
i am really tryign to work on beign more detailed with my writing so thnak you so much for pointing that out, i may very well go back and totally re-write this into a short story
thank you so mcuh for this
p.s. forgot to respond to the article comment-- i tried to write it and even wrote a few exampless of it, but just didnt liek the feel of it that much... probably will try again though ;)
Hey there! It's rose Wilts from the forums. Wow, that was long! You have the right to be proud. :)
Now, this was a really sweet, original idea for a story. Your writing style is quite developed, and it flows. The only problem I have is that I thought you used too much dialogue. I would've liked you to set and describe the scene more. Though, the dialogue was funny and pretty realistic (given the situation...)
I thought the you characterized everyone reasonably well, particularly moody at the start. I loved how you made out that they didn't know each other, it was so refreshing instead of the old cliche of hating each other and then suddenly kissing. Ha ha. Overall very interesting. Sweet, flowing, creative etc...great job.
RoseAuthor's Response: Yeah it was a long one wasnâ€™t it? Ironically enough though, I donâ€™t even really know how it happened. I mean I had this distinct plan of what I wanted to do, but as I started writing it just seemed to take on a mind of its own and ultimately I had a 22 pg story in 8.5 size font lol!
As for your comment on the balance in dialogue and description, I totally see where youâ€™re coming form on that count and I really take it to heart, plan on keeping that in mind when I start revising as I think itâ€™s a very valid and reasonable point to make.
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, I particularly enjoyed your in-depth response with a variety of comment ranging from â€śthe good the bad, and the uglyâ€ť lol
This is a really cute story!! Keep it up!! :)Author's Response: thank you so much! Report Review
this is a great story, i really enjoyed it! i love the ending as well, very fulfillingAuthor's Response: thank you so much, i'm very glad to hear it! Report Review
This story is cute. It was well written and there are no words to describe or bring justice to how great it is. The only thing I didn't like was that they didn't know each other before but once I got into it I totally forgot about that. It is totally going on my favorites list.Author's Response: aw thank you so much, and i cannot even begin to describe how pleased i am that you managed to get over your initial apprehension over the fact that they didnt already know one anohter (since it's an AU fic) Report Review
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