Reading Reviews for Her Wintry Chill
  
27 Reviews Found

Review #1, by a potter po December 25-26

17th March 2008:
I must say, at first when I started reading the story it felt a bit weird. It's a very original idea, but just seems far fetched. But now, I can see where you're coming from -- Draco's confusion and his past vs the vampire's confusion and attraction to him -- very interesting dynamics. Why did you choose the name Bree? I expected a more dignified name, that's all. I hope we'll learn more about her past. All in all very nicely written!

Author's Response: Well, after reading the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer, I was really tempted to write a vampire story, and Draco was the only HPFF character I could see actually falling in love with a vampire.

I think I chose the name Bree because, subconsciously, I related it to a minor character in one of Stephenie Meyer's books, as well as combined her with Bree from Desperate Housewives. I know it's probably not very dignified, but it suited the character I was trying to create and it stuck.

Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #2, by AliceMalfoy December 25-26

23rd January 2008:
I do like this chapter. Though I feel that draco is not his usual " rich snotty snarky brat, you should feel privilaged to be in my presence" self. But, that is my opinion. GREAT story though.

Author's Response: I know, Draco's a little out of character. I'm definitely going to work on that. Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #3, by Fields Of Innocence09 December 23-24

20th January 2008:
I love it mate. You've done a wonderful job!
Your descriptions are amazing and i'm just so curious to see how everything unfolds.
*runs to next chapter* =]

Author's Response: :) Sorry to keep you waiting so long, but I've run out of creative inspiration. Apparently, there's a shortage of it at the present. Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #4, by Fields Of Innocence09 December 21-22

20th January 2008:
Wow, you're plotline is so amazing. I'm excited! =D
I really love the idea of the law they have about not harming wizards, it sounds interesting.
Your characters are very well thought out as well and i especially love how Bree refers to Draco as "human" like he is just an insignifant thing.
I'm looking forward to reading more.
Great job so far!
10/10

Author's Response: I'm so glad you like it! I have no idea where the law came from, but it worked very nicely with the plot, so it stayed. Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #5, by Romina Stephanie December 25-26

20th January 2008:
I'm absolutely fascinated. I try to avoid vampire fics that are mixed up with HP. I just can't think of it as believable. But this - well, it exceeded my expectations. The female vampire's - Bree's - struggle is well written. It's heartfelt. Draco's portrayal so far is a good one too, but yes, the touchy side of him is a bit... out of place. Mostly at the end. But I think what makes it seem OOC is that it's difficult to know how he thinks and reasons since it isn't from his POV. As for Bree's transition of feelings - you pulled it off nicely. Anyways, this is brilliant. Keep it up =)

Author's Response: Yay, I'm so glad you like Bree! I agree with you that Draco's characterization isn't the best. I seem to have a problem with a) portraying canon characters true to JKR's version of them and b) writing males in general. However, I'm definitely going to be editing and working on Draco.

Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #6, by Stiletto x December 25-26

15th January 2008:
I absolutely love this story. All your stories here are amazing, but this one really blew me away. I'm happy I found your account on HPFF. You got serious skill. Just wondering, do you write fiction as well? Or do you just stick to the fanfiction?

Author's Response: Aw, I'm flattered, really. I've never really attempted original fiction since I'm rather terrified of how it'd turn out, but I definitely want to try it in the future.

Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #7, by becky December 25-26

13th January 2008:
loving this fic, brilliant first few chapters

cant wait for more

Author's Response: I'm so glad you like it. Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #8, by Padfooty December 25-26

6th January 2008:
I'm back! Sorry for the lateness...

So much emotions! So many in-dept descriptions! This is what makes me happy :D I'm a sucker for descriptions and feelings, and you are doing great! I especially love the ones about Bree 'changing' and then she suddenly shows Draco away when he kisses her. Great! It would have been too... strange if they had kissed each other back the whole kiss, and then were happily in love. Love it!

The last speech from Bree... wow! I really love it! It was heavy, it was deep, it was emotional and real. Harsh, raw feelings. I really love it.

I can't find anything wrong with this story. There are some typos here and there, but I think I counted three in total. Your language is perfect, not too heavy, not to every-day-language, and it suits this story perfectly. I love your characterisations, even though Draco may seem a bit... soft at times. I would imagine him being a bit harder, but you improved in this chapter, and he is getting better.

Please do tell when more is up, I'm almost totally addicted to this story!

Yours,
Padfooty

Author's Response: Haha, there is no way Bree would kiss Draco back. She may be interested in him, but the girl has a lot of pride and dignity and the like. She's almost the exact opposite of a mushy fangirl.

Draco, Draco, Draco! I'm having major issues with him because I have to make him likeable but not too mushy and it's turning out to be much harder than I thought. But I'll probably go back and edit so that he's less icky.

Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #9, by kara101 December 25-26

30th December 2007:
I love the way you write! You have great description, it is wonderful. The flow is excellent too. Draco and Bree, you did a nice job with those scenes with them. My knowledge of vampires is little, I know they suck blood and such, but reading this story I understood it, so Kudos to that! Again, feel free to post on my thread once you have the next chapter up. I have not read very many vampire stories like this at all, or any at that matter, so great orginality. This was a perfect chapter. I was wondering why you had these dates of around Christmas, then there was the "feast" which makes sense. Good job! I will stop typing now for I have run out of things to say. Boy, this is a short review, so sorry.

Hermione G

Author's Response: I'm so glad you asked that question because I really wanted to talk about it...although I guess it's not that interesting. The dates are all around Christmas because I came up with this idea during Christmas break and I wanted to include the 12 days of Christmas. But then, I researched it and found out that the 12 days go into January, which would make it less fun. Therefore, in case you guys haven't done the math (don't worry, I don't expect you to) the last chapter will be in the new year, which I thought was kinda cool.

Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #10, by HisLove December 25-26

29th December 2007:
AH i love your story so much. it is the best story here. please don't ever stop

Author's Response: I don't plan on stopping...I'm very fond of this story. Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #11, by HisLove December 23-24

28th December 2007:
i love your story please keep it up

Author's Response: I will...in fact I just posted the next chapter. Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #12, by severus_lover December 23-24

26th December 2007:
wow! this was incredibly moving and a little sad *tear* tis part made me laugh lol (see)^_^:


“What’s your point, human?”

“Draco,” he corrected.

“I’m sorry, what’s your point human?”

lol sorry it was just funny to me. The last part was very poignant and i love love love the vocabulary you use its so. undescribable? lol i just love it. The flow and everthing works. I dont know if Draco would want a life with Bree so easily and quickly :. I definately like the new him though. So many things happened during the war and him changing and being confused is plausible and interesting.Nice workdescribing the feelings and emotions and such, the passion seeps through every line. Keep up the good work

kay~

Author's Response: Haha, I'm actually fond of that part as well. I wanted to give Bree a little sass since she's not allowed to argue with Kali, the least I could do was allow her to jibe Draco.

Oh, I'm so glad you thought that last part worked. I was so worried that it would come out too cheesy and just be painful to read.

Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #13, by severus_lover December 21-22

26th December 2007:
hello there ^_^This was a really wonderful start to your story!! ive never read a vampire fic before and im not familiar with the twilight series but i have to honestly say that this was amazing!

I am totally in love with the diaogue and the speech =] its smart ,suitable and perfect or this. It also has a nice flow, everything is consistant. The descriptions are spot on and i feel like your oc has a very original personality, she seems forceful and very confident and sef assured.Reading this gives me a kind of...blade/ and uh.underworld yea..whoo i think i just broke my brain trying to remember that lol but yea it feels like one of those movies. Great job!

kay~

Author's Response: The thing about Bree is that she is beautiful, almost to a fault. She's gotten the good end of the deal with immortality so she has embraced it, which is why she's so confident, etc. However, Draco's going to bring out the insecurity in her and remind her of why immortality can be evil.

Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #14, by Padfooty December 23-24

26th December 2007:
Wow. How you write... it is just... wow. Long time since a story made me speechless. Thought I was an all grown up reviewer by know, but. Guess not.

You write with such emotions, I really feel that I can go deep into the story. I really love your characterisations. Draco is so right. I feel that it is all right for him to feel like that, to act like that. But I don't know if he would act that... fast. Towards Bree. Maybe I'm wrong, the war would have changed him a LOT, but still, maybe some of the bonds of his father would still be there. I don't know. It really depends on what he has been up to the past 5 years...

Your dialogues are absolutely adorable! I love them, the thoughts and you descriptions. i think that your strength is in your emotions, and that is great! But I feel that you are developing yourself in all of them, so there is no need to worry.

What more is there to say? I'd like to give more constructive criticism, not only "omg, I love it" reviews. But there is really nothing to be picky about. I see some similarities with Twilight, but hey, there are similarities to everything, everywhere. You also have a bit of Romeo and Juliet, and some other stuff, but not in a bad way. I mean, no story can be completely it's self nowadays. Harry Potter is similar to Lord of the Rings, and so on. So yeah, it doesn't bother me at all.

I really hope that you will let me know when more of this is up, because I am enchanted.

Yours,
Padfooty

Author's Response: Ok, I hope this will be explained later in the story, but I'll answer it now. Draco was basically drowning before that night in the bar. Everything in his life was falling apart and he was grabbing on to anything he could. When he saw Bree, something clicked in his head and remembered life. Suddenly he could remember passion and fire, which is why he is pursuing her so ardently. He's found the one thing in his life to hold onto and he's going to fight like heck for it.

Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #15, by Padfooty December 21-22

26th December 2007:
So here I am, after all!

I feel kind of ashamed actually. Here I come, a poor little reviewer with really no education in the English language besides the one hour a week we have had for 8 years now, after reading one of your reviews. How can I put up with that? I hope that you appreciate it, anyway.

It hits me that it must be hard to write a Vampire story, and still keep it a bit... original. After Twilight showed up, all my thoughts about writing a fic with vampires has been turned down, because they strike me as remarkably the same as the book. But you seem to have something different going on here, and if someone says that it is like Twilight, I would ask them to read deeper. I can just... feel that there is something going on beneath. If you know what I mean?

Really, I'm sitting with my heart in my throat. This story is written really, really well. Your language is excellent, it runs smoothly, and I absolutely adore your characterisations.

How you described Draco... Even though you didn't describe him a lot, we can still feel that there is something changed about him. He has something different going on, and I really like that thought.

How you draw all the small things about vampires (your vampires) into it, without really saying it like a list or something was really good! And how you didn't mention her name before close to the end, it was perfect.

I'm really looking forward to read more!

Yours,
Padfooty

Author's Response: Aw, really there's no need to feel ashamed...I'm really not that good.

I definitely get what you mean about Twilight, though. When I first saw the challenge I was like "oh boy," that's gonna produce some awful pseudo-Twilights. But then, and this is really weird, I was actually standing at my mirror trying to do my hair when I noticed how wild it looked when it was curly. It somehow reminded me of a vampire, which led to the creation of Kali and this story.

Haha, I was actually worried that I wouldn't put her name in and I really wanted it in there. Part of the reason was because I didn't want reviews referring to her as "the vampire." :)

Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #16, by kara101 December 23-24

26th December 2007:
I am back again and ready to review your 2nd chapter. Please post on my review thread once you have the next chapter up. If you like I will review lost at sea if you post the form.

Once again you have great detail so kudos to that.The author's note could be bolded or put in italics, not really needed. You have great vocabulary just make sure not to use too many big words because you may lose some readers. Draco story seems so sad the way he tells it. Bree is very mysterious which is a good way to characterize her. The only thing I can say which you can improve is to perhaps describe the scenerary more. Keep on writing!

Hermione G

9/10

Author's Response: Did I really use too many big words? Eek, I'll take that into consideration. You don't think Draco's story is sad? He's like this little spoiled kid who gets shoved into something so much bigger and more evil than he could have even imagined. I feel bad for him, despite his arrogance and idiocy.

I haven't described the scenery so far because the story has mainly taken place inside the little vampire house. It's pretty nondescript, I guess...I haven't imagined it too much, but it's a good idea. Maybe in the next few chapters.

Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #17, by kara101 December 21-22

26th December 2007:
This is Hermione G from the forums

A vampire story is very orginal. I am not familar with the Twilight series so no comment there. You may want to put your author's note in bold or italics. What jumped out at me was the detai. It was excellent. I loved it and it was so orginal and thought it wonderfully. Also I love how you display vampires.This story really interests me which is odd since blood and vampires are not really my thing.

I did not find any grammar mistakes really. This was a great start and I will go review your next chapter. Hope you had a Merry Christmas and keep on writing!

9/10

Author's Response: Yeah, oddly enough, blood and horror aren't my thing either. However, writing this is amazingly easy; it just flows. Happy Holidays to you as well!

Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #18, by hypergal93 December 23-24

25th December 2007:
First of all, I love the Twilight series, even if I'm only on chapter three. XD Second, this is another great chapter. I loved the ending especially. I think you captured Draco's character nicely, although maybe he's a bit...too nice? I don't know, but again, I really didn't find anything wrong with your chapter. So that's good. :D Keep up the great work! 10/10
-Cyndi

Author's Response: They are fabulous, aren't they? :)

I actually thought he was a little too nice, as well. Maybe it's because he's in the presence of his superiors? In the books he's so condescending because he believes he's better than everyone else. Now, he knows that Bree/the vampires are superior to him in every way (physical, etc.)

Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #19, by hypergal93 December 21-22

25th December 2007:
Great chapter! I love this start to the story, it really gives the reader something to look forward to in the next chapters. I really like the plot of your story, the development of the vampires are really good. I seriously did not find anything wrong with your chapter. So great job! I give this a 10/10. Keep up the good work. :]
-Cyndi

Author's Response: Oh wow, thanks for the compliments and for reviewing!

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Review #20, by nana_banana_xx3 December 21-22

25th December 2007:
Hey there, hun. :) Merry Christmas - or whatever holiday it is you celebrate, if any - to you!

This is a really interesting concept. You mentioned Twilight in your disclaimer, and I just thought I'd mention that I'm a massive fan of that series. I've never read a vampire fic on this site before, though, so this is a first for me!

I like this first chapter quite a bit. It's very... intriguing, and you do a nice job of pulling the reader in. One thing I would say, though, is that I was awfully surprised that you described Draco's eyes as "soft". That just seems a bit off to me, since I know him as an arrogant loser, but I'm trying desperately to open myself up to fanon, so we'll see how this goes. ;)

Really nice opening chapter, though. I'll be interested to see where you take this. :)

nana_banana_xx3

Author's Response: I described Draco's eyes as soft because canon tells us they're gray. For me, gray is a soft color...I can't see gray eyes being "hard"...gray is a gentle shade. Also, it sounded like a nice juxtaposition next to his "hard" jaw, lol.

Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #21, by leaney December 23-24

24th December 2007:
***Review For Chapter2***


Ooh! The Story Is Coming Along Nicely! This Chapter Definitely Was Just As Good Or Even Better Than The first One! I Love Your Descriptions Yet Again. It Makes Your Work Delightful To Read. I Also Love How We Got To Explore Draco A Bit In This Chapter. Bree Is Such An Amazingly Well-Crafted OC. :D


Suggestions:

Keep Making This Story Amazing :D



--Leaney

Author's Response: I will definitely take your suggestions into consideration! :) Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #22, by Leaney December 21-22

24th December 2007:
***Review For Chapter1***


Well I Certainly Love Where You're Taking This Story! I Love It Lots. I Don't Usually Tend To Go For Much Crossover Type Stuff But I Must Say This Is Done Very Well! It Is One Of The First Crossovers I Liked. You're use of vocabulary and description is envy-inducing! It was positively splendid. :D

Suggestions: Not Much...I Always Have Trouble Filling This Part. I Like Basically Everything About This Story So Far! I Can't Wait To Read More!


--Leaney

Author's Response: I'm not usually a fan of crossovers either, and here I am writing one!...Does this count as a crossover? Hmm...

Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #23, by Weasley twins rock December 21-22

24th December 2007:
This is an extremely interesting story, I personally know nothing about the stereotypical vampire apart from their taste for blood, so this has me really interested. This chapter gives a very good insight into what it is to be a vampire, with the immortality and the oppression, what with the need to feed, the beauty, brains and the ability to read minds. It does on paper seem very Mary-Sueish, but the situation that it is in, completely obliterates most possibilities of any of them being Mary-Sueish.

Firstly I like the names, they are slightly different enough in their own right yet not way out there making them seem completely different to humans. Now I know that these are different to humans, yet they have the same body etc .. etc.

I would also like to congratulate you on making me interested in a fic including Draco and a love interest? I barely ever read Draco unless it is requested of me or he meets his untimely demise, however this has really interested me, which is quite some praise coming from a Draco hater! I also like her reaction to him and his mannerisms, she is attracted to him in a way, yet the human thing gets in the way, it is almost as if she is subconciously kidding herself.

Immediate thoughts aside, you write beautifully. I am really envious of people like you who can write so nicely without completely overdoing descriptions and suchlike.

Brilliant chapter, this may make it to my favourites column yet! 9/10

Author's Response: Wow, a vampire virgin? That's exciting...I get to poison your mind...mwah ha ha. Although you should really read Twilight for your vampire learning.

Ooh the names! Here's where I get to gush about how I chose them. Kali and Bree were the first characters to pop into my head, although Bree was nameless for a long time. Kali's name just popped into my head when I thought about her appearance...and I loved that it had Indian heritage because that added to exotic factor to her character. Bree's name I found by going through one of those sites with a million names...my only guide being that she should probably be Irish, since she had red hair.

Spencer's name I think is the most amusing because the moment I formed his character in my head, he was named Spencer. It was only after watching the movie Mona Lisa Smile that I realized he was rather based off the character who marries Kirsten Dunst, although he is different enough so I can keep him.

Wow...that was long...hehe

Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #24, by chiQs09 December 21-22

24th December 2007:
Hi, it's chiQs09 from the forums. Sorry it took me a while to review your story. But here I am now...^_^
I have to say that you've chosen a wonderful and creative plot to this story. I like the whole vampire thing, that makes this very first chapter more interesting and intriguing. Your vocabulary is quite amazing as well, good job also with the OCs here. So feel free posting another review in my thread as soon as the next chapter is done.

Author's Response: I'm very glad you're enjoying it...I was a little worried with the lack of reviews...

Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #25, by quailsrock23 December 21-22

23rd December 2007:
wowowow. this is super descriptive and it has very nice vocabulary. i was impressed the whole time while I read this. you've done a great job portraying a vampire so far and her clan and all. it's quite interesting. im going to have to favorite this and read more later on (:

Author's Response: Yay! Favoriting is appreciated. Thanks for reviewing!

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