ahaha this was very entertaining, just how I'd imagine the characters to react ;) (apart from the whole relieving harry from choking thing, but i'm pretty sure you know that by now)
So, yeah. Well done :DAuthor's Response: Haha, thanks for the review! I've been tempted to go back and edit that bit (as I've heard the comment about saving Harry often), but I kinda doubted anyone would ever stumble across my stories again! Thanks again for reading! I appreciate it! Report Review
I remember very clearly when my dad gave my big brother the talk, he's only two years older than me and because I was nine at the time, I listened at the door.
As you do.
And to be quite honest, had I been older and less disgusted at the idea, I probably would have found it just as funny as I found this.
What made me laugh in particular was the bit about never wanting to eat any kind of elongated baked goods again; it sounds about right.
Bryarly :)Author's Response: Haha, author confession: I never had the talk. Well, I had something like it, I guess, when my mom came into my room in the middle of the night and was like, 'changes are coming!' and I was like, okay, and that was the end of it. Thanks for your fantastic reviews, Bryarly! Report Review
Hahaha, that was, despite what you may or may not think, really funny, in a rather akward way. But hey, everything funny now-a-days is suggestive in one way or another. I really enjoyed this though, it was just the thing I needed to put a smile on my face. Well done. :)Author's Response: lol, you're right, these days funny things just happen to be really suggestive. Thanks so much for the review though, and I'm glad it put a smile on your face! Report Review
Who knew I would one day leave a review on a story about Dudley getting 'the talk'? Haha! My favourite part was "Maybe even you, Potter."
This was such a strange piece, I don't really know how to evaluate the tone. I personally thought it was hillarious. The tone to the piece was awkward and embarresing, but I was grinning anyway.
Oh dear, your timing was perfect! The description in certain parts co-incided perfectly with the dialogue, making the whole thing hillariously embarressing.
Your characterization was really good. Vernon giving the talk... haha! And Aunt Petunia - I can imagine her vividly! The only part when the character faltered slightly was when Dudley patted Harry on the back as he choked. I think it would have been more appropriate if they just stared at him like it was his fault he was choking, how dare he?
The Dialogue was great - especially Aunt Petunias flustered attempts to move off topic, but then she is beaten down by Vernon. That was very canon. Aunt Petunia was always the dutiful wife.
- Vivid parts/Favourite parts
Harry looked as if he never wanted to eat a cheese filled breadstick again, nor any other type of elongated baked good.
I didn't notice any mistakes!
Oh wow. That was hillarious. In a I-can't-believe-I'm-reading-this way. Well done, thank you for posting! Your comic timing is impeccable!Author's Response: Haha, well, Dudley and Harry had to learn about "the birds and the bees" somehow. Other people have mentioned Dudley's keeping Harry from choking before, and that was a mistake on my part. I didn't even notice it until someone pointed out it was a little OOC. I may change it in the future, or I may leave it in there and claim it's a symbol of "we're all in this together."
Thanks so much for the review, Tallesttower. It's been ages since I've gotten one (admittedly, I haven't been around lately, so I'm partly to blame) but this completely made my day!!! :) Report Review
Highly amusing. The last sentence makes it all the funnier.Author's Response: Thank you! I like the last sentence too. :P Report Review
Very funny! I was very amused by the cheese filled breadstick analogy! I liked this as a oneshot, your style is great, descriptive and pacey, just how I like it! I'll definitely be checking out your page to see any more work you have on offer! Thank you xxAuthor's Response: Aw, thanks! I was trying to figure out a way Dudley might need the talk...and since they're Durselys, food simply MUST come into the scenario. :) Report Review
Dryness? You have got be kidding me. I mean this was amazing. You are an amazing writer and humor in your fics are so realistic. I couldn't stop laughing ... the cheese filled bread stick huh? LMAO I can just imagine the way Harry and Dudley must be feeling ... i mean we all have had to hear the "talk" but hearing it from someone like Vernon Dursley kinda is mortifying lol But what really got me going was the "Whale comment" Bahahahahahahahaha now THAT is so true and so funny. Great job for a first fanfic.
~AmieAuthor's Response: lol, thank you! I actually never officially had the talk, so I was taking a wild guess. Report Review
That was halirious! Honestly, at first I couldn't even begin to picture Uncle Vernon having this discussion, but by the time he picked up the breadsitck I was dying laughing! So Classic!
And to think... it all happened on a Tuesday! LMAO
~Moon~Author's Response: Tuesdays are always lovely. :)
Thanks! Report Review
*is still wiping tears of laughter from her eyes*
Oh, this just had me roaring! Dryness aside, it was completely HILARIOUS, and something I can absolutely see happening. I swear to God, I will never look at cheese-filled breadsticks the same way again! *collapses in another fit of giggles*
Dudley saved Harry! That was a lovely little touch, kind of a "we're in this together" thing, whether meant in that vein or not.
And Dudley, just blurting it out like that - if Harry hadn't been confused himself, I think he'd have done exactly what I did: snorted out a laugh and tried to stifle it without success!
And Petunia! Trying to scramble away from the table, oh, that was so perfectly accurate for her!
Thanks for the best laugh I've had all week! XD.Author's Response: lol, I'm glad you thought it was funny! And you are I think the second person to notice that Dudley saved Harry...which is awesome for you, because even I didn't know I had put it in there until someone pointed it out.
Oh well, I'm glad you thought it was so funny! Thank you for all the reviews you left, and sorry for getting back to them so late! Report Review
Well, I've got to say that this is certainly an interesting take on Dudley and his father. I like that Dudley is just an idiot and doesn't know that he was being insulting. Also, the fact that he sorta saves Harry by thumping him on the back is also cool. See, Dudders can't be all bad!
Finally, I liked that Petuina is trying to flee from the room, but ends up having to stay and see the lovely sex talk. I just thank god for Sex ed class at school, because I don't think I could have taken the breadsticks and glasses... Nice work!Author's Response: lol, you're the second person that caught onto Dudley saving Harry by giving him a thump on the back. In all honesty, I didn't even realize that I put it in there until after someone commented on it. But oh well...we'll pretend I put it in there on purpose ;)
If I were Petunia, I'd flee from the scene too. I mean, Vernon is blunt in my mind, so I don't imagine he'd cut corner s or try to make things any easier for the poor adolescent boys...
I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for the reviews! Report Review
hahhahahaha. this is great. i love it. i actually choked from the brusqueness of his "demonstration". and now my brother definitely thinks im crazy. but im pretty sure he already did... anyway, about this story. its one of the more random things ive ever read, but its certainly enjoyable. thank you! ;)Author's Response: lol, I'm so glad you enjoyed this! I've said it before in other responses, but this is my favorite story to read reviews for. Everyone's reactions are always so funny!
Thank you so much for the reviews to my stories, henryjones! Report Review
I am oh-so-very-glad my parents never gave me the Talk. It probably wouldn't have been anywhere near as hilarious as this story, though.
Cheese-Filled Breadsticks. Amazing.
Astonishment aside, this story was really well-written and the humour was excellent =]Author's Response: lol, I actually never got a 'Talk' either, so it's interesting to hear if people can relate or not. I'm so glad you liked this story!
Thank you for the review! Report Review
Actually, I did find it funny.
Having raised a few boys, I can tell you, Vernon's reaction to the question was quite a bit more serene than mine was!
(I choked and spit out half of what I was eating!)
And I can see Vernon doing just this, too.
I think you captured him quite well.Author's Response: Thank you so much! Having very little experience with 'The Talk' from a parent's point of view, I'm really glad to hear that you thought it was something Vernon would do.
And you had to give the talk while eating dinner?! Oh my! That must have been horrifying! *giggles* I LOVE hearing people's personal experiences with 'the talk' in my reviews, so thank you very much for this. :) Report Review
OMG Wow. Well I hope you're happy Serene. I'm will never be able to look at another cheese stick for as long as I live. Poor Harry! (Dudley deserved it ;P)
I would have been at my dinner seat trying to strangle my self just to end the torture. How perfectly awkard ;P. I'm suprised Vernon even knew what to do himself I mean it's no suprise Mrs. Dursley only got pregant once ;p.
But yea I agree with Sami. You're first 15+ story and it was dirty and totally not inocent.congradulations, welcome to the dark side ;P. Great job!!!Author's Response: I'll never join the Dark Side! Never!
As odd as it may sound, I'm glad you thought it was awkward. It gives me an almost-but-not-quite warm fuzzy feeling inside hearing it.
Thanks for the review Leo! Report Review
9/10 I would like to be a Dursley if thats the Talk! Well done!Author's Response: Hahaha, I think that's the first time anyone's said they'd WANT to be a Dursley for the talk...
Thanks for the review, Celestria! Report Review
It's hardly as dry as you claim!
Okay, you said CC is welcome, so I'll try. Firstly, I find this slightly surprising because it's rather different from your writing that I regularly read - it seems faster; slightly more rushed. But I loved the lines you put in - such as the last one, or the comment about how dinner commenced peacefully. :)
The second thing is that it seems kind of short - I was actually rather surprised when it finished. I expected it to be a little longer, but now that I look back, it's perfect the way it is. ;)
-Huggles- 9/10!Author's Response: Thanks for the review, Vera! It's a good thing you didn't think this was too dry, otherwise I'd likely have dashed off to fix it...if I could think of how to.
To be honest, the writing that you read of me most often (you meant PW, I should hope) isn't my natural writing style. This isn't either, but it's a lot closer to how I normally write stories. It took forever to learn to RP write and I tend to differentiate between story writing and RP writing, beacause they ARE different. In stories, I need to be in full control of the characters, and I don't often feel the need to write every single thing out.
However, this story was written in like, a day (when I first found the challenge it all poured out more or less), so you're probably right about it being rushed.
I have a tendency to write short. In most of my other stories, I tend to cut off rather quickly, mainly because a) I want to leave a rather surprised effect and b) I haven't a clue what to say next.
I'm glad you liked the little lines though.
Again, thank you for the review!!!!! Report Review
Hun, you don't give yourself enough credit! Yes, it's a little dry, but not dry enough to warrant an apology for it! It was hilariously done, and definitely done very well for the rating! I loved the little comments, especially that last line, and Dudley saving Harry kinda made me 'awww!'! Hehehe, meatballs ahoy.!
*suddenly very aware of all the exclamation marks*
8/10Author's Response: Hehe, well, there's a soft side to everyone, right? *is a firm believer in that and supposes that the theme came out in this story too*
I actually rated it higher than I think it should have been honestly. I'm a TA and very careful about this type of thing, even though, in hindsight I think it's rated too high. I didn't even realize most of the innuendo people point out to me...
Of course, people can find anything if they look hard enough. :P
Thanks for the review, Gin!
*notes that one can never have too many exclamation points* Report Review
Brilliant. So astoundingly awkward. I never even considered how Dudley (or Harry for that matter) might have gotten "the talk." But of course it must have happened some time, so why not with breadsticks? Why not by Uncle Vernon?
My favorite line? "...and attempting to put on a friendly face, which incidentally made him look rather constipated." That's probably most people's favorite though. :) It was all loads of uncomfortable fun. Great job.Author's Response: Hehe, a lot of peopel never even think of how Dudley and Harry might have gotten the talk. That's why it's so much fun to read their expressions after they read this!
To be honest, I haven't heard that one yet as a favorite line. Most peopel say something to do with the cheese-filled breadstick.
Uncomfortable fun is an awesome compliment for this. Thank you SO much for the review! Report Review
I loved it! Reminds of my father giving the same "talk". He used taps and hose couplings but it is the same general idea. Not very helpful but the best he could do in the fifties.Author's Response: Hehe, thank you so much for the review! I really appreciate them, and I'm glad I could find someone who could relate to the boys in this story. And oh dear! I can just imagine what it would be like having the talk given with taps and hose couplings! Oh my!
Thank you for the review, Marmalade! Report Review
so funny one of my favorite storis of all time u have 2 du more lyk this, maybe 1 with harry and TeddyAuthor's Response: Thank you! I'm delighted to hear that you thought this was funny.
Unfortunately, I don't think I'll be writing anymore 'talk' stories, but thank you for the suggestion! Report Review
Oh wow :]
This was hilarious! Esp. the part about the breadstick ;)
Great job Serene *cheers*
-angelAuthor's Response: Oh thanks, Angel!
I'm glad you thought it was funny! Report Review
:) I loved it. It was hilarious and unexpected. Very different from what other people write.Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
This is perhaps the funniest so far that I've read...and the most subtle.OMFG her fork--up and down(dropped), his open mouth--full of meat! How did this get past the raters?
So much innuendo--so well done.
10/10Author's Response: lol, to be completely honest, I didn't even know I had put that in there! I mean, all I was worried about was the actual cheesestick part...I didn't even realize the others you pointed out!
*abashed* I feel so dirty...
:P And I'm a TA, so...O_O It's my very first 15+ story, which I rated higher to be on the safe side :P
I don't think the younger kids would catch those anyways, so it's all good :D
Thanks for the review! Report Review
:-O that's what my faced looked like when reading this.
the dryness is what made it great. all I can say is LOLAuthor's Response: *loves hearing people's reactions to this*
I'm glad you thought so, as I was worried that too much dryness might take away from it.
Thanks for the review! Report Review
*Dies of laughter*
Cheese and glasses eh? You my dear, have begun your decent to my level. *Evil cackle followed by the trademark snicker*
Seriously my dear, this was amazing. Never, ever doubt your ability to write humor.
Excuse me while I go laugh more.Author's Response: *blushes as she attempts to cling to her innocence*
Yep, my very first 15+ story, you must be so proud...
Thanks so much for the kind review. I'm glad that this was worthy of your dirty mind. :P
Now excuse me as I go look for my innocence. *takes out butterfly net and safari goggles* Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection