Reading Reviews for Finding the Real Me
  
6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by long_live_luna_bellatrix Chapter One- Confrontations

23rd November 2008:
Really nice start! This was an excellent first chapter, really started getting you wondering what's going to happen next. You introduced all the characters nicely.

One suggestion is that you don't go right out and describe everyone the minute they are introduced. Like, when you meet all Lily's friends, you immediately tell the readers all their characteristics. Some people, like Courtney, you need to decribe so you can see the boys' feelings for her. But You can describe Lily's friends in chapter 2 or even 3, it feels almost like an overload when you decribe them all at once. I'm not an expert, I do it all the time, but you should try to just keep people's attention for this chapter, and get down to buisness the next one.

Overall, great job! You can tell this will turn into a great story!!!

~long_live_luna_bellatrix

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Review #2, by dracoslover1 Chapter One- Confrontations

14th May 2008:
Good chapter. I like your descriptions and the characterizations that you have. This is a very good start.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review.

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Review #3, by JLHufflepuff again Chapter One- Confrontations

14th May 2008:
Okay, I am an idiot! This is Lily II! I didn't look to see what era it was from, so I just assumed it was Lily Evans. I feel stupid! Anyway, I definitely think this works with Lily Potter and an OC. It seems that Lily is quite the way her grandmother was stereotyped to be, but I have a feeling there is more beneath the surface of both her and Dom.

Author's Response: Thanks for the second review, you're right about there being more beanth the surface for the two of them. I wanted the first chapter to really show an extreme version of them and as the story progresses you see there is more to them. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

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Review #4, by JLHufflepuff Chapter One- Confrontations

14th May 2008:
So far I'm viewing Dom as a cocky, attitudinal male (aka basically, a normal teenage male). He and his friends seem kind of disrespectful of women and view Lily as kind of stuck up and too rule-abiding. I can't tell if that's how she really is or if they just see her that way because of the way they are. I see a lot of similarities between Dom and his friends and the Marauders, but so far nothing is really glaring in that area. So is Dominic going to realize that he needs to change his ways?

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. The story is going to be about his struggle to figure out who he is and how they both have to change in order for their relationship to work.

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Review #5, by uptowngirlinlove Chapter One- Confrontations

12th May 2008:
hey, this is lucretia neva/uptowngirlinlove from the forums, filling the review request. Ok let's get this going.

Plot: I like the idea of having Lily II/OC pairing and particularly one that deals with an OC that looks a bit like James. Lily II looks a lot like her mother and I guess she has inherited some of her grandmother's genes so it's a fact that Potter women fall for immature guys, as the Potter guys fall for red-heads. So, the plot is good and I can definitely see the potential in this story as long as you stay away from the classical cliches when dealing with romance.

Characterization:

Lily: As I've said before, she should be a mixture of her mother and grandmother, so it's good that you made her a Head Girl, as this position is held by good students, and fiery just like her mother was in school. I particularly enjoyed the acid exchange of replies between she and Dominic. That was really funny. A small detail though, it says in the epilogue that the only child of Harry's who inherited Lily's eyes was Albus, therefore we must assume that Lily II's eyes were brown like her mum's. But that's not such a big issue after all.

Dominic: Again, it's nice making him similar to James, I enjoyed the carefree nature in which he spoke to Lily and the assuredness in his behaviour.

Grammar: I'm not a native speaker but I did saw some mistakes there that I must point.
"group of his mates" - you can just say group of mates. The readers understand that it's his group, his friends.
"She doesn't half go on, doesn't she?" - it should be "she doesn't half go on, does she?"
surrounding - surroundings
lets face it - let's face it
"Hi Courtney, have a good..." - Hi Courtney, had a good...

And there are quite others that you should be paying attention to. I'd suggest getting a beta on the forums to help you with grammar.

Overall: it was a good beginning, but make sure you watch out for grammar and another thing, formatting issued. Speech should always start with a new paragraph, unless it's the same character speaking.

Author's Response: Thank you for the fantastic review. I wanted Lily to resemble quite a few of her relatives and there is a James/Lily resemblence but I also want to make this original.

The grammar is going to be fixed soon, I hope to get a Beta who can help me out!

Thanks again!


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Review #6, by XxescapingfatexX Chapter One- Confrontations

10th May 2008:
that was a really great chapter. i haven't really read any Next Gen fics with Lily as one of the main characters. i'm glad i started a new review thread so that i can read wonderful stories like this (: when i read 'Dominic' i thought of Dominico from A Shot at Love with Tila Tequilla (i can't spell it) xD i love your description of all the characters and i can't wait to see where the story goes ^___^

-Shannon

Author's Response: Thanks for the review, I wanted to make sure the readers got a good idea of the characters because they are pretty much all OC. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

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