Bless him. He can't think like this for long. He can't keep punishing himself. You write him so wonderfully, with just the right amount of regret and torment.
I am interested as to who this person he met at the end is. Or am I just looking in to things to deeply? I would love to see some more friendship scene between him and the marauders.
Update soon!Author's Response: Yay! A review, finally! :P
You know, I haven't decided who it is yet at the end. I've written three different verison with three different characters and I can't decide who I like best! Lol, and don't worry, there will be a lot of friendness coming with the Marauders. Who can resist their charm?!
Thanks for reviewing! I hope to update in the next week, or perhaps sooner! ^_^ Report Review
Awesome chapter, better than the last one!
Your writing really has potentinal after I read this. It is really good, the whole chapter flows neatly, and we get to actually meet the characters personally.
Just wondering, did you make up the part about James' grandparents being Ravenclaw? That would be interesting if it were canon. xP
I'm trying to not make my review as lengthy as the other one. xDAuthor's Response: Thanks! Really, I feel like going on a writing spree now because your review really makes me smile! :D
Yeah, I made that up, though it would be really awesome if it was canon. I suppoose I can only dream *sigh*. =D
Thanks so much, again! Report Review
Wow, this is the first fanfiction I read in a long time. I picked it out because I loved the description of the story, it really caught my attention. And I'm not usually drawn to Marauders/Past HP fanfictions. ^^
One of the things I loved about this is that it was written so much differently than JK Rowling -- but in a good way. Your writing technique draws more of the characters', or in this case, character's, feelings. You kind of get inside of their head and write perfectly about it. Another thing is, this just occured to me, was that you matched JKR's statement perfectly where Lupin just wants to feel wanted and doesn't think he fits in. I'm not sure where that statement was, but I know she said it.
And of course, I have to give constructive criticism, because I love to give it, and writers benefit with criticism. There isn't too much to criticize about but only a few small details. Some of your characters like Grayback and Sirius sound a little too polite. Like Fenrir does sound gruff and Sirius is nice though, you may want to give them a little bit more of ... eh, attitude.
So, yeah, that's just my little blurb from me. Thanks if you're reading this. xDAuthor's Response: Awe, thanks so much! Another motivational review! Yay!
I see what you're saying about Greyback and Sirius, though my intention for Greyback being nice and understanding comes in future chapters (probably not for a while, though). =D
Thanks again! Report Review
This is a short but sweet little chapter. I like the way you are building the characters up... I'm skeptical as to whether or not James would just instantly be stunned by Lily as an eleven-year-old, but, hey, it could happen... I really like the way you have Remus already deciding at an early age that he can't be in a relationship because of his "problem." It's definitely supported by things that happen later on... So far this is keeping my interest! Woot! :) Good job.Author's Response: Awe, thanks! I love your reviews so much! They're really motivate me! Report Review
Haha, James looking at Lily- cuteness!
I really really like this story- you write Remus's feelings and thought really really well.
I cannot wait for the next chapter!! So pretty please [with a cherry on top] hurry up with writing it.
10/10!!Author's Response: Thanks so much! Heh, I'll most likely be updating later next week, my motivation for this story has really increased from lovely reviews, like this one! =D
Thanks again! Report Review
Awe, poor Remus- my heart bleeds for him *cries*.
“I hear that in order for them to choose your house, you have to duel the headmaster.”- it sounds like the stupid thing Sirius would of said. lol.
Omg, the ending was so cute... i just feel like hugging Remus- awe poor him. =(.
LOVE it!!Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing!
I'm really, really glad to hear positive feedback. =D Report Review
I really liked this story. I especially liked this bit:
"I hear that in order for them to choose your house, you have to duel the headmaster." Sirius' voice sparked interest. "I bet I could beat him, even without a wand."
The description you had at the beginning was amazing especially the first bit about his transformation. Definitely well described. Remus' doubt when he was introduced to Sirius, Peter and James, seemed like accurate characterisation to me also.
Im curious to know what (if any) role Fenrir Greyback will play in your story other than the obvious fact he converted Remus. It was different seeing such a humane side of him rather than the vicious interpretation you usually see.
I think this story is definitely worth continuing because you're off to a very good start!Author's Response: Aw, thanks! Heh, there's so many people that like that part with Sirius. I don't even remember how I came up with it.
Fenrir will definately have a large part in the story, maybe not a lot at the beginning, but as you see Remus get older you'll see more and more of Fenrir.
Thanks so much for the lovely review! *hugs* Report Review
I really like the idea, though this first chapter really doesn't cach the eye so much. I think it's a interesting plot idea, but since you haven't really gotten to develope it fully, then we can't be drawn in too much. Truthfully, I'm only slightly intrigued. You need something to bring in readers and have them wanting more. I personally would read the next chapter and those after that, because I like the idea and the writing style.
It's got potential, you just need something to spice it up a bit. Some type of conflict, so to speak.
I like the description and the use of narration, opposed to dialogue. I especially loved the beginning, with Fenrir Greyback. Your characterization is great, everyone seems to be in character [well from what we see of them] they're developed very well/
The flow was great, and again, I loved the description and detai. Then again, that's me who loves description to a strange level. :P
Anyway I like the plot, and Like I said I like your writing style, and I think this has a lot of potential.
P.S. Sorry about the extremely overdue review! I've been up to my neck in work, and everything else... sorry again hun. Oh, and Happy New Year! 2008!!Author's Response: Thanks for the honesty! *hugs* I need motivational reviews like this to make me work harder, I've been getting lazy.
Thanks for the comments, and I was extremely worried about my flow for the chapter!
Thanks so much, and no worries about the belated review, I know life can get pretty hectic!
=D Report Review
I definitely think this is interesting enough to continue. I'm on a current Remus reading spree, so I was delighted to see you'd requested a review from me for this story! Woot! Anyway, I love the way you start out describing the transformation from his childish perspective - very angsty in a wonderful way! I was also intrigued by his encounter with Greyback. It was a bit confusing to me, but I am dying to know more, actually. And the Hogwarts train ride with the Marauders was well done and not boring ... I totally want to read more! So I am adding this to my favorites in hopes that there will BE more!Author's Response: Thanks so much! =D
I'm planning an update this coming week! I'm excited to get it posted, I've had a lot of good feedback on this story so far... I'm hoping I keep it interesting enough later.
Thanks again! Report Review
***Review For Chapter1***
Things I Liked/Loved:
Wow! I must compliment you for you're use of vocabulary. It's very well developed and used splendidly throughout the chapter. I Love the description you used. I could picture everything perfectly. Im so interested in this story that I hope you continue to write more. I believe it will be definitely a story worth reading.
Im not sure I have too much advice to give here. You're flow and writing seemed perfectly fine though a teency bit choppy in some areas. Just keep up the good work! i hope to read more of this! please let me know when and if you do decide to post more!!
--LeaneyAuthor's Response: Aw! Thanks! Your review really inspires me to write more! *hugs*
I'll definately tell you when I post the next chapter!
Thanks so much!
-carran Report Review
I really like this! I thought the beginning was wonderful, and I especially loved the description of the moon and then Remus and everything that happened in the beginning. I thought your description was wonderful and you set a good start for the story. I definitely think it is an interesting story and that you should continue with it. I certainly want to read more.
I thought the part with Sirius saying that you have to duel that headmaster was really cute. I remember from the first book that everyone was anxious about what they did for the sorting, so I thought that was pretty cute and it sounds just like something that Sirius would say.
I thought the later part of the chapter could have been a little bit stronger though. Maybe a little more detail would have been helpful. Besides that, it's really good and I want to read more! Great job!Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it. I'll be editing the chapter shortly with your suggestion for the ending! *hugs*
Thankies again! Report Review
Hi! Great chapter !!! I really liked this, especially the first paragraph. I thought this particular one was well written and described =]:
It’s a mysterious thing, the moon is. It’s beauty undeniable, yet it causes such a torturous pain that makes one go mad. It’s altering phases affects not only one’s mind and body, but it dominates your soul and alters it. Soon you become not only a monster on the nights of your transformation, but a murderer.
I think it definately is interesting enough to continue. I can already see the wonderful insight into Remus' mind that you have! good job 10/10.
kay~Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback! Report Review
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