10 Reviews Found

Review #1, by dogluver714 Ron and Hermione on valentines day

14th February 2008:
that was a sweet little story, but a bit choppy.

Author's Response: thank you :)

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Review #2, by mioneronweasly Ron and Hermione on valentines day

26th December 2007:
it was really good but it was kinda short other than that really good!

Author's Response: thank you :)

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Review #3, by hermioneginnyluna Ron and Hermione on valentines day

25th December 2007:
It was really good. How COULD Hermione think that Ron was a fool? HONESTLY! She has no faith in the boy!!! It was very enjoyable!!!

Author's Response: thank you :) lol, glad you enjoyed it! thank you for your review, it made my day :D

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Review #4, by magical_love Ron and Hermione on valentines day

17th December 2007:
Oh...the story was very good!!

Author's Response: thank you! :)

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Review #5, by ChizzaLazty Ron and Hermione on valentines day

16th December 2007:
It was a sweet little story, but I couldn't help but feel that it was a bit chopped up, like the flow was off. It was more like a summary of their day rather than an entertaining story. Don't get it wrong, the story was entertaining and had a wonderful plot, but you should've added more description to attract the reader's attention, as well as other ways of "skipping" parts of the day. Take, for example, when Hermione went to her mother's house. You could've written something more like;

"She apparated to her parents' house, where she was greeted by her mother. The thought of Ron forgetting Valentine's day wouldn't leave her even when they were chatting cheerily over cake and coffee, and she was still just as angry with him as she had been earlier when she arrived home two hours after she'd left."

You know, connect her leaving and coming home with something (anger), and include a short sentence about what she did there (cake and coffee). That way, the reader won't feel so left out and the whole thing will flow more nicely.

The characterizations were good. Hermione is mad but doesn't say anything; fun for us but perhaps not as fun for her. Still, it's exactly what I'd imagine her doing, as good job on her. Ron I'm not so sure about. Perhaps he should be more clumsy and daft, and not this speculating, cunning and romantic. I do, however, realise that this would interfere with the whole plot of it, and that it can't be changed, but i just thought I'd point it out.

There are some spelling/grammar mistakes. Just to mention a few examples, there was "sweet heart", which means something else entirely than "sweetheart", which is what I think you were going for. You also wrote "herms" at least twice, when it should be Herms because it's a name (even if it's a nickname).

Which, by the way, isn't canon, but that's something I won't write much about now.

The story was a bit short, and I don't mean the period of time, but the text itself. However, I think that if you just add a bit of detail and description to it, you can improve on that. What I would like you to write more about the most, is the actual date, including the part where he gave her the ring.

I didn't write all of this because I hate it, it's actually quite the opposite. I think it could be a great story if you just woked a bit more on it. The plot was fun anf interesting, and I thought the way you solved how to include Hermione's thoughts (the italics) was very good.

So I just want to say good job, and I'd love it if you'd send me the link again if you ever get the chance to work more on it! :D

Author's Response: thank you.. yea, i guess i should have. i will include a similar paragraph like yours (thank you for the example, it helped alot) and will put more detail in the story.

oh, it din't strike me that it would mean something diffrent, thanks for telling me about it ^_^ i will change it as soon as possible

i have to admit, i din't know that you have to use a capital letter even if its a nickname, thanks for informing me about it. i will also get that changed and be more careful in future when i use nicknames :)

i guess after i add more description, it will become longer. and yes, i will describe the date more :)

thank you! :D:D:D
thank you for the advise, i will definatly work on this story and make it a beter one, i promise. i will try my best to get it done by this week and once its validated, i'll send you the link again ^_^

thanks for the review, it really made me happy knowing that someone cares..

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Review #6, by Weasley twins rock Ron and Hermione on valentines day

15th December 2007:
I will be extremely honest, I didn't like it. However don't take it personally, I just don't really like anything fluffy and romantic because I am a heartless fiend :P

It wasn't terribly written but I won't lie and say that it is the best I have ever read, because it isn't. I have found some room for improvement and some spelling mistakes to point out for you. How fun does that sound! :) I may as well list them.

- You have put 'give' instead of 'gift', when she talks about getting Ron something for Valentines day.
- You put 'to prepare lovely breakfast' when she is preparing breakfast. It really should be 'to prepare a lovely breakfast'
- You have put 'it fit perfectly' when Ron gives her the ring. It should have been 'fitted' instead of 'fit'.
- You have written 'Ron drove to somewhere Hermione dint recognize.' It should be "didn't" instead of 'dint'.
- At the very end in the italics you have used the word 'defiantly' out of context, I think you meant 'definitely'.

You have also missed out numerous full stops at the end of the lines with speech in them. Without sounding completely rude, there are loads of them, so you could go through and look at that, it would imrpove the quality of the writing, I promise.

And now I have one more bad point and the good news. It irked me how Ron called Hermione 'Herms', I know that some may find that cute or romantic, but that is one of my bug bears. Just my opinion, I'm not saying that you have to get rid of it. What I find a little amusing is he calls her the same name as the family owl who he said was useless.

As for the good stuff, I like how oblivious and care free Ron was at the very beginning, you capture the essence of Ron there. You can tell from the second book that he isn't a big fan of Valentine's Day! You captured that well, whilst still managing to infuriate Hermione!

You may be glad to know that I have finished my review. Please don't take the criticism the wrong way, I don't coat my words as liberally with sugar as some people do. Just because I didn't like it doesn't mean others wouldn't. I haven't read your other reviews yet, but I'll bet they are very positive.

Keep working on it, I hope to see more of your writing around some day :)

Author's Response: **looks at the length of the review and gives a big smile!**

i have made quite a few mistakes and my grammer is also not the best, since english is my second language, and am very glad you pointed out my mistakes. i would have never realised them. i will change them as soon as possible.

thank you! i definatly din't take your criticism wrong, infact, i am glad you advised me. it will help me improve my story.

once again, i'd like to say a big thanks to you for the really nice review! thank you!!! :D

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Review #7, by Ron is my hero Ron and Hermione on valentines day

13th December 2007:
that was very sweet! i was smiling while i read the story
amazing work and just a great job! pure fluff and romance with the combo of r/hr is the best story ever, for me at least, and thats wat you did! wish i could giv you 15/10! lol

Author's Response: thank you! :D your review has made me really happy! thank you once again!! =D

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Review #8, by The_Real_Hermione Ron and Hermione on valentines day

5th December 2007:
LOL, I can SO see Ron doing that!!! Same with Hermione.

Author's Response: thanks!

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Review #9, by Pegasus1979 Ron and Hermione on valentines day

5th December 2007:
cute, if not a little short!

Author's Response: thank you!! :D

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Review #10, by FernandoA Ron and Hermione on valentines day

5th December 2007:
It was a nice story... I liked it...

Author's Response: thank you! your review really made me happy! :D

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