Here is your review for winning second place to my Katy Perry Challenge! :)
Wow, that was so good. I knew from the summary that this was going to make me cry, and I was right. Everytime I read a story about Remus, Sirius, and Pettigrew after Lily and James die, I always cry. Every single time. But I never regret reading them, beause they're always good. And this was no exception.
I like that you had all three boys' thoughts. I thought that was a really good idea. And the way you did it, just made it all the better.
I like the way Pettigrew's part was written, but I can't help but think that that one was my least favorite. And I don't mean, I didn't like it. I just mean he angers me. The writing was fantastic, I promise.
Out of Sirius and Remus's thoughts, I can't really pick a favorite. Sirius made me cry, but Remus made me bawl, especially after he saw that he had thrown the picture of the Marauders and broken it, and then starting crying as well. :'(
It was so good.
(LiveLaughLoveHarryPotter on the forums)Author's Response: thank you for the review! I'm sorry it made you cry, but glad you liked it.
At the time I wrote this I couldn't really find a story like it, and I wanted to portray all of their thoughts and feelings after James and Lily died, even Peter's.
I wanted it to be sad because I wanted to portray the real emotions that they would have felt at that moment in time.
lilyandjamesfan Report Review
This was a very good story! I have often speculated about Pettigrew's motives and his character, and I think you did a great job showing the reactions of all three characters to his betrayal. I am a Sirius fan so I particularly liked his version! Great job.
P.S. Thank you for your kind review of "The Wedding of the Decade." :)Author's Response: I am glad you like Peter's characterisation. I was trying to show that he wasn't bad the whole time they knew him, and that he had a good reason for becoming a death eater. I love Sirius as well, he is definitely my favourite maruader, and maybe my favourite HP character over all.
It's no problem. Normally I don't read Lucius/Narcissa, but I had a need to read a few. I also nominated it for Story Seekers in the Ravenclaw common room on the forums. Report Review
good story!! i loved it, even though it's sad to see all those friends come apart. i want to know if you have written any other stories as i would love to read 'em.
10/10!!Author's Response: thank you for your review. I have written a few more stories, to get to them just click on my penname and it will take you to my author page or you can search for lilyandjamesfan in the find story/author of the 'read stories' links. Report Review
I like how you go through all there emotions. I really enjoy the thoughts of Peter, because everyone one sees what Sirius felt, and you sometimes see a little bit of Lupin's. But you don't see Peter much. I really enjoyed this peice of work, how a single moment split all four friends apart forever. Just great.Author's Response: thanks for the review. i really wanted to show a different side to peter than most do. Report Review
i hate peter with a flaming passion! die, peter, DIEAuthor's Response: i do too. but i have always thought there was more to him changing sides and i wanted to get that across. Report Review
This is Hermione G from the forums
I liked it but the swapping between POVs is confusing. I could see that you would want us to guess whose thoughts it was but if you guessed wrong then the story would not be as enjoyable. Your spelling and grammar were fine and the flow was good. I would maybe just clarify whose thoughts are whose or switch to 3rd person.Author's Response: thanks for reviewing. i will put whose thoughts it was in the reflecting bit. Report Review
Hey there! :) I'm finally here to review your story.
Okay first things first. The opening paragraph is beautiful, absolutely great and pulled me right in. Only problem is ... it was confusing as to when the "lone man" (I'm assuming Sirius) is thinking, and when he is being described. I think it would be much better if you put his thoughts into italics - it would make it a lot easier to understand that yes, we are inside his mind and hearing what he thinks about the betrayal.
The same goes for the rest of the story, actually. One other thing you could do (if you're not a fan of the italics) is to put their thoughts into quotations, as though they are speaking directly to the reader. This would pull the reader in just as effectively.
But as for the story, it's great. I love hearing each of their opinions on exactly what had happened, and you showed the confusion very well - in dark times like those, your friends could be the ones who turned against you and so each of them is suspecting the other, not knowing the real truth. I especially love Peter's point of view - it shows how insecure he really is, so insecure that he always needs to be led by whoever is the most powerful at the time ... whether that means the Marauders at Hogwarts, or Voldemort in the real world.
Great job! :)Author's Response: thank you very much for the review. i will probably will put their thoughts into italics as other people have said i was confusing. Report Review
I really, really like it.
Maybe you can inprove it by putting the italic < i > signs around the parts where they are thinking to themselves, but that was the only thing bugging me in this one-shot. Great Job!
PainfullygoneAuthor's Response: thank you for reviewing! Report Review
This is from your post in the Rav comon room.
You are writing from 3 POV's in 1st person but it is confusing who is who. It might be better to use 3rd person. That also makes it easer to write action in it.
In the first sentence of each character make it clear who is talking.
I can't believe what I've just done.
I, Peter Pettigrew, can't believe what I've just done.
I read half of Sirius's tale before realising there was a POV switch.
The whole topic of Pettigrew's betrayal, his fight with Sirius and Sirius's imprisonment lends great scope for action scenes and discussions and accusations. It would be much better dealt with as a 3rd person narrative, in say 15000 words.
Your writing style is good and your spelling and grammar are very good.Author's Response: thank you for the review. the actual challenge was to write it in 2 or more POV. I kind of wanted the reader to gues who was talking rather than say directly as it is only their thoughts but if it is better for the read the other way then i can change it. again thanks for the review Report Review
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