I LOVE IT.
NICE AND SIMPLE
10/10 FOR SURE
GREAT JOBAuthor's Response: Thank you. I'm glad you liked it Report Review
To be quite frank and honest, the horrible grammar completely ruined the story. You had a wonderful story, but grammar that was just as bad in addition to randomly thrown in things, such as the middle part where you tell the outcome of the war. It was simply sporadic and unneccesary. I'd recommend finding a beta on the forums to help you out with your grammar. ;)
-CarrieAuthor's Response: well i do have a beta, but i'm waiting for her to get back to me with a two other chapters for my other story. i'll send them when she gets time. Thanks Carrie :) Report Review
cute and nice and sad... it's well writen but i didn't understand who fred's killer wasAuthor's Response: we don't actaully know who Fred's killer was in the book :( Report Review
Wow, that was quite a surprise. I never thought of Alicia Spinnet. Wonderful job with this one-shot. I love it. It was also wonderfully well written, and I think you're improving your writing style.
Keep up the good job, my friend.
^_^Author's Response: Thanks. I'm glad I'm improving :) Report Review
Hey! How are you? :) I'm finally here to review your story.
Okay, I'm confused. This was a beautiful George/Alicia fanfiction, but it is told by Alicia the whole way through, is it not? Then why, at the beginning, is she hugged by someone named Alicia? Did you mean Angelina? Here it is: "He chuckles and smiles down to me. Then he moves away, and I’m hugged by his brother, and then Alicia." I just got a little thrown off by that.
In this sentence "Fred! My heart snaps cleanly in two. My best friend! The brother to my bestest friend." I don't think "bestest" is a word, how about replacing it with dearest?
Otherwise, the spelling and grammar were in good shape. I think this is the first George/Alicia story I've read, and their relationship is very sweet and believable. I love that they named their son Fred at the end, I think it's something both of them would definitely do to honor him.
Nice job! :)Author's Response: Thanks. Yeah, I meant Angelina *hitsselfinhead* that was stupid :P
thanks for the review, i'll fix it up when i get time Report Review
this is very good (: i love the descriptions and characterizations.
but, you see all the exclamation marks? i'm not a huge fan of exclamation marks in stories, as they can be used too much and take away from the emotion - but used correctly, add to it. in some places, it fits in well. but, in places like -
I was safe in his arms. For now!
i feel it would be better with just a single full stop, to puncutate the story more.
the grammer was good, only a few mistakes i can spot. it was a little hurried, but i suppose it is about a battle. (:
well done!Author's Response: thanks mary, it was a bit rushed :P but i don't know how to do battles. i'll take some of the out, and put a fullstop :) Report Review
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