1,162 Reviews Found

Review #1, by my_voice_rising The Girl Next Door

30th July 2014:
Hey there! I was intrigued by this because I love a good Harry/OC, and especially older stories from before the books were finished. But your Author's Note at the beginning really got me hooked. Seems we are in very similar situations, in terms of our writing and when we got interested and how we dropped off the fanfic grid and came back. It's impressive that you've come back and edited your older work; clearly you take pride in your writing.

Here we go!

So we're going to see the inner-workings of Harry's mind in this fic. Lovely! I love that you called him out for being "grouchy and angsty," which on the surface is totally true of sixteen year-old Harry. One thing that would help (and I know you've already edited this a thousand times so it may be a moot point) is shorter sentences. You've got a gift with language, but shortening up a few phrases here and there really helps with readability.

You've done a really good job here of justifying Harry's mesmerized state at seeing your OC. If they were meeting on the street and he was stricken by her beauty, it would be a bit too much. But the fact that he's seen nothing but the Dursleys for weeks, and is severely bored and depressed, makes it all believable. He's just intrigued by the actual presence of another young human being. Plus, he's a fifteen/sixteen year-old boy and she's a girl in a bikini. Of course he's staring.

I think her physical description could probably have been toned down a bit... obviously Harry is smitten, and with good reason. After the tragedy of Sirius it makes sense that he would need a distraction, but heart-shaped face, golden-blonde hair, potentially-amazing smile, etc. seem a bit much. Again, the reasoning behind his instant interest in her makes sense, but Harry never even noticed Ginny physically in the books--or really described her physically other than being a redhead--even when he became smitten with his future-wife. I think Harry's a bit too awkward and oblivious at times to notice things like face shapes.

Ron's letter. Spot-on. Hermione being her control-freak self and telling him exactly how to write the letter... I love it! And I love that Harry did at least momentarily forget the new girl, and become focused on his friends and the magical world and his own life, as I believe he really would!

OOOH and angsty Harry is back, irritated at a stranger for being out in a bikini in the middle of the day. I love it. So accurate. Obviously she is going to be a part of his life, but I love, love, love this sudden mood swing of his when he realizes that there's no point in trying to introduce himself to her because she won't fit with his life.

I'm glad I decided to stop by and read this. And it's ~*~completed~*~ how wonderful! Nicely done.

Author's Response: Oh my goodness, what an amazing and thoughtful review! Thank you so much for taking the time to write this, I appreciate it a lot. This was a work that I just couldn't get out of my head, and so I went back years later and edited errors and added sentences and deleted others...at least you know you're reading a work of love :)

Thank you for your suggestions- I still go back and edit every now and then (with a story this long, there's bound to be errors that I have overlooked) and next time I do, I will be sure to take your advice into account. You seem like a thoughtful and mature writer, and I appreciate the help! You also seem to know the characters very well, and I try to make the non-original characters as close to canon as possible.

I never expected to get a review on a fic that's so old! All I can say is that I hope you keep reading, as (don't want to seem like I'm tooting my own horn here) I feel like my later chapters are much better. More reviews are so welcome! Thanks again lovely!


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Review #2, by Grim_reaper95 Epilogue

13th May 2014:
Awesome story. This chapter was indeed a little bit cheesy but whole story was just fabulous. Whole new concept i hardly see it these days in hp fanfics. And this was one of best i've read. And yeah.ratings for this chapter is for whole story.

Author's Response: Thank you for your review! I'm glad you enjoyed :)

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Review #3, by Neone The Girl Next Door

28th March 2013:
I remember that this was one of the first fanfics I have read. Thank you for writing this amazing story!

Author's Response: Thanks for the sweet message! Though this story was written long ago, I am still proud of it, and I am so glad that you enjoyed it :)

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Review #4, by jordino Capture

20th February 2012:
sometimes... i just really hate Elle. I mean she always makes a dramatic exit and she DOES think everything revolves around her. So right now, i only feel a tiny bit bad that she was captured. But on a high note, me saying all of this makes the story have my attention, so that's a good thing.

Author's Response: She is quite the love/hate character, but as long as it has your attention, I don't mind :) Thanks for the review!

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Review #5, by Slytherin_Princess44 An Unforgettable Vacation

8th August 2011:
its interesting because I read this story a couple years ago and remember it nearly word for word...

now I come back and its the same story, but edited, and words moved around :) it makes it interesting

ie now its "they purchased some food before going back to the hotel"
then it was "since neither were hungry, they purchased some drinks before heading back to the hotel"

the story is still amazing of course :)

Author's Response: Yup, you're not just imagining things, don't worry. I edited all my stories for a couple of weeks, fixing sentences that didn't sound right, and adding and deleting passages here and there. However, nothing major was changed, and it's still the same story you remember. Also, there is a short epilogue now as well.

Thank for reading and for leaving a review, I'm delighted that you still enjoy the story!!


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Review #6, by felicityweasley101 Quidditch Tryouts

3rd August 2011:
i thought cho was in slytherin

Author's Response: In the books, as well as in this fanfiction, she is in Ravenclaw.

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Review #7, by Morinden First Impressions

24th June 2011:
Harry deserves some love, but while Harry is hooked on Elle, I'm not. Yet. I don't think she's that interesting. But your characterization of the main characters is spot on. I'll keep on reading to see how the ships develop.

Author's Response: Thank you, I definitely hope you keep reading. I agree, her character is hard to like at the beginning.

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Review #8, by Morinden The Girl Next Door

23rd June 2011:
Well, it's cool so far. I'm amazed you have the dedication to go back and revise your 5 year old work.

Author's Response: Thank you for reading! I never planned on revising this story, but I felt like since I spent so much time writing it, that it deserved to be updated a little. I hope you continue reading!

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Review #9, by RainbowSplit Epilogue

29th March 2011:
OMG that ending was so good! You did a wonderful job at writing this story. I must have read this story a billion times! It's the perfect love story (along with The Notebook and Titanic) lol but rather than that you are an awesome writer. Don't stop writing keep at it! Love you sooo much LoveSpell!! :). -RS

Author's Response: Thank you so much, your review made my day! I LOVE The Notebook and Titanic, though I doubt my story can ever compare :) I'm so glad you enjoyed the story, and I hope you keep reading as long as I keep writing!

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Review #10, by blimmchen Epilogue

22nd January 2011:
Hey there!!! I cannot believe you added something to this story. I absolutely adored the epilogue, even though it was a wee bit cheesy... but that is what a good story needs sometimes. Hope you're well xxx

Author's Response: Hi!! I know, I can't believe I added something to this story either, it's been so long. I went back and edited the rest as well, it just felt like something that had to be done. Thanks for reading and for your lovely review, I've missed reading them :) Hope you're good too!

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Review #11, by Eilidh Quidditch Tryouts

8th September 2010:
This keeps getting better and better! I forgot to comment on the previous chapter, but here is the main thing i wanted to put across about the chapter before; Dumbledore was EXCELLENT! I thought that it would be hard to capture his sense of humour without going overboard, but you did a fabulous job! I also love how Elle and Harry and almost as bad as Draco v. Harry. Almost.
Here is my one piece of criticism though, and i already know that it is too late to change it, but it could be a future thought (maybe xD)? I do not like the idea of Elle's ''special gift''. I only say this as in every story i read, the main character is always more superior in some kind of way. Normally with a special gift and whatnot.

Other than that though; completely awesome! :D

Author's Response: Thank you for your review! I'm glad you approve of Dumbledore's character, I really tried to capture the essence of him in a way that JK herself would be proud of.

I always appreciate constructive criticism, and I'm wary of stories with characters that have "special gifts" as well, since it seems to scream "mary sue." That's why I tried to make my story a tad different, with my main character not really knowing or trusting her powers, and having it be more realistic.


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Review #12, by Eilidh The Girl Next Door

8th September 2010:
WOW. After spending a few months looking for a substantial fanfiction from Harry Potter, i have at last found this site and your story! I was originally looking for something about Draco as i hate it when people try to write their characters as 'perfect'. And i am extremely impressed with this story after only reading the first chapter as it shows the little imperfections and actually seems real unlike some others i have read. Will keep reading this no matter what! ;)

Author's Response: Thank you very much for such a kind review! I do try very hard to give my characters slight imperfections to make them real and relatable, because who wants to read about a "perfect" character? Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Review #13, by DONT INJURE THE GINGER The Girl Next Door

29th July 2010:
So far, I'm really liking this story! I don't care much for Harry/OC's but I have to say I appreciate it more than Harry/Ginny. Didn't it seem kind of rushed? Plus, Ginny was totally under developed! Okay, now I'm rambling...

Oh! I also had a favorite line! "Maybe he would introduce himself, he thought, while exiting the room in a rush, but not before catching one last glimpse of himself in the mirror. Ugh. Maybe not." For some bizarre reason that struck me as hilarious and I laughed out loud. Poor teenage self esteem issues! :P

Anyway, I hope this story continues on to be pretty brill like this first chapter was!

x Aoife

Author's Response: I agree with you about the Harry/Ginny thing…it did grow on me after a while, but was a bit jarring at first :)

I know, teenagers and their self-esteem! Actually, change that to everyone and their self-esteem- I still have issues with that and I'm a little older than a teenager. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #14, by Isabelle_Finnigan Bitter Endings and Sweet Beginnings

9th July 2010:
omg i love this story! and that is so funny how you put in a part about what really happened!! I feel sad that this story is over i have been reading it since me and my bf started dating! I have other stories though... :(

Author's Response: Thanks for the review, and I'm glad you liked that part! It was one of my favorite lines as well. Yes, the story is over, but go check out my sequels! Thanks for the review!

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Review #15, by wqdesf First Impressions

4th June 2010:
Like I said earlier, your plot line is terrible, but you write well, sorry for the harshness and such.

Author's Response: Hey, I'll take it. Thanks.

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Review #16, by wqdesf First Impressions

4th June 2010:
OH LOOK, ANOTHER OC THAT WILL OBVIOUSLY BE MORE POWERFUL THAN HARRY AND SAVED THE DAY.

HOW ORIGINAL.

Author's Response: Maybe give it a chance...

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Review #17, by jemss The Girl Next Door

19th January 2010:
drapp :D
U ROCK AT WRITING!
skils...

Author's Response: Thanks! You rock too!

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Review #18, by Traveler94 Life is About to Get Interesting

26th October 2009:
ah, I loved it; I couldn't stop grinning the whole chapter. You could even say I was a cat :)

Author's Response: Cheshire cat, perhaps? Thanks so much!

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Review #19, by Traveler94 Fights and Futures

24th October 2009:
I thought the name thing was cool, but only because the same thing happened to me when I was younger; Rachael -Rae. Good Chapter!

Author's Response: Interesting that you had the same experience! I think I tried to have a nickname for a while, but it didn't work out. Thanks for the review Rae!

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Review #20, by Jason of AZ A Surprising Journey

2nd March 2009:
Thank you Jesus! (or, I suppose LoveSpell would suffice) You deviated from the book. One thing that I absolutely HATE is an OC story that sticks to the plot and conversations of the book, the kind where the OC would just steal or modify the lines already in the book (I already read the books, geniuses, I'm reading an OC fanfiction because I want to read something DIFFERENT!). Not only are you writing your own story, your writing makes the readers anxious for the story to continue. As I'm writing this review, I am so eager to read the next chapter that I just might stop writing the review in mid sentence and just g

Author's Response: Thank you so much! This was everything I intended for when I wrote this story, and I'm glad you grasped that this is a "different" OC story. I really wanted someone relatable for Harry, someone who trips over themselves and makes stupid decisions and can laugh at themselves…because in my mind, that's what Harry Potter needs. Thanks for the review!

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Review #21, by Dark_and_Light The New Girl

3rd January 2009:
Can you spell HOPELESS? Cause I can't. It's not your writing, it's Harry's reaction, Desperate and Hopeless, only two words needed.

Author's Response: Hopeless definitely works for him in this situation, I would agree!

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Review #22, by Dark_and_Light A Surprising Journey

3rd January 2009:
Great introduction of Elle and descriptions of, well, everything.
I love your writing, again, I honestly do. I know, it's only the third chapter I've read but it's ten pm already, cut me some slack. Luv ya!

Author's Response: I am glad you like the introduction and the descriptions, need to hook the readers in somehow, right? Thank you, love you back!

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Review #23, by Dark_and_Light The Girl Next Door

3rd January 2009:
By the time I started reading this story you've finished it. Let's just say: YOU ROCK! The chapter was not short, most stories I read and write are really short. (Attempt to write.) I love how you've started out.

Author's Response: You rock as well! Thank you tons.

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Review #24, by Name The Golden Quartet

4th December 2008:
I like long chapters

Author's Response: Thanks, so do I ;)

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Review #25, by Sasuke First Impressions

30th October 2008:
love this fic! I can't wait to see what happens next.
It's always nice to have a new element in the stories, instead of
doing the same thing over and over again. Having a us girl in
Hogwarts does switch things up a bit :)
I would say keep up the good work, but the story is complete already

Author's Response: Thank you! I agree, I felt like an American girl in Hogwarts was definitely a new element and as, well, an American girl, something I've personally always dreamed of :)

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