Really good story and the pov was interesting also as an Aussie I loved the ending :) Report Review
Great Quidditch vocabulary, whether you came up with it yourself or not it was really cool. Very interesting POV, were you trying to make it seem as if the reader was in Katie's shoes?
Great Story! Report Review
Nice work. Not my usual genre, but exciting. Report Review
This is a really really good story just two things!;
THere are a few little (tiny!) spelling and grammar errors.
Secondly, (Im pretty sure your an Aussie too!) I was really waiting for Katie to do something heroic or memorable. The story lacked a bit of action. No mascots, safetly harnesses it was all a little namby-pamby. Seriously when I read the last part I was on the edge of my seat waiting for Katie to save Harry or something similiar. Sadly I didn't get it.
I like the story alot. Its a great idea and all but it lacked a little action which is normally found in large stock piles in your other stories.
Other than that a great story. A definite 8/10! just because I adore all the stories you write! Good Luck and keep writing!Author's Response: Thanks for that. I invented safety harnesses in Harry Potter and Armageddon - but yes they make quidditch less exciting. I wanted to focus on the game in this.
Glad you like my other stories. An exceedingly bloody battle scene is coming in Harry Potter and Armageddon - final chapter. Report Review
I really really liked this story, the amount of dates and names and history that you put into it made it so believable.
But when the commentator says 'twenty nil Australia'- shouldn't that be twenty-nil to Australia.
I really liked it, there were just one or two other words missing, such as- 'You check your safety strap'- 'that' should be in between 'check' and 'your'.
You made it so bloody believable with all the characters names and the names for the different techniques- you don't usually find in fan fiction and for the first time ever I didn't speed-read a fan fic, because I didn't want to miss what was going on.
But just one question, was it not confusing with all the names and different techniques?? I don't know how you wrote it so well, i would of gotten confused and mixed up. lol.
Well done, i really really enjoyed reading it!!Author's Response: To avoid problems with names I wrote out the team lists and ensured every player was mentioned several times. As for the techniques, most of them are mentioned in canon. The split S is a fighter plane manoever and the slew turn is my invention - I needed a technique to brake and turn fast.
I'm really glad you liked this. This is actually the second quidditch thing I wrote. The chapter "League Rules Quidditch." in Harry Potter and Armageddon is also a detailed account of a match, but written from 3rd person POV. Report Review
love da bit about ludo bagman running away and disapparating from the goblins!!!
great storyAuthor's Response: Thanks for that. I don't know what happened to Ludo after GoF but I liked the character. I've never seen him in a fanfic before. Report Review
AH-MAZING!! That is the only word I can use to descibe this story. You are a really amazing author.
~Jaime's review cornerAuthor's Response: Wow! Thanks for that. This story was written in response to a challenge on The Dark Mark. I entered the quidditch fic challenge and the 2nd person POV challenge with this.
You might like my novella Harry Potter and Armageddon. I have one chapter to go on it. Report Review
That was a fantastic story mate!
As an Aussie it made me feel heaps proud reading it, i only wish we really did have a quidditch team. It was interesting reading this coz of course i was going for the Aussies but it felt so weird that our oposition was the people we are so familiar with. i found it nearly a challenge to decide.
All up a great job and i hope to read more Aussie magic in the future :DAuthor's Response: Thanks for the positive review. I wrote it so Harry lost cos I actually don't like him much. Go Aussie.
In the last chapter of Harry Potter and Armageddon Harry wil fight with Australian Hitwizards against Voldy himself. Report Review
Hi, it's Hermione101 (archive name Hermionesclass101) from the review chain in the common room.
Wow. A very original idea, and I love the second person. It was kind of funny for me because my name is actually Katie! ^_^ I have a few suggestions though. First, you might want to think of a few more words for 'Say'. That word gets kind of redundant. ^_^ Also, I think you should pick between the first and last names of your characters and refer to them as such. For example, rather than 'Harry Potter' call him 'Harry' OR 'Potter'. Just so it doesn't get confusing. And don't switch back and forth between ‘Harry’ and ‘Potter’. It gets confusing. Overall mark of about 8/10. Good job!
~HermionesclassAuthor's Response: Thanks for the positive review. I'll do a rewrite once my main fic is finished.
And with the review chain you can expect a review sometime soon. Report Review
So you asked me to review in the forums, and here I am! Here are a few notes:
--I don't normally read second-person stories, mainly due to the fact that when I tried to read one at first it was just an excuse for writers to write about the infamous "you" and Draco getting it on in a broom closet. However, I was pleased to see that this was about something not normally written about (referring to the Quidditch).
--"This is it the biggest test of your life." You should probably say "This is it--the biggest [...]" It just flows a bit better.
--"[...] metres that could mean getting the snitch or defeat." When you use the gerund ("-ing") form of a verb, you need to use it for the other parts of that section as well. Maybe I worded that incorrectly, so I'll show you what I would do to this sentence: "[...] metres that could mean getting the snitch or being defeated." This flows much better for the reader, and it's grammatically correct. =)
--"They were going through their English opponent’s favourite set plays again, and discussing counters." Commas can be used to combine two independent clauses. However, here you do not have two; you have one with gerunds. If you take out the comma, it'll fix that error.
--Remember to always use commas around proper nouns when addressing someone. Examples (that I'm pulling out of nowhere): "Go on, Rob, show them!" or "Let's dance, Tina."
--Put the anthem in italics.
--"Game on." I think this line is good and sets the tone for the match, but you should put it in its own paragraph to really make it stand out.
Overall, this was fun and entertaining! I really enjoyed reading a story that strayed from the norm. Good job, and keep writing!
--Kate/RP =)Author's Response: Thanks for all your help.
I'll do a rewrite in a couple of weeks, but people really seem to like this story. Report Review
This is a very well written story. It has a lot of pace and keep your heart racing (and bear in mind that I'm not a great sport person myself). It's quite nice that you use some of your OCs from previous fictions. It's also nice to see Harry as a professional Quidditch player. I think if he were real he would love to be just that! Writing in second person is very challenging and I must say that you have done it well. I'm a third peson sort of writer, so I can appreciate how difficult it is but it actually sounds very real, like if your coach is talking to you! Very well done!Author's Response: I used the name Katie and Derrick from Armageddon but changed their names.
They are similar quidditch players and I recycled some of my Armageddon Quidditch match.
I was going to write US vs England but I thought I'd want the yanks to lose. Report Review
i love it!!! i've pointed out the tense mistakes in the forum, but apart from that its awesome!
9/10Author's Response: Thanks for the positive review.
I'll check out my mistakes. I tried to write the whole thing present tense. Report Review
This was a great story. First of all, I was so pleased that Australia won, being a proud Aussie myself!
It was also very well written. 2nd person is a rare and from what I gather difficult way to write but you made it really work. The tense was very good as well, but if you are really bothered by this get yourself a Beta!
All round great job!Author's Response: Thanks for the positive response.
I think I have it basically right.
I think I will write more one shots in future. Report Review
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