So sad! Made me tear up. I really like the idea of this story. It was very well written. The only thing that really got me was before the end of the first war, Voldemort was just Voldemort, they didn't call him he-who-must-not-be-named. Or at least that's the way I remember it. Anyway, great story. Loved it and loved the actors you chose for the banner. :D Report Review
Wow! I loved the surprise ending!
I've never considered a Barty/Anyone fic before, but this was good. I like Eclipse, even if she is maybe a little bit perfect. I wouldn't quite call her a Mary Sue, though.
I'm gonna have to say 10/10.Author's Response: THANK YOU SO MUCH! Report Review
Before even starting, I want to say that Eclipse is a very intriguing name.
This seems interesting that Barty is a pretty open-minded Slythie. The premise that she is his tutor is a little over-done in some fics, but I think you make it work. I think it might work best to have years one through three kind of combined into a general summary of how they got together and then start with the fourth year, which seems to get more into their relationship.
I think this is an original idea. I haven't seen many stories featuring Barty, and this one has some interesting facets. In some ways its the usual Death Eater/Muggleborn story, but it has that interesting twist at the end. Somehow, it seems that if you organized it a little differently it would be more effective, but I'm not exactly sure what to suggest. You definitely have some good ideas that shine through.
I also think it might be good if you went back and edited using the simple mode to get some of the spaces out of here. That's the only way I've found that works! :-)
Great job.Author's Response: Thanks soooo much! I will edit. Now I must sleep though. I'm sooo tired. Thanks again you're too great! Report Review
first of all let me tell you i really love your banner, david tennant is one of my favorite actors :D, as for the story it's great it opens a posibility i never thought about, about barty's life and what made him become a death eater, but i'm a bit confused, does he kill her in the end?Author's Response: Sadly yes, he does kill her. I thought it would leave it a bit open ended yet closed. Green is Avada Kedavra. Thank you so much, David is one of my favourite actors too. Report Review
requested review (:
well, this was very original. (: i don't think eclipse was a mary sue, and she had her flaws.
there were a few grammer errors, and the story was a bit quick for my liking and with not that much detail - but it was well written and planned out.
though, the first italicalized paragraph seems to be missing some things and it may look nicer all in one paragraph?
overall, well done!Author's Response: thanks so much. Report Review
What! No, I must know what happened!!! T.TAuthor's Response: Sorry. But thank you, I know the ending is harsh yet simply beautiful. Report Review
I liked this. It was very cute. I will admit, the picture of Billy put me off for a while. (Sorry, just never really liked her. Like David Tennant though.)
Anyway, There were quite a few mistakes in spelling and such, so I'd have someone other than yourself look carefully over it. (When you read it yourself, everyone tends to miss things because they know the words coming next.) It's all small things, like the word met instead of meet, stuff that wouldn't show up on spell checker. ;)
I've noticed you like Barty a lot though, if you want, check out my chapter of Unfulfilled Prophecy called "The Perfect Son" - it's about Barty.
Sorry, I'm rambling. - Really liked this story. It showed the curve of their relationship over many years, which is hard to do in a short fan fic. I would say sometimes the scenes could have been a bit longer, really tap us into their emotions about the situations, but I love the characters. (as I said, although I imagined someone else as Eclipse) - I also LOVED that name. Very original. Nice.
CheleAuthor's Response: Yeah I know. I loved Billie though, and I made YouTube vid and I only have DW footage so I used her. Thanks again and I certaintly will read your chapter! Report Review
Oh I'm so glad you requested this story in my thread. This was wonderful! I enjoyed it the whole way through. First of all I've never read a story about Barty Crouch Jr., so congrats on being the first! I'm really interested in untold characters myself, so this was great. The writing was beautiful. There were a few grammar and spelling problems at the beginning, but generally it was nicely written and I'm glad that you developed Barty and Eclipse's relationship over the seven years they spent at Hogwarts. I think it was very believable that they were attracted to one another despite being in different houses, became friends, and later on fell in love. The ending was brilliant. I usually like happy endings, but if it's a sad ending that makes sense, I like it. This was a great one-shot, I'm impressed. Good job! :)Author's Response: Thank you very much. I was impressed myself with this story because it was my first for the Potterverse, and it was on an untold character. Thank you so much! Your reviews are always so nice, it seemed so it was really great to get one from you!
Maggie Report Review
This is Hermione G from the forums
Just a note, you do not have to space as much as you did like at the end just enter once or twice and then type Fin. Also at the end of the second year I was confused what Hallelujah was. The end of the fourth year there is a spelling mistake, not that it matters much but you spelled loathe loath. Great story but the ending was so tragic.Author's Response: It just means amazing or like I'm so happy! I'll fix loath, thanks again! Report Review
Hi! It's Hermionesclass101 (Forum name Hermione101) from the review thread! I will review this story, but if you want your other story reviewed, please come back. It's not really fair if I review two of your stories. Sorry. Feel free to come back!
*Tear* that was sad. It didn't fit with the timeline of book, but that doesn't matter because it was written well. I feel sad for Eclipse, and I'm mad at Barty for what he did, but I can see his side too. The love of his life gave him up to Azkaban. That's definitely a very good story. Here are some lines that didn't make sense to me:
Slytherin house thought nearly the same only some twisted version which no sense at all. - I think you meant 'Slytherin house thought nearly the same, only some twisted version which MADE no sense at all.
He just never tried to excel, he did the bare minimum for every subject never anymore. - I don't understand this line at all.
Overall, 9/10. I really enjoyed reading your story.
~KatieAuthor's Response: Thank you. I know a lot of people love the ending. I made a note in the beginning about the AUness AND I corrected the mistakes. Thanks! Report Review
First off, I must say I love the beginning, and the ending! I'm a bit confused as to where the ending fits in though, as there were some conflicting facts in your writing;
“No, it can’t be. He was found innocent before. It just can’t be.”
-- he was found guilty wasn't he? You even said so at the trial in the beginning.
And, I don't think anyone ever noticed he had escaped. Most people, who don't know better, believe he died in Azkaban. Might be mistaken here though.
It's a lovely story though, showing two sides of a death eater believed to be trough and trough vicious. I applaud your choice of character.
I think Eclipse has a few Mary-Sue tendencies, but she makes mistakes - like believeing Barty - the eliminates her Mary-Sue-ness..
I'm a little bit confused at the chronology of things, switching it up, having the parts from all the years be memories, might help this ^^
I loved that you showed how their realtionship progressed with each year!
So yes, a good story you've got here, keep up the good work!
PS: some times it looks as if you've forgotten some words in certain sentences to have them make sense. Take a look at that maybe?Author's Response: Thank you. Yeah I know no one realised her was gone, it didn't fit in so I changed it to an AU universe. I take a look over my grammar, thanks again! Report Review
Beautiful. I really loved this one. Well written and their relationship seemed so pure. Eclipse is a good character and I see Crouch in a whole different light now. The ending was great. Couldn't imagine a happily ever after for them; that would've totally ruined it all. Great story!Author's Response: Thank you! I know I wished they could have had a happy ending, but there could be none. :( I believe Barty was a good kid that got in with the wrong crowd. I thought the relationship should be simple and pure, something unlike relationships I've seen in Fanfictions. Thank you again! Report Review
Here I am!
I think that your plot is very interesting, and that you have a good idea. However, I'm not sure if I completely agree in the way you have formulated it. To me, it would probably be better if you had written memories as she is at Barty's trial or something like that, and then you jump to the thirteen years later. The way you have written it is a very good idea, but it requires a lot of work, and a bit more feelings and descriptions into it. Have you ever felt so in love? How does it feel? Do you remember the taste, the smell, the world, how everything forms in a different way when you love someone? Try to put that in your text, personal experiences are great!
I thought the end to be brilliant and sad. The way you ended it, it was very deep. If you could put even more feelings and desperation than it was in the end, in the rest of the story, it will be perfect!
I like the thoughts. I enjoy your vocabulary and the whole idea, it just lacks that certain 'something' that makes me really interested in reading it.
I hope that you do not believe that I hate it, because I certainly don't! It is a very good story indeed, with room for improvement.
Keep up the good work, and I'm sure that you will make it!
PadfootyAuthor's Response: Thank you. A lot of people love my ending. Sadly I've never been in love so I can't write from experience. I've never had a boyfriend either. I'm so close to having one though! I know you don't hate it! :) Thanks again. Report Review
Aww, it was so sad. I love the way you show another side to a Death Eater, even if he didn't change in the end. It was very well written and I think it was one of the best one-shots I have read. It's unique too. Keep up the good work with your other stories.Author's Response: Thank you! I've never been told that something of mine is the best one-shot of its kind! I know he doesn't change in the end, but it shows that once a Death Eater always a Death Eater. Except for Snape *psh* This was my first Barty story I ever wrote. :) Thank you again. Report Review
Wow... I hated the guy, and now you make me feel sorry for him! You made Eclipse a really great character - she's really deep. I still hate Crouch, but not as much... I was wondering - are you doing any other stories besides TTT? If you do, I can't wait to read them!Author's Response: Crouch is my favourite character. Eclipse was my first dynamic character that had changing moods. Most of my characters before this had been flat. She is very round. I do plan to write another story after I finish TTT, which has about six more chapters, if not eight. The next story doesn't envolve Barty, it is a crossover between the characters that have died in Harry Potter and Torchwood(which is a great show). However the idea is vauge and I might resort to a Regulus Black story. (If you haven't noticed I deeply enjoy writing stories about characters that we know little about) :) Thank you for loving my stories. Report Review
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