This is a really good start and I'm interested in seeing where it goes. Report Review
Hi, this is WittleAna from the forums! I'm sorry I haven't gotten to review this earlier.
I think this is has a lot of potential. Rachel is a very intriguing character. Your errors are mostly with grammar and punctuation. A beta could sove all your problems right there.
Good job on this, I hope to read more soon.Author's Response: Thanks for the review, I plan on getting a Beta. Report Review
Hello there, it's GryffindorGirl007 from the forums.
Well that was an interesting read! Rachel seems like an interesting character. I can't wait to find out more about her and her relationship with Sirius.
Overall, your sentence structure, spelling, punctuation and stuff like that was very good and I personally did not come across any typos.
You've got a knack for writing canon as well as Original Characters so keep it up!
I don't have any large critiques so I'm sorry this review is a tad short. Anyway, Good Job!
GryffindorGirl007Author's Response: Thanks for the review, I'm glad you liked Rachel. It's always hard to write OC because I'm never sure if they are liked, so thanks for saying I have a knack! Report Review
Harry's being a total butthead! I do find the plot line very interesting though, and if your banner is any indication, I think there might be a secret daughter lurking in the shadows (which would be really exciting). I can't wait to see where you take this, and I have high hopes for your fic. Hope you update soon =]Author's Response: Thanks for the review, I will update soon. The banner isn't lying :P, but you will have to wait and see. Report Review
This was a great story, sad and a little tragic, but amazing all the same.
~JaimeAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review. It's sad at the beginning but will cheer up soon! :) Report Review
I think you do a great job of setting up the mystery surrounding Sirius and Hogwarts past, etc. I think the idea of having Sirius not really die is a good idea for AU. It's something I think a lot of people really wanted to see happen.. Good job!Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Report Review
It's nice to see I'm not the only one falling for the temptation to resurrect Sirius ;)
This is a good first chapter, if ever a bit rushed. New elements are exposed to us by the paragraph. You could have drawn the incidents onto some more words, I believe.
Aside from that though, it's an interesting idea. You have me wondering who that woman is, trying to tie her up to the title of the fic etc - good job!
You should keep in mind though, that maybe Harry's bad mood should be toned down a bit - I get that he's upset, and scared, and tired of waiting - but he's usually not so brazen IC. He can lose his temper, yes, but it takes a long while of prodding and annoying to get him there, I think.
All in all a good start though! keep up the good work!Author's Response: Thanks for the honest review, u have made good points and I'll work on those things. Report Review
Hey! Sorry for the long wait for this review, but I'm finally here. :D This is a pretty nice beginning. I love that Sirius is still alive, that certainly opens up a lot of possibilities as to where the story can go. I think you've written Harry really, really nicely - he's very in character, because he loves Sirius so much and he's so frustrated about everything, that he takes it out on poor Hermione. Harry's a pretty angsty teenager and you've really captured that in this chapter. I also like how you wrote Remus as well. All in all, you've got the characterization down very nicely. The flow was also good. For a first chapter, nothing much happened in the way of action to pull the reader in, but I understand that you're setting the story up and describing everything that occurred first before jumping in. This is a great start so far, keep up the good work! :)Author's Response: Thanks for the long review. It was really important to me that readers understand Harry's angst, so I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
Oh yay, I love the possibility of Sirius not being dead. It's sad to see that he's in critical condition, but I love that he's not dead. :)
Anyways, I really like this so far. I think it's a really good start, introducing Rachel, but not giving away too many details about her. I'm definitely curious to find out more. I wonder who she is. I didn't really see any grammar or spelling issues, and I thought you did a really good job with this! There could have been a little bit more detail, but besides that you've got me interested. I'm adding this to my favorites and looking forward to reading more!Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I'm glad you like the idea of Sirius not being dead, I've never tried anything so AU. Report Review
Great story, I throughly enjoyed it and look forward to reading more. I am going to track this story. One of my favorites so far.
Ten!Author's Response: Thanks for the review and for adding the story to your favourites! I will be updating it soon! Report Review
I like it. It is a good, strong introductory to your story, and I like the struggle you showed in Harry. Going insane was my favorite. =)
Great job. Keep it up!
PainfullygoneAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review. I"m glad you like the struggle I showed with Harry, it was important to me that it was shown! :) Report Review
hey i think this is a really good story with loads of potential!!! dont stop updating becuse i am intrigued.Author's Response: Thanks for the review! This is one of my personal favourites, so I will definately keep writing this. Report Review
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