Hey there! It's me again, back to review again (but this time, not in SOSE)
It's been a while since we've spoken or since I've read the fic so I reread it all again and was smiling the whole way through.
It's a great fic!
This chapter was really entertaining and well-written. This line in particular made me laugh out loud. 'Ha! You owe me five knuts!'
I was laughing and mum got a bit scared I think. He he.
Anyway, when I say summarising I mean it as in a very good thing (in this case)
You're summing up her life and times at hogwarts but it's not boring and it doesn't acctually sound like a summary. So what you're doing it VERY clever and veru effective. I contradulate you. :)
Oh well, I really enjoyed reading that. I looked forward to another chapter
x Laura/RoseAuthor's Response: Oh! *waves to Rose*
Sadly, this story has been put on the backburner for a bit... I have other things to do. I have the first half of the next chapter written, but it's kind of dead at the moment...
Anyways, I'm sorry I didn't see this sooner! You were smiling the whole way through? I'm flattered, really. I just think that was what Sirius would have said - I mean, who cares about how embarrassed your best friend is when you just scored 5 knuts?
I'm glad you meant the summarising thing as good.
I might, possibly (hopefully) pull the 5th chapter out from the deep dark abyss and try writing it again.. who knows?
Emma xx Report Review
Hello again my friend! You said that I could review 'maybe next time I had SOSE?', so I am!
Ha ha, great chapter again, I love how you summarise everything. I'm really enjoying reading it, great characterization. etc. :)
RoseAuthor's Response: Well, I was half joking.. but I'm all for slacking off class work. I'm doing it now.
You speak of cummarising everything.. is it good or bad? horribly obvious? I'm all paranoid now...
thanks for the review, I hope that nothing important happened in class.
eml.xx Report Review
Helllooo again! That chapter was funny, with the crash and everything. You could have legthened it a little perpaps, more description and such, but anyway, I liked it. :)
They all still seem well in character, very much so! Well done old chap.
I like how you ended the chapter one a serious note, with the flashback. I like these, they're very good and bring you back to the point that she is dead and this is he recapping her life. Great again!
Rose/LauraAuthor's Response: Quite a few people have mentioned the length actually... if you have any ideas on HOW to lengthen it, then feel free to PM me... I'm at a loss.
Thanks for the review. You have finally made up my mind on the italics: I shall keep them. I keep thinking of taking them out, but then I'm not sure... so you've put me out of my misery =)
eml.xx Report Review
Hey there dear! Ha ha.
Hopefully you will be able to make some sense from this review. I'm writing it during SOSE. *Looks shifty* :)
Okay. I thought this was a very good start. I loved the way you summarised it. It didn't feel like you were at all, if that makes sense. It was simple, but descriptive and in character at the same time. It all flowed very nicely, I think at least.
I could definately see personalities shining through, this is going to develope very nicely I feel. Hah. I better stop there. My friend is reading out 'Billy and Maria Learn about tornado safety' to me...it's a bit distracting. Snort.
Very nice, I'll read think I'll read the next chapter now, still 10 minutes of school to go. Ugh
Rose :)Author's Response: Naughty Naughty! *wags finger*... I actually read We Gryffies in Religion the other day, so I can't talk...
I completely forgot I actually requested you review it.. haha. I'm just like, oh look! Rose is such a nice person she's gone and reviewed my story! Well you're still a nice person anyways, lol.
If you feel like reading the other two chapters (maybe next time you have SOSE?) feel free! hint hint :P
eml.xx Report Review
What the beep I think a moase knows your secretAuthor's Response: uhuh... Report Review
It was alright but I think you need a little more detailAuthor's Response: thanks for the review charlotte.
eml.xx Report Review
I think it is really good but the were certian details from her old childhood that I liked better and it was odd how the girl on the train she met was like how Harry met Ron.Author's Response: which bits charlotte? 'certain details' doesn't help me! Thanks for leaving a review though, it was very kind of you. I didn't acutally think of the parallel with harry and ron, but it is a good point now that you say that. hmm...
You like? You sounded pretty skeptical on the phone.
eml.xx Report Review
This chapter was excellent! I know exactly how you feel man. I've got seven stories. (three of them are one shots though) and I've got a writer's block spanning across all of them. Which is okay for me seeing as how I've got two college tests this week. (I actually just finished my Acct 1120 exam and I'm reading stories to help me relax) hey quit laughing it really works! Well it does if it's a good story at least(which yours is) so thanks and UPDate soon okay!Author's Response: well chapter 5 is halfway written, and if you have any brain waves about Lily's first Slug Club thing, don't hesitate to pm me on the forums... :D
You flatter me far too much. I nearly failed english in my yearly, so it can't be THAT good. then again, people read it, don't they?
thank you a zillion for your reviews. I love you to bits.
eml.xx Report Review
The part i enjoyed most was your introduction of her dorm mates. Great Chapter! on to the next one (grins goofily)Author's Response: well i do believe that was the ONLY part of my chapter (am I wrong? *runs off to read chapter again*) nope, I do believe that it was the only thing that happened.. oh well. Thanks for the review!
P.S. are you fan girl no. 4? ohh, hear that emk? we have fan girls! More of them! *grins like a maniac* Report Review
Wonderful!! I loved it! Your story actually reminded me of two of mine. When you talked about Severus it reminded me of the one called It's Too Late to Apologize and when you were talking about James it reminded me of The Consequences of Compassion. Don't even ask me why because they have completely different characters. I think it would make your story a bit more feeling if you include more dialogue and as your writing it you can tell it's being told by an older Lily,(not that that is a bad thing but it might sound better to do it differently) I really like this story and will be happy to give you any ideas that come to me. I'm still waiting for an expanation of the last paragraph(grins widely)Author's Response: yes, well... let's just say I'm not good with dialogue. No one's perfect, right?
As for the older Lily, in chap 5 (which is kinda half done) I have included the phrase "everyone shut up quick"... that eleven-y enough for you? =P
Ideas are always welcome, and well.. I'll leave you to decide about the last paragraph.
thanks for the review! They always make my day :D
P.S. Did you know dialogue isn't in my computer's dictionary? Now that's just scary... Report Review
That was great, i felt that they were in character (slug and sprout). I dont know why you dont reckon they are. :D
I liked the whole merlin thing, was very good.
I really like how much detail you put in your stories about things like that.
Ok off to read. er. something else that has happily landed in my inbox. And it is not a sneek peek :P
Overall another fantastic chapter my friend :DAuthor's Response: thanks beck!
um... you saying I put an unnatural amount of detail in? that's starting to worry me... I thought most people put this much detail in. hmmm...
the merlin thing I did have second thoughts for, but I left it as it is. It would be quite interesting to go into a more in-depth discussion about it, because I think it is a very interesting topic but I don't think in the story is quite the right place.
Emma xx Report Review
I love how you included Lily's passion/talent for potions... and you described Slughorn really well. :)
Ooh.. Lily's got a right little tantrum... Loved it... and the juice that her and Sev are best friends. Excellent.
I loved it! Update Soon. :PAuthor's Response: thaks once again for the review EA. I'm glad you liked the potions bit... I spent ages looking up ingredients that would have significance to the potion. :P
I do like writing tantrums. They're really quite entertaining. The next chapter might not be for a while, school started this week, but I promise sometime... in the near future...
eml.xx Report Review
i wouldn't be that mean to send you a howler. keep writing... i want to know what happens next.
oh, and sprout and slughorn seem really in character. great job.
keep up the good work.Author's Response: how nice of you. although, if you do know how to make one tell me, because I have someone i could send it to *coughjackcough*.
thanks for the review! I'm glad you thought I did sluggy and sprout alright. I can't write teachers to save my life.
I'm writing... but I've been away at camp, so I'll keep going now.
EML xx Report Review
loving it! thanks for having such good writing and geting rid of my sunday afternoon boardom.
10/10. love the story. and i move onto chapter 4!Author's Response: Well that's ok. It's actually really fun to write these fics. Mostly, the chapters get written at 11o'clock at night or 3 in the morning. We write little sections for later in the story and call them 'thinkys' (we made up our own dictionary...) and eventually add them in the story.
Thanks for the review,
EMK Report Review
it's really god. alhough, dosn't she sit in a compartment with snape, james and sirius first then gets angry with james and sirius and goes into another one with snape? i like your version though.
get up the good work. i'm on to chapter two.Author's Response: Well I'm not quite sure. we just started writing and it just... formed. I think it also leads up to later chapters, like the boat, where we show what makes her angry.
EMK Report Review
Again another great chapter. I was wondering if you were going to go into more detail about her dorm mates and... YOU DID!! :D
O i really liked the part how Lily said she wished her eyes were brown. Haha her eyes are such a key part in the books i guess one could say, well key as in the whole Harry/Snape thing. It really made me laugh.
As for the begining part... im assuming it was James in the Italics. That was different. i wasnt expecting someone else to be Italicised (i hope thats a word) so when i began reading the rest of the chapter i thought that it was going to be from James view, and it wasnt, so i was glad you didnt change it. So i think that it worked well.
I liked all the parts of this chapter.
I cant wait til the next one comes out. Like i said before i really liked your writing style and i enjoy reading your story.
Thanks for showing it to me :D
Rons GurlAuthor's Response: are you sure you aren't related to some trelawney somewhere? I felt that I should go into detail about SOMETHING, and her dorm mates were right there...
I was actually thinking about her eyes in the books, and how so many times it's said that James likes her eyes best, when I wrote the bit about her eyes. I thought it would be a little funny, a little ironic.
The next chapter has been in the works for months. Well, two actually. I know what's going to happen, but I just can't seem to put it on paper! Do you know the feeling?
I'm going off to your author page to see if there is anything interesting there now..
P.S emk, I'm sorry I am hogging all the reviews. But EA and beck are my special friends (that sounds dirtier when I write it down...) from the forums. We have a whole thing going with crazy wombats and the like. I swear you can do the next one. Report Review
Haha as for ideas... well im not entirely sure. But! for commenting a great story, that is something i can do.
This chapter was good, nice and short and sweet. I really liked it how you put in more of the Italics again. it helps bring it back to where the story is being told from.
I loved your Madam Pomfrey, i am not sure about her in the books, but i loved her in this. Maybe its because she hasnt had to deal with Lupin or any of Harry Potters accidents yet hahaha.
Ooo yeah i also want to compliment you on how you did not over look the fact that Lily wouldn't know what muggle ment yet and also drawing attention to the fact some of the boys didn't know what doctors were. it was very funny
Well ill leave this review there as i wanna read the next chapter. i will savour it as it is the last one that u have up :D
Rons GurlAuthor's Response: this review actually made me laugh out loud (In a good way Beck! In a good way) I can't actually remember how I write Madam Pomfrey *runs off to check...* I'm back, and I'm glad you like her. SHe is pretty funny I had to admit. I enjoyed writing her so much that I actually started a poppy/OC fic, but I'm not sure if it's going anywhere yet.
The doctor thing was actually inspired by something Ron said when Harry first went to St Mungos, I can't remember what it was now, but it was very funny.
once again, in your debt for ever (or at least until some sane person votes labor out of parliament...)
P.S. You liked the italics did you? Well, I'll keep them then. Report Review
Hello my friend. So far i think that your story is great.
I read the other reviews first so i didn't repeat all the stuff they said, but i do want to say, yes i was surprised that you didn't mention more about sev and Lil before arriving at Hogwarts, He sort of just poped up at the end if you know what i mean. It wasnt bad tho, but i think that like u said, maybe add a little about that if you edit this chapter one day.
The way you have described the characters so far, such as the marauders and lily, i think is pretty good and would be much like they would have been.
I really like your way of writing, it has gotten me wanting to read more right now, but i had to stop myself because i wanted to write a review. :D
P.S. the Italics part was interesting. I am interested to know what you do with it. To me it seams like Lily is not dead or somethign, it is intreaging (sp?). It was a good start to the story so it was not just another. This was Lily growing up at Hogwarts. im sure u know what i mean :D
Loving your story heaps :D
P.P.S. Is Alice ment to be Alice Longbottom :P? just wondering is all :DAuthor's Response: starting with the last thing first, yes Alice is neville's mum. I have been messing around in my head with which year frank is in, and I have dicided that he is two years ahead of Alice and Lily. That gives him time to work up that reputation he has by the time of his... torture.
Just before writing this, I did get my 'other chapter 1' with the sev bit in it, and began to work out how I could put it into my chapter. I think I can make it work, but I just have to keep my train ride non-canon: I like it too much!
The Marauders popping up like that, well I feel kind of bad about it because it's just so unrealistic that they would have all met and become friends already, but I don't see a way around it. I needed them introduced, and if you have any ideas it would be good.
I am really flattered that you like my way of writing. EA said something about it too, but I can't work out whether it was good or bad. I only have one problem with this though: I only got 58% on my yearly for English.
with the italics bit, I am a little squirmish about it: I don't know if I should delete it or not.
thanks for reading beck!
P.S For a year twelve (I assume - or have you left already?) you spelling is atrocious. But that's ok! :P Report Review
Oh my gosh!! I love the perspective your writing here!! Visualizations from the 'other side'? ~Wow.
And the anxeousness with the relationship with SeV! Gosh, now we all see why James and him loathed each other.
And Poor Lily!! Falling off her broom right into a WALL :)
Once again, I love Lily and James! They are so comical, and I still cant beleive they end up being married! lol I loved how you had this line: '“What in the name of Merlin’s pants is a doctor?” '
~I am highly impressed at how well you've written this story, and the more I read it, the more I love it..so Update SOON!! :D
You oficial Fangirl,
~Erratic~ :P 20/10Author's Response: my first reaction to your review was to mentally go 'yesssss I got a review!!!!'. my second was to crack up and fall off my chair when I actually read the review. and my third was to feel all warm and fuzzy that someone likes my story. thankyou.
P.S Hey emk, here that? We have a fangirl!!!! YAY Report Review
Wow...It's been awhile since I read this, and I still am captivated by your word usage. :D I love how at the beginning you give us an insight to the mind ramblings of the characters...very cute. x) And I also adore how you brought out their personalities! I love Remus, and James, and Sirius and Lils, You wrote them how I would have imagined them to be like.
I also loved this part:
' I was still too naive to see what Snape, no I called him Severus back then, would become. Ignorance is bliss.' Haha...so funny. great job, there. :) THis is a spectacular story with an AMAZING plot!! So Update more soon!!
(p.s. I'm sorry I din't review these. :P ~when I last read it, I din't have a lot of time so I just reviewed the third chappie, but I'm glad I came back to read it again! I love what you've come up with so far.)
10/10 xDAuthor's Response: aawww, thanks. Now I know that nagging you works I shall be back! Muhahaha... nah, really thankyou for the review.
Is my word usage good or bad? 'Cause if it's dodgy please say so and I shall fix it.
I'm actually thinking of changing this first chappie to include more of snape in her childhood. Do you think I should?
as for the comment on the plot... what IS my plot so far? I would like to know! :P
oh yes, I'm nearly finished the fourth chapter, so I'll put that in queue soo.
eml.xx Report Review
Oh, this was a BEAUTIFUL chapter. :) Very cute, yet angsty and exciting! Very, very nice job. ;) I loved the drama and humour and Awesome! :) Hey, if you want a banner for your stories...go to thedarkarts.net and create yourself an account. ~There is a section there called 'Up For Grabs' and there are tonz of banners that people are just giving away to whoever has a story and wants it. ALSO, if you can't find one in the upforgrabs section than just request a new one in the 'HPFF requests' (Do you already know all about this?) Well, just thought I'd let you know just in case you didn't because the dark arts has some AMAZING Banners and I'm sure you're going to love it. :)Author's Response: omg omg omg!!! i gots a review! lol
yesterday i went to the dark arts and (surprisingly enough) i went to the up for grabs section and found a beautiful banner, which i have requested and should be up soon. i am really glad you liked this chapter... i am still writing the next one (we meet professor Slughorn) but i should finish it soon!
eml. xx Report Review
I like it! I took your advice and read your story and let me tell you I'm glad I did. Its very nice, and really well written! I dont think I saw any errors, if there were some well, obviously they weren't that important since I can't remember. Anyway wonderful job and I can't wait to read more soon!!!Author's Response: thankyou! when did i give you advice?? ah well..
I'm updating soon, I promise. i already have it written but I'm just waiting to update my other story. you can only have one chapter waiting across all stories atm, so sorry for the wait!
and thankyou for saying that it is well written. personally i quite like it, but if you would just tell my english teacher not to fail me...
anyway, thanks! Report Review
This is great!! is this your second fic?Author's Response: yup... i'm glad you like it! Report Review
Good start! Is this a one-shot? Plz r and r my fic!Author's Response: nah this isn't a one shot, i'm waiting on the validation of the second chap.
thanks for reviewing! and sure i'll review your story (when i get around to it...) Report Review
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