Reading Reviews for Between Worlds
  
43 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Padfoot_is_mine End of Innocence

24th January 2010:
*Cue crying* Aww man I was totally crying. Seeing Remus as a little boy asking all those big questions is too much. Good story. :')

Author's Response: There were tears in my eyes writing it...


Thank you


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Review #2, by Padfoot_is_mine Kidnapped

24th January 2010:
Ooo I like it! Poor Remus but I have always wanted to know how it happened. I never would have thought that it was because of John that he was bitten. Very clever.

Author's Response: Thank you. Howwever, Remus's father somehow gaining the ire of Fenrir Greyback is from JKR. It was my job to come up with why and how it occured, how about I take partial credit ;)

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Review #3, by BKL8008 A True Ravenclaw: The Story of Filius Flitwick

9th December 2008:
My previous review must have been eaten!

I wanted to remind you that I've read this again, I've really enjoyed this series. Please do continue.

Author's Response: Sorry to take so long getting back to you, I've barely been online at all for over two months, which has been quite difficult for both writing and reviewing. The only way I could get online at all was through the cell phone which is not exactly ideal or at a friend's house...fortunately I still had my notebook :)

First my spouse managed to catch us a delightful computer virus which I had to destroy (in my non-existant free time), then we had issues with the internet provider, then we had to buy a new computer anyway because the integrated graphics card on the laptop died.and well its been quite a ride.

I am still writing, and have about 5 chapters ready...the problem is I need to re-adjust the timeline again. We will be going back to when the kids were five years old because it turns out that Dumbledore has been in charge a lot longer then I thought he was at the time the Marauders come to school which means I guess I'm going to have to actually take down all the transition chapters for now unless there is a way to hide them.

I currently have several sections on Sirius, Two on James, and I know Peter's concept. I'd like to show young Lily and Severus as well but currently the earliest I have is letter day for them. And I now need some earlier stuff with my most prominant OC a Dhampir girl named Grace. As long as I'm going back we will get to read a bit more baby Remus too :)

I'm also planning a webpage with all the planned charactors listed...as I'm not much of a webpage designer it jmight take a bit though.

Now off to read your latest chapter :)

Mischief Managed aka Vampiremouse



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Review #4, by deeps85 A True Ravenclaw: The Story of Filius Flitwick

29th May 2008:
there was one big mistake where you repeated a part of the story twice
otherwise story was short and good one

Author's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing, I could have kicked myself when I saw those goofs.

lol...I guess thats what I get for rushing a chapter out the night before I leave town.

A completely revised version, that is a LOT longer and contains tons of new content is ready to enter the que..as soon as it actually lets me submit ...argh. It keeps telling me it is *busy*.

Anyway I hope you enjoy the new chapter, there were a lot of changes but hopefully everything you enjoyed will still be there.


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Review #5, by JLHufflepuff A New Challenge (1971)

20th March 2008:
Although this is very short, it's still pretty good. It could almost be combined with the previous chapter since it was pretty short, too.. I'm not against short chapters, though - just a suggestion. I really like the way I think you're going with the story ... Especially with the other things you've told me, which I'm evil and haven't responded to yet! Somehow, I think the flow is being interrupted from the Remus part and these parts introducing new characters that are Between Worlds (I didn't realize there were sooo many of them)... I think it would flow better if equal face time was given to each of the characters (Filch, Hagrid, etc), but I don't want the Remus part to be shorter because I love it, and I'm never one to suggest making something longer just for the sake of length - so I am going to be patient and keep on reading because I have a feeling that this issue will work itself out once things get going. This really is an amazing idea, and I always get happy when I see a new chappie! :)

Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it. Actually it WAS combined with the previous chapter originally. This part came first then it was followed with the Filch section and all of it took place in 1971. I had to change the timeing around because of some pesky canon facts that precluded having Filch be 17 in 1971 and Hagrid become the Gameskeeper then. So these sections ended up short but at least I was able to tweek them enough to keep them in the story. A good thing I think :)

I hope to get back to longer sections though when the story resumes.

I'm glad you are enjoying the story and am curious to hear where you think I'm going ;) As for not answering ....well I owe you a few also ...lol.

I hate interuprting the flow of the Remus section also, I loved writing that stuff but as mentioned Remus's backstory kinda wrote itself into a multi-chapter affair, we will get back to it either in a seperate story or flashbacks though. Meanwhile we shall be meeting eleven your old Remus fairly soon.

Yes there are a LOT of charactors who fit the theme and I'd love to give them all equal face time...however the current section actually focuses on Dumbledore and has the bonus of introducing a number of supporting charactors at the same time. I'm thinking of writing a seperate Filch story eventually though detailing his early years at Hogwarts.

Anyway the Dumbledore based section should be close to the length of the Remus section then the next section will be the various children recieving thier letters, buying supplies, going to the train, etc. And yes I'm going to be trying very hard to keep that section original and interesting.

I hope the story stays interesting and that the problems vanish with time and editing.

I hope you always enjoy reading this story as much as I enjoy writing it.


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Review #6, by BKL8008 A New Challenge (1971)

18th March 2008:
So far, so good. I like the way you're filling things in and setting the stage!

Just one thing - misspelled words like Gryffindor really wreck a read for me. Not intending to insult - just pointing it out.

I think it's a great read thusfar.

Thanks for writing it.

Author's Response: I'm glad you are enjoying it and hope you continue to have a good time reading.

Thank you for the heads up....this was a section I actually wrote awhile ago...slightly edited and I didn;t have all the names spelled right back then that error and a few others have now been fixed as of today...you will see it as soon as the que updates it.

Please point out silly goofs like that for me...its difficult to notice stuff like that in your own work.

I hope you continue to enjoy reading this story as much as I'm enjoying writing it.


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Review #7, by BKL8008 Pictures and Memories

18th March 2008:
The Veela plot is interesting. I always like that one.
I somehow get the notion that Veela never have boys, though? Did GoF mention there are no male Veela? I wonder...

Anyway...Teddy and Victoire's children would then be only 5/32 Veela, a touch over 1/8.

Still, it's a very enjoyable read so far and makes me need to rethink my rather "skippy" chapter of my Teddy-wolf story.

Author's Response: The Veela plot is only one piece of this exceedingly intricate plot ;)

I will have to reread GoF you may be correct, hoever the beauty of my plot...even if Veela never have boys you will note that by the time boys come into the picture we are not even close to full Veela as parents ;) At a certain level of dillution would the same rules even apply?

I wanted to make sure Remus's Veela heritage was very, very faint...yet just present enough to leave some interesting doors open, especially when Teddy marries Victorie.

An added bonus was the connection with the Malfoy family :)

I'm glad you are enjoying the story. As for your "skippy" chapter...which one do you consider "skippy"? One of these days I'm going to have a chance to review your story...but if you hadn;t guessed I'm enjoying it :) It just needs more chapters.



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Review #8, by BKL8008 Desperate Measures

17th March 2008:
Honestly, I didn't steal the name of your chapter!
I had the same idea, too!
Sorry 'bout that, as Hagrid might say.

This was disturbing, but somehow fitting and tactfully done.
Enough description, but not enough to make one ill.
Good job.

Author's Response: LOL I just went back to your story (which I've had "favorited" for quite some time btw :) )...and I see what you mean...lol. I also enjoyed reading the new chapter and look forward to reading more :)

Don;t worry about it both of our chapters involved "Desperate Measures" and both had a connection with Fenrir Greyback but they are VERY different.

And you reminded me that I'm going to have to write Hagrid soon...as in within a chapter or so...lol. Hope I do a good job of it.

Anyway, I'm enjoying your story way to much to be mad at coincidence :)

The chapter was supposed to be disturbing and yet it DID need to be that way. It was a difficult line to walk and I'm glad you feel I succeded.


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Review #9, by BKL8008 Kidnapped

17th March 2008:
wow, a very exciting beginning!
I can't wait to read more of this.

So far, your brief backstory on Fenrir is interesting.
I like it.

Author's Response: Thank you...beginings have always been difficult for me so I'm glad you enjoyed it. I think it helps that I actually wrote the first five chapters after some of the later ones.

I tried for something different then what everyone else had for Fenrir Greyback and how he ended up biting Remus.


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Review #10, by deeps85 A New Challenge (1971)

17th March 2008:
read this and previous chapter together
nice concept to have argus in the role of caretaker and also good opening for hagrid
well written

Author's Response: Glad to have you as a continueing reader and thank you. The question will be whether I can maange to actually write Hagrid now...lol

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Review #11, by Racha An Interlude in Time (1967)

7th March 2008:
Wow. I've never seen anyone introduce Filch in any way (or try to make him sympathetic). Very original, and also well written. Job well done, and I'm excited to see what you do in future chapters!

Author's Response: Thank you. You know your right, there aren't a lot of stories including Filch come to think of it. All I can say is he fit my theme as a squib in a world of magic ;). Unfortunately I ahd more extensive plans for him as a 17 year old when the marauders enter Hogwarts...since I've been forced to make him older I willl have to see how much of that storyline can be salvaged.

I look forward to seeing you comments on future chapters ;)

Thank you again


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Review #12, by JLHufflepuff An Interlude in Time (1967)

6th March 2008:
I think that this works. I like the idea that there is a charm that requires a squib to be caretaker... I might have to steal that or something... later on, of course. Albus is so generous and caring to everyone. I can see how Filch is "between worlds." This makes me sympathize with him a little bit more as I understand how he became the person he is when we see in him canon.

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it. Feel free to borrow a charm requiring a squib, you've earned a borrowed idea or two...lol. Besides I'm curious to see what you do with it.

I was thinking about the way Hogwarts hides itself, looking like a ruin to muggle eyes. The known squib caretaker and how the 'fidelis' charm works hiding a location through a secret kept in a human being...and these ideas just came together with this spell as a result.

I like Albus both as a charactor and writing him. He can be manipulative yes...but most of the time he feels grandfatherly

As for your reaction to Filch....the exact one I was going for.

I will be writing the charactors as they are to the best of my abilities...and that means not everyone is a good guy or an obvious bad guy. What I am trying to do is find a reason why each of them become the person we see :)


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Review #13, by amy71193 Bones for the Beast

15th February 2008:
once again great chapter.

Author's Response: One again thank you, see ya on chapter 4 ;)

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Review #14, by amy71193 Desperate Measures

14th February 2008:
i loved this chapter!!! Very good.

Author's Response: Thank you very much...hope to see you on chapter 3

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Review #15, by amy71193 Kidnapped

13th February 2008:
loved the first chapter!! Very good!!

Author's Response: Thank you very much, I hope you enjoy the other chapters equally :)

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Review #16, by Richter Vans Pictures and Memories

10th February 2008:
Oh really?. XD-. You have seen the actual family tree? you describe the families connections very good, I'm too lazy to see if you are right though, XD. I have the family tree of how the Malfoys conect with the Blacks, some connections with the Prewts and the Weasleys. Longbottoms are pure bloods too. I think I've seen some conections too. I dont know. Anything is fine for me, XD.

WTF!! OMG!! Rita under the desk, hahaha, that was really funny, though I really concider that scene for over 18 only, since the validators didnt concider it that way, I guess we can guess she really droped her quill. XD.

Very good chappy, short though. >_

Author's Response: Sorry about taking a few days to respond on this...I had a very detailed responce that got wiped out by the website asking me to log in again :( so here is try number two.

Yes I've seen the Black family tree but I'm using it more as a guide then as a source of charactors. So Thank you on the connections, I pretty much invented them but I feel they are logical :) They also play a part in the storyline.

Since the Black family tree only shows other family lines as they directly relate to the Black family, family relationships between others would not actually show on the tree.

Yes the Prewets, Blacks, Weasleys, and Longbottoms are all pureblood families and I have been using a combination of the lexicon and my own imagination to supply additional pureblood families.

It seems to be a rather prevelent fandom based theory that Draco Malfoy is part Veela, since it went well with my long term plan for this story, I decided to embrace that heritage for the Malfoy family. We don't actually know how closely related Imogene Malfoy is to Lucius Malfoy. Since I created Imogene completely I could make her Draco's great-aunt but I think the relationship will be more distant.

As for Rita and the desk ;) I had a lot of fun with that scene also. The thing about ratings, at least for me, is you have to think in terms of movie ratings. I would put that scene at pg-13 actually ;)

For a kid the implication would go right over thier head, the youngster would think Rita just dropped her quill while the adults in the audience see the sneaky implication and create the dirty content entiirely in thier own minds.

I prefer to imply most such content and leave it up to the reader's imagination...I choose the 15+ rating for this story principally because of some of the violent content and the inadvertant cannibalism thing. It does give me the freedom to get more "descriptive" in a romantic scene later in the story if the right moment arrives though ;)

But yep Rita dropped her quill...or not. Its entirely up to you. And I'm very glad that the validators see it that way also. I was much more worried at them balking at Remus the werewolf eating human flesh actually.

Thank you again, and hope to see you on chapter 5 and beyond.


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Review #17, by Richter Vans Bones for the Beast

10th February 2008:
Its really ok, I mean, he got close until it was safe, and being just a cub, it wastn all that dengerous. I see what you split this part of the story from the previous chapp, This is on a different point of view, which is really cool. gives a differnt sense of drama, I like it a lot.

I read your post on the forum, about obliviate Remus to forget he tasted human flesh, well. I dont think is really important, well, he is 5 years old after all. He wouldnt remember all that well. He might just think he dreamed about it.

Best regards.

Richter Vans.

Author's Response: Okay that is a vote for keeping the getting close in. So far I'm keeping it though some people think it should be changed...I can always edit latter.

I like exploring the nature of perception and the differences in how the wolf and John interpreted what was going on was something I really wanted to show. As you can see John does suceed in getting through to the wolf...to a point...but perhaps not as much as he thinks he did.

He may think he dreamed it...I've considered that...let me know after you read chapter five. Its the consequences of Remus forgetting what happend at the end of it I'm more concerned with. Its also a question of whether John would oblviate Remus after the soul searching he has done.



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Review #18, by Richter Vans Desperate Measures

10th February 2008:
OMG, this is so well written, I just like it a lot. OoO. If you are not happy with this, then you will hate mine. XD. I write terrible. I have well structured plots, but I fail to redact the info, :P... I need an editor as good as you, XD.

I like every bit of it, and eager to read the rest.

You make the chapps too short though.

Its disgusting to feed your own child with a human arm. Remus father was a very brave man. OoO.

Author's Response: Thank you so much, it has had a couple of revisions and a beta reader or two..so I can't claim all the credit.

I can't really say about years till I see them...but I'll be happy to take a glance...in my almost non-existant spare time ;)

It sounds like you know your strengths and weakneses as a writer, and thats the first step. I'm not completely sure what you mean by redact nor whether I'd actually make a good editor but thanks for the vote of confidance :)

Sorry about the chapters being short its a combination of me having so little writing time and these actually being I guess being live action scenes I'm kinda watching behind my eyelids and trying to translate to paper. Usually when I end the scene I end the chapter although I do sometimes throw two scenes into a single chapter.


Besides the way I change viewpoint charactors thiroughout the story I find it easiest to do so at individual chapter breaks when possible.

Remus's father did what he had to do...I shudder and I wrote it.

Glad to have you as a long term reader :) although I did notice you ahve only reviewed chapters 1-4? Was five not working for some reason if you just haven't gotten to it...no biggie...I'll see ya when you get there.


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Review #19, by Richter Vans Kidnapped

10th February 2008:
You are very hard on yourself, XD, the story is really cool. I like it, Its the first one I read about this period of time, I've read just another one where I see Fenrir, and It's very similar the personality.

The trasformation described is awesome.

One thing though. Did two Death eaters remain in the clearing flotting?

I though that Remus father was gonna plead, but he only kneel down right?...

I dont know about Amos Longbottom being the Prophets manager. You could use an OC for it better. BUt the job as a reporter is cool, doing a story about werewolfs, and getting in trouble for it, Its a nice plot.

I really liked your story. I will read it all.

Author's Response: I'm hard on myself because I want to write professionally and that means reaching the top caliber of fan fiction writing. It also means actually finishing a novel length story. Between Worlds is my test, if I can successfully start and finish a novel length fic that is good enough then maybe I'm ready to write for real ;)

I'm glad to hear both Fenrir and the transformation came across well...I worked hard on those aspects.

Yes two death eaters did remain floating, at least until after John used the Portkey.

John never saw when they left so its left up to the reader to decide just how long they decided to watch from a safe perch in the air ;)

John Lupin did plead although the words are never actually stated...just that he got down on his knees and began to plea. I left how far he is forced to go to the reader's imagination. Does greyback make hin repeat mocking words or is a simple "please" while kneeling in the snow with a stricken look upon his face enough?

Interestingly enough Amos Longbottom IS an OC. I made him up from start to finish, though obviously he is member of the Longbottom family. I wrote him as Frank Longbottom's Uncle before I really spent any time reading the family trees...since there is no uncle named Amos on them I will either have to be creative or I may let him fill the unnamed grandfather to Neville slot instead

I was searching for a profession for John and I kept rejecting ideas as to cliche..and then I was watching this NBC show called journeyman. The main charactor is a reporter who finds himself now also acting as an uncontrolled time traveler

Inspiration just kinda struck...Amos has a different personality but I kinda started seeing the actor who plays Hugh in the role of Amos and decided that John Lupin worked at the daily prophet.

BTW I didn't actually say the story he was working on was about werewolves ;)

Thank you though I'm glad you are enjpying the plot


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Review #20, by Padfooty End of Innocence

9th February 2008:
I'm SO sorry I'm incredibly late!

What, it is my fault? :o Well, I'm glad for that, because this chapter is certainly good! ^^,

You have gone further into the raw feelings and emotions in this chapter than you have in the others, and I'm very happy with that. You have now reached that level I wanted you to reach, and the chapter is brilliant!

I love that it is so dark and sad, and the few dialogues you have are heartbreaking, and just enough. You need no more, and no less. You vocabulary is, as always, very good, and the story flows well.

I have nothing negative to say about this chapter, I think it is very good! As to your question, I think it would be very acceptable with a time jump, perhaps even necessary. If you move to 1971 now, you can put in some flashbacks there, and it'll be perfect. I think it needs to stop here and jump to 1971, it seems very logical.

Good luck further!

Yours,
Padfooty

Author's Response: Yep your fault...at least partially. And now you know why I was hesitant to change things before you got to the moment John broke. I always knew it was coming (although originally it was one chapter further and without Remus watching). I didn't want to take away from this pivitol scene by making the others chapters too emotional. I see John as a man who has learned to show a strong face to the world...afterall as a pioneering muggleborn at the daily prophet no matter what he actual feels the man needs a thickskin...hes tough enough to take it.

Of course no one is really strong enough to go through what the Lupin family is dealing with....he had to break eventually it was just a matter of time.

Hmm so you want me to jump directly? I was going to write a few more chapters first...now you've given me something else to ponder.

But yes I've pretty much decided the jump is very soon or now. I think I have my transition worked out as well.

Stay tooned the transition is almost here.


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Review #21, by Racha End of Innocence

21st January 2008:
This is...amazing. Great story. Tragic, beautiful, and grammatically correct (which I always find a huge plus on this site). Looking forward to more.

I'm ok with a massive time jump to when they're at Hogwarts, but I like the idea of an introduction for each of the characters. You did Remus's so amazingly, I think it would be great to hear your version of each backstory.

Author's Response: Thank you so much. I'm glad to have you as a reader. I'll take credit for the tragic and beautiful...the good grammer well at least a fair portion fo it has to go to becca, shivy and sbsl for fixing my mistakes.

I'd like to write them all also and I axctually have soem intro material from 1971 ...I may or may not write at least a bit before 1971 for some charactors. The other possibility is you may see some companion stories or flashbacks.

I'm glad I was able to do justice to young Remus, I hope I end up portraying the others well. I love writing marauders era because there is just enough information to build a rich and creative story around. When I first started writing this I liked Remus and Sirius. Didn't really like James much, and couldn;t stand Peter despite being determined to write him. Even Remus and Sirius have troubling aspects tot hier personalities.

Now after writing out complete charactor profiles for all four boys and many other charactors...I think I understand them all.

I hope you like what I'm doing with the other boys...I'm quite curious to see whether I can make Peter sympathetic successfully. Whether I can explain why Sirius does the prank. Explain both James the prat and the worthy leader....just to name a few charactors ;)

James may get a prequal section...I'ms till debating the best way to present my plans for him.

That is vote three for the time jump :)


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Review #22, by SBSL End of Innocence

14th January 2008:
your going to heal-- your should be you're.
Your healing already-- your should be you're.
thier-- their.
Or was it just one more predjudice in a world full of them on both the Muggle and magical side.-- that's a question.

aww, i helped make you make it longer! yippee, go me. i love this so far, and i hope my reviews are helpful.

the time jump sounds fine, just as long as it's a clear jump. as in bold lines and the year at the top. do you get what i mean?

9/10

Author's Response: Typos have been fixed...thank you and the slightly revised verison has now made it through the que. I even found a few more spots I needed to fix :)

Yep you helped make it longer...hehe

Your reviews are definately helpful.

Its pretty mucha time jump, splitting this into multiple stories or taking FOREVEr to even get to Hogwarts so whew.

I dunno about bold lines but maybe...at the very least a very obvious change of time in the text of the story and in the chapter summery/author's note.

There us also a change I may still give pre-1971 content for one or more other child..we shall see.

Right now I'm in the process of writing chapter 6 and seeing where that brings me. I'll have a better idea how much is left of this section when it is done.

The good news is when I do finally jump years there will be a rapid-fire series of chapters.



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Review #23, by JLHufflepuff End of Innocence

12th January 2008:
The way you pour emotion into your characters and scenes is what I love most about this story so far. Even though the idea of a baby werewolf eating human bones seems so farfetched, you still capture the way father and son WOULD feel if something like that actually happened. This backstory is so vivid and chilling that I'm glad you did it in "real time" and not in flashback mode, though I don't think that would have weakened it at all... I have no problem with the time jump, though just make sure the year change is duly noted... I beg you to insert some flashbacks if the plot can take it because, well, little werewolf Remus is so sad and angsty in a good way! :) As to the hints to religion, I find no problem with that whatsoever. Those are real questions that would be asked and real doubts that would be felt given the situation. I know JKR doesn't specifically mention religion in her stories but says that Hogwarts is a multi-faith school, so referencing religion isn't out-of-canon either, which is important! :) Anyway, I love this story so much and can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: I do find that statement slightly ironic in light of my being asked to add extra emotion prior to writing this chapter ;)
The challenge of making the unlikely feel real is part of what is so fun about writing in fantastical settings. Besides any successful writer whether pro or fanfiction, has to enable a willing suspension of disbelief on the part of the reader. I hope I always hold up my end of the bargain ;)

I love writing this prolog...the other option is to change this form a novel to a collection of stories in a shared world. Little Remus....I know exactly what you mean ;)

There will either be flashbacks of Remus growing up or companion stories written at some point to fill in the gaps in my giant novel.

The religion thing was...John needed to break, it was originally in the lost chapter six and I liked that version...I think this one was better. He needed to have a crisis of faith, of conscience , of everything. In the original version Remus was not a witness it was Amos Longbottom who saw at least part of a combined magical and emotional moment of extreme power. Depending on what I bring back to the new chapter 6 you may still see hints of it ;).

The original version it wasn\\\'t about faith, only emotion and magic. It was Remus\\\'s innocent question that changed this and suddenly John could no longer have a simple answer to it
I had a lot of complications in even writing his crisis of faith. First of all I can\\\'t imagine religion is simple in the wizarding world, not with muggleborns who are likely from the predominant faiths of thier countries and purebloods who may or may not have religious belifs even remotly related to the muggle ones. At best we have an altered blending of sorts, at worst culture/religion may actually be central to the divide between the old wizarding society and muggles. Then we have the British Isles with the ancient issues between teh \\\"Church of Engalnd\\\", \\\"Catholisim\\\", the many who are technically Christian with a blending of Pagan belief, and those who are active followers of completely seperate faiths.

Since I didn\\\'t feel like even opening that can of worms...John vaguely Christian blended with an increbily vague touch of Merlin based belief is what I went for.
Yes I could have made this easy on myself and given John the exact faith in which I was raised but since the population of said faith kinda left Britian mostly enmass at one point in the past...uh odds not real high here. Yes there is still a population left but I felt it was a cop-out for me to write him that way...whereas it might have been a couragous move for another author to make.

To avoid tripping over my own beliefs in depicting John's...lets just say I chose my language with EXTREME caution.


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Review #24, by ems25 Desperate Measures

11th January 2008:
I liked this but i have to be honest it wasn't quite as believable as your first chapter. For starters no five year old talks like that, it is more like a three year old. Secondly, remus should have been in more pain and certainly would not have recognised his father; hence why they are seen as monsters. If this one of your original concepts i apologise in advance

Author's Response: I prefer honesty :) Besides you still like it ;). Hmm I had hoped I was within the realm of accuracy for the way I was having Remus speak (especially as many people tend to regress a bit in stressful situation). That said, mea culpa, I'm not an expert on the ages at which various speach milestones occur so I just kinda guessed. I wanted his mind ahead of what his mouth can easily pronounce.

I also needed him old enough to survive being changed into a werewolf.

So would you change the age or the speach patterns, and if the speach patterns ...how much.

As far as the pain he is in, for the first transformation I wanted to focus more on the confusion, the alteration in his perceptions, the hunger. etc.

Canon is a bit contradictory on the concept of how much pain Remus is supposed to be in. He describes the shrieking shack getting its name from his cries yet transforms that very night without making a sound.

Is that because there is some wolfsbane in his system but not the final dose? Is it because the reverse transformation is the one that hurts more. Is it because werewolves fight the change and cause themselves pain, or is it mostly the angry and pained sounds of the werewolf attacking itself the villagers heard?

That said perhaps I should up his pain level in the scene, I will definately consider it.


The recognition is an entirely different matter. I urge you to read a responce I wrote to JL hufflepuff on this issue.

This chapter is written from John's perspective and he is deluding himself on how well Remus understands him but not entirely.

For the transformed marauders to have succeeded there has to be a way to get the werewolf from the equivalent of rabid to feral. Feeding the beast overcomes its basic need to attack for food, with that need met it is slightly calmer and capable of rational thought but it is definately not Remus if that makes sense.

However the Wolf's personality is derrived from that of the little boy and because of that he is mentally a puppy and a different sort of werewolf then Fenrir Greyback is.

His father smells like humans which he is programed to eat but he also is identified as a member of his pack. With the hunger no longer ruling his thoughts the werewolf becomes rational but still dangerous. John Lupin runs a terrible risk doing what he does even with the werewolf chained and well-fed it could have turned on him. And this is where Remus's basically good nature comes in because his wolf while still incredibly dangerous is not an alpha (again the marauders would have failed to control him if he was) and if his basic instincts can be calmed the rational mind that surfaces is not a killer.

So I guess its sorta my original concept or just one way of interpreting canon...lol.

I'm happy to have your responces and hope you continue reading :)

mischief managed
aka vampiremouse


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Review #25, by ems25 Kidnapped

11th January 2008:
wow that was quite powerful and very well written; I especially liked amos longbottom - you wouldn't expect that behaviour from a charactor with that surname; most people tend to show people completely nice or a death eater so this is a welcome and more realistic change

Author's Response: Thank you very much for reviewing. Amos is indeed a charactor, along a spectrum of good and evil, rather then at one of its extremes. I hope to be equally suceessful with many of the other charactors who will be introduced

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