That is one amazing story because I don't have any advise to give youAuthor's Response: Oh thank you so much! This is one of my older stories which means it's definitely not my best work... So that means the world to me! Thank you! Report Review
When i read that line “Yes, that would be wonderful! I’m sure Ron would love to go with us!” i just started laughing, great story:)Author's Response: Hahahaha yeah Hermy's so silly. :) Thanks so much for reading/reviewing! Report Review
It was very romantic and nice, im just ashamed that it will never happened in the mivie.huhuhu.
i love harry and hermione together.Author's Response: Ohhh this is an old one! I'm glad you liked it, thanks for the review! :) P.S. ME TOO GAHHH. :D Report Review
The poem thing at the end is amazing and beautiful. I love it. That was a fantastic story! 200/200 Brilliant!
BTW- On the story info it says it's a work and progress but as you and I know it's done so I thought I would let you know.Author's Response: Oh yeah that's because it's still under revision did you notice how the first chapter is way more fleshed out than the others? That was the first step to revision so I want to get it edited then it will be complete ha. Report Review
Perfect! But the first part of the chapter made me gag.Author's Response: Bahahaha. ;P Report Review
GINNY!!! RON!!! I'm so going to get them! Grrr... Harry and Hermione better take care of those two!Author's Response: Indeed! :P Report Review
Great job! Great Chapter name by the way. So Harry and Ginny are together in this one corecct? And Ron and Hermione are not, but Ron likes Hermione right? Sorry just have to get that strait.Author's Response: Yup you got it! Haha yeah I liked this chapter name thanks! :) Report Review
You lair Harry. Hermione always (Well usually) knows when he is lying. But know that the two dreams have come I completely understand the title. That was extremely clever. Great Job!Author's Response: Thanks so much! Report Review
The red rose. Well we know who is the right one but then there is also the Ginny part of the dream. Great job!Author's Response: Muchas gracias! :D Report Review
I LOVED the last line.Author's Response: oh thank you! you should have seen the first chapter before i rewrote it. ugh. it was pretty horrible. but it's better now lol. thanks for reading & reviewing! ;-) Report Review
very well written and nicely ended. 19 certainly seems to be a popular number for epilogues. Nice little touch, calling her Hermione Granger at the beginning of the epilogue, makes it unclear for a second who she ended up with. Nicely done.Author's Response: Oh sorry I said the wrong thing in my response to your other review... oops. I meant that THIS story, Roses are red etc is under major revision. It's funny how danger etc isn't revised yet but I hope to get to it soon. Yeah the end was a bit too neat but that was my first one so yeah. Thanks for the review!!!! Report Review
YAY! A wonderful fic! :)Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading be sure to come back when the whole thing is re-done and edited and beautiful! Report Review
Oh, yay! HARMONY FOREVER!Author's Response: You got that right! Why couldn't JKR see that? Lol jk. ;D Report Review
Ewww... ew... ew! Totally gross! Fight back, Harry! I know you can do it!Author's Response: He he I know, right? Ginny's a little too insecure is all. Thanks for the review! Report Review
Hmm, an excellent plot so far! :) Oh, and by the way... I love your banner!Author's Response: Thanks so much! I feel so lucky because circinusphoenix reviewed one of my stories and offered to make me a banner and now I go to him for all of mine! He's super talented!!!!! Report Review
You did a very good job with this story. I love it. (: I'm in love with Hermione x Harry pairings. :D Anyway, good job again.
-CaityAuthor's Response: Oh thank you so much! me too. hopelessly devoted to h/hr. lol Report Review
Hi there J,
Thanks for letting me know you are editing this story, it's wonderful to see you're putting such dedication into the story.
I keep waiting to see the banner in the story though! :) I hope you didn't get the idea that you can't use the banner before everything is redone, no no. I was just saying it would be nice if you started to edit it before the banner went up (which you've already done!). So yeah, definitely put the banner up! It does ya no good just sitting in my dark arts gallery!
I will come back and definitely read your do-over here. I apologize that I can't right now, but I will, I promise! But I know already it'll be awesome. :)Author's Response: Thanks so much! Well the banner is up and looks beautiful! Man, I'm so glad I met someone as talented as you! ;D
Edited chapter 2 is waiting for validation. It's exciting! Thanks again!
*J Report Review
Hello again J, back again for another review.
Well, this chapter . . . it's much like the first, and needs a good amount of redo. I'm sure if you went through and read it, you could totally understand why you should redo it.
All the one-line paragraphs are kinda eye-soring, you know? There's no structure, no emphasis on anything really. It just kinda drones on, jumping from thing to thing. You have to fill in a lot of parts. You have to give realistic explanation for things, or why Hermione or Harry would think certain things. It's done way too much in non-canon ships (even in canon ships too) where people just throw the characters into loving each other without any real basis for it. I mean, Hermione had a dream, and now she's overly in love with Harry? It's too far fetched to be realistic. I mean, don't get me wrong, it could be much more believable, but you need to expand on a lot of things and explain stuff better. I can imagine when you wrote this, like a lot of other people when they're starting out, they tend to jump ahead to what they want to really get at. It seems like you don't really want to explain Harry and Hermione's feelings for each other, but rather just deal with the conflict inside each of them between those feelings and the ones for the Weasley's (Ron for Hermione, Ginny for Harry). That's all well and good, but you can't rush past all the foundation of those feelings just to get to them debating them, you know?
I just think that's the big thing you're missing out on in this story. You're just rushing through everything like a freight train, when you really need to slow down and take your time. I know some people would say love can just "pop" like that, but I think even you can agree that with Harry and Hermione, it wouldn't just "pop". Dreams are good ways of developing character's unearthed feelings, because they bring up things that the character might not know about him/herself, but you have to pace yourself, and try not to be so amazingly obvious. Give subtle clues, make the character make the connections, and make the connections not easy to find. Then you have lots of development, a detective sort of way of figuring out their feelings, and all the while you can begin to transfer the dream feelings into real life, which then turns into the stuff you're dealing with now.
Anyways, it's super late, and I have to work tomorrow. There's some more advice, and I do hope you take it and use some of it. I have a banner all ready for you. I was going to wait to give it to you until you revised your first chapter, but I'll go ahead and give it to you now. The only reason I was thinking of waiting, is that I thought it might motivate you to edit this story, then improving on it and filling in a lot of the gaps.
Anyways, the banner is at my Dark Arts Gallery (again, go to the Member's Galleries, and go to mine, which is under my penname (it's circinusphoenix there too)). The banner is in the first section, under the heading "A recent banner I made for an author at HPFF". I basically just went ahead with what you asked, trying to be as creative with what you wanted as possible. Luna wouldn't really fit, so sorry about that.
Just remember to host the image as before, and credit as before too. :)
But I'll try to come back again for more chapters, but again, I'd really love to see you revise the story. Maybe getting the banner itself will give you the determination to revise. :)
Hope you like the banner!
6 / 10 (-1 for spacing and structure, -1 for giving Harry almost the same dream as Hermione (it works sometimes, but you have to vary it at least a bit), -1 for lack of inner thought to the characters, and -1 for having Harry waking up screaming someone's name (now that's an example of a cliche in HP, but here I don't understand why he's screaming Hermione's name).Author's Response: Hello again!
My, this has been one of those weeks. I just got braces on Monday so my mouth hurts and then yesterday a piece of them broke off so I've been freaking out about that. Ugh, sorry. This week has been slower than a turtle with four broken legs trying to walk! (Poor turtle...)
Anyway, enough about that. Thanks so much for your advice it does mean a lot to me, but I'm really not in a position to get working on it right now. I just feel so worn down, you know?
But I believe I'm one of those people who feels totally dead one day and then kinda hops back up and starts a huge project. You have helped me realize this will be a huge project, but I'm up to it. I just want to thank you for not giving up on me and still trying to offer your help (and I promise, this will not be a lost cause).
It just amazes me how time makes such a difference. A year ago, I thought that story was wonderful and my best. Now, I realize it wasn't. Kind of weird, huh?
The banner is fabulous and beautiful (no surprise there) and you're absolutely right, it has definitely given me motivation. When I put that banner up, the story is going to be just as beautiful and well done. That's a promise.
I really do appreciate your help, even more so when I know you have a much busier life than my own. I won't let you down! Reading my chapters, giving that well-thought out advice and making that lovely banner will not be wasted time.
I really do appreciate it (I know, you're probably just like "shut up already I get it" but really. It means a lot).
Thanks again and good luck with your classes, gallery and stories!
*J Report Review
Hey there J! As I said, I would come by and take a gander at your story. I'll admit, the plot is interesting. It has some potential for sure, but you are very correct in that the story needs revision (or at least this chapter).
Again with the choppiness, take the short one point sentences and tie them together to make longer, more flowing ones.
Next, describe more! A dream should be filled with description, especially description other than sight. How did it smell? Was it cold, warm? Were they outside or inside? How did things sound? Plus sight itself, there's a lot you could add to what Hermione sees to help us along.
You also have to let us know if she does have a thing for Ron. I mean, she picked Ron after Harry disappeared, but does she actually like Ron here? I mean, does she like Ron and is trying to hide liking Harry? Or does she like them equally? We don't know that, and it's an important piece of info.
With going to see Professor Trelawney, Hermione probably wouldn't call any professor and "old bat," but you perhaps should give more reason for her to go to her. Perhaps Hermione goes to the library for books on dreams, but doesn't find anything conclusive. She has no choice really but to go to Trelawney, and even then, she really doesn't want to go. And Professor Trelawney should be a bit more . . . jumpy, or edgy at least. She should kinda press on Hermione's tolerance for all this non-sense. You know, "My inner eye knew you were troubled by something!", and some eye-rolling and such.
Add some stuff like that, give the chapter more fibre, then it'll take off much better I think. The ending, with getting the Red Rose, we kinda don't know if it's a shocker or not (it's more a not by how you have it), but it should be, or at least make Hermione uncomfortable with having more trouble.
Overall though, again, the premise of the story is neat. One thing that popped to mind is to have them both holding only one rose (it's a bit more romantic I think for just one than a bunch, you know?).
Also, perhaps change the chapter title to "The War of the Roses". If you dabble in any British history, there's a connection there (two families fighting over who should be the monarchy in the 15th century England, one who's symbol is a white rose (York), the other who's a red (Lancaster). If you change it, you'd have to change it to Harry holding the white roses though ('cause the family with the white rose ended up winning). that's just an idea though.
As to a banner, I think it's doable. All I might ask however, is that you perhaps start revising. Not totally redoing or anything, but cleaning it up. You did admit, it's an older story that is need of revision, and it would do well I think to revise it (at least this chapter) before a banner is put up.
But I'll get started on a banner. Let me know if you want anything specific in it that comes in later chapters, but I have ideas already.
Hope those points help, and I look forward to seeing your revisions! I'll of course let you know when I have a banner done.
7 / 10Author's Response: Thanks so much! I really appreciate your points!
All I would really like on the banner... I'm trying to think of something creative because having three people on the banner might make it kind of squashed... well obviously it needs Hermione. And two roses: one red, one white. Also, two violets: one blue, and one that's clearly darker, closer to purple.
All right here's an idea: if you have Harry and Hermione in the center, with the red and white roses near Hermione and the blue and purple violets near Harry. That's really important.
I don't want to take away your creative license, but those are the things that I believe are pretty crucial. There could also be a cauldron with pink potion in it (there is a love potion in it. Cliche, I know, forgive me). Not crucial, but an idea.
And then there is Luna's presence in the story, which actually ties it all together. I am no artist, so forgive me if this sounds er... kindergartner-ish, but if the font you use for the title could look like it was painted, with a paintbrush at the end, that would sum up Luna's part.
But again, use your best judgment. I don't really have the eye for this sort of thing.
Well thanks again! Report Review
wow..great story..i really like your story..but the chapter is too shortAuthor's Response: oh wow haven't gotten a review for that story in a while! ha ha yeah i know the chapters are a bit short sorry bout that! thanks for the review! Report Review
Yay! Really excellent story! One thing though. I believe your chapters are out of order. I think Ginny's Potion should follow after Shall We Say...Conflict? It just seems like that. Perhaps it's just a glitch in the site... i dunno.
: ) 10/10Author's Response: WOW my chapters were so out of order! i'm so sorry i have no clue how that happened... most likely a glitch. thanks so much for pointing that out! wow! they're in right order now the 3rd chapter should have been The Violet of Harry's Heart, followed by Shall We Say... Conflict? and then Ginny's Potion. Wow thank you so much for noticing that! and thanks for the 10 and your review! been a while since someone's reviewed this story! thanks again! :D Report Review
i really liked this story, but i just thought it was a little 2 rushed. other than that, good story!! the h/hr worked out pretty well :)Author's Response: oh thank you very much! yeah i know i have such a bad habit of rushing my stories too much. ha ha. always a short story writer, never a novelist. thank you again! Report Review
A beautiful story ! Author's Response: thank you so much! happy new year! Report Review
awwe perfect ending *sob* can't believe its finished. I loved the ending. Post more please like thisAuthor's Response: oh thank you! i hope i can do another story like this it seems like it was one in a million... i do have another h/hr maybe i could tweak it... hmm... *scratches invisible beard* lol. happy new year and thanks again! Report Review
I LOVED IT! Great work! I'm surely going to check out your other stories...Author's Response: oh thanks so much i was so worried it's been waiting for validation for forever! good check my others out i am not exactly proud of my other h/hr it's not that great but it's okay. james and lily fic i like though, be sure to check that one out! thanks again you rock! Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection