Aw, this was such a sweet story!! I really, really loved the way you've given shape and defined the character of Hannah - a person we never really got to know much through the actual books. The description of her character, her unhappy history with relationships and dating and her fear of opening up was just so well done! Neville really is the kind of a man able to sweep you off your feet with his kindness and sweetness...
This was such a refreshing story, I enjoyed it very much. Great job!!Author's Response: Thank you so much for stopping in to review! I am glad you enjoyed my Hannah, it was a lot of fun taking a minor character and creating a personality. And yeah, there aren't too many Hannah/Neville stories around so this one was great to write!
Labby Report Review
Wow, I really loved this. I've never seen anything like it before. It gave such an insight to a lot of things--Severus, Dumbledore, the entire HBP plot really. I loved it. The part at the beginning about Narcissa having a room all for her own use reminded me of Charlotte in Pride and Prejudice. :) Great work.Author's Response: Here I am, only 13 months late. The password was nonfunctional for a while, and I did not realize it was up and running.
Mistress, I hope I sent a timely acknowedgment by PM. (If I did not, mea culpa!) I did see this when it was first posted, was thrilled by such a lovely review, and was equally frustrated at not being able to reply at the time.
Um... Wow! I'm speechless. I so didn't even expect that! How sad and wonderfully beautiful at the same time. I have never been one for Snape stories, but you have opened my eyes. You have done an amazing job with this story. All of the detail sets this story apart from so many others. Your characterizations were spot on as well! I absolutely love this story. Great work.Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked the story. I really appreciate your kind comments -- not only here, but also "Where the Old People Gather." Thank you so much. Report Review
This was a beautiful story. It was a unique idea the really captured the sense of devastating loss. I felt as though you really put your heart into it. It was realistic, in that it conveyed the anger and frustration that so often accompanies loss.
The scenario -- ending it essentially in a tomb with a disarrayed corpse -- took a bit of nerve; but you pulled it off.
I hardly need add that you brought real originality to the "ship" thing, and I applaud you for that. Wonderful job. Report Review
Wow, just wow. This was awesome.*squee's and hugs*! Report Review
OMFG! I cannot believe no one has reviewed this chapter yet. I personally thought it was amazing, it got me crying at least. haha.*smiles* It was beautiful. Great...no brilliant job!! Report Review
Wow, that was amazing. haha. It really seemed like a good way to begin a relationship between the two of them. Report Review
Let me just go on record to say "Oh My Gosh - That Was Brilliant!"
Wow... my mind is reeling right now. I was all set up to see a mushy romance between Snape and Narcissa, and you blew me away!
It's like a rocket, ready to launch - you know the path, you know the destination - and then BOOM, it explodes and completely takes you off guard. Excellent.
I really feel you've captured Snape and Dumbledore quite well. I've never given much thought to why Snape acts the way he does - just chalked it up to his childhood or something. You take him much deeper and I can certainly appreciate that.
The memory/flashback was, of course, my favorite. Darn James not willing to make the vow to Lily (oh, if she knew...) and then Snape to willingly make that sacrifice... so sweet.
Now, I get to imagine in my mind what happens when Lucius finds out his beloved trophy wife bedded Snape and killed him in the process. lol...
Brilliant, really. 10/10Author's Response: Thank you so much.
I don't think I could write a mushy romance if my life depended on it.
I've imagined the moment when Lucius, fresh out of Azkaban, stands before Narcissa, one hands on his hips, the other cluthing the Daily Prophet, and a hurt look in his eye. Fortunately (1) our Cissy is Slytherin to the core and (2) she's had time to get her story straight.
(And, really, if she had a seance and asked Severus what to do, he would certainly give her a pragmatic answer.)
So, although she has a couple of options, she would probably go with the old tried and true, "He brought me a potion. He said it was for my nerves and I should drink it right away. So I did what he said. I don't remember anything until I woke up bed and he was . . . oh, Lucius, it was horrible, horrible. The Aurors? They hate me. They're lying."
Piece of cake. Lucius would buy it because he wants to keep his family together as much as she does. And nobody really trusts Severus except Dumbledore and Voldemort.
Anyway, I hope you didn't mind the gratuitous creative writing. And I'm totally thrilled you enjoyed the story. Report Review
Very well written. The emotions ooze from the page and coat the reader (in a good way!). This really fills in a missing bit of Snape, and the characterisations were excellent. I can see Narcissa being this snooty and having DE sympathies (although I personally believe that her DE sympathies are much less than her husband's).
I like the way that you keep us a bit distant from Snape by using Snape instead of Severus in most of it, using Severus only when it's DD's POV. This allows us to see Snapes' emotions, but helps to keep him cool and detached, adding to the IC'ness of it.
It also reinforces my own opinion of James (jerk!). Severus and Harry have more in common than they would ever believe; both could have been either Gryffindor or Slytherin.
I only have one small quibble: Snape would have known the end result of his dalliance with Narcissa and I have a hard time seeing him abrogate his duties to the Order, DD, and most importantly Lily's memory. But, I forgive small quibbles when the story is as beautifully written as this. I could learn a lot about emotional characterisation from you.
9/10.Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review.
I tend to use Snape for the adult Snape, unless I'm writing from someone else's POV. I'm not sure even he thinks of himself as Severus.
As to the last comment: what I was trying to convey was that even though his brain had no intention of doing anything except having a conversation with Narcissa and, later, giving her the potion, and getting the heck out of there, his long-dormant libido had other ideas. The side effects of the powerful Unbeakable Vow had let it out of its pen, and now it had a focus and was starting the celebration. He was sick in the bathroom because he was afraid he might not resist. And, although he was well aware of the consequences, having just reviewed the memory, people are geniuses at rationalization when it comes to this particular area of life. Ultimately, Mother Nature, aided and abetted by the side effects of that powerful Unbreakable Vow, grabbed hold of this 38 year old, um, abstinent person, very forceably, and let him know that She was not interested in consequences -- he wasn't going anywhere. Report Review
wow... this is a prime example of one of those fics where, when you've finished, you just sit there and are like "wow."
That was beautiful. Stunning characterizations, amazingly smooth flow, and a well-thought out plot. GREAT JOB! your brilliance truly shined in the writing of this fic. I loved the ending. :) Overall brilliant job.
Dumbledore was just so... DUMBLEDORE!!! Not very many people can write Dumbledore as well as JK, so brilliant job there!
and I loved your use of Catullus' poetry. That was amazing, and I don't think I've ever read a fic that used something like reading poetry or something like that. it was a really amazing scene. great job. :) :) :)
overall FABULOUS JOB! a definite 9/10 to you.
-SheaAuthor's Response: I am delighted that you liked the story. I found Dumbledore a challenge to write; and I'm thrilled you liked him.
I never lost my fondness for Latin literature, and Catullus was one of my favorite writers. Again, I am very, very pleased that this part worked for you.
Thank you so much for reading the story, for taking the time to review, and for your very kind and encouraging comments. Report Review
Wow! I meant to just scan the first paragraph or so, to get a feel for the story, and I ended up reading the whole thing. Very VERY awesome surprise twist at the end. I LOVED it! I thought your portrayal of all the characters was superb. It was kind of cool reading this now cause I'm in the middle of re-reading HBP so all of the canon events you mentioned are fresh in my mind. Of course you went, ahem, *slightly* AU at the end, but who cares?! It worked amazingly with your story and I totally bought it after the brief moment of, "HUH? He's DEAD?!"
The only thing I didn't like was the fact that you used Catullus' poetry. EEEW! I had to translate him in Latin class and I HATED HIM! Haha...but that's a personal problem of mine and has nothing to do with the story. The quote you used WAS great, even though I hate the author, and it was really cool that Severus could sight-read the Latin. I always thought he'd be fluent in Latin too :) Wow...that was a really nice story. I think it *sort* of weird that Dumbledore would be encouraging Severus to commit adultery with Narcissa, but I think Dumbledore would probably always err on the side of love as opposed to society's "values." (I even have him say something to that effect at the very end of my own story.)
Ok, wow, didn't mean to be reading fan fic this long today, but I'm really glad I did! I think this piece would be excellent for the Story Club once it gets picked (cause you know it will if you just keep it there long enough! That's what I'm hoping for with my own, anyway). Sorry for the rambling, babbling review. That's what happens when I start to write when when I wasn't planning on it...ah, oh well. Once more, EXCELLENT JOB! 10/10!!Author's Response: Well, of course Severus can sight-read Latin. I figure he taught himself as a child. How else can he get into Liber Venificorum Atrum and learn all those cool spells. (I take it as a given that any Magical scholar worth his or her salt would read Latin because all the good treatises are written in it.)
I hope you'll give Catullus another try. After all, I hated Dickens after being force-fed. It took me years to realize what a wonderful writer he is.
Yes, Dumbledore was not exactly taking what some would consider the moral high ground. I wrote a few review ago to JL Hufflepuff, I think Zorba the Greek was dancing around my brain when I wrote those scenes. Zorba, who said --"God has a very big heart but there is one sin he will not forgive. If a woman calls a man to her bed and he will not go.” On the other hand, my DD character recognized that Severus's live was a uniquely sad and joyless one, and he (DD) hoped he (SS) might not end it in that state.
Thank you for your wonderful review. I am honored that you liked the story, as I have gotten so much enjoyment out of yours.
Beatuiful...just amazing. I love every bit of it. Nothing was wrong, and everything was right. Great job.
-JaimeAuthor's Response: Thank you for taking the time to read my story and, especially, for your kind and wonderful comments. You have made my day. Best regards, Bella. Report Review
Rather disconnected, however the flow in each part was rather good. Dumbledore seemed a bit out of character to me. However over all the story was well written. I like your style, but it needs some work on flowing from part to part.
-ERASoulAuthor's Response: Thank you for your review. I appreciate the criticism and will examine the issue of flow.
As to Dumbledore -- I'm not quite ready to go back and tinker with him; but you zeroed in on an area of concern; and your reaction is helpful.
Thank you so very much for taking the time to review. Report Review
I love your characterization of Severus in this. The whole time that I was reading, I was wondering how Lily fit in this scheme, so at the end when he died I had some strange reason to think that his death may have had to do with her, though I didn't expect the Unbreakable Vow even though you foreshadowed that revelation quite well. I was shocked when Snape died because the story didn't seem to be going in such a shocking direction!
I love Dumbledore in this, as well. I think his allusion to his love life was well-timed. I like that he was kind of Sev's advisor about the matter, though I think him actually encouraging him to sleep with her was a bit unbelievable. Still, I absolutely love all the statements he made about Snape denying himself too many pleasures... Very profound.
I also like the background about Narcissa and Lucius and how she is afraid to be alone. Being a woman who hates to be alone, I can really identify with that. You portray her as human even though she's still a pureblood snob. A desperate, human woman. How embarassing for her when it all came out, I'm sure.
This is a very original idea. I tend not to like stories to be so long, but I understand since this is a collaboration you obviously had to make it a one-shot. Anyway, I'm very impressed!Author's Response: All I can say about Snape’s death was kind of a surprise to me when the story took that turn. I think that’s part of what makes writing so exciting.
As to your comment that “I think [Dumbledore] actually encouraging him to sleep with her was a bit unbelievable” – I worried about this, except that I actually thought of this in terms of “my” Dumbledore coming off as channeling Zorba the Greek (“God has a very big heart but there is one sin he will not forgive. If a woman calls a man to her bed and he will not go.”)
I appreciate your comments about Narcissa. You picked up on the aspects of her personality that tended to resonate for me and that I tried to write about. And, yes, the untold parts that would follow – that the story would come out in some form, that it would be scandalous and horribly humiliating for her and her family, would be implied. (As would the fact that Moody and Shacklebolt, after leaving Dumbledore, went directly to the nearest tavern, toasted Snape for the first and only times in their lives, and wished that when it came time for each man to go out, he could exit in the very same way.)
Thank you so much for your wonderful review. I appreciate it deeply -- the time you have taken to read my story, your insightful comments, and your kind encouragement.
All I can say is wow...
I was a little confused at first, but I understand now.
Ok, so there are a few grammar/spelling errors- but they're easily fixed, and it seems like most of them are probably typos, so a quick run-through with spellcheck, or a one-shot beta would do nicely.
It is dark, as you said earlier, but it still has a readability to it that is very hard in angst stories. I'm sure that you have read at least one story where you get to the middle and say "I can't read anymore"- and while creating reactions in people is what writing is all about, there should be a limit, you know?
Also, your vocabulary and sentence structure made my day- after doing about five major grammar/spelling reviews, something like this makes me cry with happiness inside.
As a huge Severus fan, I really like the way that you portrayed him- he was so real- especially the deal about Lily. I think that a deal like that is something that he would do, and of course, bitterly regret forever after.
Really, not much to say- great story, keep up the good work!
-RiniAuthor's Response: Hey, there, Tokyo Gal!
I was very happy to have you read my little story. And I am certainly glad you liked it. (I'll be slightly defensive for a moment and say that the story was painstakingly beta'd, so I was less than thrilled to see that some mistakes still got through. I appreciate your noticing; and I will get them fixed. It just feels a bit more complicated to make changes within a collaboration than it would if it were on my own site.)
Thank you so much for reviewing. I need to get back and check up on Isabella's adventures. Report Review
This was such a good chapter! I am an avid Severus/Lily shipper, so I almost thought that this was going to one fo the stories were Severus tries to date someone else to get over her. But it wasn't! You made me believe that this ship could work in real life! (which is hard because like I said, I am an avid Severus/Lily person). I like how at the end how you brought in that Severus still loved Lily.
I like your descripitions in this. The kissing scene that Narcissa and Severus made me think that they could have done more then kiss each other! Your story made me believe that I was actually there!
Overall, this was AMAZINGNESS! I love this chapter. 10/10
PS I love the Dumbledore sayings! Defiantly him!Author's Response: As you can perhaps tell, I'm pretty committed to the Severus/Lily ship. (But I love Snape and I'm fond of Narcissa, and this combination was available on this collaboration, so I volunteered to deliver some sort of a Severus/Cissy tale.) But there needed to be a special circumstance for either one of them to even entertain an interlude with anyone other than Lily (for Snape) or Lucius (for Narcissa).
I'm glad you liked the kissing scene. Of course, the idea was that they did indeed do a bit more. The criterion of the collaboration required no more than a 15+, so I was about as explicit as I could be before fading to black and leaving the rest to the reader's imagination.
Thank you, thank you for your wonderful response. I am so grateful and appreciative that you took the time to review my story. Report Review
I. LOVED. THIS. Wow. Haha. Anyway, I've come to leave you that review you requested. (;
I saw the word count and immediately thought I was going to get bored about half way through. My attention span is terrible. But your writing kept me glued to the computer screen. Wow. You pulled me in and I just couldn't look away. I love it when an author can take me into the world along with them. This was just so beautifully written. (:
I wasn't too sure about the pairing either, but you pulled it off. Narcissa was alone and vulnerable, whereas Snape felt a duty to her after making the Unbreakable Vow. But, of course, the ending reminded us that Snape was loyal to no one but Lily. Might I add that the ending brought tears to my eyes. It was beautifully written, and just perfect altogether. Very emotional.
However, I was a bit confused about why Sirius was so keen on making sure James never cheated on Lily. James loved Lily, why would he need to make an Unbreakable Vow? And Sirius seemed a little too harsh with his best friend. I dunno. Maybe I just read it the wrong way. Heh.
Overall, this was wonderful. I loved how you told the story, and it was nice seeing the series of events through the eyes of several different characters. Oh, before I forget, the way you portrayed Dumbledore was PERFECT! I found myself giggling several times at the silly things he said, but also nodding in appreciation at the very heartfelt reccomendations he made to Snape. (; I just love Dumbledore, haha.
10/10 for this, you don't deserve anything less. (: Bravo.Author's Response: I. Am. Blushing.
Ah, Sirius. That little scamp. Because my response has the potential for being a spoiler, I will PM it to you.
The pairing was close to being random. This is the All Ship Collaboration, after all. I’m quite fond of those two characters, although not necessarily together; so I signed up to write a story for this “ship.” And this is what I came up with. I felt with such dark and complex characters, any relationship would not run a straight line.
I am truly delighted that you liked the story and the way the different characters were presented. (A couple more ended up on the cutting room floor, so to speak.)
Thank you so much for taking the time to review and for your very kind words. Report Review
Oops, I accidentally reviewed the wrong one-shot! Sorry, when started reading the prologue, I didn't notice that this is a collection of one-shots because I missed reading the Author's Note...
OK, this story just didn't get me in, but not because of your writing style. Your writing style and descriptions was excellent! I just don't like Snape very much. For me he should always love Lily from the distance... And not fall for some other woman, like Narcissa, who's already married.
I like Narcissa's character here. She's so real, fearing to ruin her marriage with Lucius. I like the - can I say "happy"? - memories that flooded her mind when she remembered giving birth to Draco and then marrying Lucius. And all that that follows in her life...
I think the end was a bit sad. Even though I don't like Snape so much, I have compassion for him. James and Sirius should grow up! ^_^Author's Response: I have no problem with your not liking Snape, and I appreciate that you were willing to read the story anyway.
As for your statement,
"For me he should always love Lily from the distance... And not fall for some other woman, like Narcissa, who's already married"
-- I actually feel very much the same. (That's why I find it extremely difficult to read Snape/OC, no matter how well-written.) But since I'd signed up to write a Snape/Narcissa story, this is what I delivered.
So, thank you so much for reviewing this story. I appreciate it enormously.
PS: And thank you doubly for reviewing the other stories in this collaboration. Even if it started out as an accident, it was a fortunate accident. Report Review
OK, I just realized that the next-gen one-shot was already up. The concept of the story was a bit clichéd, in my opinion. I mean just because Teddy didn't receive a response from Victoire when he told her he loved her, he was all upset and didn't even send her owls all month? What kind of Bf is that? :) Yes, of course returning an "I love you, too" is hard, but pushing someone to say it? I mean, he sort of 'pushed' her to say it, right? Because he didn't send her owls all the time or was ignoring her. So Vicky had no other choice to say it back to him...
There were also a few dialogue errors... aside from that, the story was lovely.
^_^ Let me know if a Scorose story is up.Author's Response: Thanks for taking the time to leave me a review!
What I was trying to show with this story is just how confusing love can really be. They noth were confused with what to do with their feelings, and it all sort of lead to a loack of communication, which really messed everything up. Nether of them thought the other one wanted to talk about it, so it just sort of hung in the air for a while... I didn't want it to seem as if she was pushed to say it, I think she was just caught off guard and once she had been without Teddy for long enough, she put the pieces together as well as her feelings. Absence makes the heart grow fonder :]
I'm really glad you liked it despite the cliche-ness. Thanks again for leaving me a review!
~emily~ Report Review
The opening scene at the lake, between the two girls, was very effective and sweet. The dialogue was good, and the relationship between the two cousins came through. It was a nice set-up with little Rose helping out her older cousin.
I liked, also, the way you used little James in the scene on the train as a device to interrupt the romantic interlude and perhaps make Victoire overly nervous, so she lost her bearings completely when Teddy said, "I love you."
The walking to the Shrieking Shack, through the tunnel -- I liked those details. And the final resolution was really nice.
This was an excellent example of what this collaboration is supposed to be.Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review.
I'm really glad you liked the opening, and I really appreciate all of the positive comments.
I'm so happy that you liked the part with James! I wanted to add that part because it fits so well with canon and with my story. And you are exactly right about James making Victoire overly nervous :]
Your last comment really rendered me speechles, and I appreciate your review so much! Thanks agan ^_^ Report Review
Hey there! Sorry it's taken me so long to leave a review!
I thought that was absoloutely beautiful. You have one of the best writing styles I've ever read on this site. It's flowing, and descriptive and just wonderful.
Everyone was perfectly on character, in my opinion. I think you did a particularly good job on Snape. Narcissa too. I've never read a Narcissa fic before, let alone a Narcissa/Snape fic.
I really enjoyed it.
You had such wonderful imagery. I could picture everything perfectly. I was like watching a little movie in my mind. Great usage of words and everything.
Amazing twist at the end there.
I loved this.
RoseAuthor's Response: Thank you for your kind words about the writing style. I owe a lot to my wonderful Beta.
I'm glad you felt Snape and Narcissa presented as in character. (I tried, I really did!) And most of all, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Thank you so much for reviewing.
This is easily one of the best pieces I've come across on the site, very, very well written. The ending was amazing. Poor Snape! You write with a sympathy that's really unusual to see especially regarding characters like Snape and Narcissa, people that readers don't always identify with right away. I really enjoyed reading about the story from Narcissa's eyes; it strikes me that she was a very flat character in the books (rich, beautiful, snobby) and it was very gratifying to see you take her character and develop it so skillfully. She really became 3D for me in this piece because of her dying marriage, her rocky relations with Draco, and her fervent fear of being alone. Really great job on her characterization. One of my favorite passages, of course, was the scene in which Dumbledore was explaining to Snape that a life without love and happiness isn't really a life at all. That translation was just lovely - I have never heard of Catullus's poems, so this has just encouraged me to look them up. It's very ironic to me that just as a faint glimmer of happiness arose in Snape's life, it was the very thing that was unforgivable because he had promised himself to Lily forever. How tragic that he tied himself to a false happiness that ended up in his losing hope of any true happiness.
Just beautiful! I loved it. 10/10 for sure!
dumbledore - perfumeAuthor's Response: Thank you for your very kind review. People in general may not identify with Snape, but I’m fond of him. I agree that Narcissa is a rather flat character through most of the series, but she becomes more three-dimensional in the last books. We see that she is devoted to her child and family and that she will go to great lengths to protect them. My theory is that when Lucius was imprisoned and Draco inducted into the Death Eaters and placed at risk, her life was turned upside down. (Of course, it got worse, but that’s DH.)
This former Classics major is delighted that you liked the translation. Catullus wrote about that one love, rejection and obsession – Snape would have liked him. And I’m so glad you thought that scene worked. Although I didn’t come out and say so, it was one of my concerns.
As to Dumbledore and the perfume – I thought he’d be a man of sophistication and wide knowledge. He knows his knitting patterns, so he’d surely know his perfumes.
Thank you so very much. Report Review
First, this has been an interesting read so far (I'm still reading, I just decided to start reviewing as I go along). The first sentence that really caught me was: And that she was all alone. Gosh, you really managed to make me see things through Narcissa's eyes. I've never done that before and I really enjoy it.
Oh, I adore your writing, like this here: As I said, the episode with Draco was, well, it was a fiasco. I'm really intrigued by the way you manage to capture their voices... and the reluctant attraction between Narcissa and Snape, even when it's almost non-existent. ^_^
Also, I find your dialogue very elegant and refined. It's interesting to read Snape and Dumbledore's conversation when both of them speak as though they knew their manners (and this is a compliment, it doesn't seem forced at all). I can only assume that you're joking. This is what I mean. What a lovely, funny way to put it. ^_^ Snape gripping his chair... I love you!! ^_^
Wow, seriously, you bring out new things of thsese characters, giving them thoughts, feelings and past experiences, making them living breathing beings. I adore your Dumbledore. I'm sorry if I sound like a broken record, but this story is really good.
It's strange how vulnerable Narcissa seems, and childish somehow. And yet, she's a mother who loves her child, woman who wants to feel loved. Narcissa felt giddy... When we make decisions, how hard they might be, we feel light afterwards. ^_^ Oh, I do love this.
I'm actually laughing also. Having so much fun while reading it. It's scented. Poor Snape. Oh, I so love Dumbledore and Snape, chatting together. Their relationship is such a unique one. And oh my god, Snape is adorable. NEVER in my wildest dreams have I thought that Snape is adorable, yet you make him like that, nervous... Ah! (and in a perfect way, not some OOC way, mind you).
One correction: too-good-to-breath-the-same... etc. should be breathe. ^_^ Second correction: "Will there any problem at all." should probably have a verb in it, be perhaps.
Ohhoh, what a lovely kissing scene. Made shivers run across my skin. ^_^ Wow. ^_^ AND WHOA!! You... just did not do that. I'm not going to say it here now because others mind read it before reading your story. THAT was surprising. Gah!
And what an ending. This has probably been the most surprising story I've ever read. Beautiful, sad and... witty, intelligent. Thank you for sharing your work. Wow!Author's Response: Sometimes you just want to dance around the room. I must confess your review made me feel that way.
I’m delighted that you felt I had some success in capturing the characters’ voices. The dialogue for Dumbledore and Snape was quite hard, because we don’t see many scenes (and we don’t see protracted scenes) of Snape and Dumbledore in private conversation.
“The first sentence that really caught me was: And that she was all alone”
I do think that Narcissa has things going on that, from a human perspective, make her sympathetic. For a woman who is basically a wife and mother to lose her husband to prison and then see her child turned into cannon fodder, all in the space of a few weeks, would be a devastating blow. You don’t really have your head on straight under those circumstances.
“It's strange how vulnerable Narcissa seems, and childish somehow. And yet, she's a mother who loves her child, woman who wants to feel loved.”
That’s exactly how I wanted her to come across. For the reasons in the preceding paragraph, I think Narcissa is extremely vulnerable.
“ and oh my god, Snape is adorable.”
I was not consciously going for adorable, but I love this description.
Regarding the typos: Thank you so much for noticing. No matter how hard you try to catch everything, some errors always manage to get through.
“AND WHOA!! You... just did not do that.” (I loved reading that!) Yup. I did. I’m bad.
Thank you so, so much for your wonderful review. Report Review
Hi, this is cosmo form the review corner, I am so sorry for the late review!
1. ugh I’ve never read a collaboration before (much less a NMSS fic—looking forward to this, something new is always fun lol)
2. that’s an amazing first line, there’s something very alluring about it that immediately draws in the readers attention—great job there
3. it took teen days to come up with a proper reply—well at least you managed to portray how calculated she is while adding a little bit of comedic relief there lol
4. love the bar keepers description of her lol—also great job with that portion, most times when someone recounts a story I either feel overwhelmed or as if something’s missing- detail wise- this, surprisingly enough, had the perfect medium
5. I think that the scene where she kisses him was perfect—even though you didn’t really say why he couldn’t make himself go, it’s one of those thigns that can be explained… and I think that you depicted that point perfects (did that make any sense, I doubt it lol)
6. wow—idk what to make oof that last scene… it was just WOW… damn! lol…Author's Response: Hello there, Cosmo. Thank you for reviewing.
1. I've never participated in a collaboration before. Since you know we're here, I hope you'll take a look at some of the other stories. There are some fine ones posted and many others upcoming.
2. Thank you.
3. There was a very popular dating book a few years ago (and the name escapes me) that encouraged women to play very hard to get -- not return phone calls, stuff like that. I think it may have been in the back of my mind. I love that you noticed that scene.
4. I owe a lot to my marvelous Beta (a Brit, thank heaven) for helping me with the dialect. And for a lot of other things.
5. You are right that I did leave some things unsaid. The terms of the collaboration required a 15+, so that was a consideration; but I also preferred to leave some things to the imagination (or to be resolved later).
6. I hope you liked the last scene. Wow is usually a good sign.
Thank you so much for taking the time to review. I very much appreciate all of your comments. Report Review
Oh, wow. I'm entire sure how to phrase this, because really; this is wonderful.
What makes a good story to me is the characters. And yours were some of the best I've read. They corresponded so well with canon, and I especially liked Snape. He really is one of the best characters in the books. A deeper fictional personality you'd have to search long and hard for, I think.
You've really done him justice.
Also, I loved seing the interaction between Dumbledore and Snape that year. We don't see anything of it in the books, but I really enojyed reading it here. I imagine it must have gone down a bit like that. Dumbledore was fabulously in character as well.
The ending was an amazing twist. Not to mention a very good explanation to his mysterious death.
Oh, this made me all fuzzy inside! 10/10, definitely.Author's Response: Thank you so much.
I'm glad you liked the characters. If they conformed to canon, I owe a lot to my brilliant beta for keeping me on track.
I agree with you on Snape. He is a rich character. (I think JKR called him a "gift of a character," if I got that quote right, and he surely is.) I did my best to do him justice, and I'm thrilled if you think I had some success.
I agree that we don't see nearly enough of the interaction between Dumbledore and Snape in the books. I found Dumbledore pretty hard to write, especially considering the subject matter.
Thank you for reviewing. I'm so glad you liked the story. Report Review
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