Hi, it's AlannaLestrange from TGS!
I liked this a lot. This was a cute snapshot of Sirius's younger life from a new point of view. I always wondered what kind of friends Sirius had, besides Regulus of course, before Hogwarts. I'm not sure if Sirius's parents would willingly let him play with James as a child, though, since the Potters are a known blood traitor family.
One thing you want to watch out for is tense changes. The very first sentence of your story is in present tense, but the rest is in past. Also, this sentence: "Not that there is any problem with muggles..." There are some spelling/grammar mistakes, but a quick run-through should take care of that.
Anyway, thanks for a very enjoyable read. Well done!Author's Response: Thanks, and I understand where you're coming from with Sirius being allowed to play with James before Hogwarts with the Potters being known blood traitors, but I went completely AU with letting them know each before the first train ride in their first year in this one-shot. And as for tenses, that's always been my weakness... I hate tenses very much so as it's so easy to slip into different tenses. Thanks again for the review and I'm glad that you enjoyed it! Report Review
Hey there Leslie :)
I honestly don't think you have anything to worry about. It was beautiful. And I can't blame your other reviewers for not giving you any constructive crit, because I truly can't see any to give.
It was so sweet and cute. I found this interesting too "titter totter". Is that what you call them? We call them See-Saws. Huh, that's funny. But not really helpful towards my review... hahaha. Sorry ;)
I really liked how you had Sirius as friends with James before Hogwarts, but I also found it strange because I'm not sure if the Blacks would like the Potter's. Still, I like the twist. It's different, and nice.
There were a couple of minor errors I picked up on though
1/ You spelt Regulus wrong- "Regulius"
2/ "The two young boys seemed to always be in each other's companies anymore"- I'm not sure if the anymore should be there.
Apart from that I really loved it. It was a little sad at the end, but I liked the touch you added with SIrius and Sammi smiling at each other. You're a really good writer, I don't think you should be worried.
x LauraAuthor's Response: Well, that's a relief ;) Thanks for taking the time to read & review it for me, I really do appreciate it.
Yeah, we say it both ways, but "titter totter," or maybe it's spelled "teeter totter," is more commonly used with youngsters here and I didn't really think twice about what they called it in the UK because I thought it'd be a cute touch and add to the childishness of the story. I'll have to edit that spelling.
Yeah, I see what your saying about the Potters and Blacks, and I thought about that, too, but I just thought I'd change it up a bit since I was already changing canon by having James and Sirius become friends before the first train ride to Hogwarts. I'm glad you liked it.
Oops, I'll definitely and edit "Regulus" when I go back to edit "teeter totter." And I agree, the "anymore" doesn't need to be there because the sentence sounds better without it. Thanks again for the awesome review, Laura! :huggles: Report Review
I enjoyed the look at the young Sirius Black from this point of view.
It was also nice to see a glimpse of the other Marauders and tie in Lily.Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it! Report Review
Hey, it's Girldetective! I just came to by and decided to read this story. I thought the beginning was very sweet, when Sammi and Sirius were best friends and playing with one another. Very cute! It was really sad when she was all by herself coloring, thinking of how Sirius would rather play with James Potter. The scene with them all on the Hogwarts Express is a little cliche - I'm guessing those five girls will all be in Gryffindor together? And they met the Marauders, and James is already asking Lily out? But other than that, this was a cute little beginning. Are you thinking of continuing it? You should! :)Author's Response: this is actually a side story to my story Marauders Arrive at Hogwarts. Three of the girls end up in Gryffindor, the other two in Ravenclaw.
Thanks for the review. Glad you liked it. The scene on the Hogwarts Express is basically clipped out of MAAH, it is a bit cliche. I try not to go too cliche though...sometimes you can't help it.
Anyway, thanks again. Report Review
wow, he just asks her out??? Just like that??? If anyone would do that it would be James, lol. anyway, nice job on the one short. Author's Response: tehe. that scene is in my story, MAAH, and it has more depth then this one. i just kind of skimmed the surface of the scene to get to the end where sirius and sammi smile at one another.
thanks, i'm glad you liked the one-shot. and thanks for reviewing as well. it makes me happy to get reviews. :) Report Review
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