Reading Reviews for Together, Forever
  
170 Reviews Found

Review #1, by me_? Chapter 8

18th December 2008:
The story is very original. Is Ginny going to hook up with Blaise?? I would really like (not that you HAVE to do it) a short Blaise/Hermione pairing (with the typical fight between Draco and Blaise) and then the actual Draco/Hermione pairing. Just a comment.
Hope you update ASAP and happy christmas,
me_?

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Review #2, by Lunnah Chapter 1

30th March 2008:
Hey there! Sorry this review took so long.. I'm still catching up.

First off... I LOVE dramione and I love Blaise and I love masquerade balls. Three huge elements of your story that attracted me. I will say... this was quite out of character on many levels for many of the characters. I didnt have a problem with it though, only that your characterization was a bit intense for each character: Draco being so unbelievably good inside with no evil at all and being hopelessly and deeply in love with Hermione- I liked that you had him really being good and liking Hermione but I think you could tone it down and give him some conflictions. I absolutely love the character of Blaise, mostly because he can be written as such a bad boy. I never saw him as someone Draco would trust unconditionally, or as someone so sweet and good. And yes, I'll say it... William was a bit of a shock...

Dont take all of that the wrong way! I like it all, I just think it was all a bit intense in the first chapter. You havent eased your characters out of canon at all, but I thought the masked ball idea was splendid! I think this has a lot of potential and I do believe in dramione! Great job, I really enjoyed it :)

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Review #3, by Swiftstar Chapter 8

6th March 2008:
Please update soon!

I was practically in tears by the end of the chapter and I just want to know what happens next! LOL! sorry for sounding so demanding, but its true!

Anywho, LOVE it!

10/10 from me!

luv ur story,

Lucy

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Review #4, by Dru Dreams Chapter 8

2nd March 2008:
I just read 1-8 and am thouroughly hooked! Please update soon! I want to see if Draco comes to comfort her. Where does Alex go? Can't wait!

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Review #5, by anonymous Chapter 4

22nd January 2008:
i love this story!! please update soon!

Author's Response: thank you so much! unfortunately, this story is currently on hiatus, and i might not be updating soon. you see, I'm an Asian, a Chinese, in fact, and I'm currently really busy with the Chinese New Year (following the Chinese Lunar Calendar) and I cannot really update my stories.

Will update after CNY, though! :)


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Review #6, by Magical Me13 Chapter 2

6th January 2008:
I'm glad to say that you got a bit better with sentence mechanics. There weren't as many errors that jumped out, there were some, but you can't always expect perfection! You really developed Draco a bit more, and the sensitive side of him showed much more this chapter. The plot moved along at a nice pace, however as more action occurs, you'll want to pick it up and try not linger as much on certain points. During a more peaceful time in the story you can always revisit the events and help to clarify points. Keep it up and continue working on sentence mechanics, you can only get better! 9/10
Magical Me13

Author's Response: Thank you so much !! I'm particularly not really good at writing action scenes, especially during a battle that I intend to write as a strong one, and I thank you for being very honest. I'm glad that you think the sentene mechanis are getting better.

Thank you so much for the wonderful review ! :)


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Review #7, by Magical Me13 Chapter 1

6th January 2008:
Alright, this is an interesting start, but the absolute simplicity of Draco's attraction to Hermione, slightly ruins it. When you write a fan fic you're obviously going to throw out some of the canon, but it's vital to keep certain parts. By making Draco so easily drawn to Hermione, it destroys that piece of canon that would act as a backbone. So far it hasn't been cliche, but be careful, Dramiones can be difficult to write since after a while the ways of bringing them together become common. The plot, has been moving along at a great pace and leaves me wanting more. You have a good amount of detail and the setting is easy to picture. I hope that you continue to add more dialogue as you write further. It will greatly help your characterization and add more depth the characters surrounding Draco.

There were a handful of errors that jumped out at me, that hindered my understanding of this chapter. It's mainly misunderstandings of tenses when dealing with adverbs. It may not seem like much, but if best to have a good grasp of parts of speech, especially when it comes to tenses.

"Everyone in Hogwarts thought we were dating, but we aren't." 'Were', an adverb in this case, implies the past tense, however 'aren't' gives the intended present tense. You would want to use 'thinks we are' instead of 'thought we were'.

"any information we received were to be told straightaway to Professor Dumbledore." The word 'were', in this context, implies that the noun, information, is plural. However, since it isn't, the word 'was' must be used.

The last one that I wanted to point out is Heads'. An apostrophe would only be added if you are making the noun possessive. It should be just heads, a plural noun.

All in all, you have a good grasp on what you want out of this story, all you need to do work out is some of the mechanics. I'll read on one more chapter to look for improvement and check on your continuation. 7/10
Magical Me13
P.S. sorry for the length of the review!

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Review #8, by rowenaravenclaw94 Chapter 8

1st January 2008:
poor hermione! i can't believe that her parents were attacked! but are they still alive though? frank and alice were still alive after being tortured! eek! this story's great! update soon!

Author's Response: Wow, thanks so much ! Well, of course they're still alive ! I'm not so cruel, LOL. Thank you so much for your wonderful reviews ! From my author's page, I have tons of new stories coming 2008, so I'll be posting up a chapter of my new novella before coming back with this story. Check them out !! =)

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Review #9, by rowenaravenclaw94 Chapter 7

1st January 2008:
oh my god! i can't believe draco had to kill an innocent muggle! that's so depressing! and he got beat by his father too. ugh... *shivers* great story!

Author's Response: Thanks a lot ! Well, that's exactly what Death Eaters do, don't they ? You've got to be my favourite reviewer or something XD ! Thank you so much once again ! I appreciate you taking your time for reviewing this story.

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Review #10, by rowenaravenclaw94 Chapter 6

1st January 2008:
what's blaise gonna do? she didn't assign him a super special task... good job though. great story.

Author's Response: Hm, I guess I missed that out. Well, let's just say Mrs. Weasley forgot about him ;D Thank you so much !! *HUGGLEGLOMPS*

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Review #11, by rowenaravenclaw94 Chapter 5

1st January 2008:
good job. i'm happy that draco is opening up to hermione. love this story! i hope he can tell her he likes her soon...

Author's Response: Thanks a lot ! It seems that we are already in Chapter 8 but there are still no signs of both of them getting together just yet. Guess we'll just have to wait, don't we ? Thank you so much once again ! He'll definitely tell her he likes her .. in an unexpected way. ;D

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Review #12, by rowenaravenclaw94 Chapter 4

1st January 2008:
yay! draco's making progress! and hermione's fighting for civility! good job! love the story!

Author's Response: Haha ! Glad you're happy and loving this story so far ! *huggles* Definitely Hermione's fighting for civility. She's the more matured one, so it just has to be her who fights for civility. Thanks so much !! :D

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Review #13, by rowenaravenclaw94 Chapter 3

1st January 2008:
good job! this story is really good! love it! i hope that draco can tell hermione that he was the man behind the mask sometime soon!

Author's Response: Haha !! Well, we'll have to wait, don't we ? I don't want to ruin everything for my readers ! I'm glad that you're loving this story so far, it's an aim for all authors ! :)

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Review #14, by rowenaravenclaw94 Chapter 2

1st January 2008:
i can't believe he didn't get to tell her! that's so tragic! good job! love the story so far!

Author's Response: Thanks so much !! Glad you're loving the story so far !! *HUGGLES* :)

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Review #15, by rowenaravenclaw94 Chapter 1

1st January 2008:
i hope that draco gets to dance with hermione. it would be so sad if he doesn't. good job!

Author's Response: Haha, well, we'll see about that! :)

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Review #16, by alylovezu2 Chapter 8

29th December 2007:
hey oh my god that is so sad, but i love what's happening cannot wait to carry on and read more!

Author's Response: Thanks a lot! Well, I've got to admit it's a bit sad here and there, but a story isn't good with a good plot twist and emotions, right? :)

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Review #17, by Lya Darkfury Chapter 8

28th December 2007:
c'etait tres bien! this was a very sad chapter overall, but well written and exciting. I hope this leads to the next chapter being something that Draco does to prove himself. Keep writing, I am really enjoying this! =)

Author's Response: thank you so much!! unfortunately, as stated, the story is currently on hiatus as I'm currently really, really busy with the Chinese New Year (have I mentioned I'm a Chinese?) and might only update after the celebration. :)

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Review #18, by kara101 Chapter 8

28th December 2007:
Wonderful chapter! I thought this whole chapter was going to be about Draco and Blaise having to go and see Voldy but it was not. The bit about Hermione's parents was sad but I guess it was meant to happen. Alex is a wizard I am guessing why he survived and I have already asked you a question on your page. Maybe I will go back and ask again. I am glad you let me know that your next chapter was up so feel free to do so again. Keep on writing and update soon!

Hermione G

Author's Response: LOL, thank you very much, Kara !! Well, as each chapter will be in different perspectives, of course this chapter has to be in Hermione's perspective. But don't worry, Chapter 9 will be packed with action. ;D

Hmm, regarding Alex, can't really give anything away, can I ? I guess you'll have to wait till I post back in your thread ! *winks*

I'll definitely keep writing (writing is my passion !) and I hope to update soon. Thank you so much once again ! *huggles*


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Review #19, by HarryGinny4eva Chapter 7

28th December 2007:
I look forward to your return and hope you had a wonderful vacation. That chapter was interesting and telling. I can't wait for their next talk. Thank you and Happy Holidays!

Author's Response: Thanks a lot !! Happy Holidays to you too ! I sincerely hope you enjoyed your vacation, too. About the next chapter, well, you don't have to wait for it. It's already up but unfortunately, there isn't anything about Draco and Hermione as the main focus for the next chapter is basically on the battle, as you know. I had a very wonderful vacation, and I really hope you did too.

Thank you so much for taking some time to review !! :)


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Review #20, by GCcrazygurl09 Chapter 8

27th December 2007:
Awwies =[ that's so sad.{I had some tears} lol. But no I think it was still well written. Killing her parents? OMG so sad, can't get over it[as you see lol]
But I hope your holidays went well and your trip was good and safe{airports, traveling even, these days are CRAZY}
xoxoxo
Katrina
P.S.
I hope you update soon!! I can hardly wait{though I'm going to have to} GRR Hurry up!! NOW!! lol please...

Author's Response: Wow, thanks a lot !! LOL, yup, I can see you really can't get over it. Hey ! I'm not so bad, really ! I didn't kill off her parents, just made them be like Alice and Frank. At least that's better than dying .. but still, you do suffer, but anyway, they have to be alive but in that condition in order for the plot to develop. :D

Sincerely, I hope your holidays went well too. Definitely my trip was good and yeah, Newark Liberty International Airport was really a crowded airport ! Didn't come across any trouble though, Orlando's International Airport was waay better.

LOL, a new schooling term is starting for me and I may be very busy. Over here, school starts in January and ends in November, so yeah, school is starting in less than a week already. Chapter 9 is already written but not yet completed, but I assure you, whether in weeks or months, that chapter will definitely be up. Hope you can wait XD !

Thanks so much for this encouraging review ! *HUGGLEGLOMP*


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Review #21, by Padfooty Chapter 5

25th December 2007:
What a nice chapter! I could find no mistakes, until it came to "Gosh, nope." I hope I never, EVER, read Malfoy say 'Gosh' again. That was the most dreadful thing he could say, because Draco, he doesn't say Gosh. No matter how nice he is in your story, please, don't make him say Gosh.

Another thing from the memory; "and everything seemed different." NO NO NO! Big no to you! Haven't Harry proven to us, time after time, that Dumbledore's office NEVER changes? It always seems to look the same? Except when there was a picture of him there in DH... But, no, no changes in Dumbledore's office, please!

I think that Draco spoke too lightly about Voldemort and his father. He was admitting he was afraid, he was talking about one of the darkest wizards of all times, he was talking about his father, whom in your story, had been torturing Draco. And yet, he speaks of it with such lightness and without hesitation to Dumbledore, you should think he was lying or that he didn't really care.

Another thing about the memory, how could Dumbledore say "I trust that you have heard everything about the Order of The Phoenix." Not a chance. Not a chance in the sea. I mean, the order wasn't even reunited at that time! Maybe Dumbledore would have been planning it, and wanting them to be in it, that would have made more sense than the boys knowing of it, when even the Trio did not at that point in time. Also, Dumbledore is supposed to be the SECRET keeper. It is not very secret, if they know about it, right?

I think that the flaws in the memory was your biggest problem in this chapter, because the rest was good. Your dialogues and thoughts were great as always, there are just these typical AU details that pulls you down a grade. It seems that you are trying to make the story more of your own, and that is find as descriptions and feelings are concerned, and also AU, but we need all these... grounding points to grab that you really have anything canon in it at all.

Please let me know if you want more reviews!

Yours,
Padfooty

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Review #22, by Padfooty Chapter 4

25th December 2007:
I start of with answering to your Authors Note. No, I don't think that it is strange for the Trio to be in the order, because they were. They were, just not so... into it. Draco and Blaise working for the order... well, it strikes me as insane, but since this is AU,(I have come to think of this story as AU now) it doesn't matte that much, even though the Order wasn't started again before their 5th year. But who knows, maybe Dumbledore had thought of it already at that time, before he actually reunited the Order.doesn't really matter that much, Yes, there is a fireplace in Grimmauld Place, remember when Sirius' head appeared in the fireplace in the Gryffindor Common Room, in GoF?

I find it interesting how you are changing points of view for each chapter. It is not a very easy thing to do, but you manage it greatly. You write their thoughts really well!

It caught me as a bit strange, that Harry said “If introductions or whatsoever is done, will everyone please proceed to the kitchen ?” (again this space between the word and the sign) because it felt like he was taking authority from Dumbledore. Even though he wasn't there at the point, an adult should have done it. Remember Harry's uneasy-ness about being the lead of the DA? I wouldn't imagine him saying something like that. Maybe Arthur. Even though it may be AU, it doesn't mean that you can change the characters personality, and make them less in character. I know you are not trying to do that, just saying it.

I found it kind of funny that you gave Zabini Irish nationality. He has never struck me as Irish, and I can't seem to think of any reason why you would make him Irish either. You could just said that he had a permanent mocking tone in his voice, or a dragging voice or something like that, it feels a bit wrong that you are giving the characters nationality. Unless I'm just acting really stupid because I'm so incredibly tired, that I have forgotten that he is Irish. But, I don't think so.

Even though I say stuff like that, I love the other things about the story. Your characterisations are good, the thoughts and descriptions great, and the plot is developing in a nice way.

Yours,
Padfooty

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Review #23, by Padfooty Chapter 3

25th December 2007:
Again, this thing about being perfect, I'm not going into that again, seing that I have already talked about it, but it startles me a bit. About the humour, your story doesn't have to be funny. It strikes me as that kind of serious story, dramatic and strong, not a kind of story that needs to be funny to survive. So don't you think about that too much, write what you feel is good for your story.

I know I'm not the one to talk about Grammatical Errors, seeing that I'm not English, but this is an error that has been bothering me. When you write a question mark or an ! (don't know what it is called in English) you take a space between the word and the mark. Don't do that. It ca be confusing, and I don't think that it is grammatically correct. Taking a space AFTER the mark, is completely grammatically correct!

I was a bit disappointed in the battle. Lucius was too easy to take for Hermione, there were too little emotions, and Hermione was too strong. Hermione is... she is a strong girl, and I have no doubt that she could take out Lucius, but not without real struggle. There would be emotions, near death experiences, anger and effort put in it, just between the two of them. He is strong Lucius, and wouldn't be taken out by 'a silly little Mudblood' that fast. Hermione was also too strong when she came to Harry, taking the Death Eater Harry had been fighting hard to bring down, in one blow. Makes no sense. The battle ended to fast, and I'm sure that at least three of the Death Eaters would escape.

Another point to my continuously bugging about the AU part, Hermione has no brother. It doesn't bother me that she has in your story, as long as you set it to AU, when you do that, I'll stop complaining.

Putting that stuff aside, you write very well. The way you put the emotions in Hermione as she was leaving her family, it was very touching. You are a very talented author!

Yours,
Padfooty

Author's Response: Well, you did mention something about being perfect. :)

As for the spaces I leave after a question mark or an exclamation point, it depends on your education system, actually. I'm an Asian, and where I live, we were taught like that. I once studied in an international school in Hong Kong and I was taught that way too. I guess I can't do anything to change this as I was taught this way.

As for the battle, let's just say I'm not so good at writing a strong battle scene. I do agree with you on my battle scene.

LOL, well, I'll do that then. As I said earlier on, I was strongly not a canon freak when I started writing this story, so I cannot change anything now and for the rest of chapters to come, it will remain in the same way.

Thank you so much !! :)


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Review #24, by Padfooty Chapter 2

25th December 2007:
I'm still suggesting that you add AU to the Genres. Hell, I'm BEGGING you to change it to AU, because that is what it is. AU. It is kind of bothering me, that you haven't done, that, but I hope you take my advice and do it.

You have a small, tiny, problem with your tenses. Sometimes, you change from past to present tense. You did it in the previous chapter also, not something big, just run through it one more time and you'll have it all sorted out!

I find Hermione slightly out of character. I think she'd be more shy, a bit more distant and bitter about her memory with her punching Malfoy. Even if it turns out that she loves him, (don't know that, but if it does) she wouldn't want a perfect stranger see her talking about Malfoy in a civil, almost friendly, manner. She just wouldn't.

I have this tiny problem with you asking for perfectness. I'll just tell you one thing, no one is perfect. No story, no author, no one is perfect. Even not JKR (as much as some would wish) wasn't perfect in her writing. Mistakes happen, and you can't be good at everything. Having some weaknesses is a GOOD thing, it shows that you are human. We are not made for being perfect. Don't aim for perfectness, it will only crush you, because no one will ever achieve such perfectness. Don't aim for flawlessness, where would we been in the world without our flaws, that indicates our human nature, our personality?

Other than that, you write really well. Your descriptions, Malfoy's thoughts, they are all very good written, and this story can evolve to become an even greater one! You have the right elements, he was going to take off his mask, creating a moment where the reader is holding her/his breath, and then something terrible happens. Wonderful!

Looking forward to read more!

Yours,
Padfooty

Author's Response: Haha ! I'm not really a AU or canon freak, to be frank, when I wrote this story. But now, it seems like I have change my mind after writing a Marauder-based fic. However, this story will remain as it is because I don't want my readers getting really confused with the AU and non-AU stuff. As a hint, go ahead and read my Marauder-based story ! :)

Hm, thanks a lot for your very honest review. Oh, and sorry about the tenses. I'm actually a "grammar freak" but the one problem I have is about the tenses. I'll try to correct that, thank you very much.

Thank you so much for the awesome review ! :)


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Review #25, by Padfooty Chapter 1

25th December 2007:
So I am here, finally!

Two little things I noticed in the beginning: You gave Draco the middle name WILLIAM? I actually had to run to the Lexicon, to check that I hadn't missed that big detail about Draco, but no, he doesn't have a middle name. And I'm sorry to say that if he had, it would certainly not be William. It doesn't really suit him, and I have no idea why you gave it to him. Not meaning to offend you or anything, only suggesting that you take it away, unless it is of great significance, than you'll probably have to set the story to AU also.

Talking about AU, you should do it because, well, you have killed Draco's mother. And at that point in time, she wasn't. So just set it to AU, so poor little reviewers like me won't be so dramatically confused ;D

Other than that, highly interesting! You describe very well, and his thoughts are written good. Another reason to set it to AU, he is in the Order. No objections there, a highly interesting plot! Really, I'm looking forward to read more of it!

This idea with the masquerade ball is really, perfect! I hope you don't mind if I loan it to a One-Shot (only), I'll of course give you credit! Putting aside my greedy wishes, I liked this first chapter! You have written it well, the flow is good, the plot is interesting, I'm looking forward to read more!

Yours,
Padfooty

Author's Response: Of course I don't mind ! Glad you liked the chapter so far, and I apologize for all those glaring cliches and the non-canon stuff about this story. I am not really a canon freak, which is why only some stuff are related to canon.

Thanks so much for the wonderful review ! I'm glad you're being honest and I am so, so sorry for replying to your reviews very late. Seems like school is catching up with me !


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