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Reading Reviews for The Ultimate Betrayal
  
16 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Karkaroff Maybe We Just Won't Tell Her

4th July 2009:
Brilliant idea but I think Katie will be very angry at them. Please update soon thanks as I am enjoying the story.

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Review #2, by D i a Maybe We Just Won't Tell Her

5th January 2008:
Hi again!

Planning what to do when your best friend breaks up with the guy you're in love with is simply not cool. Or realistic. If this happened it would be followed by the meanest sort of guilt, or else the person thinking would simply have to be inhuman or have no concience. It's human to want the best for your friends even though you might want what they have.

The dialouges of this chapter seems forced and like they were the conversations of twelve year olds, and not that I have anything against twelveyear olds, but these girls are at least sixteen at this point right? It's not realistic...

And my next point is that the end here isn't realistic either, it's like we're thrown into a story somewhere near the end and I don't think it flows very well.

I'm wondering who to say this nicely; But this story needs some serious work before I find it completely realistic, th plot is too thin and the characters too one dimensional.

/D i a

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Review #3, by D i a The Funeral

5th January 2008:
Hi!

And wau a good start you had - I too hate funerals, I've attended much too many off them in my relatively short life.
Your portrayal of Rita Skeeter was also impressive, you simpl nailed that extremely annoying witch. You nailed her way of speaking to others, her way of asking a million questions withot bothering to wait for an answer, everything about her.

But about Angelina's crush on Oliver, showing is always better than telling, and basically i think it came into the story much too sudden and too directly. It could have been incorporated in the story in some way, perhaps in the way she talked to him, butterflies in her stomach as he holds her or something along those lines.

It's also a bit too neat that Katie and Oliver is dating, i could have accepted that Oliver was dating Angelina's best friend if it had been almost anyone but Katie (or Alicia) it's simply too neat this way.

And I don't believe you can just 'forget' that you're at a funeral like Katie does, that's simply not realistic. Her character needs some work for me to believe in her.

Hope this is useful

/D i a

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Review #4, by DragonGoddess Maybe We Just Won't Tell Her

24th December 2007:
O_o what a twist! Oliver likes her too! So itz gonna be that both of them fake as if they're dating someone else while seeing each other? Oooh. Me likey.

On the other hand, would a Gryffindore do something like that? I'm not saying no, maybe you could actually show the turmoil in the mind. Make it more of a battle. Of dancing devils in the heart! He he. You get it. Add more descriptions and this'll be perfect!

You do plan on updating, don't you? It seems like forever! Anyways, please drop in the Review thread and let me know when you update! :) Thank you for letting me review. I hope I was of some help ^_^

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Review #5, by DragonGoddess The Funeral

24th December 2007:
Hey-a! You requested for a review from me? Here goes :) (InsanityRulz from HPFF)

First off, I'll start with a bit of criticism, yeah? Though I'm not sure if it is a valid point.

What was Rita Skeeter doing in there interviewing her? I mean, Rita is always after big shots and a story of Fred Weasley's girlfriend wouldn't really bag her a place. So I couldn't see the feasibility of an interview with Rita. Maybe you could've had a just as much annoying journalist who was Rita's sister or something. That'd make more sense!

I liked the little hugging with Oliver. Yum. He just makes me drool!! I also liked the idea of her being secretly in love with Oliver. This is my first ever Oliver fiction! Can you believe it? :D So I should say nice beginning except for what I said above!

I'm looking forward to learn more and off I go to chapter next! Sorry for the long wait hun!!

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Review #6, by faerieall Maybe We Just Won't Tell Her

27th November 2007:
This is fab. It's' moving way too fast for my liking though. What about Oliver's journey? There was a little anti- Katie/Oliver foreshadowing but not much.

The plot has potentical.

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Review #7, by Girldetective85 Maybe We Just Won't Tell Her

24th November 2007:
YAY he likes her back!! Once again I love how you've portrayed Angelina, she has such a great personality - slightly sarcastic and really funny. I laughed when she kept spacing out and Katie suggested that she drive to the mall instead of Angelina hahaha. I think Oliver and Angelina are perfect for each other, Katie kind of reminds me of a nicer, sweeter Pansy because she's all over him all the time. Haha poor Lee! Anyway great story, I'm looking forward to reading more. You have to request in my thread again when you update!!! :D

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Review #8, by Girldetective85 The Funeral

24th November 2007:
Aw poor Angelina! I've always liked her best out of all the Quidditch members. You portrayed her really nicely here, especially when she was yelling at Rita Skeeter. That's funny how everyone always seems to pair her with Fred, and I like that she secretly loves Oliver. I don't like Katie much, but it's good that you wrote her as a concerned friend - but honestly I think it's kind of mean of her to snog her boyfriend in front of Angelina, who's grieving at Fred's funeral. Grrr. Haha this was great so far! Going on to the next chapter! :)

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Review #9, by JLHufflepuff Maybe We Just Won't Tell Her

23rd November 2007:
This chapter is definitely interesting as well. I like the whole love triangle going on. The way Angelina keeps zoning out cracks me up. The way she reacts to Lee showing up is also very funny. The only part that got me was the end of the chapter... It seems really early for him to be saying that he likes her and flirting with her... Where's all the tension and angst and hilariousness that has to come between now and then? And Angelina is seriously double crossing Katie? Or is Katie using Oliver as a cover? I really like this idea, but I'm just a bit skeptical about everything happening so soon.. :-) Still very good, though.

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Review #10, by JLHufflepuff The Funeral

23rd November 2007:
I absolutely love this! It's not every day that these minor (but awesome!) characters get a fic all their own. I really like the voice you give Angelina. It's exactly how I would picture it. You also make Oliver and Katie seem very realistic. The way you portrayed Skeeter cracked me up! I can't wait to read the next chapter!

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Review #11, by Labby Maybe We Just Won't Tell Her

20th November 2007:
This seems a bit rushed. I thought the chapter was pretty good until I reached the end. It just seems a little too easy. I'm not quite sure where you're going with this, but it just seemed to be too perfect that they both secretly like each other. I'd also like to think that Angelina and Oliver are better people than readily going against Angelina's best friend and Oliver's girlfriend.

Besides that little plot twist, I thought it was good. I don't know what you're planning for the next chapter though, so I could be surprised.

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Review #12, by Labby The Funeral

20th November 2007:
I like this! I've never read an Angelina fic before and I think this is really good and a creative idea! I never really thought about Angelina after Fred's death and I think it's cute that she's really in love with Oliver. That makes everything complicated, of course.

I think your characters are well written and in character, but of course, there's not much about Angelina, so there's a lot that can be interpreted. I think you've created her well and this is definitely a good start!

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Review #13, by dracoslover1 Maybe We Just Won't Tell Her

18th November 2007:
This seemed very rushed from the middle towards the end. I think it could have been slowed down and had them go through the actions that went on.

Overall, very good.

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Review #14, by dracoslover1 The Funeral

18th November 2007:
This is really good. Everyone appeared to be in character. Although, I think Oliver was a little bit OOC because he didn't mention Fred and Quidditch while they were reminiscing about Fred. Overall, though it was very good and I very much enjoyed it.

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Review #15, by Leo072491 Maybe We Just Won't Tell Her

1st November 2007:
Uh-Oh decit and lies.Love it! :D Nothing makes things more intersting than a scandal. Can't wait for the next chapter.

Author's Response: thanks leo!! it's cyn's turn tho. this is jess. glad you like it!!!

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Review #16, by Leo072491 The Funeral

7th October 2007:
I was right I was good. Nice job and I can't wait to read more. I love how even though Angelina wants Oliver and wants him to break up with Katie she keeps repremanding herself for saying something bad about her. Quick note, I always thought Katie was blonde, though I could be wrong, just asking. Anyway fantastic job!!!

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