Aw.I heart Sage Solon!! lolAuthor's Response: *Sorka narrows her eyes and warns* Hands off, Paula. He's mine and he'd better remember it!
Seriously, I'm glad you liked this one-shot. It's always great to write those two! :D
Thanks for leaving a review.
-Anne Report Review
you've asked me on the review thread to read and review your story, so here I am. :)
First of I'd like to say that I liked the story, the main idea behind it is very good.
I've collected my thoughts on a list while reading it, here they are:
-in the first par. I got a bit confused, you wrote "The streets of the London wizarding enclave would soon be lit up with floating Wizard’s lanterns to keep the shadows away. But she didn’t have to turn to know they had already crept into her home." I know you meant the shadows, but somehow my imagination first surprised me with the funny picture of lanterns creeping in :D Anyway, that's just a small detail.
- The first part of the story, where the girls get together. I'm sorry to say, but that was on the very brink of a cliché. Why? Because: 1. Hermione's role in this story is not established. You have only put her there to show the readers that she and Ron were having a baby. To tell you the truth, that's smells very much of teenage fanfics giving the fans the expected details of their heroes lives.
- Ginny and Hermy are highly intelligent and strong women, I think it's a bit out degrading them hysterical, hungry pregnant chicks. You proved with Luna's character that you can do better than that. :)
-Luna was gorgeous! I loved her. You followed JKR's descriptions of Luna very precisely, you even added a bit to that. My fav line was: “We almost jumped out of our skins, you mean.”
“Oh, but it’s nothing to laugh about. Actually, it happened to my great aunt Dora once and she’s always said it was one of the most frightening moments in her whole life,” Luna declared very seriously." lol
- The most exciting part was of course, when Julia appeared. I liked that very much.
- The end was a bit rushed, I think. The guys arrived, hugged their pregnant wives and that's it. It improved a lot by the moment, when Sorka's love appeared according to Sorka's vision.
As I have understood this story is kind of a sequel to your other story, that's why we get little details about Sorka and her love. Maybe it would be a good idea to put some tiny but important details about these two peolpe in your story, because then it would work as a totally independent story as well.
A small piece of advice: you seem to leave all character descriptions to JKR, which is comfortable and safe, but you could add some details to Ginny and Hermione, which Rowling didn't mention and didn't refer to. Have you read Forsaken Phoenix's stories? She's a master of that technique. She makes the characters we know only too well from the books deep and colourful by adding little details to their habits, lives or appearance. These details (like a cup with cracked rim) are in fact hints, referring to the character's emotional background or properties.
In all, you made a very good job. Keep on writing and improving.
I hope my remarks helped.
Bye, wingsAuthor's Response: Hey!
I can see how the lanterns part could be confusing. lol. But you said yourself that your imagination tricked you into thinking we were writing about them.
About the get together, I’d never have thought someone could see it as cliched. We couldn't let Hermione out, because in the world we created, Sorka, Ginny, Hermione, Harry and Ron are very close. So even if all the readers haven’t read our other stories, it’s no reason to change that. Actually, Ginny's role is no more important. Sorka could have reminisced alone in her apartment. However, it wouldn’t have worked. It was important to show her interacting with her friends. The part about "teenage fanfics" made me smile, as we're both in our thirties. lol. No, no detail or character’s presence is gratuitous. We only give our readers what is necessary to our story.
About Ginny and Hermione, we intended to write them as strong women. They are rather mad at their husband, as any woman in such a situation should be. I’m disappointed they come out as hysterical to some readers.
I'm glad you liked our Luna. I wasn't sure that I could write her, but I had to try. As for the part about Julia, I'm glad you liked it too, because obviously, if every reader loved her, the story itself in that part is a bit lacking.
Concerning the CCs, we didn't add much to some of them here, it's true. We're certainly doing a much better job in our series. I agree with you about Hermione, but not about Ginny, because even in this one shot, we developed her more than JKR herself ever did. Do we know if she has a best friend? No. Yet, I guess that a cool and gutsy girl like her has a best friend. Hermione can't be her best friend, because she is Harry’s and Ron’s. And Ginny is not the kind of girl who would wait in the shadow of the trio to get some scrap of Hermione's attention. We wrote her here as a girl who had a life of her own, and as a woman who knows she's being a bit silly and admit it to her best friend. Because they know each other's strengths and weaknesses.
I've never read any of Forsaken Phoenix' stories. But I know my friend and I aren’t bad at writing colorful and detailed characters and stories either. But of course, it may not be that obvious in this one-shot, as it didn’t require that kind of writing of the CCs. Adding more to them would have made for too many digressive parts. Parts that weren't necessary to our story and would have ruined the flow. It is focused on one OC and on the memory. And we gave as much details as possible about those (though maybe not enough about Sorka and Sage, but it was rather hard not to give too much away for the people who would be interested in reading our series *sigh*).
Thanks for the honest review and for giving me the oportunity to respond to your remarks and to think about some aspects of our writing and some of the choices we made here. That’s why I asked for a review. Now I have a few things to ponder. :)
Happy Holloween Anne and Sage. I wanted to save this to review right on Halloween.
This is great as always and to my happiness the two of have finally used Luna in this world (I don't recall her from Two Lives in One and the other fic is to new to say that she won't be in it). I had kind of accepted that Luna didn't exist in you're world (if she did have a bit part and I just don't recall my apologies) but now I kind of think that she must have died in battle some time before the events inTwo Lives in at least one time line (and this seems to be set in the timeline they merged into but prior to the merge.).
If that is the case you probably should have a momentary look of sadness wash over Sorka and Ginny's faces when they say: 'there were three' (I don't remember the exact quote). And have Hermione voice a quiet 'Oh.'
You and Sage are rapidly building your own very interesting joint AU Harry Potter world. Atlantis, haunted massions, Venice, what's next?
Too be honest though the ending where you try to bend it towards your world doesn't really work. I didn't understand why the ghost is able to leave after showing Sorka her future bo. It might have been better as an ordinary ghost story, there was no need to bring Sage in at all. This could have been a pure Sorka and her friends tale that showed off Sorka 'empathic abilities'. It confuses the readers who don't know your world well, as I'm still confused and I know it pretty well. Also I don't much like the title, it gives away the plot ending a lot and is not interesting enough.
However, this is a good teaser to lure readers into the Sorka and Sage world.
However, I love your Luna. She's is sort of dark and sarcastic for Luna but that works for this story and the line she says (and I paraphase of course) that the trees Dryads must have died and I didn't beleive in Dryads is a classic Luna line. She fills her comic relief role very well and you also keep the fact that Luna has a mysterious empathy or power of her own intact. Well done! A ten! But when is anything the two of you write not a ten? Author's Response: Hey Sandy!
You read this on Halloween? I hope you weren't too disappointed. It wasn't spooky or anything. lol.
Yes, we finally used Luna - she was in Sorka and Ginny's year after all. Luna never appeared in Two Lives. I guess we've never had any use for her character. It doesn't mean that she died or anything. So no need for a look of sadness washing over Sorka's and Ginny's faces. She may appear in Lives Entwined - you never know. lol.
No need to bring Sage in at all?! But I wanted Sage!!! (Am I the only one who loves him? Sniff sniff... lol). Actually, I think he needs to be in, after the part with Julia. I've just re-read that part, and it needs some tweaking. As it is, I realized it is slightly confusing. When it won't be so confusing, the end will flow from it - full circle.
The shadow doesn't exist - it's like the invisible friend some kids imagine. Julia was afraid to die, so she created a friend that would follow her wherever she had to go. She didn’t go very “far”, obviously. When she meets Sorka, the Shadow tells her – in fact, some part of her tells herself – to guide Sorka. This is more for Julia herself than Sorka, even though they both need an answer. Julia needs to realize that she can leave her room, and she doesn’t hesitate for one second to leave it with Sorka. That’s when she understands that she’s not afraid anymore of what awaits her “outside”, and she disappears.
You really think it's a good teaser to lure readers into the Sorka and Sage world? Why didn't I think about that earlier???
Again, I’m glad you liked our Luna. I have a good grasp of her character, but I didn’t think I could write her. Generally, when readers find something funny in one of our chapters – like that thing about lawyers and tormented soul in Two Lives –, it’s Sage/author’s. So I wasn’t sure I would be able to write Luna without making her completely OOC. lol.
Thanks for the compliment on our writing. *blushes* And for the ten... And of course, for this honest review. :)
I really enjoyed this story, however, I had an incline from the beginning that Sorka was in love with Harry or in a clandestine relationship with him (when you said that she couldn't tell her friends about her love life). Obviously I got that wrong and, although it would have been interesting, I'm glad I wasn't right since I love Harry / Ginny. I though Julia was her daughter from the future, once she was dead... searching for her (Sorka) in the future but obviously what she showed her was who her lover would be.
It's definitely an intriguing story but I was a bit unclear towards the end, but I still really enjoyed it. I like how you do this in two different times.
Author's Response: Oh, no, no, no, Sorka is not the kind of girl who would have a clandestine relationship with her best friend's husband! lol. She has her flaws - she's far from perfect, but who is? - but she's not that flawed.
As for Julia, she lived and died about two centuries before the girls came to her old house. I'm glad you thought it was an intriguing story. We had so much to say that there are part that could probably be clearer.
Thanks for reading and leaving a review. :) Report Review
I like this story...& I'm a HUGE r/h, h/g shipper =]
10/10Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked this story! We've been keeping the ships canon in our Sorka and Sage stories, Two Lives In One and Lives Entwined, so they had to be in The Ghost of Halloween Future.
Thanks for reading and leaving a review! :D Report Review
This Was Great!!! Just like the other 2 sorka and sage stories. of which WOULD YOU PLEASE UPDATE THEM? Come on! I've been waiting FOREVER!!! And I don't like waiting! 10/10
~*~ Lady EmilyAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for the compliment. Trust me, I would love to update Lives Entwined. I know we've been making our readers wait forever. And we're doing our best... but sometimes real life has other ideas for us. *sigh* I promise it won't be too long now...
Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing... and I don't like to wait either, so I know how it feels. Report Review
i guess i'll have to read your other stories, because ididn't really get it! hahaAuthor's Response: Aw, I'm sorry, and I do hope you will enjoy our other stories. We really did our best to make it easy for the people who have not read Two Lives In One and Lives Entwined... Thanks for reading and leaving a review! Report Review
I enjoyed your story; glad you included Luna. I especially enjoyed your description of the haunted house and its lawn. Author's Response: Aw, thank you, we both like to know which part our readers liked the best. :D Somehow, a Halloween story without Luna wouldn't have been a true Halloween story - and she was in the same year as Ginny and Sorka, after all.
Thank you for reading and reviewing.:) Report Review
i did go aww!! this was cool but nice but happy but silly but i loved it! so sage really was on the good side but he was pretending to be bad? this was such a good story!! i can't wait to read your other stories!!Author's Response: It was all of that? Wow! Yep, Sage is a good guy. Sorka wouldn't love a bad guy. ;) I hope you will enjoy the other stories.
Thanks for reading and leaving a review! Report Review
that's quite cute :D I like it :) good luck with the contest!!Author's Response: Thank you so much. I'm glad you liked this fic! *does a happy dance because so many kind readers/reviewers like the fic* And thanks again... for reading and leaving a review. :D Report Review
Very nice story! Pacing is great, as are the dialog and descriptions. I think the only element missing from the first paragraph is children!
Though I have not read the other two stories mentioned, I cannot help but wonder if Sorka is named for the character Sorka Hanrahan, created by Anne McCaffrey? Author's Response: Thank you for the compliments on our writing. :D Yes, the children aren't out yet when Sorka is looking out of the window. And maybe all those happy faces would have been a bit too much for poor lonely Sorka.
Now to answer your question, yes, Sorka is named for Sorka Hanrahan, the character of Anne McCaffrey's book, Dragonsdawn. I think I've read this series more times than I read the HP series, which tells a lot. Was Ruth, Jaxom's dragon, on your mind when you had to choose a penname?
Thanks for reading and leaving a review! Report Review
I have read your Two Lives in One... I thought this one was just as brilliant! Great job.Author's Response: You said "brilliant"? Aw, you're making me blush... I'm so glad you liked this story - and Two Lives In One, of course! I hope you'll like the sequel (Lives Entwined) to Two Lives as well.
Thank you for reading and leaving a review. It's always much appreciated. :) Report Review
I enjoyed your story very much. While it isn't perfect (what is?) it was very enjoyable and suitable for the Halloween season. As for criticism, I'm not one to nitpick. Typos and misspellings and words not highlighted by spellcheckers (a personal pet peeve) are things I try to look past. We all have them. Check out this review and see what I mean. But there was one thing that did cause me to come up short. The "flashback" part of the story I assume to take place on Halloween night, the sixth year, after the Battle at the Department of Mysteries, which was at the end of year five. Umbridge was also at Hogwarts during year five, though she was removed, shall we say, by the centaurs, and was gone from the scene in year six. And though the comment could have been meant to reference how difficult it was to engage in acts of mischief during her "reign," it did not read that way to me. Perhaps mentioning Mrs. Norris would have sufficed. Otherwise, while I have my difficulties wrapping my mind around the concept that the character Sorka exists at all, I can only assume that the answers lie in your previous stories. Personally I am in favor of the Dumbledore line continuing. I am in favor of the story continuing in general. Hence my own attempt at a "book 8". Some have said that your story was a bit ambiguous at the end. Maybe it was, but horror stories never should answer all the questions. As for length, those who avoid longer stories will miss out on a lot of good stories. In your case, the length was right. A story should be as long or as short as the story itself demands; neither the writer nor the reader has much say in the matter. Some reviews, on the other hand, never seem to end. I'll stop now. Thank you for your story.Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed our story. :) You're right, no story is ever perfect. And you're right again when you say we all make typos. *shakes head sadly*
Now, concerning the "flashback" part, I thought I had deleted Umbridge from it (yes, I realized she had nothing to do in Hogwarts during Harry's 6th year - the confusion came from writing about Sorka and Ginny's fifth year). Obviously, I was about to do so but I didn't do it - I multitask a bit too much, at times. But now it's done. Thank you for reminding me. :)
About Sorka, yes, the answers lie in Two Lives In One. And more answers lie in Lives Entwined - the co-author and I like our little twists. lol. Like you, I'm all for the Dumbledore line continuing, and for the story continuing in general. And I couldn't agree more with what you said concerning the length of a story. The word count doesn't matter. Only the story does. And I'm glad you thought ours is the right length.
Thanks a lot for reading and leaving a review. And don't worry, neither of us mind a long review. We like them all. ;) Report Review
that was so beautiful. i like the way you portrayed it. was the girl's momma gone through the portal? i did go aww, but it was sort of predictable, but in a good way.Author's Response: Thank you. No, Julia's mother didn't go through the portal. But I can see how this can be confusing. Julia and her mother lived in the house two centuries before the "evil" people lived there (but it was only hinted at, and maybe the hint is not good enough). The manor was tagged a haunted house after they disappeared, but the irony is, they weren't haunting it. It was poor Julia. I'm glad that the last part with Julia being finally able to go through made you go all 'aww'.
Thank you for reading and reviewing! Report Review
This was brilliant! The story was cute, but the end is a bit ellusive. For instance, does this mean that Sage's character will no longer be a spy? Asides from that it was very, very good (unsurprisingly given that everything that you write is good), and the lack of clarity is actually awesome as well b/c it gets you thinking. :) I about cried laughing though when I saw that the character was named Sage Solon. I really, really need to get over to the two of yours collaboration. ;) Author's Response: Ah, yes, the name of our main male original character... *snorts* Actually, we thought about re-naming both Sage and Sorka (so many readers hate OCs with a canon last name, and being a distant cousin, Sorka could have been named anything but Dumbledore). But I guess that when you spend hours talking about characters and a story, names just stick. Plus that one fits our character - or maybe I'm just so used to it. lol.
Will Sage still be a spy? Good question. Actually, the answer is in chapters 22/23 of Two Lives In One. I know that the people who will read the novel after reading this will probably be like "What the Hell!" But they will eventually understand how this Halloween story is possible and fits in the whole story. ;)
But I can assure you that we didn't wrote an ellusive ending on purpose. Like I said in the A/N, we tried to introduce our characters as much as possible in that one-shot, so readers who haven't read the first part of our trilogy won't have the feeling that something is amiss. But oh well...
Thanks for reading and leaving a review. :) Report Review
Man I really liked it, I also really like your way of writing your really good you know that.. Have you wrote other stories before? Thanks for writing this.. message me back..
ps. I think your is the best out of them all
homestare101Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked our writing style! As for having written other stories, yep, all the ones you'll find on our author's pages. Sorka and Sage have been created for a series of three novels (Two Lives In One, the first one, is complete, and we've started to post the first chapters of the second one, Lives Entwined).
I don't know if this fic is the best of the Halloween challenge entries, but it is sure nice to read it in a review. Thanks so much! :D Report Review
Author's Response: Well, thank you for reading and leaving a review. :) Report Review
Have I told you before how much I like this story? If not now you know. I love Sorka and Sage, and how well you have developed them, so much so that I tend to believe they are a canon couple. I like how you also portrayed both Ginny and Hermione. Two hormonal pregnant women, and how they miss their guys. No dinner? Lol Fate worse than death for ole Ron.
Thanks for sharing this dear... ~~julsAuthor's Response: Yes, you have, dear. And I can't tell you how much I am touched each time you tell me that you love Sage and Sorka. So much has happened since the day my friend Sagesolon and I created those two... But I'm sure neither of us foresaw that they would still be in our lives more than a year after! lol.
This story just felt right for them. And we couldn't resist adding a pregnant Ginny and a pregnant Hermione to the mix. Poor Sorka! As for Harry and Ron... no dinner! At least, Sorka made dinner before going to the Potters', so Sage had something to eat when he came back home.
Have I told you how glad I am that you like this story? Thank you for reading it before it was posted and answering my silly questions. And thanks a lot for the review.
~Anne Report Review
You two have done it again- it never ceases to amaze me. I love your descriptions in here, they were fantastic! Their gnarled limbs were reaching for the night sky as if to rake it to shreds. I think that could be my favorite. =)
Sage and Sorka, a legend in the making, dearest. You two are creating your own canon for it, and such hard work that must go into it, I cannot even fathom!
I wish we had founf out a little bit more about Julia, and this shadow, but without it, the story still flowed perfectly. You write such masterful one-shots. Truly.
I'm sorry it took me so long to get over here; I didn't know you had posted it. *blush* Great job, and good luck in the competition!
Author's Response: Courtney,
I'm so glad you liked the descriptions in this one-shot. Descriptions are important, but it can be so easy to under- or overdo them. So... Yay!!!
Sage and Sorka a legend in the making? We are creating our own canon? Oh, my... reading this makes me blush! We're doing our best, and it is hard work sometimes, but we are enjoying every minute of it.
You're not the only one who would have liked a bit more about Julia... maybe we'll edit this. But it's already so long... Of course, neither of us mind a long one shot/chapter, but most people do. oh, well, we'll see...
Thanks for reading and reviewing. And for all the wonderful compliments. And for wishing us good luck. :D Oh, and I like your secret identity. ;)
~Anne Report Review
loved this Author's Response: I'm very glad you did! Thank you for reading and leaving a review. :) Report Review
Your use of imagery is fantastic! Good luck with the Halloween Challenge. Author's Response: Thank you so much for the compliment on our writing. We would have written this story even if there was no challenge, so it doesn't really matter if it does good or not in the challenge. But thank you all the same! :) Report Review
That was awesome. I really really enjoyed it. It was creepy and it flowed so nicely. You worked into their story carefully and then exited out of it really well too. Great ending. A few keyboard problems ('the first to recover was the first' or something like that, there was another one, but I forgot it). Nothing major, just little tidbits. Great job with the Halloween story! It's never too early for a spooky story!Author's Response: Thank you for the compliment on our writing. I'm glad you liked this story and you thought it was well done. After writing Sorka and Sage for so long, we both wondered whether we had written a story anyone could enjoy - and not just the readers of our novels, Two Lives In One and Lives Entwined.
Thanks for the cc! I corrected a couple of mistakes.
I entered this story in the Halloween challenge. I doubt it will do good - too long, I'm afraid. lol.
Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
really nice story... but i wish you'd elaorate on the story of Julia, i think that will be better to know...thanks for a great read.
happy ramadan. Author's Response: Thank you. I guess you would have liked to know how Julia died, and what/who is the shadow. Hm... I could have elaborated, but it's already sooo long. Not many people will read a one-shot - or a chapter! - that is more than 4,000 words. And I'm afraid this one is almost 6,000 already.
Thanks for reading and leaving a review. Happy ramadan to you. Report Review
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