Reading Reviews for Failure
  
14 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TwilightPrincess (not logged in) Failure

4th August 2009:
I don't know why but this is totally not letting me log in.

I really liked your opening paragraph. You presented a clear, important picture in our minds, which is important for the start of a story. I liked the detail you gave about the handwriting; it was very interesting. Also, bringing up Howlers was an interesting point. I liked that. What I didn't care for was the slight repetition you had going on there. After you stated that it was not a Howler, in the next sentence you say, no screaming or yelling involved whatsoever. You don't need to say this because it is redundant, but I understand why you did.

I don't kow if you have heard by now know

I find it interesting that Walburga would bother writing and sending a letter to someone she doesn't consider her son. It's just... interesting. I mean, she sent this letter to tell him of the dreadful news of Regulus's death, but "Oh, by the way, you're disowned kthxbai." (I'm not making fun of your story or the way it's written; this is just the way my brain analyzes things.) I don't know if I like that she clumped both these ideas into one letter, but for the sake of your story, I know it had to be this way.

They hadnt been the closest of brothers Make sure you put an apostrophe in hadn't.

I really like that you're taking the older-brother approach to this. It's interesting (geez, can I think of a new word?) that you presented it in the light of Sirius failing as the older brother to protect the younger brother from going down the darker path, and ultimately his death. I've never seen that in a Sirius-Regulus story, so that's wonderful.

I really enjoyed this story. It was sad, but mostly a touching story of brothers. You did a wonderful job with portraying the emotions here, and it was a joy to read.

Ganbare! Tanoshinde ^_^

.:.Ilia.:.

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Review #2, by andharrywokeup Failure

25th March 2008:
I've been meaning to get around to this since it became the topic of discussion for the Fic Clique. I'm so glad I finally decided to put everything aside and read this. Really, what an outstanding piece. You're right in your A/N when you say 'NICE and short'. Sometimes short stories really annoy me, but other times I'm left knowing that if it was any longer we'd lose the real time feel. This story is the latter; I can actually picture sirius sitting there and pouring over the letter whilst trying to make sense of both the news and his thoughts on it. It is very hard, especially when using flashbacks, to convey thoughts well, but you've done it perfectly and put the memory in exactly the right place. Your characterisation is also wonderful - people often portray Sirius and Regulus to hate each other, forgetting that really they are brothers and if anything, it's not hate, but resentment that they don't share the same beliefs. You made me cry and wish Sirius was able to discover what a hero his brother really was. Honestly Nic, a brilliant read!

Author's Response: Well, I'm glad you felt that this story was worth your time. I was sooo proud it was featured over at SAYS. You liked the length? That's good! I was really unsure about how short it was.

The flashback was definitely one of the harder parts, but I'm glad that you think that part turned out alright. For me, the story was to show that the cliche about them hating eachother didn't have to be true. Glad you noticed :]

Aww! I didn't mean to make you cry with this. Thanks sooo much for reviewing.
-Nicole


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Review #3, by Jessi_Rose Failure

18th January 2008:
How did I miss this story? I usually pounce on Sirius/Regulus stories and somehow, I've missed a gem!! I loved it! I loved Sirius's feelings of regret for Regulus's choice to join the Death Eaters and then to run away from them. I love the formality with which his mother addressed him in the beginning... I think you've done SUCH a wonderful job with this.

I admire how you made them true brothers - they had a relationship, a strong one. And I couldn't help but chuckle when Regulus the sixteen year old said "Who are you to say what I want?" Perfect teenage attitude!

You've got a great one shot here, Nicole! Writing, flow, structure, content - it's all there in aces!

Author's Response: Jessi! *huggles* Yay! I'm glad you like the story. I was really worried people wouldn't like it very much.

This was pretty much the first time I really wrote anything about Regulus, so I'm glad you liked his line! haha. It's how I feel sometimes when I'm being bossed around :p

Thanks for reviewing!
-Nicole


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Review #4, by noraxslytherin Failure

12th November 2007:
omg AW! thats so sad! but i absolutly loved it! amazing job! :[

xx nora

Author's Response: Thanks :]
-Nicole


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Review #5, by ChoS_sista_gurl Failure

23rd September 2007:
aww that's sad...i like the whole brotherly thing going on between sirius and regulus cuz you don't usually see that, most people make them hate each other...

i actually liked regulus after i read the last book

this was a good idea for a one-shot

Author's Response: Yeah, I liked Regulus after the seventh book. He wasn't actually evil, and I wanted to show that. I'm glad you liked it.
-Nicole


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Review #6, by goodbyetoyou Failure

23rd September 2007:
that was really great. Poor Sirius. I always thought of Sirius dealing with Regulus's death like this, It was fantastic. good job!!!

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm gald you liked it.
-Nicole


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Review #7, by xambsx Failure

21st September 2007:
:)
Hello

Its quite good, I must say. Although the theme is not one of my personal favourites, everybody has different interests and Im sure it will interest many peole.
Its very well written, except for this error I found: Tujourous (Toujours). Its probably a typo, that Im sure you'll correct asap ;).

Good luck with your future work. :) ***

Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you thought it was good. Honestly, this kind of story isn't something I typically read. I just had the idea and had to write it down as a 'hmm. I wonder how it'll turn out' type of thing. And oops! I had no idea I spelled that wrong. Thanks for pointing that out.
-Nicole


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Review #8, by Elysium Failure

20th September 2007:
What a powerful ending. He had failed him, but he was proud - this sentence resonates so wonderfully. In fact the tone towards the end was poignant enough to make me connect with your character without you overstating his feelings of loos (this is something that many writers do poorly I think - nothing is stronger than you're readers imagination).

I thought you're story idea was lovely - and very original. I agree with you that it can be a different kind of challenge in writing a story without the crutch of a romance to pull you through. You did this very well.

There was only one small thing that irked me a little bit and that was the continued references to Regulus wanting power. I would suggest alterring that a little - just using a different term so as to continue the flow better.

Overall an excellent job. 9/10

xox Kylie

Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you liked the ending [which is also the summary. haha.] Yeah, it was definitely a hard story to write without romance or even fluff. Those are so much simpler to write! And I get what you mean about using different terms. I reread this and noticed 'dark side' a lot. haha. I'm going to edit this story soon. Thanks for the review!
-Nicole


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Review #9, by nana_banana_xx3 Failure

19th September 2007:
Hello again, darling. :)

I really love this idea. The relationship between Regulus and Sirius is one that I've always found to be so very intriguing. There's so much that can be done with it, so many different directions it can take. I like how you told the story of Sirius finding that his brother was dead. I'm an only child, so I can't even begin to imagine how awful it would be to lose a brother or a sister.

I think that the letter was well done. You did a good job of portraying Sirius's mother's nature--her cold heartedness towards her estranged son. If only she had known the whole story. . .

It was good of you to include the flashback. It helped to establish the relationship Sirius and Regulus had. I think it also portrayed the bit of resentment Regulus may have felt towards Sirius because he was leaving him again. However, I wish you hadn't referred to "the dark side" quite so much. Once or maybe twice is fine, but it's always good to come up with alternative phrases. Especially when the one you use makes the reader think of star wars, lol! I've a rather odd sense of humor, so I found myself giggling consistently throughout the flashback because of the visual image I got of Regulus in Darth Vader costume. Can't you just see the two of them fighting with their light sabers? :p

Beyond that though, I think that Sirius fighting back tears was almost over doing it. It was a good thought, but I think that he wouldn't be quite so emotionally attatched. Firstly because he's Sirius Black, and secondly because they weren't that close to begin with. Regulus was already gone as far as Sirius was concerned.

I did like that Sirius went to visit his grave. It showed that he hadn't forgotten the times they used to have. :) This was short, sweet, and to the point. Overall nice job!

nana_banana_xx3

Author's Response: Hii! Yay, a long review. I love all of your reviews. I really like the relationship between the two of them two, it's definitely interesting. Ahh, the letter. That was fun to write, but I felt awful. Sirius is one of my favorite characters pretty much in the history of the series.

The flashback was probably my favorite part to write because Regulus interests me so much. This was my first time [I think] writing him, so I'm glad it turned out alright. haha! Yes. I can totally see the light saber thing. That's...awkward. I'll definitely change that.

I get what you mean about almost overdoing it. I guess you're right, Sirius is...Sirius. He wouldn't cry. At least, not over Regulus. The part about the grave was hard for me to write! It made me sad. Glad you liked it.
-Nicole


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Review #10, by lyramoon Failure

18th September 2007:
I liked this story. Original, but in a subtle way.

The angsty of this story is okay. You could make it better by not directly stating what Sirius thought. It could be made into something in a form of metaphor. Or you could ask questions. Did he deserve this? What was wrong with him? Why did the heavens choose to be so cruel? or the like.

In the end, it was very powerful. One minor adjustment:

"A tear rolled down his cheek as he said his final goodbye. (to his brother is unnecessary.) He had failed him.

But he was proud."

Seperating the lines, just like poetry, would make your ending so much more powerful.

One last thing, I thought James calling Sirius to the ministry was completely unneccessary. It distracted from the story. It would have been better to simply make this story all angst.

Hope that helps! Rated 8/10

Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you liked it. Yes, I know the angst is off a bit. I've actually never written angst before. Thanks for the suggestions on how to make it better! I'll definitely keep that in mind if I go back to edit, or write angst sometime again. Also, I totally get what you're saying about the ending. I'll fix that!

Your review helped a lot!
-Nicole


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Review #11, by Elemental Vampyre Failure

18th September 2007:
This is such a good story! I would love to read more of your stories. It is very well written. It is going on my favs. Very well done! =3

Author's Response: Thanks, glad you liked it.
-Nicole


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Review #12, by MZ Black Failure

18th September 2007:
i really liked it = ] because its ALWAYS romance

Author's Response: Thanks, this is my first non-romance. Glad you liked it.
-Nicole


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Review #13, by Nikki Failure

15th September 2007:
wow, that was really great, i don't think anyone's done a story like this before!

Author's Response: Thanks. I was going for something unique when I wrote this. Glad you liked it.
-Nicole


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Review #14, by midnightshadow Failure

14th September 2007:
This is such a beautifully poignant piece of writing. I loved it- 10/10.

Author's Response: Thank you very much :]
-Nicole


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