love the story, it was a great reflection piece... it's a great idea. thanks for sharingAuthor's Response: Thank You very much for sharing Your impressions! :) Report Review
love the story, it was a great reflection piece... it's a great idea. thanks for sharing Report Review
Do you know how much mad you are? How can you write so s good story? Well jokes apart. I love Snape, I mean his character. And I think this is d best story I ever read. But I too am writing a story and I think at end of that, you'll see that everyone'll be happy, even Snape. If you are interested, Read It and Please Review. And yes, your story is very nice and I'm adding it to my favourites. 10/10 :)Author's Response: Thank you very much for such a lovely review! I love Snape, too, so I'll have a look at your story. Report Review
that is so sad and depressing. it reminds me of Litmus Lozenges which taste like sadness. it makes my soul ache and it makes me want to cry. i am surprised that english is not your native language because i am a grammer nut and i didnt notice anything badAuthor's Response: Thank you very much for such a kind review! It means a lot! Report Review
Wow, this was a wonderful story! It was so sad; poor Snape! I just love the feelings you gave him, the way your explained why he was never happy, how he had turned so cold. At the end, where he calls himself a Dementor was really powerful to me. It was depressingly dramatic, and I'm always a fan of such stories if they are done well, and this was done beautifully. Wonderful story! And your English was just fine, if I may say as a native English speaker! ;DAuthor's Response: Thank you very much! I'm very happy that you enjoyed the story. Report Review
this is a beautiful look into his mind. from one Snape-obsessed writer to another, i love this.
English isnt by native language either. you write very well, dont let it hold you back!Author's Response: Thank you for visiting my page! I'm very glad that after all this time people still read this story and love it.
I'm happy to meet other nonnative speakers on this site. There are not so many here. Report Review
now we know why he doesn't say much to anyone else...he says it all to himself while alone! :D
you did a good job with the story and the flow of the snythx is very good since you state that English isn't your native languageAuthor's Response: :D
Well, sadly he hasn't really got anyone to say it to.
Thank you very much for the review! Report Review
English is not your native language? If you had not said so, I would not have guessed.
You have some wonderful ideas in this brief story.
Toward the beginning, in the section where Snape is expressing his ambivalence toward Harry, he sounds almost like a stepfather (or, perhaps, a widowed stepfather). It has those two elements: one the one hand, he's another man's kid and I want him out of the way; on the other hand, he's all I have left of a woman I love, and so I have to value him and protect him. And, on the third hand, I have absolutely no affection for the kid himself. (This was where Snape was musing about Harry falling off that broom.)
Your main theme, about the effect the Dementors have on an already depressed person, was extremely interesting. I've always thought that if Snape were a Muggle, he should be evaluated for treatment with antidepressants. I thought the part where he compares himself to a Dementor was particularly insightful -- he is kind of a vortex of unhappiness.
The one thought I had that is perhaps in the nature of CC is this: where Snape says/thinks, "Dementors do not cause sadness. They cause despair" -- you did not [that I could find] explicitly follow up on the idea of "despair." Yet, he had been living, ever since Lily's death, not only in sadness but in constant despair. He had been close to taking his own life; Dumbledore persuaded him to keep going to help protect Harry. The Dementors may cause despair -- but from Snape's standpoint -- so what?
As you can see from the length of this review, I thought this was a very thoughtful and interesting story.
Inappropriate, irrelevant comment: -- You left a review for my story around 3/20/09, and I failed to respond. I realized my mistake yesterday and left a belated response. Extremely sorry.Author's Response: Hi!
Thank you very much for such a long and kind review! I'm not receiving many these days, as I haven't posted anything for a year, so each one makes me happy.
Yes, English unfortunately is not my native language so I have to read my stories hundred times to deal with most mistakes. Naturally, it is possible only with one-shots.
You have expressed a very interesting idea about Snape being like a stepfather to Harry. Actually, he was one, only a very nasty one and tried to hide it as good as he could.
I should have probably been more clear in the despair part. What I tried to say was that what he had felt since Lily's death was stronger than sadness, meaning despair.
It's ok that you did not respond to that review immediately. It was a very short one anyway. I don't know why, because I really like your story and then I usually try to write something more explicit. Report Review
wow. I love how you compare Snape to a dementor, and how he wishes he could be effected by one, because at least he had some happiness in him. well, doneAuthor's Response: Thank you! I'm glad that you liked the idea. Report Review
I know that I've read this before. Why ever did I not leave a review??
You have some really good good points in this story. Poor, poor Severus. He should indeed be proud. A weaker man would not have suffered through this, but taken his life.
You managed to write a very touching piece! Thank you for sharing it.
PS: Just curious: what is your native language?Author's Response: Hi!
It is probable that you left a review, but it disappeared during the site crash. Sadly, I don't remember if it could be so.
Anyway, thank you for coming back to the story and sharing your thoughts. I appreciate it very much.
I'm very happy that you liked the ideas in this story! It means very much to me when authors whose stories I like say something positive about my pieces.
My native language is Latvian, and Russian could be called native, too. Report Review
This had some very, very interesting and relevant points. Well done.Author's Response: Thank you very much! Report Review
Very interesting concept! I never would have thought of it, but it makes a lot of sense.
I honestly wouldn't have know that English wasn't you first language if you hadn't said anything. It didn't seem like there were any noticeable grammar issues or anything.
I have a few things to point out, though. First, that was one massive quote. Since such a large portion of the story is that section, it might maker sense to change the entire thing to first person. When I first started reading it, I got a bit confused as to why the point of view changed. First person would work really well for this, since it's all Snape musing over things with himself.
Also, at points it got a bit redundant. I get that you wanted to emphasize a point, but it felt like some of the same line were repeated many, many times, and it could be a bit too much.
Aside from that, I thought it was really nice. There were some great comparisons, like with the dungeons and what dementors like, etc. I liked the reason why he hated sunshine too! Oh, and his conflicted feelings about Harry were dead on. Nicely done there!
Great job! Keep up the good work!Author's Response: Hi!
Thank you for reading and reviewing!
When this shot into my mind I was not sure how much sense it makes, but reviewers like the idea and I'm happy that you agree as well.
My English is interesting - in reviews of some stories people say that it is good, but in other say that I make many mistakes and have to get a beta as soon as possible. I am a bit confused so I got a beta anyway.
I'll look after submitting the response which quote you are talking about. You are most probably right. It's hard to notice some things that do not make sense in your own story.
I'm glad that you liked the story overall. It means much to me. Report Review
Personally, my favourite ship is Snape-Lily.Mainly because, there's so much scope with this ship...JKR is a good writer alright, but IMHO creating Snape is her greatest achievement...
It is evident that English isn't your first language, but there aren't major errors, so to speak...The prose is simple, yet compelling...I do not consider the "language" to be the yardstick of the merit of a fic, simplicity does not always connote ineptitude or inexperience...What is most important is that the reader should connect with the story, the reader should enjoy it, the fic should strike a chord with the reader.Thsi fic does it all...
IMHO, the success of a story is determined by the various factors,not only the number of hits and least of all the number of reviews it garners...
I'm pretty sure not many authors do this, but I reckon it is salient that the author should "plan" every chapter meticulously, especially when it is a one shot...The plan should include a)the basic purpose of the chapter (like what the author wants to convey, how it should be conveyed, how the author wants the reader to perceive a character, the effect the chapter should have on the average reader etcetera) b) the elements of the chapter (like what the chapter should contain...imagery, or just plain dialogue or just a train of thought of a character, or a metaphorical reference, or just the reflection of a character blah blah)...Writing involves planning and execution, and if the final draft of the chapter is in line with the initial plan, then I reckon the story is a success from the author's point of view...If the story has shaped up as the author intended it to, and even if one other person has reviewed and reacted as the author had intended, then bingo!...It's the ultimate success...:D...The author might also get a review very different than what he/she had expected, then it gives the author a chance to contemplate...I'm sure hardly anyone goes about it the methodical way, but you do have potential and intellect, and I felt you could use a few pointers...You're free to disregard this critique, if you feel it is unhelpful, not mnay people analyse things the way I do...Author's Response: Hi! Thank you for the review!
I agree that creating Snape is the geratest achievement of JKR. I find him to be the most complicated character of all whom I know.
I'm impressed by what you wrote about a success of a story. I have to say that this story was not planned very well. It was just something that suddenly shot into my head and I wrote it down.
However, I did a lot of planning while writing my larger fic. I see that I had thought about most of the things that you have pointed out. Report Review
This was a really great story. I think you described Snape's misery, his life and his thoughts very well. One of the best one-shot I have read here on HPFF!
Keep up the great work.
LouiseAuthor's Response: omg! A very, very big thank you! Report Review
Hello dear Essenni,
having finished my wretched exams and enjoying a little peace at job as well, I came back to you to leave a few reviews.
I won' try to flatter or anything, you deserve honesty.
I saw a review someone left you for the 'Naughty girl' saying that the writing was 'unintelligent'.
It hurt me a bit, because it's not so! If something, your writings tell of great intelligence, I believe I can tell it by now.
You touch heavy topics loaded with moral, sometimes philosophic questions (well, not in the Naughty girl, but that was an excellent psychological essay :D ).
You bring up thoughts, which rarely rise in people of low intelligence.
You use incredible associations, which you should be proud of, like: "School-time was the time when I have been happy, at least sometimes I was, and James with his Marauders were those who stole happiness from me. They were my dementors back then and I’m the one for Harry now."
I don't think many people do recognize the depth of these revelations. Why? Possibly because many of them are just too young, or because it needs some background to understand their importance.
Your only handicap to other writers is just the same as mine - the language.
I think you are getting a lot better, it won't be an obstacle for long.
I think you have very good skills for literature so don't give up.
Do you write in your mother tongue? Well, I don't. I never quite knew why. lol
About this story. It was very moving for me; all the tragedy of Snape's life lay before me like on a dissection table. It was very deep and tragic, a moral study.
Keep on writing. Really. I don't mind the grammar (not that I have found any serious mistakes) as long as I can read real thoughts and philosophy!
wingsAuthor's Response: Hi!
It's sometimes nice to be flattered, but I appreciate honesty more. When I read that review for "Naughty Girl" I got a bit sad, but it's useful to get some honest reviews from those who think otherwise. I realised that probably I really overdid and made myself sound unintelligent (what surprised me), but I won't change it.
I know that my stories don't appeal for all and that "Naughty Girl" and my serious stories are for different readers. However, it's very good that you liked both types.
Well, I think that the language will always be an obstacle for me. It's not possible to write like those whose native language it is, but that's not something that will prevent me from writing if I want to. I'm rarely giving up. If I'm determined to do something, I will. A bigger problem is getting bored with something what I do.
I have to say that I'm flattered with you saying that I have very good skills for literature. Actually, literature was the subject that I hated the most in school and writing essays was a torture for me. Even when I strived to write something good I didn't receive good marks. I thought that writing is something that I'll never do. However, after reading DH I was so furious with what happened to Snape that I wanted to change that. I got an idea about a novel and I figured out to try it. I thought that I will look how it'll be going and then decide whether I'll finish the story, but I'm happy to admit that I'm probably not so worthless as I had always thought. I think that if I hadn't found this site, I would have never written anything. I just wanted people to read my ideas about Snape and so I had to write it in English. You can conclude from all this that I'm not writing in my mother tongue and I'm not planning to do that. I won't let anyone whom I know read any of my stories so there's no point doing it in my language. I took this also as an exercise to improve my written English.
This is a very heavy story. I think that some people just don't want to go deep into Snape's problems. It's much easier to read stories that improve mood, not those which have to be thought over. However, I like those stories which reveal something and this is my favorite of my own stories. (No one would imagine something like this after reading only "Naughty Girl" :D ) Report Review
That was depressing.But,in a good way! It is going to my faves.I liked it!1000/10!Author's Response: Thanks! Report Review
omg poor snape
This was sad but very well written, I don't think I found any mistakes but I notice those thing unless I'm really looking for them.
Great job I loved so much, adding it now!
Lilly ^_^Author's Response: Thank you very much! Report Review
That was a great idea. I like how you went through all of his thoughts and expanded on them. There were some grammar and spelling mistakes throughout (through not threw; roots not rots; the wrong verb tense) but not too many. Really good job, I absolutely loved the concept.Author's Response: I'm so happy that you found my idea great!
Thank you for pointing out my mistakes. I'm not able to find them myself. Report Review
I loved it, I just absolutely loved it. It is true I think that if Severus Snape lived all his life thinking about the worst memories of his life dementors wouldn't bother him but nonetheless he would have lived a haunted life. I agree that Harry was very lucky in comparison to Severus as he too had suffered quite a bit in his life but did not live brooding over it every moment of it. In this context the ability to feel the dementors was a blessing.Author's Response: I'm glad you liked my story. Now I think that this was a quite crazy idea to write about, but it seems that it wasn't a bad idea. Thank you for the review! Report Review
i have dyslexia. i apologise if my grammer and spelling offends you.Author's Response: I didn't mean to offend you. I just pointed out that it was hard to read your story. I would advice you to get a beta. Report Review
damn...who turned out the lights?
i realy feel for severus.
this is pretty good!Author's Response: Thank you! Report Review
Hum.. yes I like this very much. I think it's like he's having a pleasant little brooding with himself without the pleaseantness. It is a very nice idea, the whole concept of him actually wanting to feel dementors. I never would have been able to think of something like that. This really is good and I'm sorry that more people don't love sev as much as you or I. This is going into my favs and I will reread it for sure. 10/10Author's Response: A very big thank you! You made my day brighter! Report Review
I enjoyed how you made Snape seem like I real human being. I'd like to see more plot in the story. Not that I don't like seeing Snape's thoughts--I do like how you portrayed his loneliness--just that it would be even better with more storyline.Author's Response: My story "Impossible Lies" is with storyline, but this is just about Snape's thoughts. Report Review
I loved it; Snape seemed so human. Yeah, I know that he is a human being after all, but in the HP books he's just this nightmarish teacher who JKR tries to give a heart by revealing he secretly was in love with Lily and yadayadaa. Yeah, whatever, he still was an ass, but you really got across that he's not just an ass. Congrats on that!Author's Response: I love the part that "he's not just an ass"! Report Review
Nice job, and insightful.Author's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing! Report Review
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