here to review
this wasn't bad - i liked the pacing and the flow of words. it had a suitable tone for such a recount, and i liked that you didn't dramatise it. it had the slight feel of a historical document - factual in a way. i liked the way you wove canon into this, with the mention of the Prewett brothers.
I think a consistent POV would have worked better. If they whole story had been told from Marguerit's POV I think there would have been more authority. as it is, there is a detachment in the emotional sense and i think that might be why im thinking history text, lol. but, it does work as it is.
if you wanted to plump it up a bit I'd think about sticking to her POV and with that, you can make space for deeper more emotional stuff, if that is indeed where you want to go with it.
grammar, spelling and punctuation were all good as far as I could tell ^_^
the idea of why the boys joined Voldie is clear, but i think we need more about their feelings about the matter. you begin to touch on it at the end - maybe that idea could be expanded?
all in all, i liked this xD
xx Report Review
woah, i loved this one, fenrir is so interesting to read about and you wrote him perfectlyAuthor's Response: Thanks for reviewing! I agree Fenrir is a really interesting character and he was great fun to write!
I'm glad that you enjoyed it and wow, what an amazing compliment to have written him perfectly!
Thank you so much! Report Review
lol, this chapter was brilliant, 10/10
different to what i've already read, defo favoriting it.Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you like it so much! Report Review
I love the story you have given to Rodolphus and Rabastan. Thanx.
CissaAuthor's Response: No thank you hehe glad you liked it :) Report Review
I got to read this when you submitted it and I think you did a really good job! :DAuthor's Response: Naw thanks heaps! I'm glad you liked it and thank you so much for all the help you've given me in this story! I think your feedback really ensured that it was the best it could be, much better than my initial attempt! Thanks sooo much :-) Report Review
This piece really struck a chord with me.
The mutual 'father-hate' between Riddle and Crouch Jr. was something I had never picked up on before. You've really looked deep into Barty, opened him up. I'm just so desperately sorry for him! :(
It's a magnificent idea. The love-starvation turning him to evil... You've transformed him. He's so much more... real. Alive.
The relationship between him and his Mother was expressed brilliantly, too.
"You're beautiful, Mum," he whispers, and he refuses to let go, even when her chuckle has turned into a cough.
Such a sweet boy.
There isn't much else I can say, in all honesty, except that I completely adore this piece and I shall be addng it to my favourites right away.
It's perfect.Author's Response: Thank you so much for the compliments, it really means a lot to me! It's really good to hear that I managed to pull of Barty's personality and reasons for joining Voldemort. I was rereading through Goblet of Fire and that one line really stuck out at me - the one about him being closer to Voldemort than a son. And the fact that his father made an example of him, never once taking the time to wonder if his son was alright and such. I guess I blame Barty Crouch, Sr. for the way that his son turned out.
Again, thank you so much for leaving such wonderful compliments. This review really made my day :)
soliloquy. Report Review
Oooo, bloody brilliant. I'm loving this idea! Must keep reading. =]Author's Response: Thanks! :D I hope you liked the rest! Report Review
Congratulations on an AMAZING piece of work here.
I love the characterisation of Dolohov, his lack of care for his appearance, the joy he gets from causing pain, it demonstrates perfectly a psychopath mentality, nothing to cause the evilness, no haunted past pain that he's tryin to rid himself of, just purely born evil...
I love the writing, the setting, the descriptions, how you flow so easily in and out of the flash-backs, and the conversation between Tom and Dolohov.
The conversation is amazingly well written, it is realistic, Tom is not made to be some odd strange unstable crazy, but rather a calm, planning, manipulative, cunning mastermind who knows what he wants and will do anything to achieve this.
I love the duel scene, very well written as these action/fighting scenes are very difficult to write, so I applaud you on that with a standing ovation.
All over a well rounded, well written piece that captured me hook-line- and sinker.
I love deatheater stories, and hope that the other chapters/parts of the collaboration are as addictive as this on!
10/10Author's Response: Oh wow, thank you! :D
Thanks for the compliments ^_^
Characterizing Dolohov and Tom was so much fun - I loved the chance to put the two of them together. And I'm glad you liked the duel scene - it was hard to get it to work properly.
Thanks again! :D Report Review
Again, re-reading for fun cause its a good read :) I love the scene with Lily and her caring her friend off hehe ...love the whole thing but that scene just makes me smile xD
Great job as always my dear :DAuthor's Response: Mulciber Jr was fun to write. I think it's because I had a lot of freedom to make him as nasty as possible thanks to Lily's words about him in Deathly Hallows. At times it felt like it could actually have happened in the story to me.
Hehe the bit with Lily and her friend was a fun part to read as well. Feel bad for the friend though. :P
Thanks so much! And again thanks for taking your time to beta! Report Review
Since I beta'd this fic for you I don't really have to read it again but I did anyways lol and I still think its great :D
Btw, "Death Eater Gibbon who accidently killed by Thorfinn Rowle" - I believe that should be "who was accidentally" :)Author's Response: Thanks so much for taking your time to beta it in the first place. I really appreciated that. :)
Glad you enjoyed it! I guess it was easier to write Gibbon because he's more or less a character with just a name but no background what so ever.
And I corrected the mistake, thanks for pointing it out. Report Review
ooh, i liked it very much! it was amazing!
10/10, most definitely!Author's Response: Thanks so much! Report Review
I love his reason the most. I also love that it was his mother who was sentenced.
“I am proud to be your son!” She smiled and fell into submission as if those seven words were all she needed to put her at ease.
That was my favourite quote. 10/10
By the way who is the guy in your picture and who/what does the girl represents.Author's Response: aww thank you, I tried really hard to make the Death Eaters I write stand for something more then just wanted to kill people lol so its good to know I succeeded :) As for the guy in the picture, his name is Kyle and he is just some random picture I found lol and the woman is the mother of course. :) Report Review
There's so much I want to say about this chapter. For one there's so much irony! Grindlewald been the most feared Dark Wizard when Voldemort will later become one. Rowle and Kavan supporting the man who Dumbledore felt feelings for and talking to him about it.
Onto Rowle though and Kavan and the group, what a bunch of hypocrites! It's understandable why the Slytherin's would be less than pleased. Kavan and his group is like a tame cat saying cats should not be owned by humans. Ok bad example, but you get what I mean. I have to admit though they made a good point when they said it was better to stay at Hogwarts then have no control in the Muggle world.
I wonder what Dumbledore's going to think of Kavens and the others dissapearances? They're probably going to suspect that they finally left to go to the muggle world. Would the Slytherins be civil to Rowle or just act as they normally acted before?
This was a great fic on Rowle and you wrote it so well. How in the end despite the fact that Kavan and the others were cowards and acted big for nothing, they were not as bad as the Slytherins, and just scared. And also Rowle while very loyal to the cause obviously doesn't have an objection to murder and imposing his beliefs.
Anyway great chapter, i'm really enjoying these one shots, it's a great Collaboration. Voldemort's never appeared so much in fics as he is doing in this one. 6 chapters straight. lol ;)Author's Response: lol I liked your example and yes I know what you mean. Kavan was all talk really and for the most part the others just went along with it. They didn't think they would have someone like the Dark Lord knocking on their door lol
What would Dumbledore think when they didn't come back? Probably wonder why Thorfinn did lol but I imagine there wouldn't be enough evidence to do anything to him. And would the Slytherins be civil to Rowle? I imagine they would show him a bit more civility just because they are following the same master now, however I think the whole muggleborn stigma would still apply.
Anyways, so glad you liked the chapter and the collab hehe and your right about Voldemort lol :D Hope you enjoy the other stories to come too! Report Review
Can't believe it's taken me this long to review this chapter. Just like the others it was really enjoyable to read, and it's so nice to see a portrayal of Goyle that doesn't show him as a gormless idiot. I loved the bit with Dumbledore at the end. 10/10Author's Response: Thanks so much! It's nice to know people like my fics especially enough to give it 10/10! Report Review
Interesting. I like the backstory that you created, keeping it simple and original with just the right amount of detail. Although I wasn't quite sold on why he was such an evil person, but I suppose you expressed that notion; 'just because I can.' Author's Response: Dolohov was just born evil. That's the only way I can explain it. He never was anything else, never wanted to be anything else, and I had that idea of his character in my head as I was writing this story. That, I think, explains firstly why Tom would seek him out, secondly why he would agree, and thirdly, why he is in fact evil. So yes, Dolohov didn't become evil, instead he was always evil.
Thanks for the review :D Report Review
This was outstanding. Use of flashbacks, language, insight into the mind of your subject -- really great. The set-up, of Antonin thinking over his associations and experiences in trying to decide in Tom's offer was terrific choice. Also loved: setting him up as an equal to TR, so that it appeared an uncoerced choice. Complements!Author's Response: Thanks for the wonderfull review! You just made my day :) Report Review
Oh my Sami, I'm seriously impressed here!
This shot has all the elements of great writing; the flow is great, not for once did I feel like it was too slow or too fast, and it didn't get interrupted even by the flashbacks that often make or break the story...in this case they definitly made it!
Your charactarisation of Dolohov is very interesting, plausable and I dare say quite realistic. His reaction to Voldemort's propousal, the duel and even his use of crucio all support each other and give rather balanced (albite rather twisted) portrayal of the DE. Especially the following quote really stood out;
" You are evil"."Yes," Dolohov muttered, turning away from the body, "I suppose I am."
The third thing that you really desrve praise on is the descriptions. I feel that you did fantastic job introducing the scenes, you really made me feel as if I was there myself. Absolutely fantastic!
One little thing that slightly caught my eye, especially in the second paragraph was the lack of sentence variety; you started many sentencies on a row with subject and I think you could have had more solid result with a bit of variety ^^
All in all, amazing job! Well done Sami!Author's Response: Aww I love you so much. *Huggles* I kind of based Dolohov on Bella, but less...possesive.
" You are evil"."Yes," Dolohov muttered, turning away from the body, "I suppose I am." - I rewrote that line about five times because each time it just sounded wrong. Finally i just settled on the simple version :)
Thanks so much for the Review D, it means a lot. Really. A lot! :) Report Review
Well, you already know what I thought about this :P But I love it so much that I have to leave a review.
This story is amazing...it feels so mature, not in the rating way, but in the feel of it and the style of the writing. I just love it! The description is incredible, I had a clear picture in my mind.
Fabulous story, just fabulous. 10/10Author's Response: Thank you!
Finally got the means to respond, thanks to alex. :p
I've had people tell me they love my fics, but coming from you, it means a lot. :D
Still, I'm glad you liked it...that's how I typically write, and while I'm far from the best, it feels good to know that. :)
Btw...did I mention I love your style as well? ;)
omg wow. im in awe. this was so good. it was GREAT. the whole feeling in it was creepy, which is exactly what i'd love to feel in this kind of story! you did a marvalous job! why are you so good at dialouge? im really jealous. your descriptions were AWESOME! and of course, the end rocked. you could make a whole novella out of this in fact. it was so fantastic!
EXCELLENT JOB! :]
xx noraAuthor's Response: apparently all those dialogue lesson my grade 9 teacher drilled into me worked :D
And yeah, I probably could write a novella about this, but you're going to have to settle for two more one-shots.
Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
I loved this chapter, it's sp well written. You really like Dolohov don't you? I don't blame you, from the way you've written him and the way he's written in the books, he comes across as a cool guy. I love him blaming Lucius, it's so sneaky.
I've also noticed that you Dolohov likes to wink alot. Not that i'm complaining, it's actually makes him sound cool and downright dangerous. He's so creepy the way he really wants to kill Selwyn, I have to say I really like your Dolohov :)
This was a great chapter, I think you wrote it really well. Author's Response: Yeah, Dolohov is by far my favorite character :-)
I'm glad you liked this chapter seeing as I still have two more to go ;) Report Review
oh wow. i dont know where to start. this was just ... amazing. it was like a proffessional was writing all this. the descriptions made my jaw fall and the dialouge was perfectly chosen.
even the flashbacks were perfect. you slipped into them easily and they were great.
overall, im adding this to my favorites. i'll read the others when i have time. good job!
-nora.Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review :D Report Review
Novadestin this was great. I could really feel Avery's anger and hate towards the mudbloods and those he felt wronged his mother. You can really undertsand why he'd hate them so and become a Death Eater. Also the ending with Voldemort was very well done :)Author's Response: yay :D glad you liked it and very glad the emotion came through so well :) Report Review
Wow that was great :D So realistic and believable. I loved how it was his mother who was convicted, instead of his father. Very nice!
â€śCome,â€ť Lord Voldemort stood, â€ślet us find Lestrange and the others.â€ť Loved that line. Great way to finish it.
Incidentatly, I love how we both called Voldemort "Tom." I'm so glad I wasn't the only one who did that *wipes sweat off brow.*Author's Response: yay! glad you liked it :D when I was typing it I actually instinctively put his father but then I looked at it and was like...nah his mother would be more interesting hehe
I like that line too, it seemed to me like that would be the first thing Voldemort would do when he got back, gathering all his friends from school. :) and yes I call him Tom when he is still Tom lol...make sense?
anyways thanks for the great review! :D Report Review
interesting interesting. i alwasy picture Karkaroff like this so i loved this oneshot! :D nice work. i'm enjoying reading these!Author's Response: Thanks so much! Report Review
oh my gosh!
this is awesome!
i must say i'm not usually a fan of collabs but i thinkk i might continue reading this one. i seem to have this thing about reading death eater stories anyway
fantaulous work! :DAuthor's Response: Thanks :D
I'm glad you want to keep reading this, there are some really good pieces to come Report Review
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