Well done, King! My fic is updated, r and r plz! Report Review
Excellent work on this chapter. I, however found some parts that does not coincide with the previous chapters. First off, why doesn't Mcgonagall want to remove Draco Malfoy from the DA;Draco did worse things than Ginny. Second point, how did Neville destroy that many dark artifacts in such a short span of time??? third, why didn't Nott, Ginny or Neville kill Dean or Luna???Author's Response: Well buddy
I think some of these parts require thinking. firstly What leader of an organization wants to get rid of thier Ace in the whole. if you were Mcgonagall would you have given up your best Knight. The answer to your quation about neville would be seen in my next chapter. Third if Neville, Ginny or Nott killed Dean or Luna then word would leak out that Neville and Ginny were cold blooded killers and they would have an even harder time to operate with the whole wizarding world watching out for them.
Thanks Dreadkid for the review and keep them coming Report Review
WOW!!! Awesome chapter!!! i love it!!! 10/10 Report Review
Wow! Ron and Ginny are soo evil!Author's Response: i know is still dont understand why Hermione chose Ron over Harry WHY???? Report Review
i was right! she is the heir! Report Review
Interesting... is Hermione the Heir of Ravenclaw?Author's Response: yup told you it had a twist
Okay... this is was short, but still fair. Plz r and r my fic.
Author's Response: sure thing and thanks for the review
Excellent chapter.Aw.It seems that you were not able to extend the word count from 3,000 to either 3,500 or 4,000.I was hoping that the time I would spend in reading this chapter would be longer than the previous chapter.Everybody has his or her limits.I only hope that your limit in the word count is not 3000 words. The part about Draco being the best DA member surprised me.Isn't that ironic??? Draco Malfoy became the top member of an organization that was named after the person Draco killed.But why was Draco accepted??? Wasn't he the one who tried to stop the Da while he was in Hogwarts???Wasn't he the one who led the death-eaters into Hogwarts???Bringing grave danger to most of the students.Several of these students were DA members. Everybody knew what Draco did and it resulted in the death of dumbledore.Have the original members of the DA forgotten the things that Draco has done to the DA??? I also find it strange on why Draco is a free man earning a living. Shouldn't he be in a jail rotting till death brings him to hell??? He was and maybe still is a supporter of the nearly unkillable Voldemort. As far as I know, ALL supporters of Voldemort would sent to the dread prison of Azkaban.Unless of course a new prison has been erected.I am also suprised in the role you have given Draco. You have given him the role of Ash in Atelier Iris 3.Ash was the arrogant antagonist of the story.I thought that the role you are going to give to Draco was that of Alvero.The arrogant but less powerful antagonist in the Atelier Iris 3 storyline. Alvero is similar to Draco.Both of them are arrogant.Both of them have been defeated by the main character of the their respective storylines.Both of them have blond hair.That is why I thought that the role of Draco is Alvero.But that means that their is another character in Harry Potter who will play the role of Alvero.I wonder who???Could it be one of the players in the Slytherin Quidditch team???You've already placed Zabini in the 1st chapter of the story.Hopefully,the character who will play the role of Alvero will surive longer than that of Blaise Zabini.I do hope that you do not exclude the role of Alvero in the story.He plays a somewhat important role in the storyline of Atelier Iris 3. I like what you have done in the part where Harry,Ron and Hermione fought the mechanical spider.At first I thought that the guns mounted on the back of the spider would fire cannonballs.But it didn't.I was surprised that an insectoid automaton would be able to use magic.You have also made the spider a formidable opponent. Being able cast a powerful shield charm and fire curses as well.I am surprised on why Ron had not run away from the spider.Didn't Ron have arachnophobia???The intense fear of spiders.What forced him to fight the spider without fear???Was it because he wanted to banish his fear by vanquishing a massive mechanical spider???Was it because the presence of his friends inspired him to stay and fight the spider??? Regarding the fight against the spider,why didn't Harry use the "rain of blades" spell???It could have easily worked on the spider. The shield charm only works on spells. The "rain of blades" is composed of thousands of daggers. The technique would have significantly damaged the enemy.
The cloaked man seems to be smart.He created a replica/clone/illusion of himself before confronting both the trio and Ginny. It not only allowed him to escape a harsh interrogation from the trio.But also allowed him to obtain the book he was searching for without the risk of anyone taking it.How did Draco know where the next pillar of light appeared???The only sign of a pillar appearing would be a bright red light.The pillar of light that Draco saw was inside the forbidden forest.The pillar of light would be hard to see if it was located in the forbidden forest.That means that Draco already knew about the location of the pillar.Author's Response: Buddy your reviews are getting longer and longer
(aww well who am i to complain)
to answer your first question yes Draco was evil once but remember in the end of deathly hollows he was a free man and he was getting closer to Harry because Harry saved his life(i wanted to make a twist here. i made thier rivalry even stronger but in the future chapters they would... oops cant tell you i would be giving a major spoiler). next is Alvero would have part in my story but i cant tell you who it is and what he would do again i would give a major spoiler. To answer your Ron and fear of spiders question is because ron knew it was a fake mechanical spider so he wouldnt be frightened on a big hunk of junk. To answer your rain of blades question Harry didnt use it because remember it was still magic the rain of blades is an advanced form of transfiguration so it would not have made any difference. To answer Draco's question I would like to remind you that Draco is the BEST member of the D.A. and aknowledged by many as the greatest wizard there is. He would have no problem getting info on poor victims and putting together clues. Report Review
this is awesome, keep up the good work !!! =]
love lou aka xxx_firesparks_xxx Report Review
it was a good story and it was very good too
Author's Response: thanks sis Report Review
this chapter rocks,
love meAuthor's Response: thanks i'm glad u liked it
Is it just me or does the number of words per chapter increase by the thousand? Good luck in pushing the number of words per chapter from 3k to 4k. It would be amazing if you would be able to push the number of words to 10k!!!.Anyway, good chapter. I didn't expect Ron to show his face after what had happened the day before.I thought that he would lay low and wait for Harry and Hermione to forget what he and his sister did. I find it strange that Harry easily forgave Ron's treason. As far as I can remember, Harry was enraged when he found out that Sirius Black betrayed his parents.His hatred for traitors went as far as giving Peter Pettigrew to the dementors. The part about how the Weasleys' lost their fortune surprised me. How could they have squandered a large amount of gold??? Were they so blind in spending money that they forgot how to save money?I could not believe that ARthur Weasleys' dying words would be somewhat selfish. He was one of the people who wasted the money and then he asks other Weasleys to recover the fortune lost. I also find it strange that Ron did not have a home to go to. He is one of the people who stood by Harry Potter from the day he met him, both he and Harry were like brothers. He could have asked a lot of people to help him with his problem. Mcgonagall,Harry,Hermione,Neville.These people would have gladly helped Ron. In the fight with the gem's guardian, why didn't Harry use any of the Unforgivable Curses???
Avada Kedavra would have heavily damaged their foe. The imperius curse would have allowed them to make the monster attack itself(I am pretty sure that the monster would be controlled for more than an hour, considering its immense size and power).
You have done something quite unique in the battle, you merged two spells to produce a more powerful effect. Reducto and Expecto Patronum, odd combination of spells and the effect was even odder.A bull terrier appeared and obliterated the left arm. The concept of combining spells makes this story a lot more interesting. Several combinations of spells has already entered my mind. Avada Kedavra with Reducto, Avada Kedavra combined with another Avada Kedavra. Aguamenti combined with Reducto.Incendio combined with Expelliarmus. The number of combinations are limitless!!!
I find it shocking that Ginny confronted the group without fighting them. What was the point of the confrontation if the only thing that she did was to run away. The method of her escape was unexpected, I would have that she would do some sort of spell that would blind Harry or use an invisibilty cloak or use the powder that engulfs the immediate surroundings or just simply run away. I did not expect her to use a portkey. How did the portkey work INSIDE Hogwarts? I thought that teleportation spells and items would not work inside Hogwarts? I am pretty sure that Mcgonagall would have restored the spell shield that prevents any form of teleportation in Hogwarts. Hermione did not find this strange, as well as Harry and Ron. Which is weird, could they have forgotten the ancient magics that guard Hogwarts? Even Mcgonagall was not surprised by Ginny's betrayal and the fact that she was able to leave Hogwarts via portkey. I would have thought that she would have someone chase after Ginny, to find out how she is able to track down Harry and Hermione. Mcgonagall said that Ron is qualified for the "Godly Beam" spell. It sounds powerful, but how is Ron supposed to learn the spell??? Mcgonagall told Ron that he would know the spell when he needs to. I hope that Ron learns it soon, I want to know what the spell looks like when Ron uses it. It sounds both cool and powerful. About the man in little hangelton, I can only think of a few people who has blonde hair. The first one is Draco Malfoy, it would be probable that Draco is the person in Hangelton, the second one would be Lucius Malfoy, unless of course he was either killed or captured by the authority and the third person i thought of is Gilderoy Lockhart. A lot of people would say that Gilderoy cannot be the bad guy, especially in something as big as the Escalario. But it could be him, he could be obsessed in getting his fame back and he might just get it back IF he can collect all of the fragments of the Escalario and take the book from Harry,Hermione and Ron. It would be extremely entertaining if Gilderoy would suddenly attack the Golden Trio and win. Excellent story. I rate it 9 out of 10. Only because you mispelled Diffindo, you spelled it deffindo.Hope you can push it to 20k words!Author's Response: to answer your first question yes it does increase every chapter. to answer your why did harry forgive ron easily is because remember they were BEST of friends and they went through allot so they can easily forgive each other. as to why ron didnt have a house remember ginny was so obssessed with getting back the fortune they lost and ron being the over protective brother has to follow everything she says. to your why didnt i use an unforgiveable curse that is because if i let harry use the unforgiveable curses it would have been so easy to beat any opponent and it would not be that exciting. to your portkey question remember in book 5 dumbledore used a portkey to transfer harry and the weasley children to grimmauld place so why not use it as a mode of transportation. to your why didnt anyone stop ginny i would like you to think back when did i say harry reported ginny to mcgonagall some part of harry still likes ginny but as a sister. to your last question i cant tell you who if i did i would be giving a major spoiler.
thanks for the review my friend
theking35 (dark knights forever) Report Review
AWESOME, plus all the other words which means THIS IS THE BEST. =]
love lou aka xxx_firesparks_xxx Author's Response: thanks very much for the review i appreciate it allot Report Review
Nice work in linking the story line of Harry Potter and Atelier Iris 3. But, I am thinking about the hooded man. Surely he is a death eater. But what character in Atelire Iris 3 does he represent??? None of the characters in the story are hooded. Maybe the hood represents something else??? A symbol of being mysterious??? A sign of a sinister personality??? Maybe it means concealment and deceit??? That hooded man raises a lot of questions and at the same time a lot of possibilities. The setting of the chapter is the derelict malfoy mansion. Does the setting signify anything???The setting raises a lot of questions as well. Some of these questions are "why was the lineage information found in the Malfoy manor???, it could have been found in a more suitable location like Hogwarts, or any place that values grandeur". Another Question would be "how does the hooded man know about the Lineage???" Another question would be, how did Hermione get that book???" These are only some of the many questions that rose in this mysterious chapter. I applaud your style in writing. You seem to be profiecient in creating chapters that raise a lot of questions. I enjoy your works. I hope that Atelier Iris is not the only story you make. I hope that you make a lot of stories. I am attracted to your story because not only is it the ONLY story that links Atelier Iris 3, but also because i can easily relate to it. After all, i play the game as well. That is enough. I will save my strength for other chapters to come. I sincerely and seriously hope that the succeeding chapters will not only suprise me, but also leave me with invigorating anticipation for the following chapter.
Author's Response: To answer your first question i would suggest you read the sixth chapter of my story (it would come up a few days after my fifth chapter is posted). secondly the info on the lineage was in malfoy manor because Voldemort once used it as a base if you read book 7 of harry potter then it would be obvious. next to answer your how did the man know about the lineage question I would suggest you keep reading my story because the answer will come up in later chapters. as to how hermione get that book i would suggest you think back to the part where i explained who or what is Uroburus the answer is in that particular paragraph.
oh and thanks for the review Report Review
Dean Thomas was attacked in the forest of Dean. Is that pure coincidence or did you deliberately place that in the story??? You're very accurate in linking the events of harry potter with the events of Atelier Iris 3, even the lines being said when Iris touches the gem are there. I am a bit saddened though. None of the mana in Atelier Iris 3 are found in your story. The mana are the insignia of the Atelier Iris series. It separates them from other games with alchemy. It would have been nice if you included mana in this story.
Blaise Zabini was killed by sectusempra???I didn't know that spell could kill. Why exactly did Harry aim the spell at Blaise's head?? He could have aimed it at Blaise's legs to weaken him. He would not only be able to extract information from the assailant but could also get a reward for capturing him. Unless of course, Blaise was not officially labeled as a supporter of Voldemort. Nevertheless, capturing a supporter of Voldemort would help DA in finding more dark and dangerous artifacts. At least the remaining number of Voldemort's supporters have decreased by 1. Thats not a lot, but something is better for nothing.Author's Response: to answer the dean thomas question yes i did deliberately placed it. to answer your mana question i suggest you read the other chapters coming up and you might get a surprise (wink). to answer your sectumsempra question yes it could kill if the spell was so powerful or you aimed it at critical points. to answer your why aim it at blaise' head it is because harry was really aiming to kill because like you said there is one less voldemort supporter and we all know harry realllllllyyyy hates voldemort and his followers. Report Review
OkLang pero sleepy na ako 2 Finish it pero K lnag
Sorri kung D ko tinapos Gabe na eh Report Review
It sucked!! Joke lang! For a first chapter, it's really interesting! A few suggestions though: 1) use names for Hufflepuff, Slytherin and Gryffindor coz that would make things more interesting. 2) use separate lines for the dialogue so the text won't seemed craammed in a limited space.
All in all, it was a nice xhapter! Keep me posted! Report Review
what a maneuver. imagine harnessing the power to strafe a THOUSAND BLADES to ones carapace. even ginny and ron did not counter it with their spells. but harry should have killed the two bastards because they are traitors . money is not everything and becoming rich is nothing when you dont have friends to share it with. and ginny and ron attempted to kill harry and hermione . if they really did succeed in their attempt of assasination then their conscience will overcome them and mourn over spilled milk. and what was up with hermione ? she got stunned not blinded. and jeez it was a hail of blades. a thousand blades. another question would be why does professor mcgonagall tell harry to show the spell to hermione? and the time when she let hermione out of the room and told that "harry, so it would be a suprise for the lady". nice story by the way. you should do these kind of stories more often. make them long and nail biting and with alot of twists and turnovers like a basketball game. oh and i would also like to commend you on your valiant effort in making Harry and hermione cops. sipping coffee. nice job man nice job. a rating of 5. Author's Response: Thanks my friend and if you want all your questions answered keep reading Report Review
king.Who would have thought that Ginny, the innocent one and Ron, the best friend; would betray Harry and Hermione for money. I would have thought they would throw away their friendship with Harry potter for something more important than money.
A part of this chapter is similar to the story of adam and eve. Eve was tempted by the snake to eat the forbidden fruit. When she offered the fruit to adam, he reluctantly ate it. In the story Ginny was tempted by a strange man to take the escalario.When Ron found out who they were going to attack, he reluctantly aided Ginny in attacking harry and hermione. Author's Response: great point there buddy but i really wanted to put a big twist in that chapter and that was the biggest twist i could think of but dont worry keep reading and youll see what i mean Report Review
Loving the story, woot woot, keep up the good work, your a great descripter, uh oh, thats not spelt right, where is spell check when you need it! *tried to press F7, horribly failing to get spell check on screen*.. ahem, sorry, im a tad random! but yes, story.. WONDEFUL, 10/10
love lou aka xxx_firesparks_xxxAuthor's Response: nice one my friend thanks for the review Report Review
very good, budding author.
VIDEO KO HA! Report Review
very thrilling, i liked it.
ok lang, nice Report Review
The guardian of Rowena Ravenclaw's wand was JUST a snake and a ring of fire??? You could have placed fiercer obstacles than that. The chest that contained Rowena's wand was just placed in ther middle of a clearing in a forest, you could have placed it in a more dangerous area. A labyrinth full of sphinxes would be a great place to put the wand. Author's Response: Dont worry it's just the start continue reading and there will be more obstacles i guarantee it
man i never knew that the owner of the last blood lineage was Hermione granger. what a twist. but you can design any book with an orb in it. i think.Author's Response: Thanks for pointing that out if i have the time i'll edit my my chapters thanks agian for pointing that out Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection