Great story, can't wait till you update =]Author's Response: Thank you! I will try to update soon! Report Review
Love Love Love LOve thisAuthor's Response: Haha, I'm oh so glad! Thanks! Report Review
I love your story =] I'm adding this to my favouritesAuthor's Response: Wow, thank you! Report Review
Best chapter yet. I really enjoyed reading this, your character portrayals are so strong and it's written so well... update please!Author's Response: Thank you so much! Report Review
wow hope you don't get bored of me reviewing, but since i like your story so much i think personally i shall be reviewing each chapter mwahahah.. I'm glad to see that Lola has a feisty atittude when shes angry! i like the word "boggled" that you used also. and im glad you liked my name battenburg..you could make him a baddie just to be ironic.. so they can be like "oh watch out its battenburg" ahah sorry i find it ever so amusing. lol great chapter :)10/10Author's Response: Oh, how could I ever get tired of you?! Thank you for reviewing so faithfully. (: Actually, your reviews are rather refreshing...and Battenburg is a wonderful name! I shall keep it in mind if ever I am in need of another character. Perhaps he can be an animagus and turn into, well, a bat? Oh, the play on words...Thanks again for reviewing! Report Review
more more more more!
i'm so confused about barnelby and henry, i want to know more!
excellent!Author's Response: Oh, thank you! I realized that I didn't explain a few things in the last chapter, but I decided that they could just wait for the next one. Thanks again! Report Review
wow. i love your story already and its only the second chapter. amazingly gifted. i do love the name barnelby.. it reminds me of brambley apple pie.. :S lol.. anywaay not like thats interesting.. you could call another charcter battenburg and you could say he was german.. :) ahaha moving swiftly on.. update soon.Author's Response: Thank you so much! Your review made me smile. And I love the name Barnelby, too! Haha, and I might actually take you up on your "suggestion" :D. Thanks again! Report Review
Wonderful, i just adore Lola she is such a great character. I hope she gets her memory back soon. What is wrong with her brother, why is he fighting on the wrong side? Also is the greasy haired beetle eyed person Snape?
Two lovely chapter can't wait for the next one!
Update soon please.10/10Author's Response: I'm not spilling the beans :P Thank you! The next chapter is in waiting! Report Review
homg. its Jen(2) from TDA :P and i LOVED it. you write so amazingly well, i want new chapters please ^_^. go apple.Author's Response: wooo! jen! dude, thanks. :) Report Review
YAY. You updated! I loved this chapter. You're a fabulous writer. And I can't wait to see what exactly happened to Lola's memory! Hopefully it's not something like in Fifty First Dates. Can't wait for the next chapter!
-BlairAuthor's Response: Haha, thank you! Report Review
lovely! i think lola is a great character ( i've written a lola too! i just love the name), and i love the way taht you've written her, as well as henry and barnelby (great name too). I really want to see where this is goign to go, i'd love to see more chapters and to find out what the hell he was doing down knockturn alley, as well as why henry was imperiused!! 9/10 excellent,wonderful and engaging all round.Author's Response: Thank you so much! I love the name Lola, too; I think it's quite quirky. Hopefully I'll have the next chapter up, soon! Thanks again! :) apple Report Review
Hey apple! How's it going? Sorry it's taken me a while to respond to your request, but I'm finally here to read and review your story! :)
Okay, I like this beginning. You captured the hustle and bustle of Diagon Alley very nicely, and I think that you did well with the descriptions of Lola and Barnelby: just enough to let us know what they look like, but not so much that you're giving us their heights, weights, and social security numbers. So good job. I also like the relationship between them, it's very like what real siblings are like (I should know, I have brothers) - both caring and annoyed at the same time.
I'm curious as to what Barnelby was doing down Knockturn Alley, and why he was so anxious for Lola to go home. Some kind of Death Eater rally or demonstration, I'm guessing? No idea. :) Harry disappeared? So I'm guessing that if you're following canon, this would be his seventh year and around the time that he's out hunting Horcuxes? Wait but you said outbreak of Voldemort ... so I guess this is after the war, and Harry lost? I was just a bit confused on that part.
Love the description of the Gringotts goblin who hates his job. Poor guy. And then Henry, her best friend, wouldn't even give her the time of day! I thought Lola was a bit quick to jump to conclusions (that Henry wouldn't talk to her because he was being Imperiused; he could have a dozen other reasons - like trying to move on and be cooler and forget all of his 'uncool' friends) but in that time of war and Voldemort, I guess it would be likely that people get paranoid about their friends and family.
Nice cliffhanger at the end! All in all, this was a really nice beginning. I just got a little confused as to the time period and what is happening with the state of the wizarding world, but I think if you're going on to explain that in a later chapter, you should be set. :) Great jobAuthor's Response: So sorry for the confusion -- I didn't mean for there to be so many questions about it! I'll try to explain in later chapters. I do tend to have a whimsical imagination (er, romantic-period-inspired-much), and I like the almost unreal situations, but I'll try to make them more probable/believable. Thanks so much for the long and wonderful review! :) apple Report Review
hey, apple, this is quailsrock23 from the forums ( well, duh. XD) so, i really like some of the bigger, more intelligent sounding sort of words you used. i must admit, i needed to check for the meanings once or twice. ;] anyways, this is pretty good for your first fanfic! way way better than mine ^_^ this is a nice start, really. i think it's got potential to be a fantastic story.. Author's Response: Thank you! And sorry about the "big" words ... maybe I need to not try to sound like I'm trying to be smart ... if that made any sense :). Thanks for the review again! :) apple Report Review
This is definitely an interesting start. It seems that you are developing your character well. Just remember to show instead of tell in some places. I'm interested to see what's going on with Draco and with her friend acting weird and even with her brother... This is an interesting time to choose to focus on.Author's Response: Thank you for offering to review this! I'm going to try to do more emotional as opposed to action (it's hard though, isn't it!). I hope this is an interesting time to focus on, too, because I'm not to sure I can handle it! :D Thank you SO much again. I really appreciate the advice! :) apple Report Review
As a self-proclaimed OC professional, I must say you did a lovely job with your OCs. I really loved the way you had them interact, and they don't seem out of place in the HP world, and I can't say that to everyone.
I am really interested in your narrative voice. It's a great balance between friendly and professional, and it gets me hooked. My only suggestion would be to maybe step away from talking about the actions of your characters, and more on their thoughts and emotions.
I love the plot so far. It seems very original and fresh. Interesting to read. I have one more thing to say. "Merlin's pants" Lol.
Keep up the good work and have fun ^_^
.:.Midna.:.Author's Response: Oooh, thanks! I really tried hard with my three OC's: Lola, Barnelby, and Henry. I really wanted them to be natural, almost as if JKR had created them herself. :) And I'll try to do more emotion than action. That's my weakest point, definitely. I tend to ramble when I start to write what's happening in their little minds. I'll try to somehow work on that in the next chapters and such. Well, thank you for your wonderful, and very helpful, review! I hope you keep reading! :) Apple Report Review
I heart you, you heart me, we're a happy family - er, I mean, I loved it; just like last time. (: I can't wait for the next chapter! *huggles* And dude. I've never been a muse before! *feels special*
-CarrieAuthor's Response: Haha, you should feel special! I should have the next chapter out this week...hopefully. Thanks for the review! :) Report Review
Sounds good! Keep writing! : )Author's Response: Thank you, and I will! :) Report Review
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