great story! please, don't take too long on updating! Report Review
Another wonderful chapter!! Seriously, I just love this. The whole alternate world you've created is just amazing - the permits, only being able to wear certain colours, everything, it's just brilliant!
I've just got a couple of suggestions, though. You seem to use their names a lot, instead of just using he/she, which is a really small thing to comment on and is really picky of me, but I just really think it would help the general flow of things. Also, it's 'Death Eaters' not 'Deatheaters' :)
With one arm holding the cat, with her other cleaned up the mess. - er, you used 'with' twice which didn't really seem to make sense, I don't know if it was intentional?
Okay, attempted constructive criticism over :D Anyway, another thing I love about this is your characterisations. Draco can often be very OOC in fanfiction, but I think you've done a really good job with him here, and I love Ayn as well. Oh, and purely for interest, how do you actually pronounce Ayn's name?
Anyway, as I said, brilliant chapter! I hope you update soon! 9/10. Report Review
Ooh, I'm liking it! The memory was very sad, I almost cried. You write very well, this story seems like it's going to very good.
Keep up the good work!
Update soon, will you?
10/10Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading! I'm really happy to hear you liked it! I will definitely be updating quickly. The next chapter is already in the queue so look for it mid to late next week. Thanks again for reading: ) Report Review
Wow! I simply adore the idea of this, it's just completely brilliant and wonderfully original. I can't wait to see where you go with it. I also really like Ayn, she seems like a really interesting character so far. Brilliant chapter, and I hope you update soon :)Author's Response: Thank you so much! I should be updating pretty quickly/regularly because the first five chapters or so are already written, I am just editing/rewriting them. I just submitted the second chapter to the queue so look for it sometime next week. Thank you for reading! Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection