Reading Reviews for Ginny's Eyes
  
167 Reviews Found

Review #1, by doododooodoo Broken Glasses and Worst Fears

5th August 2012:
i dont want to pick holes because this is really good but it seems like Molly is the only one grieving Fred. its not very realistic because normally it takes people months to move on from a loved one

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Review #2, by MichaelTurpin Eavesdropping

10th December 2011:
I like the way you create atmosphere especially between Harry and Ginny. But the more I read, the more I get the impression that your story is no longer placed in a "world of magic".
This is something that a lot of authors in fanfics do - it just drifts off into some general romance story that stars Harry and Ginny but could also happen to any other two random people in love in any other world and not be much different.
I know this story is completed, but maybe you can do this in any future fics you write: Talk more about magic! It's the very reason that people loved and adored the JKR stories - a complex magical world with lots of oddities.


Please don't get me wrong: I like your story, and it's not like it's non-canon or anything.
But while the characters use spells from time to time, you still make very little use of magic when describing scenes in a detailed way.
Just two examples:
During their first date, when Ginny gets injured, Harry is quick to take off his shirt to give first aid. Now I understand you needed him to strip for your plot, but wouldn't Harry usually just calmly draw his wand and use that Episkey spell he used on Demelza Robins before?

You write a lot about doing house chores - but any time you do, it sounds like they would use a Muggle lawn mower working with electricity or empty the trash bin by themselves.


Two more things I noticed in this chapter:
Ginny and harry talk about the hobbies they have in common, and you mention similar sports they like. Except for Quidditch, there were never mentioned many different sports, at least not any that Harry would have showed an interest in. So the general reference seemed a little out of place to me.

When Harry teaches Ron poker, you mention he learned the game from his muggle friends in grade school. This might just be me, but I never had the impression that Harry made lots of friends when he was in muggle school. He was always pictured like an outsider, being bullied by the Durlseys and having no way to celebrate his birthday in HPatPS. Definetely he didn't seem like the guy who would play poker with his friends.

I'm looking forward to reading the rest of your story now :-)

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Review #3, by EmilyPotter2390 Patience Pays Off

19th July 2011:
Awesome story :) I think you should write a sequel!

Em

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Review #4, by MostlyMagical Eavesdropping

17th April 2010:
Good story so far, the dialogue is a bit stiff though otherwise great!

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Review #5, by MyronWin Patience Pays Off

14th March 2009:
Well, it's been a long and winding road to get to this point. A road begun by JK and her seven books but continued by your own original steps. And it has been a good road. Sure, there have been the occassional twists and forks and the occassional speed bump to pass, but we have finally reached the end of this specific road.
But that does not mean the journey has to end. If you have other ideas, write them. They don't have to be part of this particular story. My own history with these stories proves that. Don't keep the individual story going when the story has been completed. (Also, don't end it before then.)
Only you can decide that.
I'd say "keep writing". You can start another one, perhaps even easier than continuing this one. It can go in the same direction or in a completely different direction. There are many directions, you know.
I've enjoyed this story. I've even enjoyed my brief tenure of helping you through a part of it. I look forward to reading your works again.
Thank you for your story.
Jeff.
PS: I've just submitted chapter four of Harsh Mistress (after a period of frustration caused by a weird incompatibility glitch while posting). It should be verified within 9 days. Please feel free to let me know what you think of it. As well as any of my others, of course, that you may not have gotten to. Even if you don't like it, I'd like to know the reasons (though I hope you-and anyone else-like them).
See you on the next road.

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Review #6, by siledubhghlase Patience Pays Off

16th January 2009:
Hello. I was formerly known as Ghost Chicken...

YES YOU SHOULD GO ON! As long as you write, I shall read on. LOL This is a good story!

Author's Response: I will. Thank you for the cheer leading! lol

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Review #7, by Ghost Chicken Patience Pays Off

20th November 2008:
This reminds me of my own high school graduation. My friends and I faced the same uncertainties the Hogwarts Class of 1999 faced. "What now?" Well done.

Author's Response: Well i think i may end the story here and just write an epiloge. I would like to write another story, but i have some loose ends to tie up here. So you tell me,
SHALL I GO ON? (lol)


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Review #8, by Ghost Chicken Front Page News

20th November 2008:
Okay, thank heaven! Sarafina only did an hour. I thought it was odd that Ginny would ask Harry to tell her Voldemort things at the ball.

Nice fight in the Great Hall, hey? Poor Draco. The wrong choice for the right reason...sort of. I hope the explanation is as good as the scenario, especially with Javier Prince.

Author's Response: I like it when the boys get drunk. gotta love em

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Review #9, by Ghost Chicken Making History

20th November 2008:
Oh boy! I hope it was the real Ginny that...oh man! Um... This is going to be REALLY ugly...

Author's Response: lmfao!!! have i rendered you speechless?

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Review #10, by Ghost Chicken Back To Normal

20th November 2008:
Uh...that was awkward. I expect that's what you intended. I just hope it doesn't turn ugly.

You've done well with this story, except for the occasional spelling, usage, or grammatical error. I shall read on.

Author's Response: lol. i think it is funny that you end each review with "shall i read on". of course you should.

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Review #11, by Ghost Chicken Ron Loses It

20th November 2008:
WHAM! I guess Sebastian got his, didn't he? I'm glad his parents were wise enough to take him and his sister home. Poor gallant Ron. He's going to have to live without his Fair Hermione for a few days. He's going to go spare!

I shall read on.

Author's Response: he is going to go mad, or is he?

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Review #12, by Ghost Chicken Holiday Blues

20th November 2008:
Sarafina and Sebastian staying at Hogwarts over the holidays maybe?

Brits don't usually call each other "honey" or "hun." It's usually "love" or "darling" or occasionally "sweetheart." The "honey" thing is pretty much an American term of endearment.

Good chapter, otherwise, though. Again, the dialogue is a bit too formal. Use contractions. They're easier to read and more in keeping with true casual conversation, even in Britain.

I shall read on.

Author's Response: thanks honey! lol

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Review #13, by Ghost Chicken A Storm Is Coming

20th November 2008:
I actually laughed out loud. This chapter was just full of fun and you told it well. I had mental pictures of the snowball fight and the ensuing frivolity.

Sebastian had a lot of nerve acting all friendly and sucking up to Ron. Someone's GOT to tell Ron what happened and I think it should be Hermione, but Harry and Ginny should avail themselves as moral support. I guess we'll see, yes? Well done!

Author's Response: i love your dedication. thank you very much for that.

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Review #14, by Ghost Chicken Pep Talks

20th November 2008:
Harry is so blessed NOBLE, isn't he? That's just Harry, though. We know that from canon. I do hope Hermione tells Ron what happened before Sebastian starts telling stories and they get blown out of proportion.

Also, if person A is no match for person B, it means that person A is weaker or less talented. You've had that backwards in your narrative, both between Ron and Sebastian on the Quidditch pitch and between Sebastian and Hermione when Harry stopped Sebastian from forcing himself on her.

And I wouldn't say Sebastian left "victorious." He'd been stopped and nearly had his ass kicked. That qualifies as a defeat for Sebastian and a victory for Harry on Hermione's behalf. Harry's such a good "big brother."

Ron was no match for Sebastian because Sebastian was able to score on him easily; Hermione was no match for Sebastian because she's smaller and couldn't get away from him. You need to fix that stuff. Otherwise, you're telling a damn good story. Keep it up.

Author's Response: i think you may be looking too far into the story somewhat. I never claimed to be the best. I do it for fun. I do however completely appreciate the help. It can only make me better in the long run.

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Review #15, by Ghost Chicken Jealousy And Winning Combinations

20th November 2008:
Jimmy Peakes and Ritchie Coote are BEATERS; bludgers are the iron balls that Beaters hit with their bats to keep the Chasers, Keeper, and Seeker safe.

I'm skeptical as to the...er...sincerity of Sarafina's apology and Sabastian's insistance that she apologize to Ginny and Harry. Sounds like they're trying to work Ginny and Harry into a false sense of security.

As for that Prince guy...that oughta be interesting. He's Snape with a personality.

I shall read on.

Author's Response: YOU SHALL. LOL

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Review #16, by Ghost Chicken Another Nightmare

20th November 2008:
Madame P-O-M-F-R-E-Y or "Poppy."

Okay, I'm drawing a bead on Sarafina and Sebastian. I don't think it really matters whether they're twins or not. I think the point is that they're up to something involving Harry and Ginny or Hermione. What that might be remains to be seen. I also think it's interesting that Sarafina is almost subservient to Sebastian. Curious...very curious indeed.

Author's Response: perceptive

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Review #17, by Ghost Chicken Class Begins

20th November 2008:
fowl - bird
foul - disgusting, wrong
lose - not win
loose - not tight
wander - roam
wonder - think about things

Your - 2nd person possessive
You're - contraction for "you are"

Women giggle; men snicker.

Other than that, good job. I shall read on.

Author's Response: my personal dictionary and thesarus. thanks!

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Review #18, by Ghost Chicken Eavesdropping

19th November 2008:
Now this was a cute chapter, tiff and all. I'm 17 years younger than my youngest brother, so I'm not close to him like Ginny is to Ron (I'm the youngest). You've written their relationship and that little confessional between them so well I was actually jealous of it. Good job.

Author's Response: Ah! i love this chapter. lots going on here. it was fun to write.

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Review #19, by Ghost Chicken Broken Glasses and Worst Fears

19th November 2008:
Good writing, but some corrections for you:

wander - roam wonder - think about things

breathe - (verb) to respirate breath - (noun) - exhalation

Good job.

Author's Response: once again, i appreciate the little tid bits that will help me in the future.

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Review #20, by Ghost Chicken A Single White Rose

19th November 2008:
Now that's romantic--a horseback ride to a picnic. Be still, my heart.

Your overall storytelling skills are good, but you have some usage problems:

quite - very quiet - sh

I shall read on.

Author's Response: Hey, I think i did well considering i haven't written since high school. lol. TY

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Review #21, by Ghost Chicken Little Houses

19th November 2008:
This is really good. However... The dialog is a bit stiff. Relax it a bit. "I will" and "I do not" aren't typical to teenage speech--they're not even typical to ANY casual speech. Contractions are allowed. You're writing a love story, not a textbook.

Otherwise, good stuff. Well-written and obviously thought-out. I shall read on.

Author's Response: Why thank you. That is probably the one thing i get comments about. I have since adjusted the problem. Thank you.

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Review #22, by MyronWin Making History

18th November 2008:
Nice work updating the chapter. You know this is the third attempt at reviewing your chapter? That crash thing they had really messed things up. Should work now, I hope.
This was really like 2 chapters, and it might have served better to have been 2, but saying that, it was certainly exciting (both parts), though slightly confusing with all the shape changing and all that. Still I liked it and you've shown that you can handle the characters' quieter moments as well as the more action-filled scenes.
I have to admit one thing: I was a little concerned that you had been putting so much effort and time into the Harry-Ginny thing that there wasn't anything to follow it. Happily you proved yourself.
Just an invitation: I've begun to post a new story. The first two chapters (of four) of "Harsh Mistress" have been validated and I would like to know what you think of them. (Don't forget the others, too???)
Thank you for your story.
Jeff.

Author's Response: Hello there stranger,
So sorry i haven't been around. i kinda of got lost in another series and negleted my responsibilities. (shame on me). I would love to read your story and i will try soon.


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Review #23, by Lucy Patience Pays Off

6th October 2008:
omg i loved it like seriously one of the best fan fics ive ever read!!! is it finished, i was just wondering coz it still say WIP!
loved loved loved it!!
:):)

xox

Author's Response: Well it wasn't supposed to be finished, but i haven't been able to write too much lately. So i think i may just add an epiloge and keep it at that. thank you for reading and the great review.

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Review #24, by Lucy Back To Normal

6th October 2008:
omg i love it so far i just have 2 say that fred and george bought ron new dreww robes in hp5 after harry gave them the triwizard winings! just had 2 say that sorry! but i absolutley love it! :)

xox

Author's Response: I try to keep it true to the books, but i have made a couple of slips. No harm though. Thank you.

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Review #25, by Quiddichref A First Date

2nd June 2008:
Pretty well written in most respects. It's probably too late to tell you this, since you have so many chapters posted, but you could benefit from a beta to check word usage and spelling...you spell all the words correctly, but sometimes they are the WRONG words! A spell-checker will miss those mistakes.

Also, I would like to see you loosen up your writing. You need to use more contractions in dialogue. People usually say "we'll" and not "we will"; or "you won't" instead of "you will not". Many other examples in this chapter...you might want to re-read with an idea to seeing these things.

I like the way you've handled the first chapter in the plot...more later.

Author's Response: thank you very much. i appreciate all the help i can get. i have to get to it and post another chapter. it has been a while.

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