Great story... Sad ending!!! Report Review
Interesting story. A pleasant read. Although it leaves more unanswered questions than I should like. Like what happened to Ginny and Draco for one. As well as SOME plausible explanation for why they are present in both the past and the present.
Happy writing. Report Review
#3 I WANT TO PUKE HOW DARE U AND SLYTHERIN JEEZ THAT REL BAD Report Review
OMG. Loved this story! Loved it. I don't normally read the maurauders stories, but this one had me hooked on the first chapter. I think you did a great job of painting the society and the time, and i SO did not see the ending coming. (made me very sad). two enthusiastic thumbs up.Author's Response: wonderful! i'm so glad you enjoyed it and thank you for your kind remarks! Report Review
Disappointment isn't such a terrible thing. If anything, I'm disappointed in the characters, not you. You managed to conceal the ending from me which is a thoroughly difficult thing to do. So, I do appreciate that. And also, in your defense, the choppiness at the end helps communicate just how crazy Ginny's life has become, compared to the blissful, strolling pace of the beginning.
Again, thanks for the great read!
BradAuthor's Response: *Phew* for a second there i was nervous i had upset my best reviewer! the choppiness was what i wanted and to be honest, i wanted a happy ending, but *i* wouldn't have been happy with the story if there had been. i like the depressing surprise. anyway, thanks for keeping in touch!!! Report Review
That was... unexpected.
This story is definitely unique. But I don't understand. The beginning held such potential. It was lush and beautiful whereas the ending felt choppy, and rushed.
I like that Ginny has grown as character. She starts out with a romantic view of the world, discovers the reality of her imprisonment, and then breaks free of it. But where is the introspection on her freedom? I was disappointed, to say the least.
Draco, finally it seems, lives up to his canon character. Always the coward. It was unexpected to be sure; he never shows the slightest indication of cowardice until that point at the end.
This story is going into my favorites, if only because of the brilliantly written opening chapters. Thanks for the great read!
I suppose this is goodbye, unless you'd care to review any of my pitiful works.
BradAuthor's Response: Wow. Um, i guess i'm sorta sorry. the ending was coming from the very beginning; Ginny and Draco had no way of being together; it was just not going to happen in thier society. and as for her freedom. well, who cares what her life is like in a new land, without Draco? it wouldn't be a story i would write because it leaves room for very little creativity. the reader can come up with their own continuation, i suppose. and it's rushed because i can imagine in real life, it would be. and again; i never, never wanted Draco or Ginny to live up to Mrs. Rowling's characters; that's not my place. they are her characters and these are mine. they have the same names, but they are in different times and places. so they're different.
thank you for reading all these chapters even when i let you down. i won't appologize for my writing, though, because i am content with it. i do really appreciate your constructive critisism, however, and i'm sorry if i sounded rude when replying to you.
and i doubt with all my might that your works are pitiful. i'm off to find out for myself... Report Review
Oh, my. I hadn't realized I was this so close to the ending.
Again, you're chaotic. Where are the rich and lavish descriptions of the opening chapters? The reader is aware that Ginny is impressed by the Grand Marchiote, but the only elucidation offered is the briefest of phrases denoting the statues and chandeliers.
Well, only one more to go. Here goes nothing.
BradAuthor's Response: i get lost in long, descriptive paragraphs, and the reader can have an imagination to. i guess the inconsistency is off-putting, but that's my style. so... Report Review
At least we find out what's become of that blasted painting. Again, I sense a lack of peril. Where is the resolution to all of this? Why should I keep reading?
BradAuthor's Response: a..g..a..i..n...don't force yourself to! leave me a horrible review; it's okay if you don't want to! this is a romance story, not an action on, just F.Y.I... Report Review
You've lost me.
This chapter was extremely chaotic, and poorly edited, when compared to prior chapters.
I believe that I understood the basic outline of the plot you were trying to convey, but it's sketchy at best.
I was correct; founders are the founders of magic, as well as the school. This certainly seems like an odd way to bring it to a head.
Since I've already vested my interest in this story I'm going to continue reading and reviewing it, but know that I believe that you could have done better.
BradAuthor's Response: Hmm. I don't have a lot of creative things to say; the chapter is straightforward, i see one typo, and if you don't like it, please don't force yourself to finish it-it's not like your obigated to! Report Review
Dear, dear, your prose in this chapter leaves something to be desired, at least when compared to your previous work. "Ludicrous" is a simple descriptive adjective, not a predicate adjective, or a noun, despite what certain rappers might think.
She's gone and done now, hasn't she? Well, on to the next chapter.
BradAuthor's Response: you're so descriptive and perceptive, and i'm applauding you!! Report Review
I have a few critiques to offer this time 'round. I shall present them first; make of them what you will.
1. Your use of the pronoun "him" is confusing. At times you seem to be indicating Draco when grammar would dictate that the word refers to Salazar, and vice-versa. I would either re-write the sentences, or place the word "him" in italics to indicate an alternative use.
2. Your characterization of Slytherin seems overly melodramatic, to the point of being comical. I understand the need to communicate the coldness of his manner, but you've overdone it just slightly.
Excellent work, this. You've hinted now at a facet of this world of yours that I've taken to asking about. Let me now take a new stab at defining it. So, in this world of yours, Salazar Slytherin, Roweena Ravenclaw, Godric Gryffidor, and Helga Hufflepuff are not merely the founders of Hogwarts, but the founders of magic itself. Or are they simply secretive? You've got me on pins and needles!
BradAuthor's Response: really appreciate the feedback. the use of the pronoun was completely intentional. the context of the sentences and paragraphs they fall in give the reader enough to understand who i am talking about. but the use of *him* simply shows how Ginny is thinking. She has Draco's face in her mind, and so she doesn't need to use his name when she is talking about him. she is surrounded by Salz's coldness, so she doesn't need to say his name either. confussing? possibly and if so, i am sort of sorry. but it was also my point to drag the reader into Ginny's mind.
as for Salz. the coldness, especially at this time, was not as melodramtic as we see it today, and you're point is well taken. people today have a whole new idea of what cruel is. but this is a poke at their society (thousands of years ago) and to illustrate how far away from happiness she is.
thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Brilliant as always. I have next to nothing to add to my previous assessments. The characterizations are top-level.
BradAuthor's Response: awesome! i love hearing your opinions, though! thanks for reading and reviewing again!! you're so diligent about it...! Report Review
Ah ha! Peril!
Just when I thought I might be disappointed, your plot sweeps down from the heavens and plucks Miss Weasley cleanly from act I and sets her down, none too gently, into act II.
I've never liked songfics (though, like a stupid dunce, I've gone and penned one in spite of myself) and simply can't abide by them.
That seems a bit harsh I suppose. Let me qualify.
A songfic, to me, only works if the words of the song are written out in the text solely to give direction to the reader, who should be playing the song while reading. He or she should strive to read at a certain pace so as to line up the words with their counterparts in the text. So, if I have the song playing for me while I read, I do not object to its use. However, in your case, this is not at all possible, since you've written the song yourself.
The annoyance, however, was merely a trifle.
The scene between our co-destined protagonists was quite touching.
I do find myself wondering though, "What the hell is Draco going to do with a naked painting of himself?" Does he plan on displaying it?
All and all a good chapter. I do hope the next one delivers as much.
BradAuthor's Response: the song: is merely an explination of the passion Ginny and Draco have for each other. music, even if you don't listen to it, is the passion, the un-spoken lust to as story.
the painting: ever seen Titanic? What would Rose do with a naked picture of herself? this painting shows how Ginny *sees* Draco. painting, especially at this time, was one of the few ways to escape the harsh realities of their lives. it was an hour for the two of them to remember through a painting.
thanks for being such an avid reader!!! Report Review
Does no one leave reviews for this story?
The travesty of it! Well, hang them all, I say.
Again, I'm noticing more and more that there is absolutely no magic in this story. Now of course, no character has yet to be placed in a situation that would require magic, but it might be helpful to sprinkle a bit hither and thither to remind the reader of the setting.
I'm also sensing a distinct lack of peril. Why does the story exist? Is it simply a collection of scenes from the lives of two ordinary people, or is there some literary obstacle that they are about to encounter? Of course, I've read only the first three chapters, so I suppose I'm only being impatient.
As before, I can find no other fault in your penmanship. Bravo!
BradAuthor's Response: patience, my friend. Peril, purpose and magic exist in this story, fear not!!! all stories must be built up and desribed else the conflicts have no purpose... Report Review
Your prose and dialog leave most of the drivel on this site in the dust. Well done indeed.
I must say that the only bit of Draco or Ginny that is to be found within this story lies in appearance and name. There is not one shred of Rowling's character's left. I'm not quite sure if that's a compliment or not, I just felt it should be said.
If you were trying to create your own characters, why Draco and Ginny? Why not OCs?
BradAuthor's Response: this is Draco and Ginny thousands of years ago, before magic was created. the different environment gives them different personalities. i have too much respect for Jo and her characters to copy them directly; Draco and Ginny are her characters and these two are mine. thanks for r/r-ing! Report Review
Well, well. A round of applause, please!
I must admit that I was more than skeptical of the premise this story builds upon. But I gave it go, just to be fair.
Imagine my surprise then, when I discovered a well crafted tale! Here was a piece written by someone who knows a phrase and how to turn one. I find the world that you've begun building deliciously rich and finely crafted. The only place I can find fault in your story is that you seem to have left magic out of the equation altogether. Two chapters and not one spell uttered, tut-tut.
So, well done, jolly good, and so on, and so on. I've enjoyed the beginning; I trust the rest is up to scratch!
BradAuthor's Response: wow, that just might be the coolest review i've ever recieved. not that i play favorites. but this story kinda leads up to the creation of magic. you'll see. thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
this is a really good story! i love it! its so sad though. Author's Response: aww, i'm glad you like, and i apologize that it's sad. but it makes more poingant, you know? thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
That was brilliant. A very tragic ending, and after all they had been through... it was definitely a shock. I'll go read some of your other stories now. :)Author's Response: eeek!! thanks! i love twists at the ending. hey, thanks for checking this one out and my others-- i'll definately say that this is my favorite, but enjoy!! thanks, hun!!!
I have just begun reading this story, and I've never read one with a setting like this. It's amazing, and you bring back the time period very well, belivable and still interesting, people still having emotions despite the limitations of their era. By the way, I was going to look up the song on the Internet to listen to, once I finished the chapter, only to realize that I probably wouldn't be able to find it. x) Great story so far!Author's Response: awww, thanks!! i'm glad the story is coming across as clearly as it is. and i wrote the song, so you won't find it anywhere else but here!! one day, though, eh... Report Review
i hate sad endings! beautiful story bad ending!!! Author's Response: aww, sorry!! it had to be though!!! thanks for reading and reviewing!! Report Review
:'( That was so tragic but so beautiful!Author's Response: haha, sorry it was tragic, but 'twas the best ending that fit!! thanks for reading and reviewing!!! Report Review
Aw, that's so sad! But good on you for not sticking witht he cliche happy ending!
But gosh that was so sad!Author's Response: haha, yeah, i can't begin to explain to you how much i wanted to avoid the cliche ending! i'm really glad you liked it and thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
No! Don't let it be Salazar! Not when they've just hatched a plan to run away from it all and finally be together. Oh well, I guess I will just have to wait to find out in the next chapter.
=^_^=Author's Response: haha, yes you will!! i'm kinda waiting for a few people to REVIEW!! which makes yours all the more appreciated!! thanks for reading and sticking with it!! Report Review
Wow. This is a very interesting premise. Nothing needs to be changed, simply continue with your awesome storyline! I can't wait to read what's next. =)Author's Response: awesome!! i will try! the final chapter is coming up soon, so prepare!! thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
I love the story. The time setting is really creative and convincing. Good job. Keep it up!Author's Response: awesome! i think the setting may have turned some people away, but i'm glad you're enjoying it!! thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
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