I really like Snape which is why I decided to read this story. I thought you captured his character really well and combined the events of the past into his personality of today. His dialogue was written nicely and was in canon and showed his usual dislike of children and air of superiority. Yet there was also a small hint of his heart, and I liked how Harry could see it. It showed a depth to him that he hides so well, and only those who really know his past can see.
I liked the ending when he was walking through the corridor. I could just imagine his bellowing robes and him confiscating things.
The story was fairly well written, but there were a few parts which could do with another read over, but they didn't detract too much. I would also improve the spacing between the song lyrics and the story. In saying that though, while this is a song fic and the story does go with the song, the story is written nicely enough that the song lyrics kind of break the flow a bit and don't add much to the story...it might just be me.
Over all though. Well done. It was a great little insight into Snape.
ravenclawprincess - ravenclawAuthor's Response: Thanks for reviewing! =) You're right, this could probably do with another edit. It's nearly four years old and, well... I can at least hope my writing has improved since then! I also think Snape's an interesting character, with a heart hiding somewhere behind all that black and the grumpy attitude. Thanks again! =) (And yay Ravenclaw!) Report Review
Loved it =)
really good, excellent portrayal of snape
Narcissa48 -Author's Response: Aww, thank you. I'm glad you liked it and liked how Snape acted. =) Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
oooh this is great! Your a very good author! This was a wonderful idea. I love how you explore Snape's past and present and, in a one-shot, define why he is the way he is. Seeing it from his perspective in the way way you made it was really interesting.
I also have to praise your theme. You stuck to the same thesis statement and didn't let it drop. The song you picked was perfect for the story. It was as if it was written for it, and we know it wasn't. The whole fact that you convinced the reader of your point was very admirable! Good Work!
There were some things though that i thought you might want to check over. For instance:
"Lily’s eyes on James’s body only were a painful reminder of the friend he had lost, more than that, losing the woman he loved to the man he detested." Did you mean harry? Also, now i'm not sure about this becuase i'm not the best when it comes to grammar, could there be a period after "lost"?
Mostly I just think this wasn't checked over very much. Sometimes its difficult to spot your own mistakes because people make the same mistakes frequently sometimes. Maybe a beta reader could spot them for you? Or you could get someone else, a friend or family member, to just informally look it over for you. I find it helps alot and, when i'm making changes, i find things that need fixing that i wouldn't have discovered otherwise.
Also, I can't leave this review without telling you how great the character interactions were. They were very realistic (especially the kids). Everyone was in perfect character and they fed off one another. A lot of authors forget about that but you didn't. Well done!
Again, i repeat the fact that your a great author and this is a fantastic story! Keep up the great work! It was a pleasure reading this.
-norapotterAuthor's Response: Thank you for such a lovely, long review! (I'm sorry it took me ages to reply to by the way, hopefully you don't think I was being rude!) I will definitely get a beta for future stories. Thank you again. =) Report Review
I really liked the characterization of Snape!Author's Response: I'm glad you thought it was good, he's not a character I typically write. Thank you so much for the compliments and for reviewing! =) Report Review
Very nice story. It looks like you put a lot into this, and the end product turned out very well. I thought it really captured a part of Snape we didn't know until the 7th book, and I thought you incorporated this revelation into another year very smoothly. Good job!
-mbstargirl123Author's Response: I'm glad that you enjoyed it. I did put quite a bit of work into this, as I had to work hard to do anything in the Trio's era. Thanks for reading, reviewing, and all your kind words. =) Report Review
Let me start by saying that this story was okay. I don't think it was brilliant but it was good. I think the reason for this was the song. I don't think it was necessary for the story to work. The spacing between the actual story and the song was not good and sometimes you couldnt tell when the story eneded and when the song started.
Other than that the overall idea for this one shot was actually quite original and good. I think you just lacked better execution. On the plus side your characterization of Snape was great and so was the characterization of other characters in the story. It gave a nice insight into Snape's thoughts.
7/10.Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing and giving me advice. I'm not sure why the spacing didn't work, but I'll try to fix it and make things more clear when the queue re-opens. Thanks again for the advice. =) Report Review
*snickers* Quite amusing. Not totally in character, of course, but what else can one expect in a parody? You might want to go back and fix the spacing on the song lyrics, but other than that, nice job. I really was amused when he went to "Take Lily, for example..." Very nice. Oh, Snape. :)Author's Response: Thanks for the nice review. Sometimes it's hard to resist writing something even though you know it'll be slightly AU and OOC. Thank you! =) Report Review
I loved it! but just my eyes playing tricks on me, or are the Ss wonky?
I think i need more sleep
10/10Author's Response: Wow, thanks for the 10/10. The review too, they brighten up my day. Maybe the Ss are wonky, but maybe you do need more sleep haha. Thanks! =) Report Review
Wonderful! I've seen the play it was good Some kids up at the high school preformed itAuthor's Response: Thank you, I'm glad you liked it. =) Report Review
I loved it, it seemed like Snape the whole time. The song suited him as well. It was kind of funny how good it was (almost J.K. Rowling)at some times. You should definately write more.Author's Response: WOW! Thank you so so much! I have a novel WIP, a one-shot that's partially written, and another novel in the planning stages so you'll definitely see more of me in the future. Thanks!!! =) Report Review
This was a pretty cool story. I like it, I've never read anything liek his before. I liek the twist you have it being the 20th anniversatriy of that day by the lake - it was clever. I also like how you portray Snape because of his youth and everything. It was a well written piece :)
Keep it up!Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing, it's nice to know that you liked it. I'm glad you liked the 20th anniversary thing and how Snape acts. Thanks for the compliments. =) Report Review
Goodness me, it was very interesting indeed. I think you did a very good job in capturing Severus Snape's thoughts and how very sulky and neurotic he was. I liked it immensely.Author's Response: Thanks for the review and compliments, they brightened up my morning. =) Report Review
yeah! i loved it. you should write more of it.Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing. I'm glad you liked it so much. =) Report Review
I liked this! I thought you had a good portrayal of Snape and his thoughts. It's interesting to go inside his mind at times. I love the part where Snape was complaining at how close Ron and Harry were. That was cute and portrayed pretty well! Your details were very good and I didn't really see any spelling or grammar mistakes. Great job!Author's Response: Thanks for the great review! I'm glad that you really enjoyed it, I wasn't sure how well it was written at first so the reassurance is great. Thank you! =) Report Review
aww.. a very odd fiction but you could have had a different ending though. the dumbledore part is funny though :)Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I'm glad that you liked the part about Dumbledore at the end, I did too. =) Report Review
Nice. I liked the jelousies Snape still holds against James and puts them at HarryAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review. Ahh, the good old Severus/James grudge that is carried on to poor Harry. Thanks again. =) Report Review
First off, loved the first line. I'm not quite sure why you thought Snape was OOC, but I didn't see anything. I caught a few run-on sentences, but nothing major considering this is your first fic. I don't usually read stories from Snape's POV, so it was nice to get a glimpse of what he was thinking. Overall, not bad at all =)Author's Response: Thanks for the reivew and I'm glad that you liked to see what Snape was thinking. I liked the first line myself, once it came to me I had to leave it in. I'll watch for run-ons next time. Thanks for reading. =) Report Review
The ending was funny and good.
There was nothing wrong from what I can see, but a little heads up; when you're talking, that's not Serveus' point of view you might want to call "Potter", Harry.
You can also add a bit more dialogue, it would make it more interesting what kids say these days . . lol
Overall very good!Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I'm glad to see that you liked the ending, I just had to find a way to work in that line to Snape's dialogue at some point. I'll watch for the Potter/Harry thing and add more dialogue if I do something like this again. Thanks again! =) Report Review
I'm not a fan of song fic's. I find them very distracting. Although this was enjoyable, not as good as your other one but still entertaining. And i loved the ending. It made me laugh.
xxxAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review. I'm glad that you liked the ending. Sorry you found the song fic distracting, I got that a couple of times. At least it made you laugh though. =) Report Review
Haha, great song choice to go along with Snape! You write Snape very well, you should do more of it. I liked the nuance when he tried to defend the Hufflepuff--it wasn't overdone or OOC. And pretty cool how Harry figured it out...Very well done. I loved the ending! :)Author's Response: Thanks for the review. All of your coments were really encouraging. My next project is set when the Marauders are at school so there will be plenty of times for me to write Snape then. I'm glad that you enjoyed it. =) Report Review
Hiya! I loved it. That was so cool. I loved how you got Snape's character to perfection, and the way that the teachers all were as well. Amazing writing, and I'm sorry I can't reply to your thread, but the reviews topic locked for some strange reason! Anyway, amazing read and please, please tell me how on earth are you able to come up with such magnificently crafted sentences? Not fair. I'm in a generous mood tonight, so have a 10!
Snitchsista Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review and all of the wonderful comments! I'm honoured that you gave me a 10/10, thank you! The sentances came mostly from the way I naturally talk and write, plus me being very picky about things not sounding right. Thank you again, feel free to ask more questions on my author's page. =) Report Review
Mmm...Not my ultimate favourite fic but I like anything that's about Snape. A good story overally and with no spelling mistakes which I notice is quite rare!Author's Response: Thanks for the review. Glad you enjoyed it. =) Report Review
Even though I already admitted that I'm no genius when it comes to grammar I venture to say that there was nothing wrong with the technical elements of this story.
By technical elements I also mean Snapes character. It's very important that you write believable, 'real' character and I think Snape in this fic was very real. The things he said, thought and the way he acted fits my picture of Snape from the books pretty well. He made some insults that are very much like the ones in the real book, and I find absolutely nothing wrong with his character in this fic.
I'm not so fond of the way you used the song inbetween paragraphs, but that's mostly because I think this fic could have done very well on its own, it didn't need the song to support the plotline. But of course that's just my opinion and If you want the song to be there, then just leave it, I'm just saying that the story doesn't need it.
The story ended in a very appropriate way, it fits the story very well and ends it of the same way that the story was going on; with Snape being slightly grumpy and not so fond of children. It would have ruined the stoy completely if it had a 'happy ending' in the traditional way, with him finding his peace even though his day had been horrible, this was much better!
All in all this is a story you can be proud of, and with they way we usually understate things here where I'm from 'You're not that talentless' and in normal human language that means you have talent and potential to be great.
Hope my review was useful
/D i aAuthor's Response: Thanks for the lovely long review! I tried my best with Snape, but since he's such a multi-dimentional (sp?) character he was much harder than I expected. His grumpiness was part of the appeal of writing about him for me. I knew some people must not like the song in there, but since I don't really know it I left it in for my sake. *blush* You saying I have the talent and potential to be great means a lot to me. Thanks so much! =) Report Review
Hey, this is andromeda from the forums :)
It's a really cute little story. You did a very good job with Snape's characterization. Plus, it's probably the first Snape-centric story I read that is not all angsty:)
There were a few mistakes, and some sentences seemed a bit rough, but these are minor flaws and can be got rid of easily by getting a beta-reader.
On the whole I liked your style and enjoyed reading this :)Author's Response: Thanks for the review. It's nice to get the criticism and I will definitely get a beta next time. I’m really glad that you liked it as a whole though. =) Report Review
Wow that was good! I love Snape stories and this one-shot was a great insight to what he thinks. I love it!
Celtic_Dreamer7Author's Response: Thanks for the review and compliments, they are very encouraging. Glad to know that you liked it. =) Report Review
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